The stress is really starting to hit
Now the whine...
I first got diagnosed with colon cancer on my 16th birthday. I feel like I somehow kind of cheated with that one. It was found during my appendectomy. As God would have it, my doctor was unavailable and the surgeon on call was the surgeon who had treated my grandfather's colon cancer...and vividly remembered it. When he saw something suspicious, he was aggressive. Thanks to him, not only did I live but he got it all and I didn't have to go through any chemo or radiation.
I've been having a lot of GI issues and had a colonoscopy last week. They were in there for three hours. One of the masses found, the doctor said he'd been doing this for over 35 years and said he'd never seen anything like it in over 35 years...and then he lost it. Hearing him tell me, reading it in the op report, I still have a hard time fathoming it. To top it off, he thinks there's a decent chance it is cancerous. Fortunately, he did get a biopsy.
So now I'm waiting. I'm scared. If it does come back cancerous, I don't know what to expect...and I feel like I should.
Comments
-
I know
how you feel. Your head is spinning, your mind is going in so many different directions, especially the bad places (thoughts). Try and take a deep breathe and exhale slowly. Your mind will also go to the bad places, it's automatic and now matter what you try and do, it just goes.
Try and think of a place or person that makes you smile and keep that image in your mind and breathe. Let's wait until you get the biospy results before going to the bad place.
We (family) will be here for you no matter what the results are for support and guidance, so make sure you keep us posted on the results.
I will be sending good vibes and prayers your way.0 -
Doesn't seem fair, does it?
You aren't whining, Dear. You are understandably very anxious. You are very lucky that you have proactive doctors and that they don't take chances. Until your results come back you will be anxious--just try not to imagine every bad thing you can come up with. I know that sounds impossible, but try to look at the world around you in a new light, one that shines on everything wonderful and positive. Whatever your results are, you will be stronger for it and better prepared to deal with whatever you have to. I'm so glad you found this board, too. We are here for you no matter what.
Hugs,
Kirsten0 -
Thank you bothkmygil said:Doesn't seem fair, does it?
You aren't whining, Dear. You are understandably very anxious. You are very lucky that you have proactive doctors and that they don't take chances. Until your results come back you will be anxious--just try not to imagine every bad thing you can come up with. I know that sounds impossible, but try to look at the world around you in a new light, one that shines on everything wonderful and positive. Whatever your results are, you will be stronger for it and better prepared to deal with whatever you have to. I'm so glad you found this board, too. We are here for you no matter what.
Hugs,
Kirsten
I really appreciate your replies. Not only did you both know just what I needed to hear, you helped me realize just how stressed I am about this. I started crying when I read your posts...it's so nice to hear from someone who really understands.
My doc really p--ed me off right before the colonoscopy, telling me my history of cancer was "suspicious"...he didn't believe I ever had cancer. (insert every angry and irritated smilie you can find here). He'd already told me he thought it was just IBS. Then he's got to come talk to me afterward and admit that he found a large mass right where I told him I was having the obstruction symptoms and he had to disect it into many pieces before he could get it out of me. Oh, and, he found a highly suspicious 2.5 x 2.5 mass just about an inch from where I'd told him I'd had cancer. And that he didn't know what it was and he lost it. Oh, that it had been bleeding, so I was probably right about the whole blood in my stools thing. It was in the op report that he indicated a likelihood it was cancer.
Don't you just hate it when doctors act like you don't know what you are talking about when it comes to your own body?!?!0 -
Hi, yaregslady said:Thank you both
I really appreciate your replies. Not only did you both know just what I needed to hear, you helped me realize just how stressed I am about this. I started crying when I read your posts...it's so nice to hear from someone who really understands.
My doc really p--ed me off right before the colonoscopy, telling me my history of cancer was "suspicious"...he didn't believe I ever had cancer. (insert every angry and irritated smilie you can find here). He'd already told me he thought it was just IBS. Then he's got to come talk to me afterward and admit that he found a large mass right where I told him I was having the obstruction symptoms and he had to disect it into many pieces before he could get it out of me. Oh, and, he found a highly suspicious 2.5 x 2.5 mass just about an inch from where I'd told him I'd had cancer. And that he didn't know what it was and he lost it. Oh, that it had been bleeding, so I was probably right about the whole blood in my stools thing. It was in the op report that he indicated a likelihood it was cancer.
