grief and feeling so helpless/planning future

my husband comes home from rehab tomorrow ... with hospice following close after .

my husband and i have a soulmate relationship . it's ripping me up inside knowing that all too soon we will be seperated until it becomes my time to join him . i had seen my case manager and began flipping through emotional stuff grief fear loss and can't forget anger . so many emotions and i hate to cry , but that's just what i did . i'd held it in for a couple of days until i knew i'd be seeing her ... knowing she's my biggest support right now and once in her car i went to meltdown mode .

true to my expectations she was right there and didn't act clinical because the act team she works on also has my husband as a cliant and they are all feeling this maby not as deep but he's going to be missed very much by many people

the added burden of my haveing mult sclerosis and not able to do much of what he needs ... thank god for hospice !!! if any of you as caregivers are with a hospice program thank you so much ... we have been touching base by phone and they'll be here to help him .

he and i have started to talk about his cancer and the need for hospice ... we don't want the thundering silence of his cancer might take him way too soon and we will be seperated for a time then be reunited later . i share my really awesome daughter with him and she adores him more than a step father i have had problems with mental health issues and don't want to risk acting on impule post his departure ... seeking assisted liveing so i won't be alone and act stupid . it might sound cold and uncareing to think about this now --- putting it off will only worry him and leave me unprepaired

he knows my mental health problems may over wheal me and when i told him what i am planning with my case manager the relief in his voice was like a shout of peace . i feel that the one with the cancer and gets to this stage would really want to know his or her loved ones have plans as each will need time for grief and loss . my son passed in an accident and i wasn't able to have a preplan .... with my soulmate i need to have the support firmly ready .. as we are simply one and half of me is going to start a new journey