Just Finished Treatment

padee6339
padee6339 Member Posts: 763
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello. My name is Pat and I had cancer. I was diagnosed late September and within 2 weeks had all the tests, pet scan, and on October 13th a partial mastectomy (lumpectomy). Tests came back that the cancer was Stage 1, but they sent part of the tumor to some lab in California where they do DNA/genetic testing on it. The test showed it had a 34% chance of coming back, so they treated it very aggressively with 6 rounds of chemo and 36 rads. I finally completed all the treatments last Monday, June 5, 2009. Now what do I do? How do you treat something when the treatment is over? The doctors say you pray. I feel I need to keep doing something, but there is nothing to do. I guess I should be happy my hair is finally starting to grow back. I should feel grateful that I'm "cured". I don't know how to deal with this anymore. My town has no support group to go to and I need to talk to people. I've answered a couple of blogs in this site and realized I need help too. I cry a lot, I sleep a lot, work a lot, I try to be upbeat for the family, but inside I'm screaming. My mother is 88 years old, and refuses to go anywhere with me unless I have my wig on. I do for her, but I really want not to wear it. I just feel that I want my life back, I want my health back, and I want my sister back. She would understand, but unfortunately, she was killed in a car accident back in 2002. I miss her and our long talks. I just miss my old life.

Thanks for listening.

Pat
«1

Comments

  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #2
    Pat
    Welcome to this wonderful place, Sorry for the reason you found us. I discovered this site just after I had finished treatments too, I don't know what I would have done without it.

    I found dealing with after-treatment a lot harder than dealing with treatment was. This group saved me.

    I missed my family too, they are back in England and I am here alone, my husband wasn't much support either.

    Thank goodness for all the wonderful, understanding people in here.

    Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • confused123
    confused123 Member Posts: 251
    #3
    So happy for you that your
    So happy for you that your treatment is over! For me when my treatment is over as well as now I feel like a live life a little happier and try not to let little things get to me. I have not joined a group though there are ones near me. Maybe you could post a flier somewhere and see if there is interest in a group or ask at the doc office. You could always start your own group. There are probably many women around you wondering why there is not one to go to. I feel lucky that I have a great support with friends and family and my kids keep me very busy. Also for the support group, try local hospitals, a lot of times you don't need to be getting treatment to go to groups. I am welcome to lots of things such as exercise programs etc at my local hospital but got to a different state for treatment.

    I can relate to the wig problem. I think I have worn mine twice in 4 months. I prefer hats and scarves. My 6 yr old did not want me picking her up at school with out the "fake hair" on. she did not want anyone else to know. The kids have gotten better about it, hope your mom does. Maybe it is hard for her because it is a reminder something is wrong with her baby. My aunt had cancer and my grandmom said "she is still my baby even if she is 60.

    Hope this helps and hope you feel better soon,

    Kim
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #4
    (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
    Welcome to the most supportive group of smart, insightful, funny, loving, and tough women ( and a few men to keep us on track!) you will ever hope to meet! Though we are "only" online, one thing so wonderful about that is: We are ALWAYS available! At 2AM, with fear/uncertainty, or just good ole insomnia invading our sleep cycle, there are myriad posts to be read. We connect pretty instantly in here~ and I have come to know that Cancer is what we Fight, but NOT who we are! We are moms, wives, sisters, friends, old(er), young(er),employed, retired, out of work~ you name it, we are all in here! The fellow-feeling in here is without compare; you will find yourself enveloped in friendship and find Kindred Spirits to be close to.

    We hope you post often! I know you miss your old life~ I am very sorry for your losses; especially that of your sister. Your mom? Well, I can give her a pass; the 80-somethings are almost brutally honest, aren't they? So, as much as possible, I suppose you have to grin and bear it~ or find some REALLY cute summer hats.

    One thing is certain, we do understand. As someone once said to a new one in here: You are our past, and we are your future. We get it, we really do. Come in to cry and to laugh, and feel anything in-between. You are in good company!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #5
    confused123 said:

    So happy for you that your
    So happy for you that your treatment is over! For me when my treatment is over as well as now I feel like a live life a little happier and try not to let little things get to me. I have not joined a group though there are ones near me. Maybe you could post a flier somewhere and see if there is interest in a group or ask at the doc office. You could always start your own group. There are probably many women around you wondering why there is not one to go to. I feel lucky that I have a great support with friends and family and my kids keep me very busy. Also for the support group, try local hospitals, a lot of times you don't need to be getting treatment to go to groups. I am welcome to lots of things such as exercise programs etc at my local hospital but got to a different state for treatment.