Don't you just hate it when doctors act like you don't know what you are talking about when it comes to your own body?!?!
Wow, you were certainly very young to receive a diagnosis of Cancer in that area.
That's terrible that your doctor treated you like you were not telling the truth, when you yourself knew what you had.
On my first colonoscopy, they were in there so long, that I woke up during the procedure and said "What's happening?" The reactions I got from the staff - they dropped me like a stone so they could finish up. I actually saw my tumor on the monitor - it looked like a big red Sun.
And similiar to yours, they tried to cut on it and reduce it, but it got so bloody they had to pull out.
After the radiation, chemo, and resection, my doctor told me it was very unlikely that I would ever have cancer in the same spot again. But, 6-months later during a series of colonoscopy procedures I was getting to cauterize several areas of the colon that were bleeding that were leaking, they found another big polyp - it was precancerous.
So, they missed that one and left unchecked, it would have been a problem.
I had alot of blood in the stools as well but it was dismissed because of hemohrroids.
So, you were not / are not alone. I sympathize with your condition.
Welcome to the board. I truly hope that your finding shows that it is not Cancer, but if it is, then as was said by the others, we will all be here for you.
So sorry you have to deal with this. Will be praying for a good outcome for you.
-Craig0 -
I think I just broke my mother's heart
Mom and Dad were in town for medical appointments and I picked them up and we went to lunch. I've been keeping Mom updated, but being super upbeat and trying to focus mainly on the most positive possibilities. Mom's a retired nurse and she went through her dad dying a very painful death from colon cancer when I was 2 and then my diagnosis a little over 20 years ago. Plus, they are getting ready to move out of state and I didn't want her to feel stressed about being far away. So far it seemed like I was doing a really good job in my effort to keep things seeming upbeat.
While we were finishing up, I got one of those waves of pain that's quickly followed by vomiting. I very casually excused myself and was grateful the bathrooms were a ways away behind a solid door. I thought I was doing a good job of being very quiet. Unfortunately, I was either louder than I thought or Mom had come back to use the restroom.
When I came back into the dining area, my mom was turned completely around in the booth just staring at the door that led to the restrooms. Mom's always tried to be the rock, to show strength through any hardship the family may encounter. In all my years, I've never seen the look on my mom's face that I saw today. It was pure devestation and pain, topped off with a strong dose of concern. I love this amazing woman and my heart just broke that I hurt her like that.
Everything stopped. My dad immediately cancelled all plans we had for the day and didn't even want to let me take them back to the train station. I convinced him to concede on that one. Watching Dad, he was being so protective of my mom...it seemed like he was trying to get her away from me as soon as possible so she could react without me there. Dad made an effort to be far chattier than normal on the way to the train station and I could barely get Mom (the normally chatty one) to utter a world. I was supposed to be providing transportation for them over the next few weeks as they will be coming into town several days for doctor's appointments. They don't even want to let me do that, believing I won't be up to it.
No one's allowed to hurt my mom...especially not me. I know that, in the end, I'll be able to handle whatever the diagnosis is as I know God will be there for me. I just can't bear the thought of my mom being caused more pain.0 -
Idiot doctors
There are so many. So few are good, and live up to what they're there for. I can't say my GI doc was an idiot. He was so kind, but like many doctors before him, he told me it was highly unlikely to be cancer (because of my age). I wasn't near as young as you were, i was 38, but still the doctors thought they knew it all because it wasn't something they saw often. I knew months earlier that it was cancer. My body had been sending me every sign it could think of, but i chose to listen to what the doctors and others were saying. Too young for colorectal cancer. Who's too young for any kind of cancer??
When doctors realize they understand the human body, but don't know anybody else's body besides their own, maybe then they'll actually listen to the patient instead of preaching about how much they know!
After twenty years, do you think this is a possible recurrence, or a whole new ball of wax? I'm very sorry you and your family might be faced with cancer again. I'm very glad you found our board. I've received more comfort and information on this disease than the most experienced doctor could ever give me (God bless my onc, but he can only understand so much)!
Many hugs to you!
Krista0 -
I hear you!Sundanceh said:Hi, ya
Wow, you were certainly very young to receive a diagnosis of Cancer in that area.
