Why is it...

jaavon2002
jaavon2002 Member Posts: 57
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Why is it that I become moody, teary eyed (cried on & off all day today) and go back to the "why me" when it get close to my chemo treatment. I have two more treatments of Taxol and have tolerated it much better than the AC. Two days after Taxol I have the worst body aches (ALL over from my neck to my knees), which I take vicodin for but sometimes that doesn't work...then I start feeling like a wuss again. Sometimes I feel like this will never be over. I know there is life after breast cancer because of the stories I read on this site but I see that life. I pretty often go back to the "why me" stage and I know I have to get past that in order to get better emotionally. I just don't know where to start. Any suggestions??

I just started feeling better about my appearance and now my eyebrows are thinning...but I still think i'm kinda cute. I had to buy a couple of new clothing items because I lost about 10 lbs while I was on AC, shopping makes me feel better also. Any suggestions on passing the "why me" stage and preparing myself to return to work with no hair (and not feeling comfortable around people with my bald head or with my wig)??
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Comments

  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #2
    Okay... first off.. I just

    Okay... first off.. I just saw your picture and you are NOT just cute... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL... I can't help you with the chemo questions you have, but I know that many others have and they will have lots of suggestions for you so I will leave that to them.

    As far as the why me thing... we all go through it at one point or another, and to be honest I believe we are intitled... ride the emotions out...(trust me I have felt like Cyble a couple of times) hang in there... be gentle with yourself.. and know we are all here for you...

    Sending you gentle hugs...

    ~T
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #3
    Jaavon, Taleena is right,
    Jaavon, Taleena is right, you are beautiful. Look at that smile!!! Listen, when I started Taxotere my mood plunged down as far as it would go. I even had bad dreams which I never do.
    I woke up wanting to kill somebody and hating the day. Although it wore off when I finished the chemo it still came around once in awhile. At least that's how it went for me. Let your onc know that you've become depressed during your tx's and see what they have to say.

    I wore scarves and everyone knew what I was going through. Perhaps once you see how nice the wig looks like on you you'll love it. Good luck to you.

    hugs
    jan
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #4
    taleena said:

    Okay... first off.. I just

    Okay... first off.. I just saw your picture and you are NOT just cute... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL... I can't help you with the chemo questions you have, but I know that many others have and they will have lots of suggestions for you so I will leave that to them.

    As far as the why me thing... we all go through it at one point or another, and to be honest I believe we are intitled... ride the emotions out...(trust me I have felt like Cyble a couple of times) hang in there... be gentle with yourself.. and know we are all here for you...

    Sending you gentle hugs...

    ~T

    My goodness! Who is that
    My goodness! Who is that cute baby???? Absolutely adorable!
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #5
    You look great ! Shopping is
    You look great ! Shopping is good. Sorry I can't answer the other questions, I have not ventured there yet, but I am on my way.
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #6
    phoenixrising said:

    My goodness! Who is that
    My goodness! Who is that cute baby???? Absolutely adorable!

    Joyce ... meet my
    Joyce ... meet my grandson... and thank you I think he is absolutely adorable myself... (but I could be prejudice)... His name is James Ian.. he is my first grandchild.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #7
    Kat11 said:

    You look great ! Shopping is
    You look great ! Shopping is good. Sorry I can't answer the other questions, I have not ventured there yet, but I am on my way.

    Jaavon
    You are extremely beautiful and of great character. I cried at the drop of a hat through chemo.......It really messes you up big style.

    Huge Hugs to you.........Jxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • HillBillyNana
    HillBillyNana Member Posts: 107
    #8
    Take Care of Yourself
    You are beautiful!!!! That chemo is a bad thing. but it keeps us alive. Here are some things that I kept in mind when I was doing the chemo. First off I knew it wouldn't always be that way. My doctor told me, "just look at the next 8 months as 'no fun'". So I focused on the treatments and believe me it took everythign I had. You look so young. I hope that means you have more strength. Second, I surrounded myself with people that only said positive things. I refused to listen to negative stuff. I would not allow anyone to tell me 'nightmare cancer' stories. When my hair all fell out I got cute hats (and warm ones - it was winter here). And I kept make up on my face. Big earrings on my ears. And when summer came I put on a baseball cap so my head wouldn't blister. But inside I went bald and loved it. One more thing that may sound crazy, but try to do something for someone else. You are right you must stay positive. That attitude is everything. Sending you my very best.
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #9
    taleena said:

    Okay... first off.. I just

    Okay... first off.. I just saw your picture and you are NOT just cute... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL... I can't help you with the chemo questions you have, but I know that many others have and they will have lots of suggestions for you so I will leave that to them.