    I can relate to the wig problem. I think I have worn mine twice in 4 months. I prefer hats and scarves. My 6 yr old did not want me picking her up at school with out the "fake hair" on. she did not want anyone else to know. The kids have gotten better about it, hope your mom does. Maybe it is hard for her because it is a reminder something is wrong with her baby. My aunt had cancer and my grandmom said "she is still my baby even if she is 60.

    Hope this helps and hope you feel better soon,

    Kim

    Funny
    You said about being her baby even though she is 60. My mom is 88 and I am 60. A good friend of mine lives about 10 miles from me, she went and stayed w/my Mom at the hospital during my surgery - well after 20 years, her cancer came back and in March she had a mast. She goes to a group and has invited me to join. My problem is that I have very bad night blindness and its difficult to see to drive. I may ask the manager of my development if we could work on a flyer to send out to all the tenants and use the community room once a month, rent free, for a group. We had talked about it briefly, and she seemed ok with it, but with all the treatments and doctor visits and work, I just haven't had time.

    I am so glad I found this website and am grateful to have had 2 hits already! Thank you ladies for the support!
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #6
    Surviving...
    Pat, sorry you are going through all that you are. Life after breast cancer can be challenging as many of the ladies here know. Everyone expects you to be back to normal, but you aren't. In fact, that old life is gone and a new one isn't quite in place yet. It can be so disorienting. You feel what you feel. There is a road of further recovery ahead of you. You're right, there isn't adequate "treatment" for those of us out of chemo, rads, etc. We are left to fend for ourselves. Don't despair, Pat, we've all been there or are going through it now. You can vent your feelings on this site. We won't pressure you to be "normal" or "over it." You've been through an awful lot.
  • The1percen
    The1percen Member Posts: 135
    #7
    Welcome Pat
    While I am a newbie myself, I am glad your treatments went "well" even though the threat looms. I haven't got a diagnosis yet, so I may or may not go thru treatments however a few things I can relate to... My sounding board was my Mom and she died 3 years ago. My Dad has just finished treatment for Prostate Cancer. My wife has been battling Gallbladder Disease, so I had put off doing anything with the lumps I knew were there... however I was also in denial, after all MEN don't get BC! Since I went to my Dr and he set me up for a mammo the 26th and I see a surgeon on the 30th. Meanwhile I have to wait and pray myself. I have some pretty gloomy risk factors ie... my sister had BC when she was in her early 20s and had a hysterectomy in her late 30s because of "something" precancerous on her ovaries. I mentioned my dad and then I am obese and I was a heavy drinker in young and dumb days. I amm glad you found this group! I have explained my situation and I am as welcome as anyone else(I THINK... LOL) They are a great group of loving, caring, compassionate, etc... gals and guys. I will pray that you are not one of that 34%!
    Mike
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #8
    Hi Pat........
    Hi Pat, and welcome!

    Our dear Claudia has described the wonderful people on this board beautifully! There is always someone to help ease your mind and who will talk with you, with care and concern.

    I'm very sorry about your sister. I'm sure that you miss her very much.

    I wore my wig only once, and that was during the Christmas holidays. My 6 yr. old grandson said..."grandma, I don't like your hair, take it off".
    So i never wore the wig again. Hey, if the little love of my life didn't think it looked good, who am I to argue! LOL!

    I think when treatment ends, we sometimes feel like we have lost our security blanket. I know that I did. I only see my onc every few months, as I am just getting Herceptin infusions now, until late Fall. So I feel as though I am on my own and everything is pretty much up to me now.
    I much prefer to be seeing the docs regularly, and having them call the shots!

    Hugs,

    CR
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #9
    Welcome to the group Pat.. I
    Welcome to the group Pat.. I am so sorry for the reason that you are here but very glad that you found us. I can't say that I understand where you are at, (other than life as I knew it has changed in the last 28 days.. pretty much upside down and back again.. feels like everything is laid in ruins around my feet) I am just beginning my journey. Last Tuesday I underwent the same surgery you had. (Lumpectomy with 13 lympth nodes removed)

    Hoping I don't sound like a big baby.. but I went back to work Monday, (still had the drain tube in until yesterday).. and haven't been able to put in a full day yet... came home at 2:30 today.. okay.. wait a minute.. this isn't why I'm posting.. basically I'll I'm saying is.. I need you here... I think next Tuesday when I meet for the first time with my oncologist, I will be offically told that it is stage 1. So we need your voice too..

