On and off mini anxiety fits as only 4 days left til plans for investigation

bluerose
bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Anxiety fits have started - just lasting a couple of minutes so far - as the day grows closer for my first visit with the Gyno since she received the results of the pelvic ultrasound and the radiologist advised removal of the ovary. No idea what way she will go or what she thinks of this 'node' found in my ovary as she has been on holidays and it was my GP who gave me the results as I was understandibly worried.

I do have anti anxiety meds if this gets worse but I don't want to take them til/if they do. These little fits just sneak up on me and a feeling of dread and fear grab me and I actually shudder visibly, that lasts about a minute or so, then they are gone.

I guess I am trying to keep my mind off of what may be the diagnosis and tryting to focus on the positive - being just a cyst - but I think what happens is that the anxiety slowly builds up without me realizing it as I attempt to squash it all, and then one minute it just erupts. Sigh.

Anywho just needed to get this out, hope you all don't mind. After being through regular treatment for non hodgkins lymphoma 20 years ago and then a bone marrow transplant when it came back a year a bit later, nearly dieing twice during the transplant and all the flashbacks of the days of treatments and recovery and side effects I guess it's no wonder I shudder at the thought I could be picking up the battle again. When I went through cancer 20 years ago I had 2 young children to focus on and a husband, now the kids are grown and gone away and I went through a divorce so the thought of perhaps going through a cancer alone is daunting indeed. I know you understand. I am still however holding out hope that this will prove to be nothing. Thanks for reading my post.

Blessings, Bluerose

Comments

  • jane65
    jane65 Member Posts: 277
    #2
    Bluerose
    Hi Blue,
    Your anxiety is completely understandable and to be expected, you've had a rough time with all the serious medical problems you've had to deal with, and a divorce. I understand that your children being away is difficult, but I'm sure they'll be concerned about their Mom and be supportive, should you have a problem.

    I'm glad you're trying to keep busy and have a positive attitude about the cyst being benign. Both of those will help you get through the next few days, even though you're thinking about the past medical situations you've been through. And none of us want to dredge that up, we'd rather leave it in the past.

    Of course the anxiety builds up, I think we all experience that when we're waiting to get results, or meet with our oncologist. I sit in my oncologist's office waiting for him to come in, feeling absolute fear wondering what's going on inside of me. Then just talking with him and hearing his treatment plan to help me, gives me confidence.

    I hope that everything turns out ok, and you can get on with life. I'm glad you posted, we all need to get it out.

    Take care of yourself,
    Jane
  • bluerose
    bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
    #3
    jane65 said:

    Bluerose
    Hi Blue,
    Your anxiety is completely understandable and to be expected, you've had a rough time with all the serious medical problems you've had to deal with, and a divorce. I understand that your children being away is difficult, but I'm sure they'll be concerned about their Mom and be supportive, should you have a problem.

    I'm glad you're trying to keep busy and have a positive attitude about the cyst being benign. Both of those will help you get through the next few days, even though you're thinking about the past medical situations you've been through. And none of us want to dredge that up, we'd rather leave it in the past.

    Of course the anxiety builds up, I think we all experience that when we're waiting to get results, or meet with our oncologist. I sit in my oncologist's office waiting for him to come in, feeling absolute fear wondering what's going on inside of me. Then just talking with him and hearing his treatment plan to help me, gives me confidence.

    I hope that everything turns out ok, and you can get on with life. I'm glad you posted, we all need to get it out.

    Take care of yourself,
    Jane

    Thank you Jane for your words of encouragement
    I truly appreciate your help with your posting. I forgot about the way a talk from a caring doctor can relieve your tension with answers to my questions so that comment truly helped me. Thank you. I meet with my family doctor tomorrow and she usually helps in that way too so glad I have her before the big Gyno appt. on Friday. I think I will ask her for another referral for a second opinion though from another Gyno just to be sure I am going the right way in this.

    Thanks again Jane for your posting. Hope today is a good one for you and yours. Blessings, Bluerose
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #4
    BLUEROSE
    You sure have been going through much. It's no wonder that you might have anxiety at times. None of us are immune to these 'feelings' and sometimes they seem insurmountable. But everytime I felt this way I focused on a particular Scripture verse that addresses times like these: 'HE HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER, LOVE AND A SOUND MIND'.
    These anxieties, fears, etc. were a result of my human condition and I needed to trust Him beyond what I felt. Doesn't always help immediately, but taking your eyes off those fears and giving them away can bring great relief.

    Try not to look too far ahead. You don't know what this is all about yet, so don't spend your waking moments worrying about what might not be. If there is something to deal with, there will be plenty of time to face it. And having all the facts will make it much easier to handle than the UNKNOWN.

    Sending lots of hugs and prayers for peace for you. Let us know. We'll be waiting.

