Any ideas...so much pain
I know that stress is adding to my pain. Now, my lymph nodes in the inside of my elbows and knees are swelling, too. Along with crying myself to sleep at night and waking up to cry some more when I think about my father, I am having headaches and nausea. I can handle everything, except for the pain. The nausea and headaches are a common ocurrance before I go to TN every year. I live in fear that my father will insult me or yell at me--my god! I'm 55 years old, why can't I just grow up?!
I don't want to sound like a baby, but my arms hurt so much. How am I ever going to drive to TN? I have been trying to build up my tolerance for driving each day, but the more I try to push myself the worse it gets. I am up to an hour now of straight driving, but I am in so much pain afterwards.
What would you take for pain that would not cause stomach upset or drowsiness? I need to be able to drive to TN. I want to see my mom so much it hurts. I feel like a little kid that has been scolded mercifulessly for something she didn't do, yet didn't have the nerve to speak up.
My friends, I am so sorry to burden you with my troubles, but I need a shoulder to cry on right now. I wish someone could just take away the pain, all the pain.
dmc
Comments
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Wish I could Help
DMC, I wish I could give you a huge HUG to take your pain away. I don't know about lymphoedema, But have known of people with it, and they say it is very painful. Hopefully the specialist will help you before your trip. Maybe seeing your Mom will help you get through this trip. I don't know about your Dad, but if he insults you or yells at you then YELL right back, maybe it will make you feel better. As much as we love our parents you need to take care of yourself!! Good Luck on your trip!! HUGS!! Diane0 -
DMCchickad52 said:Wish I could Help
DMC, I wish I could give you a huge HUG to take your pain away. I don't know about lymphoedema, But have known of people with it, and they say it is very painful. Hopefully the specialist will help you before your trip. Maybe seeing your Mom will help you get through this trip. I don't know about your Dad, but if he insults you or yells at you then YELL right back, maybe it will make you feel better. As much as we love our parents you need to take care of yourself!! Good Luck on your trip!! HUGS!! Diane
I also wish I could take the pain away. God bless you and will hold you in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Maryann0 -
(((((HUGS)))))
Oh sweetie~ please know that un-burdening is the reason many of us are in here~ to be able to release our pain. At least the emotional pain. You have not, by so doing, burdened us. Quite the contrary, we share your pain, and hopefully take some of it from you.
I did not have the lymphedema experience, but many of the wonderful survivors in here did, so you will no doubt get some great advice from them. Physical pain is so debilitating, isn't it? It uses up so much of our needed energy. Bless your husband for being as helpful as he is and can be; none of this is easy for any of you ( your daughter included).
Most of all, I am worried about YOU...and dearly hope that you get some pain relief from the lymphedema specialist SOON! I was the proverbial squeeky wheel during treatment; I seriously had the Cancer Center on speed-dial, and they were always helpful to me. Especially when it was obvious I was afraid or in pain. Make a pest of yourself; you may get in to see the specialist sooner rather than later~
As for your father and the internal reaction you feel when he is unkind and yells at you? Those feelings didn't spring up yesterday...your being of a certain age has nothing to do with it. But sweet dmc, you are not just part of this strong family who backs and support you, you are yourself a WARRIOR-SURVIVOR!!! If you stood up to a cancer diagnosis and its subsequent treatment ( which you did!!) put that strength to work in dealing with your father. I doubt you can change him at this point, but you can change YOURSELF! My Mantra since my dx has been this: Be Stronger Than, Not Angry At. You are a strong,vital part of this community;refocus and know that! I "assume" your Dad is a man in his 70's? How sad for him that he is so full of anger and unkindness for his whole life. He is one to be pitied as you WALK AWAY EMOTIONALLY and know that you are one of us~~and when your physical pain is under control, you will also rise above the petty ugliness thrown at you . The ugliness is his, not yours, and you can actually refuse to accept it. It isn't a present wrapped in a bow, that's for sure!! Your mom is the present, and you will make it, despite the pain!
I wish you well, you most certainly deserve it...be a pest and call your pain specialist again!!!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
dmc
there is a shot that my DR gives me that does not make me drowsey and does take the pain away. It hurts like the dickens when they inject you in your behind (makes your leg crampy and stings but only for about 2 minutes, so hang onto the exam table when they do it!!). The name of it is "Toradol". I would ask your DR if he could give you a shot the morning your leaving if you stop by or if you are leaving to early the day before. Try to be the last patient. It works well for several days!! Hope this helps.
Pammy 0 -
You are not a burden
I am so sorry for your pain. You are the second person that I feel like I know on this site that had difficulty with getting treatment for lymphedema. RJJ (Jackie) is the other person, if I remember correctly. You shouldn't have to suffer and not receive treatment.
