What next?

A Male Perspective on Things...
Hi, we've chatted before.

If your husband is anything like me, he is trying to very strong for you, so that he does not worry you - that's just what we do. You know what might help you? Why don't the 2 of you of you sit down and talk about what each other is feeling? You might be surprised, he may open up to you. I tell you one thing for sure - he is having his moments but he is having them privately away from you. He probably feels alone too with no one to talk to and he does want to upset you, so he is staying quiet about it. But he is hurting and he is scared. If he tells you differently, he's not telling you the truth. I've been there and I know this to be true. I am a man and a husband too, so I'm giving the male perspective.

My personal battle with Cancer just started its SIXTH Year, so I understand. Right now this is so new to the both of you and so much is running through your minds and you want answers quickly and want it all to go away and get back to the way it used to be.

You both need to stay together as a team and keep the communication lines open at all times. This is not the time to pitch separate tents.

I know the frustration of waiting too, but Julie said it best, it took years for the cancer to grow, so if it's not a fast moving cancer, then some extra time to get it right is not a deal breaker.

Just to show you, I understand, I have been waiting 7 weeks to gather information on tumors on the outside of my lung - that's scary too, but I am at peace with it, because if it's cancerous, I'm not going to die in the next few weeks or even months before we can address it. We're going to do another CT and then compare that...if it has not grown, guess what? I get to wait longer...if it's grown, then it could be surgery time again for me. You don't want to rush in there and do surgery without a game plan - sometimes more damamge can be done that way.

I know you're just anxious and scared and want it all go away. I hope your story is not the 6 years I've been at, but my point is I'm still here...it can be a long fight...there is no timetable for cancer...and there are no "absolutes" about cancer.

Start to pray and continue with the board...it will come together quicker than you realize. Only now are you seeing that it is only the beginning.

I just wanted to keep it real for you...I'm concerned for myself too, but I've found a peace since finding this board and by allowing myself to reach out to others in need, as you are tonight, makes me worry less about me, and more about you and the others on the board.

With time, peace will come and you will fight...and you will win.

I'm going to say a prayer for strength for you and your husbank tonight. Things are going to get better. I know that you can do this...it's always worst at the beginning, but knowledge is power and the support group will refresh your soul and give you energy to fight on, so please do that.

My continued best to you and your husband

-Craig

kristasplace said:

Yeah, rectal cancer is treated differently from colon cancer in that they have to try and shrink our tumors to save our rectums! They told me it was very difficult to do radiation on the colon because it's constantly moving. The rectum doesn't move as much, so it can be targeted. If mine had been just a tad higher, i wouldn't have needed the radiation. Be thankful he isn't going through that! The radiation killed my tumor, but left me with a lot of secondary problems.

My time out from diagnosis to surgery was five months because of the preadjuvant treatments and the side effects. This cancer usually does grow very slowly. I was five years with it before diagnosis, and i'm a stage IIIb.

Try not to worry yourself too much. All the stress could cause yourself to get sick, and neither of you need that!

Many hugs, and let us know how he does.
Krista

ppm20wife
Hang in there. I know what waiting is like-we always seem to assume the worst "cause they haven't called". Our dr. told us that hubby's colon cancer was growing for years, too. Another week is nothing in comparison. Just in our minds it is an eternity.
Sandy

ppm20wife said:

Well surgery is still on
Well surgery is still on August 5th - insurance company was delaying it but after the surgeon and I both blew up at them magically everything is a "go"~! Another question - I am hearing people mention how long they had cancer before it was dxed - how can you tell? Will we be able to tell with my husband? I am still in shock over the roller coaster cancer is - I wonder if I will ever get used to it - and a pp is right - the stress is starting to get to me and I am sure it is driving dh nuts too

my understanding
My understanding, the most common type of cc is the one that develops from polyps. Polyps are slow growing- taking anywhere from 8-10 years to get to the size that they become an issue. It is why when you hear polyps found and dealt with that are very small you really do thank God. Do they actually know how long the cancer was there? No. Only the understanding of polyps and how they grow. In addition, not all polyps are cancerous. 3 of mine taken at the time of the initial DX were not- and one was quite large.