    As far as the why me thing... we all go through it at one point or another, and to be honest I believe we are intitled... ride the emotions out...(trust me I have felt like Cyble a couple of times) hang in there... be gentle with yourself.. and know we are all here for you...

    Sending you gentle hugs...

    ~T

    jaavon
    I agree with everyone here, you are beautiful! Don't be so critical of yourself please. I haven't been thru chemo, but, others here can tell you of their experiences. Just know that we all go thru the "Why Me?" stage. That is very normal. Just think what we have been thru, one of the most deadly diseases ever, BUT, we have survived it, we will beat it and we will LIVE a full and productive life, disease FREE! OK? Now, relax, remember how beautiful you are, and take it one day at a time. Some will be easy, some will be hard, but you will do it! Just know that we are here for you anytime! Hugs, Jeanne
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #10
    Cute? You are lovely!!
    Sweetie, you are just lovely! I love your picture!!

    First of all, I too would start to get very moody a couple of days before my chemo. I would be "down" and on the verge of tears. I mean, we know what's in store for us after our infusions. And who looks forward to that!?
    I had awful bone pain from the chemo and was on steroids for that. Which took the edge off, but it still hurt, gosh darn it!

    I also lost eyebrows and eyelashes. But within a couple of weeks of my last chemo, they were coming back.

    As far as hair, I always wore a scarf to cover my head. I just didn't want people to look at me "funny". My hair is now about 1/4 inch long, and I no longer cover my head. In fact, now I don't know why I ever bothered in the first place. It is so much more comfortable with no head cover!

    You will get past the "why me" stage jaavon, and you will get on with your life. It's just that right now, while still undergoing treatment, you are forced to think about your cancer on a regular basis. Once you have finished, it won't be "in your face" and reminding you so much.

    Big hugs,

    CR
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #11
    HillBillyNana said:

    Take Care of Yourself
    You are beautiful!!!! That chemo is a bad thing. but it keeps us alive. Here are some things that I kept in mind when I was doing the chemo. First off I knew it wouldn't always be that way. My doctor told me, "just look at the next 8 months as 'no fun'". So I focused on the treatments and believe me it took everythign I had. You look so young. I hope that means you have more strength. Second, I surrounded myself with people that only said positive things. I refused to listen to negative stuff. I would not allow anyone to tell me 'nightmare cancer' stories. When my hair all fell out I got cute hats (and warm ones - it was winter here). And I kept make up on my face. Big earrings on my ears. And when summer came I put on a baseball cap so my head wouldn't blister. But inside I went bald and loved it. One more thing that may sound crazy, but try to do something for someone else. You are right you must stay positive. That attitude is everything. Sending you my very best.

    HillBilly Nana....Welcome
    Hi, I just noticed your post and realized I did not get to welcome you aboard. It is refreshing to see someone who is going through tresatment with such a positive attitude!! Thank you for sharing and we look forward to chatting with you. :) Pammy
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #12
    Jaavon....
    Not too many women can pull off a bald head and still look cute.....you are one who did. Don't worry about feeling comfortable bald or with a wig....go for a scarf or hat. Maybe this is more your style? As far as the "why me?"....I think if we didn't ask this we would be void of emotions. Some days I'm OK with it and other days I'm not. It's a give & take kind of thing. I live in a very small town and word gets around very quickly. Once I realized everyone knew I had BC I didn't care anymore what I looked like or didn't look like. I just thought it was great that they wanted to give me the "special" treatment.....what the heck, I deserved it for once!! Hang in there, you'll be fine. :) Pammy
  • jaavon2002
    jaavon2002 Member Posts: 57
    #13
    Akiss4me said:

    HillBilly Nana....Welcome
    Hi, I just noticed your post and realized I did not get to welcome you aboard. It is refreshing to see someone who is going through tresatment with such a positive attitude!! Thank you for sharing and we look forward to chatting with you. :) Pammy

    Attitude...
    I agree...it is refreshing to see someone with a positive attitude, which hillbilly nana has and a lot of the other ladies have also. I wish I could have that!!
  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    #14
    jaavon2002 said:

    Attitude...
    I agree...it is refreshing to see someone with a positive attitude, which hillbilly nana has and a lot of the other ladies have also. I wish I could have that!!