    And.. ask the other group members.. I'm a real pain in the rear..but a loveable one..and I will be here for you..I will cheer you on. We can rebuild our lives together.. with all of these AMAZING people to help us do it.. You have come not to the "right" place..... BUT THE PERFECT PLACE...

    Hugs...

    ~T
  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    #10
    Welcome padee
    I will agree Taleena is a real pain in the rear. LOL just kidding Taleena.

    I'm glad that you are finished with treatments. Its very normal to feel the way you do after finishing treatment. We feel as if we are facing the big bad world all alone. We are not being watched as close by the drs. A feeling of insecurity. You will eventually find your "new normal" as we call it. Things will never go back to where they once were.

    I am glad that you found us. Maby we can be your new support group. We have early birds and night owls in here so we will be here for you.

    Keep us posted
    Hugs
    Jadie
  • cats_toy
    cats_toy Member Posts: 1,462 Member
    #11
    welcome Pat
    I can only agree with what everyone has said already. And the letdown after all your treatment is more than normal. It used to be a safe haven where people were keeping an eye on us and taking care of us. Now you will be going to the doc much less, but they will still keep track of you, and of course you always have us.
    Keep us up to date on your recovery.
    =^..^=
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #12
    I am so sorry Pat for the
    I am so sorry Pat for the way you are feeling. But, I do want to say Congrats on finishing

    your treatments! That is a huge accomplishment. I wish I had the magic words to make you

    feel better, but, I don't. Have you checked the hospitals in surrounding areas for a support

    group? I am sure that every city has a cancer support group. Call the ACS and see if they

    can help you. Take care, Jeanne
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #13
    chenheart said:

    (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
    Welcome to the most supportive group of smart, insightful, funny, loving, and tough women ( and a few men to keep us on track!) you will ever hope to meet! Though we are "only" online, one thing so wonderful about that is: We are ALWAYS available! At 2AM, with fear/uncertainty, or just good ole insomnia invading our sleep cycle, there are myriad posts to be read. We connect pretty instantly in here~ and I have come to know that Cancer is what we Fight, but NOT who we are! We are moms, wives, sisters, friends, old(er), young(er),employed, retired, out of work~ you name it, we are all in here! The fellow-feeling in here is without compare; you will find yourself enveloped in friendship and find Kindred Spirits to be close to.

    We hope you post often! I know you miss your old life~ I am very sorry for your losses; especially that of your sister. Your mom? Well, I can give her a pass; the 80-somethings are almost brutally honest, aren't they? So, as much as possible, I suppose you have to grin and bear it~ or find some REALLY cute summer hats.

    One thing is certain, we do understand. As someone once said to a new one in here: You are our past, and we are your future. We get it, we really do. Come in to cry and to laugh, and feel anything in-between. You are in good company!

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    Perfect
    Claudia could not have said it more perfectly. And I am glad you found us, Welcome to the most awesome group that you could ever find. Let us know how you are.

    My hair is growing out also and I refer to myself as porkipine head! LOL!

    God Bless, Jackie
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #14
    After the chemo and rads
    I was a warrior during chemo and most of the way through rads - then I started feeling. I hadn't allowed myself to feel up until then. I never even cried until months after treatment ended. The tears wouldn't come. I ended up feeling suicidal, not because I didn't love life, but because I couldn't stand the way I felt inside (that inside screaming). I'm still not back yet, but I am working on it and I can laugh and cry again. It's taken counseling, and friendship and family and drugs and time and this discussion family to get me here, but oh what a ride. I've learned to use every opportunity, to reach out and ask for help (not easy for me), to admit that I'm tired and sleep, and to understand that not everything is within my control (a real tough one; I'm a control freak). I've learned to say "no" (at least more often).

    I live in a very rural place outside of a small town, and like you I need people who understand bc to talk to. I am so glad you found us.

    By the way, I loved what you wrote (I think it was) to Taleena or maybe it was the Moopy restaurant debacle. You sound like a wise woman. Love, Lynn
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #15
    Welcome Pat....
    I seem to be the one always playing catch up on the board even though I check it just about every day (do I just talk too much or does anyone else have this problem?). Just wanted to welcome you. There are several other men her as well and lots & lots & lots of wonderful ladies to talk to. Glad you found us. :) Pammy
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #16
    Akiss4me said:

    Welcome Pat....
    I seem to be the one always playing catch up on the board even though I check it just about every day (do I just talk too much or does anyone else have this problem?). Just wanted to welcome you. There are several other men her as well and lots & lots & lots of wonderful ladies to talk to. Glad you found us. :) Pammy