That's terrible that your doctor treated you like you were not telling the truth, when you yourself knew what you had.
On my first colonoscopy, they were in there so long, that I woke up during the procedure and said "What's happening?" The reactions I got from the staff - they dropped me like a stone so they could finish up. I actually saw my tumor on the monitor - it looked like a big red Sun.
And similiar to yours, they tried to cut on it and reduce it, but it got so bloody they had to pull out.
After the radiation, chemo, and resection, my doctor told me it was very unlikely that I would ever have cancer in the same spot again. But, 6-months later during a series of colonoscopy procedures I was getting to cauterize several areas of the colon that were bleeding that were leaking, they found another big polyp - it was precancerous.
So, they missed that one and left unchecked, it would have been a problem.
I had alot of blood in the stools as well but it was dismissed because of hemohrroids.
So, you were not / are not alone. I sympathize with your condition.
Welcome to the board. I truly hope that your finding shows that it is not Cancer, but if it is, then as was said by the others, we will all be here for you.
So sorry you have to deal with this. Will be praying for a good outcome for you.
-Craig
I specifically requested to be awake, because I've come to distrust the infallibility of doctors. "Dropped me like a stone" - great phrase...and that's just what they did to me when they saw a problem.
I'm so glad to hear that the polyp the doctor missed was found and removed before it could do more damage. Grrr....0 -
You said it!kristasplace said:Idiot doctors
There are so many. So few are good, and live up to what they're there for. I can't say my GI doc was an idiot. He was so kind, but like many doctors before him, he told me it was highly unlikely to be cancer (because of my age). I wasn't near as young as you were, i was 38, but still the doctors thought they knew it all because it wasn't something they saw often. I knew months earlier that it was cancer. My body had been sending me every sign it could think of, but i chose to listen to what the doctors and others were saying. Too young for colorectal cancer. Who's too young for any kind of cancer??
When doctors realize they understand the human body, but don't know anybody else's body besides their own, maybe then they'll actually listen to the patient instead of preaching about how much they know!
After twenty years, do you think this is a possible recurrence, or a whole new ball of wax? I'm very sorry you and your family might be faced with cancer again. I'm very glad you found our board. I've received more comfort and information on this disease than the most experienced doctor could ever give me (God bless my onc, but he can only understand so much)!
Many hugs to you!
Krista
I said a hearty Amen to your comments about doctor's understanding the patient's body.
I'm newly 38 myself. My gut instinct says there's a pretty good chance it is back. I don't have that feeling that I *know* it's back, but it seems like a pretty reasonable explaination for my symptoms. I called my GP and asked that he review the OP report. He called me back today and said he hadn't received the op report yet or the pictures (the GI and GP are in the same medical group and files get uploaded on the computer system for them to share). As soon as I said "mass in the cecum", he interrupted me with a rushed "that's where your cancer was". He said that because of the problem area, all he could do is refer me back to that department...but he gave me the name of another doctor to ask for so that she can take over. It happens to be the doctor that treated my fiance's GI issues earlier this year...she's caring, aggressive and I trust her. Too late to call today, so he told me to call first thing tomorrow.
CT scan to get a different look at the cecum area on Wednesday morning.0 -
Wow
Wow. That's very young to have this cancer. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I'm really sorry you may be facing it again. I know it would scare me to pieces.
Try to not rush to judgement, though. Even if it cancer, there may be lots of hope for treatment and cure, so don't get ahead of yourself on that one. Just make sure you get doctors you respect and trust and who will treat YOU with respect.
I'll be anxious to hear more about what's going on with you.
*hugs*
Gail0 -
Wow
Wow. That's very young to have this cancer. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I'm really sorry you may be facing it again. I know it would scare me to pieces.
Try to not rush to judgement, though. Even if it cancer, there may be lots of hope for treatment and cure, so don't get ahead of yourself on that one. Just make sure you get doctors you respect and trust and who will treat YOU with respect.
I'll be anxious to hear more about what's going on with you.