We are here for you and I second Chenheart's post. She's right. You're not going to change your dad; but, you can change how you respond. If you have a social worker where you get treatment, he or she can probably help you out with this.
My shoulder is also here for you, always. Love, Lynn0 -
I have Lymphedema also. I
I have Lymphedema also. I was not in as much pain as you though. I was sent to a therapist who massaged me in many palces to get the fluid moving. I was than wrapped from my fingers to my shoulder. I had to go back many times until I learned to do this my self. After the swelling I was fitted with a sleeve which I am suppose to wear all day. As for the pain I took Aleve.I was also told we are not suppoes to lift anything heavy,not to use the arm for any continious motion such as scrubbing,stay out of the heat,no hot water such as soaking arm in bath. Try to keep away from salt. I also took water pills for the pressure.
Try to keep are fairly elevated.Hope this helps a little sorry I don't have more.Good luck.
Once you learn to massage for therapist you can pretty much manage it yourself.
Love all of you guys.
PS I was told that we should of had classes on this after chemo,but because of my Ins. they would not take me than.0 -
Please do not worry about
Please do not worry about burdening, we are happy to help. dmc, I can't believe your doc didn't prescribe something for the pain. If I may suggest, go back or phone and be clear that you need something for the pain or go to the er (he should get a copy of that visit) and tell them you need to use your sleeve and you can't due to the pain. The ball is in his court and it's his responsibility to help you or tell you why not. Maybe a long acting morphine until you can see the specialist. It might make you drowsy and constipated but I think the drowsiness diminishes with time.
We all have our struggles and I certainly have my own but I do think you will feel much better too once you dig up the nerve and stand up for yourself to your father. In changing you, you might change him..........or not, but you will at least feel better about yourself by being your own best friend after all, who knows you better than you
I hope you can get some meds for your pain, please let us know how it goes.
Sending you big hugs
jan0 -
Maybe I should just write a book?lynn1950 said:You are not a burden
I am so sorry for your pain. You are the second person that I feel like I know on this site that had difficulty with getting treatment for lymphedema. RJJ (Jackie) is the other person, if I remember correctly. You shouldn't have to suffer and not receive treatment.
We are here for you and I second Chenheart's post. She's right. You're not going to change your dad; but, you can change how you respond. If you have a social worker where you get treatment, he or she can probably help you out with this.
My shoulder is also here for you, always. Love, Lynn
Thank you my friends for letting me unload. I promise I will try to let this go and stop writing you chapters each time I post...
When I start to feel I'm sinking lower, I open your posts and read them again. I will call my drs tmr (all three) and see if one of them can offer me some pain relief. I will ask about the Toradol shot, too. Since I am leaving on Sat afternoon, I don't know if the timing will work out for this drug-but I can at least ask. I'm going to call the pharmacist, too.
We are packing light, but bringing as much food as possible with us to save money at restaurants, and sleeping bags/bedding to make the van as comfortable as possible so I can pull over and sleep at rest stops. I will need to stop often. I hope to camp to and from TN in the van, to save money on hotel costs. I was hoping to wash clothes at my mom's, but now I will need to account for washing expenses, too.
I haven't figured out meals, or anything. My mom wants me to stay with her for supper, Harold is so angry with my father right now for hurting me that he will stay at the cabin regardless of what I do, except when my brothers come because he wants to be with them. I haven't even figured out how to make that happen. What a mess. I hope I don't drive nearly 600 miles and not accomplish what I set out to do (visit with my mom and brothers).
I got an email from my father (paraphrased): 'your mother is recovering slowly from a very serious illness...she will need to take it easy while you are here and will not be able to do much...' I wanted to respond, "Duh," but I thought it was best to keep my comments to myself. I also wanted to say, "I thought you told me it was nothing to worry about, but to cancel my trip anyway." Interesting, my older brother and his wife drove to TN to visit with my folks only two days after my mom was released from the hospital. Well, my father has always told me how much he likes his daughter-in-law. Must be nice.
His email is probably in response to me informing my mom that I will not come to the house as long as he is there and that I would like to meet with her at the cabin. I told her that I could come and pick her up if it was easier on her. I will not be surprised if my father tells me that she is not going to the cabin. My mom wanted to go into "town" (30 minutes away) and spend time with me, but this may be curtailed as well. I wanted to take my mom to visit some people I know through an acquaintance here, he will probably say no to that one, too. I know, I am speculating and no good comes of that...I'll stop.
I'm so tired of being hurt that I prefer to take flight rather than stand and fight. I also know that I must be kind and respectful to both of my parents. That's hard to do when you are afraid to be around someone. I wonder if he would hit me again, if I did stand my ground? I don't think I want to find out. When I was in junior high school he beat me with his belt, but I refused to cry. He realized that I had won and he never beat me again. I remember that day so clearly, nearly 40 years ago, the wounds are more than skin deep.