    I don't see a pretty bald
    I don't see a pretty bald lady. All I see is a lion wearing your wig. LOL
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #15
    Akiss4me said:

    Jaavon....
    Not too many women can pull off a bald head and still look cute.....you are one who did. Don't worry about feeling comfortable bald or with a wig....go for a scarf or hat. Maybe this is more your style? As far as the "why me?"....I think if we didn't ask this we would be void of emotions. Some days I'm OK with it and other days I'm not. It's a give & take kind of thing. I live in a very small town and word gets around very quickly. Once I realized everyone knew I had BC I didn't care anymore what I looked like or didn't look like. I just thought it was great that they wanted to give me the "special" treatment.....what the heck, I deserved it for once!! Hang in there, you'll be fine. :) Pammy

    Jaavan, I hope that you are
    Jaavan, I hope that you are feeling better. Look at the posts here, so many care about you and are encouraging and supporting you. We want you to feel good! So, don't be so hard on yourself please. I am sure you will feel better with each new day!
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #16
    jnl said:

    Jaavan, I hope that you are
    Jaavan, I hope that you are feeling better. Look at the posts here, so many care about you and are encouraging and supporting you. We want you to feel good! So, don't be so hard on yourself please. I am sure you will feel better with each new day!

    Just want to say that I hope
    Jaavan, I don't see the pic that everyone else saw, I guess, but, I can tell you are a beautiful person anyway. Going thru all of this treatment is hard for us. Don't beat yourself up over it. Try to think positive and be proud of how far you have come. Good luck to you! Noel
  • Kayla1
    Kayla1 Member Posts: 101
    #17
    I am new and about to start
    I am new and about to start chemo next week so have no idea what is to come. I know that I like to make people laugh even though it's at my expence, the best way to get attention. My husband and co-workers already call me Cybal so watch out people you are about to meet some new ones!
    I already have an appointment at a boutique to fit me for a wig for my daughter's wedding in July. The only time I plan on wearing it, at least I say that now! I also plan on getting the best lookig turbans, hats, and scarves to wear to work. I am the first to have cancer at my work and I am going to be the best looking and styling bald girl they have ever met!
    Jaavon, I know about ups and downs and not feeling good about my appearance even before bc has hit my life. When it hits me I treat myself - I go shopping! Just the getting out of the house and the pleasure of something new does wonders. Take a girl friend, have lunch, and let her tell you how beautiful you are.. inside and out!
    Hugs for a beautiful woman!
    K
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #18
    Kayla1 said:

    I am new and about to start
    I am new and about to start chemo next week so have no idea what is to come. I know that I like to make people laugh even though it's at my expence, the best way to get attention. My husband and co-workers already call me Cybal so watch out people you are about to meet some new ones!
    I already have an appointment at a boutique to fit me for a wig for my daughter's wedding in July. The only time I plan on wearing it, at least I say that now! I also plan on getting the best lookig turbans, hats, and scarves to wear to work. I am the first to have cancer at my work and I am going to be the best looking and styling bald girl they have ever met!
    Jaavon, I know about ups and downs and not feeling good about my appearance even before bc has hit my life. When it hits me I treat myself - I go shopping! Just the getting out of the house and the pleasure of something new does wonders. Take a girl friend, have lunch, and let her tell you how beautiful you are.. inside and out!
    Hugs for a beautiful woman!
    K

    welcome Kayla and friends.
    welcome Kayla and friends. Your going to love this site. For your hats, scarfs ect. Check out www.headcovers.com best of luck
  • Kayla1
    Kayla1 Member Posts: 101
    #19
    Kat11 said:

    welcome Kayla and friends.
    welcome Kayla and friends. Your going to love this site. For your hats, scarfs ect. Check out www.headcovers.com best of luck

    Thank you Kat! I love this
    Thank you Kat! I love this site already!! I will apologize in advance for any future very wordy postings. I get paid to talk for a living! I saw you you have some lymph node pos, good luck next Friday!
    I'm off to check out the headcovers site.. Thank you!
    K
  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    #20
    Kayla1 said:

    Thank you Kat! I love this
    Thank you Kat! I love this site already!! I will apologize in advance for any future very wordy postings. I get paid to talk for a living! I saw you you have some lymph node pos, good luck next Friday!
    I'm off to check out the headcovers site.. Thank you!
    K

    Amen Kayla
    On the shopping and out for lunch with a friend. It works wonders for us when we are down and out. Sometimes we just need to do something for "us".

    Hugs
    Jadie

    Why am I still seeing a lion with long hair instead of a cute bald ladie?
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143 Member
    #21
    chemo
    jaavon, you've got the chemo blues. I'm very familiar with it. I would start to feel bad the night before my next chemo treatment. As treatments progressed, the depressive bouts came earlier and earlier. Don't worry, it passes. You will get past these stages when you're ready and after some time has passed. And you're great looking, hair or no hair!

    Mimi

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