*hugs*
Gail0 -
doctors
I'm sorry you have to wait for the biopsy report,waiting is one of the hardest things you have to do,but try to stay positive untill you get the results,and get a doctor you can trust,and feel comfertable with.remember,It's your life your dealing with.I'll pray you are ok.0 -
Moms are tougher than you think....regslady said:I think I just broke my mother's heart
Mom and Dad were in town for medical appointments and I picked them up and we went to lunch. I've been keeping Mom updated, but being super upbeat and trying to focus mainly on the most positive possibilities. Mom's a retired nurse and she went through her dad dying a very painful death from colon cancer when I was 2 and then my diagnosis a little over 20 years ago. Plus, they are getting ready to move out of state and I didn't want her to feel stressed about being far away. So far it seemed like I was doing a really good job in my effort to keep things seeming upbeat.
While we were finishing up, I got one of those waves of pain that's quickly followed by vomiting. I very casually excused myself and was grateful the bathrooms were a ways away behind a solid door. I thought I was doing a good job of being very quiet. Unfortunately, I was either louder than I thought or Mom had come back to use the restroom.
When I came back into the dining area, my mom was turned completely around in the booth just staring at the door that led to the restrooms. Mom's always tried to be the rock, to show strength through any hardship the family may encounter. In all my years, I've never seen the look on my mom's face that I saw today. It was pure devestation and pain, topped off with a strong dose of concern. I love this amazing woman and my heart just broke that I hurt her like that.
Everything stopped. My dad immediately cancelled all plans we had for the day and didn't even want to let me take them back to the train station. I convinced him to concede on that one. Watching Dad, he was being so protective of my mom...it seemed like he was trying to get her away from me as soon as possible so she could react without me there. Dad made an effort to be far chattier than normal on the way to the train station and I could barely get Mom (the normally chatty one) to utter a world. I was supposed to be providing transportation for them over the next few weeks as they will be coming into town several days for doctor's appointments. They don't even want to let me do that, believing I won't be up to it.
No one's allowed to hurt my mom...especially not me. I know that, in the end, I'll be able to handle whatever the diagnosis is as I know God will be there for me. I just can't bear the thought of my mom being caused more pain.
But, we need our moments to 'mount the defense'. There is nothing anyone can do about your condition until the tests are back. Hard to do, but try to find distractions...
My mom had a REALLY guilty time when I was diagnosed. I was alot older than you, 49, but my grandfather (mom's dad) had died from colon cancer. So, she started apologizing. I said "Could you have done anything about it? Are you saying, considering the risks, that you would rather not have started me? OK, then, I love you, and it's OK...I'm GLAD you chose to have me!!!!". That seemed to solve it...until...my second diagnosis of breast cancer. My mom has had this, as well as endometrial cancer. We had the same conversation. Then, my full blood sister was diagnosed with anal cancer. I actually asked my sister to tell mom that the doctors said it wasn't hereditary...mom was already feeling guilty enough.
Moms are wierd that way. I am a mom, and gave birth to 2 'special' children. Sure, there are moments when I am sad, and ask if it was the best thing, usually when they are suffering...but, all in all, I love them and am VERY glad I had them...your mom will come around...but, unless you can reassure her, the guilt elephant will be in the room...
CONGRATS on the first victory!!!! If another battle is necessary, you will have another one!!!
Please keep us informed...we are a very knowlegable bunch!!!!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Also new, Crazy bad pooh aroma, 4:30am
I had a similar experience with my doctor, once i saw the mass on the screen during my colonoscopy i knew it was bad, I have a large mass in my rectum, and i too have had IBS all my life, so my symptoms were normal everyday for me, I thought nothing of them until i started poohing only blood. I am 44 so getting a colonoscopy on birthbay ( 6/1/09) was no fun. The doctor first said it was cancer, then he ordered more test and then said it was not and then it showed up in liver and we were back to cancer. (6/18/09) My husband was real upset because he could not understand why the doctor kept on changing what he said. I just took it like oh well what next (quitely freaking out).
My oncologist and surgeons or optomistic they can get it taken care of with Chemo and surgery and more Chemo, They want to run another test and an ultra sound of the rectal mass and maybe add radition.
I have had two rounds of Chemo, they are ok, i have crazy bad "pooh aroma" as i like to call it. For several hours each day afterward.
This is all very hard but I am trying to find ways to cope, that is why i have decided to write.