    Just want to welcome you
    Just want to welcome you Pat! You will find a lot of support and encouragement here.
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #17
    cats_toy said:

    welcome Pat
    I can only agree with what everyone has said already. And the letdown after all your treatment is more than normal. It used to be a safe haven where people were keeping an eye on us and taking care of us. Now you will be going to the doc much less, but they will still keep track of you, and of course you always have us.
    Keep us up to date on your recovery.
    =^..^=

    Just want to welcome you too
    Just want to welcome you too Pat! I think being down after your treatment is done is very normal for all of us. We are in such a routine with being treated and cared for, that when it is done, it is like, what now? Well, NOW, you LIVE YOUR LIFE! Hopefully, you will feel better soon! And, welcome again Pat!
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #18
    mimivac said:

    Surviving...
    Pat, sorry you are going through all that you are. Life after breast cancer can be challenging as many of the ladies here know. Everyone expects you to be back to normal, but you aren't. In fact, that old life is gone and a new one isn't quite in place yet. It can be so disorienting. You feel what you feel. There is a road of further recovery ahead of you. You're right, there isn't adequate "treatment" for those of us out of chemo, rads, etc. We are left to fend for ourselves. Don't despair, Pat, we've all been there or are going through it now. You can vent your feelings on this site. We won't pressure you to be "normal" or "over it." You've been through an awful lot.

    Welcome Pat to this great
    Welcome Pat to this great site! I am sorry for the way you are feeling. I hope that we can help you thru this tough time!
  • ToniinNampa
    ToniinNampa Member Posts: 3
    #19
    Pat,
    I so understand how
    Pat,
    I so understand how you feel. I felt that way for a long time. No one seemed to be able to tell me what to do other than just live. That's hard to do when you life has been so upside down. I always felt like a sitting duck just waiting. It has been 11 years since I was diagnosed but just last month at my yearly check up I once again asked my oncologist how does he know if I will be ok or not. He told me there are no guarantees for anyone of us with or without cancer and I need to just live everyday the best I can. I was stage 4 and was sure it was coming back and maybe it will but I have over time learned to go on. Occasionally I get scared all over again, usually when I get the card every year for my appointment. I just want to encourage and support you. All of your feelings are normal and will get better as time goes on. As far as the wig, I only wore it because my kids were horrified if I would go out in public but eventually I just did what I wanted and went without it. That was a freeing moment for me. I embraced my baldness and was thrilled that showering was so quick and easy. Keep your chin up. Journalize, it helps a lot to write down your feelings. I still do it after all these years and when I feel down I go back and read my old entries and am thrilled to see just how far I have come. Toni
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #20
    ToniinNampa said:

    Pat,
    I so understand how
    Pat,
    I so understand how you feel. I felt that way for a long time. No one seemed to be able to tell me what to do other than just live. That's hard to do when you life has been so upside down. I always felt like a sitting duck just waiting. It has been 11 years since I was diagnosed but just last month at my yearly check up I once again asked my oncologist how does he know if I will be ok or not. He told me there are no guarantees for anyone of us with or without cancer and I need to just live everyday the best I can. I was stage 4 and was sure it was coming back and maybe it will but I have over time learned to go on. Occasionally I get scared all over again, usually when I get the card every year for my appointment. I just want to encourage and support you. All of your feelings are normal and will get better as time goes on. As far as the wig, I only wore it because my kids were horrified if I would go out in public but eventually I just did what I wanted and went without it. That was a freeing moment for me. I embraced my baldness and was thrilled that showering was so quick and easy. Keep your chin up. Journalize, it helps a lot to write down your feelings. I still do it after all these years and when I feel down I go back and read my old entries and am thrilled to see just how far I have come. Toni

    In which state is your Nampa?
    Hi Toni - Are you an Idaho Nampan? I live in Idaho and love to have Idaho BC friends. Lynn
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #21
    Jadie said:

    Welcome padee
    I will agree Taleena is a real pain in the rear. LOL just kidding Taleena.

    I'm glad that you are finished with treatments. Its very normal to feel the way you do after finishing treatment. We feel as if we are facing the big bad world all alone. We are not being watched as close by the drs. A feeling of insecurity. You will eventually find your "new normal" as we call it. Things will never go back to where they once were.

    I am glad that you found us. Maby we can be your new support group. We have early birds and night owls in here so we will be here for you.

    Keep us posted
    Hugs
    Jadie

    Hi Pat and welcome to this
    Hi Pat and welcome to this site! I think it is ok to be feeling lost. That is why this place is so great. Just express yourself and anyone can reply back, and, usually someone feels the same way. Good luck!

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