too soon --- to say ........

sally72 Member Posts: 25
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
my husband is in hospice . i called the nurse to see how he's doing and see if he was awake to talk to , not wanting to wake him up if he were sleeping . she was oh he's sleeping most of the time then needed to talk about funeral arrangements .

i was oh --- i don't know ---- i need to call the crisis pager and talk to them . the pager didn't call back so i had to find one and call hospice with the info --- just in case he's going to go over the weekend ---

feel like i'm in shock . knowing it's going to take him and KNOWING IT"S GOING TO TAKE HIM became all too real with that call . i had woken shortly before the call so was still a bit sleepy . it would have been easier if i had preplanned and had thot to start makeing arrangements but everyone thot he still had time --- then he makes a big turn for the worst .

i have some mental health issues one being a panic disorder and calling funeral homes really set me off . totally drained --- now dreading the next phone call --- exhausted and need to sleep to escape these raw emotions .... i could have everyone i love and who loves me stuffed into this room like sardines in a can and still feel totally alone because he's missing and he's my hearts beat and souls breath . loosing your soul mate is so devestateing . think i'll simply get much needed sleep now


  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    Oh heart breaks for you. I know how you're feeling. It's hard if not impossible to be ready for something like this. My hubby's doctor told me on the phone about 4 wks after his diagnosis that I needed to make the necessary arrangements because he didn't want me to have to deal with that when the times comes. So, after my attempt at trying to pull myself together I drove over to make the arrangements. The very second I walked into that door and saw all the casket displays I fell apart. I don't know how I got thru it but I did. I never EVER want to go into that building again! The thought of losing him I can never describe as I'm sure you understand. But at least this part will be taken care of.

    Please take care and let us know how you are because we all care!