Hearing other has helped some,
Thanks
Winney0 -
Not to be yucky....but.....WinneyPooh said:Also new, Crazy bad pooh aroma, 4:30am
I had a similar experience with my doctor, once i saw the mass on the screen during my colonoscopy i knew it was bad, I have a large mass in my rectum, and i too have had IBS all my life, so my symptoms were normal everyday for me, I thought nothing of them until i started poohing only blood. I am 44 so getting a colonoscopy on birthbay ( 6/1/09) was no fun. The doctor first said it was cancer, then he ordered more test and then said it was not and then it showed up in liver and we were back to cancer. (6/18/09) My husband was real upset because he could not understand why the doctor kept on changing what he said. I just took it like oh well what next (quitely freaking out).
My oncologist and surgeons or optomistic they can get it taken care of with Chemo and surgery and more Chemo, They want to run another test and an ultra sound of the rectal mass and maybe add radition.
I have had two rounds of Chemo, they are ok, i have crazy bad "pooh aroma" as i like to call it. For several hours each day afterward.
This is all very hard but I am trying to find ways to cope, that is why i have decided to write.
Hearing other has helped some,
Thanks
Winney
My pooh smelled VERY bad at first during treatment. I asked about it, and was told that it was the bits and pieces of the mass that were being flushed. As it turned out, the pain (my tumor was against my tailbone) diminished at the same time, and during my subsequent resection, my surgeon could find NOTHING of the mass left...so, it sounds like what I was told was what it was....
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Dearest Winney,WELCOME TO ACS!WinneyPooh said:Also new, Crazy bad pooh aroma, 4:30am
I had a similar experience with my doctor, once i saw the mass on the screen during my colonoscopy i knew it was bad, I have a large mass in my rectum, and i too have had IBS all my life, so my symptoms were normal everyday for me, I thought nothing of them until i started poohing only blood. I am 44 so getting a colonoscopy on birthbay ( 6/1/09) was no fun. The doctor first said it was cancer, then he ordered more test and then said it was not and then it showed up in liver and we were back to cancer. (6/18/09) My husband was real upset because he could not understand why the doctor kept on changing what he said. I just took it like oh well what next (quitely freaking out).
My oncologist and surgeons or optomistic they can get it taken care of with Chemo and surgery and more Chemo, They want to run another test and an ultra sound of the rectal mass and maybe add radition.
I have had two rounds of Chemo, they are ok, i have crazy bad "pooh aroma" as i like to call it. For several hours each day afterward.
This is all very hard but I am trying to find ways to cope, that is why i have decided to write.
Hearing other has helped some,
Thanks
Winney
I am one month into my second year of remission(Bi-lateral Metastatic Breast Cancer) so I understand what you are going through.
My dad was diagnosedd with colon cancer and the odoryou are referring too was something that bothered him HORRIBLY. The good part of this story is, that as soon as he was done(within a two week period following his last treatment, the Pooh smell went away and did not return! I think that getting rid of the pooh smell made him almost as happy as his remission announcement! Just remember, this is a safe,and loving forum to share yourgood days and bad as well as asking questions you can't seem to find the answer's to anywhere else. feel free to email me anytime you like, I am up late and up early both so feel free.
May God Bless You and I Pray for swift and compleate healing for you!
katheryn-winfreylake45@tx.rr.com
Love and Blessings to you and your family!
Katheryn Lake0 -
Grrr...WinneyPooh said:Also new, Crazy bad pooh aroma, 4:30am
I had a similar experience with my doctor, once i saw the mass on the screen during my colonoscopy i knew it was bad, I have a large mass in my rectum, and i too have had IBS all my life, so my symptoms were normal everyday for me, I thought nothing of them until i started poohing only blood. I am 44 so getting a colonoscopy on birthbay ( 6/1/09) was no fun. The doctor first said it was cancer, then he ordered more test and then said it was not and then it showed up in liver and we were back to cancer. (6/18/09) My husband was real upset because he could not understand why the doctor kept on changing what he said. I just took it like oh well what next (quitely freaking out).
My oncologist and surgeons or optomistic they can get it taken care of with Chemo and surgery and more Chemo, They want to run another test and an ultra sound of the rectal mass and maybe add radition.
I have had two rounds of Chemo, they are ok, i have crazy bad "pooh aroma" as i like to call it. For several hours each day afterward.
This is all very hard but I am trying to find ways to cope, that is why i have decided to write.