My father will soon be 90 years old. How can someone feel sorry for someone, but not love that person? I even could say I respect my father, but perhaps it's more out of fear of making him angry.
You know what's really "funny?" I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs (well, not anymore). I have brought up a beautiful daughter who is well-respected by employers, peers, and professors. I have earned four college degrees and I am working on my fifth. I am highly respected my the parents of the students I have taught over the years. I married a man that my father despises (his word, not mine) to this day, then married a man who needed me as much as I needed him. We have had our struggles, but we have made our marriage work in spite of ourselves. As for the first man? Well, we have made amends and are now friends. I'm fat and ugly, but I do the best with what I have and try to not compete with my mother. Yet, I can do nothing right in the eyes of my father. After all these years, I keep on trying to earn his love and respect...I don't know how to let go.
dmc0 -
Ironic as it may seedmc_emmy said:Maybe I should just write a book?
Thank you my friends for letting me unload. I promise I will try to let this go and stop writing you chapters each time I post...
When I start to feel I'm sinking lower, I open your posts and read them again. I will call my drs tmr (all three) and see if one of them can offer me some pain relief. I will ask about the Toradol shot, too. Since I am leaving on Sat afternoon, I don't know if the timing will work out for this drug-but I can at least ask. I'm going to call the pharmacist, too.
We are packing light, but bringing as much food as possible with us to save money at restaurants, and sleeping bags/bedding to make the van as comfortable as possible so I can pull over and sleep at rest stops. I will need to stop often. I hope to camp to and from TN in the van, to save money on hotel costs. I was hoping to wash clothes at my mom's, but now I will need to account for washing expenses, too.
I haven't figured out meals, or anything. My mom wants me to stay with her for supper, Harold is so angry with my father right now for hurting me that he will stay at the cabin regardless of what I do, except when my brothers come because he wants to be with them. I haven't even figured out how to make that happen. What a mess. I hope I don't drive nearly 600 miles and not accomplish what I set out to do (visit with my mom and brothers).
I got an email from my father (paraphrased): 'your mother is recovering slowly from a very serious illness...she will need to take it easy while you are here and will not be able to do much...' I wanted to respond, "Duh," but I thought it was best to keep my comments to myself. I also wanted to say, "I thought you told me it was nothing to worry about, but to cancel my trip anyway." Interesting, my older brother and his wife drove to TN to visit with my folks only two days after my mom was released from the hospital. Well, my father has always told me how much he likes his daughter-in-law. Must be nice.
His email is probably in response to me informing my mom that I will not come to the house as long as he is there and that I would like to meet with her at the cabin. I told her that I could come and pick her up if it was easier on her. I will not be surprised if my father tells me that she is not going to the cabin. My mom wanted to go into "town" (30 minutes away) and spend time with me, but this may be curtailed as well. I wanted to take my mom to visit some people I know through an acquaintance here, he will probably say no to that one, too. I know, I am speculating and no good comes of that...I'll stop.
I'm so tired of being hurt that I prefer to take flight rather than stand and fight. I also know that I must be kind and respectful to both of my parents. That's hard to do when you are afraid to be around someone. I wonder if he would hit me again, if I did stand my ground? I don't think I want to find out. When I was in junior high school he beat me with his belt, but I refused to cry. He realized that I had won and he never beat me again. I remember that day so clearly, nearly 40 years ago, the wounds are more than skin deep.
My father will soon be 90 years old. How can someone feel sorry for someone, but not love that person? I even could say I respect my father, but perhaps it's more out of fear of making him angry.
You know what's really "funny?" I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs (well, not anymore). I have brought up a beautiful daughter who is well-respected by employers, peers, and professors. I have earned four college degrees and I am working on my fifth. I am highly respected my the parents of the students I have taught over the years. I married a man that my father despises (his word, not mine) to this day, then married a man who needed me as much as I needed him. We have had our struggles, but we have made our marriage work in spite of ourselves. As for the first man? Well, we have made amends and are now friends. I'm fat and ugly, but I do the best with what I have and try to not compete with my mother. Yet, I can do nothing right in the eyes of my father. After all these years, I keep on trying to earn his love and respect...I don't know how to let go.
dmc
sometimes the best way to earn love and respect is to stop trying to get it. My experience is the moment you STOP trying is the moment THEY start trying. Love and respect yourself first, the rest falls into place. It's only my humble opinion that people should not get respect by position whether it be president, clergy, parents or whatever, I think they all need to earn it not just expect it.
Sweet sweet dmc, please do not call yourself fat and ugly, you are not. They say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"........there's tons of beauty in you, please acknowledge it and see it. YOu have much to think about on this trip and I hope your conclusions are FOR you and your future emotional health.
hugs
jan0
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