    Stay Strong!
    Monika
  • bluerose
    bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
    #5
    mopar said:

    BLUEROSE
    You sure have been going through much. It's no wonder that you might have anxiety at times. None of us are immune to these 'feelings' and sometimes they seem insurmountable. But everytime I felt this way I focused on a particular Scripture verse that addresses times like these: 'HE HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER, LOVE AND A SOUND MIND'.
    These anxieties, fears, etc. were a result of my human condition and I needed to trust Him beyond what I felt. Doesn't always help immediately, but taking your eyes off those fears and giving them away can bring great relief.

    Try not to look too far ahead. You don't know what this is all about yet, so don't spend your waking moments worrying about what might not be. If there is something to deal with, there will be plenty of time to face it. And having all the facts will make it much easier to handle than the UNKNOWN.

    Sending lots of hugs and prayers for peace for you. Let us know. We'll be waiting.

    Stay Strong!
    Monika

    Oh I'm trying Monkia
    I'm trying to go with the facts and not get ahead of myself but days and days of doing that seem to build up and my fear pops out when I least expect it. I am still hopeful that this will just be a cyst but after going through nearly dieing twice during treatment 18 years ago kind of leaves a bit of a sting. I had it all behind me and never worried about it coming back at all actually but this is the first scare I have had.

    I am doing meditation and visualization and that will help once I do them a few more times so they are more effective and easier to do. It clears the mind.

    Thank you for your words of wisdom though and yes I will keep you posted. Thanks again for sharing. Hugs. Blessings, Bluerose.
  • BonnieR
    BonnieR Member Posts: 1,526 Member
    #6
    HUGS
    Dearest Bluerose, just sending hugs n prayers to you. May God's peace fill you up and push all the anxiety and fears from your being. Prayers ♥ Hugs Bonnie
  • bluerose
    bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
    #7
    BonnieR said:

    HUGS
    Dearest Bluerose, just sending hugs n prayers to you. May God's peace fill you up and push all the anxiety and fears from your being. Prayers ♥ Hugs Bonnie

    Thank you Bonnie
    Thank you for thinking of me as my appt looms closer - tomorrow actually. Hope I get a little sleep tonight. Thanks for your well wishes. Hope you and yours have a good day. Blessings, Bluerose.
  • jane65
    jane65 Member Posts: 277
    #8
    bluerose said:

    Thank you Jane for your words of encouragement
    I truly appreciate your help with your posting. I forgot about the way a talk from a caring doctor can relieve your tension with answers to my questions so that comment truly helped me. Thank you. I meet with my family doctor tomorrow and she usually helps in that way too so glad I have her before the big Gyno appt. on Friday. I think I will ask her for another referral for a second opinion though from another Gyno just to be sure I am going the right way in this.

    Thanks again Jane for your posting. Hope today is a good one for you and yours. Blessings, Bluerose

    bluerose
    Hi Blue,
    I just reread your post and when you go for your appointment tomorrow, instead of asking for a referral to another GYN, I'm sure the doctor you're seeing will want to refer you to a GYN/ONC surgeon.

    GYN docs are great, but they're not trained to deal with female organ cancer if God forbid that's what you'll be dealing with.

    We'll be waiting to hear what the doctor says tomorrow, good luck and we're all here to support you, and help in any way we can.

    Jane
  • bluerose
    bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
    #9
    jane65 said:

    bluerose
    Hi Blue,
    I just reread your post and when you go for your appointment tomorrow, instead of asking for a referral to another GYN, I'm sure the doctor you're seeing will want to refer you to a GYN/ONC surgeon.

    GYN docs are great, but they're not trained to deal with female organ cancer if God forbid that's what you'll be dealing with.

    We'll be waiting to hear what the doctor says tomorrow, good luck and we're all here to support you, and help in any way we can.

    Jane

    Stupid heart issues prevented me from getting to my family doc
    Sigh. Went into heart arythmia and couldn't go to my family doc before my appointment with the Gyno today, stupid stupid afibrulation. Was going to ask her alot of things but to tell you the truth I think it's time for a new family doctor. She isn't as supportive as she used to be, too busy to think I guess, and if this proves to be anything big (oh please no) I will need a supportive family doc as this time I will be battling alone at home. Still holding out a good thought though that this will only be a cyst.

    Thank you for the help though, I won't let any surgery be done til I'm convinced I am with the right specialist but time is ticking here and this thing hasn't been biopsied so I want to get on with things as quickly as possible.

    Thanks for your support and I will definitely keep the Gyno/Onco in mind.

    Will get back to you after the appointment and thanks for remembering it is today. Hugs. Blessings always, Bluerose
  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    #10
    bluerose said:

    Thank you Bonnie
    Thank you for thinking of me as my appt looms closer - tomorrow actually. Hope I get a little sleep tonight. Thanks for your well wishes. Hope you and yours have a good day. Blessings, Bluerose.

    Take Each Day
    as it comes. We hold you up in prayer. All my best to you, Cindy

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