Hearing other has helped some,
Thanks
Winney
Oh my...I am so sorry! I can't even imagine having the doctor flip flop back and forth on whether it is cancer. The stress must have been unreal. Thank you for sharing and prayers going out for you and everyone here.
On the plus side, if I do end up having to go through this, I'm looking forward to getting revenge on my dog for *her* stinky gas and pooh.0 -
Waiting....
Aside from having already gone through so much early in life, now you gotta wait to hear this news! Waiting is even worse than the prep for colonoscopy! And yes, some doctors seem to give up all humanity with their patients. I have had wonderful doctors (Thank you, God). They will talk to me anytime and do their best to obtain results ASAP. Not every one gets dr's. like that.
In the meantime your've got a lot of love and prayers here on the board...
Hugs and prayers,
Sandi0 -
You are wiseKathiM said:Moms are tougher than you think....
But, we need our moments to 'mount the defense'. There is nothing anyone can do about your condition until the tests are back. Hard to do, but try to find distractions...
My mom had a REALLY guilty time when I was diagnosed. I was alot older than you, 49, but my grandfather (mom's dad) had died from colon cancer. So, she started apologizing. I said "Could you have done anything about it? Are you saying, considering the risks, that you would rather not have started me? OK, then, I love you, and it's OK...I'm GLAD you chose to have me!!!!". That seemed to solve it...until...my second diagnosis of breast cancer. My mom has had this, as well as endometrial cancer. We had the same conversation. Then, my full blood sister was diagnosed with anal cancer. I actually asked my sister to tell mom that the doctors said it wasn't hereditary...mom was already feeling guilty enough.
Moms are wierd that way. I am a mom, and gave birth to 2 'special' children. Sure, there are moments when I am sad, and ask if it was the best thing, usually when they are suffering...but, all in all, I love them and am VERY glad I had them...your mom will come around...but, unless you can reassure her, the guilt elephant will be in the room...
CONGRATS on the first victory!!!! If another battle is necessary, you will have another one!!!
Please keep us informed...we are a very knowlegable bunch!!!!
Hugs, Kathi
Thank you. This has been the hardest moment for me so far. I think you gave me a perfect description of what is going on with my mom. Hopefully the doctors will give me news that will relieve her fears. If not, you've given me a great way to approach it.0 -
Best wishes..
Hi,
I just wanted to say that I really hope that this isn't colon cancer again. I know that it is possible to have very large polyps that turn out not to be cancer. This happened to my mother. She had a really big/long one that they couldn't remove during the colonoscopy. She was told that she would need her entire colon removed! Then she went to MD Anderson and they were able to get it all out during another colonoscopy. Anyway, it turned out not to be cancer after all.
On the other hand, I did have Stage IV cancer and I only had one polyp the size of a small gum ball...So, in the case of polyps I don't think size always matters! lol. At any rate, I am sorry you have to go through this. May I ask, how often have you been having colonoscopies? Also, it sounds like colon cancer runs in your family to some extent. Have you ever had any genetic testing done?
Just wondering. I hope you get your biopsy results this week so you can go on w/ your life!
Hang in there,
Susan H.0 -
Yup...that big one wasshmurciakova said:Best wishes..
Hi,
I just wanted to say that I really hope that this isn't colon cancer again. I know that it is possible to have very large polyps that turn out not to be cancer. This happened to my mother. She had a really big/long one that they couldn't remove during the colonoscopy. She was told that she would need her entire colon removed! Then she went to MD Anderson and they were able to get it all out during another colonoscopy. Anyway, it turned out not to be cancer after all.
On the other hand, I did have Stage IV cancer and I only had one polyp the size of a small gum ball...So, in the case of polyps I don't think size always matters! lol. At any rate, I am sorry you have to go through this. May I ask, how often have you been having colonoscopies? Also, it sounds like colon cancer runs in your family to some extent. Have you ever had any genetic testing done?
Just wondering. I hope you get your biopsy results this week so you can go on w/ your life!
Hang in there,
Susan H.
Yup...that big one was non-cancerous. I got the results this afternoon, but I wasn't sure if I should post them here, so I put then in a new post.
They've only been letting me get colonoscopies every 9 years. Runs strong in my mom's family. She's having to go in more often now to get the pre-cancerous ones removed.0
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