struggling

stephanie88
stephanie88 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Brain Cancer #1
I'm starting to find it so hard to deal with him sometimes. I love him and I want to be with him for as much time as he has left, but sometimes I feel so trapped. I'm still young and I want to do the things with him that I would do with any other guy my age. Instead I work, study, and go home at night hoping he will be in a good mood. I know he's tired, I know he doesn't feel well. I know he feels inadequate because he can't do the things I want to do with him.

For once I want to be the one that's strong. I want to be strong for him, but I'm starting to feel like a maid or a nurse more than a lover. He was sick before I even came along, so I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I don't want to run away but sometimes I feel like I'm at a dead end.

Comments

  • PBJ Austin
    PBJ Austin Member Posts: 347 Member
    #2
    Dear Stephanie
    Judging by your screen name it sounds like you are around 21 years old. That is very young to be dealing with issues like these. I think it's very good of you to be so devoted to him, but you must take care of yourself and look out for your own intersts as well. It's OK to do fun things with your friends once in a while. It's OK to laugh, smile, enjoy life and not think about this 24/7.

    Is there anyone else who can help with his care while you take some time to yourself? You might consider a support group for caregivers, and of course he could attend a support group for patients. Good luck to you dear, and please stay in touch.
  • skinner
    skinner Member Posts: 15
    #3
    PBJ Austin said:

    Dear Stephanie
    Judging by your screen name it sounds like you are around 21 years old. That is very young to be dealing with issues like these. I think it's very good of you to be so devoted to him, but you must take care of yourself and look out for your own intersts as well. It's OK to do fun things with your friends once in a while. It's OK to laugh, smile, enjoy life and not think about this 24/7.

    Is there anyone else who can help with his care while you take some time to yourself? You might consider a support group for caregivers, and of course he could attend a support group for patients. Good luck to you dear, and please stay in touch.

    I understand
    I am one of those with brain cancer and there are times when I am in the same boat as who your talking about, weeks on-end I am down and need full attention, You can find help to releive you watching over him when he needs 24/7 and I do know that it would be good for you to go out and do things with your friends, EVERYTHING you want to do and need to do as a young pretty women. Find a caregiver, say another friend, mother in-law- sister in-law even, or a sibling you have, that would watch over him for a week-end while your out. it's ok, I would want my wife to do the same. All I need is help and, love is love, but I inside want the best for my wife and for her not to feel trapped in this situation. It's life. Go Out! and I believe that you would have more fun with him after you have had fun elsewhere and releived yourself of THINGS. :) Take it from one who sits on the other side of the table. if your getting run down it's not going to work for long if you dont go out.it's fine..
  • stephanie88
    stephanie88 Member Posts: 2
    #4
    skinner said:

    I understand
    I am one of those with brain cancer and there are times when I am in the same boat as who your talking about, weeks on-end I am down and need full attention, You can find help to releive you watching over him when he needs 24/7 and I do know that it would be good for you to go out and do things with your friends, EVERYTHING you want to do and need to do as a young pretty women. Find a caregiver, say another friend, mother in-law- sister in-law even, or a sibling you have, that would watch over him for a week-end while your out. it's ok, I would want my wife to do the same. All I need is help and, love is love, but I inside want the best for my wife and for her not to feel trapped in this situation. It's life. Go Out! and I believe that you would have more fun with him after you have had fun elsewhere and releived yourself of THINGS. :) Take it from one who sits on the other side of the table. if your getting run down it's not going to work for long if you dont go out.it's fine..

    Thank You
    Thanks for your advice. He isn't sick enough to need a caregiver, so I've started to spend more time with family and friends on the weekends.

    Unfortunately this isn't even the worst thing on his plate right now. He's still working, although his work doesn't know he has cancer because they would probably let him go if they did, and he keeps falling behing on bills because he has to go to the doctor and gets sick more easily. He can't even have chemotherapy or surgery because he just can't afford it. Do you know if there is any help out there for someone like him?
  • ChristyM
    ChristyM Member Posts: 38
    #5
    stephanie88 said:

    Thank You
    Thanks for your advice. He isn't sick enough to need a caregiver, so I've started to spend more time with family and friends on the weekends.

    Unfortunately this isn't even the worst thing on his plate right now. He's still working, although his work doesn't know he has cancer because they would probably let him go if they did, and he keeps falling behing on bills because he has to go to the doctor and gets sick more easily. He can't even have chemotherapy or surgery because he just can't afford it. Do you know if there is any help out there for someone like him?

    ACS
    Check with your local ACS office--they can give you information on services you can use. Also, dont be afraid to contact some doctors--they all do pro-bono work, you just have to ask:)
  • alley22
    alley22 Member Posts: 13
    #6
    i feel your pain
    i feel so bad for you i just lost my mom to brain cancer.and i used to do the same thing i never wanted to stop taking care of my mom but i just i just wish i had help i felt like my life was gone.u can make ur self sick if u dont take time and take care of you,may god bless you and your family
  • Priash
    Priash Member Posts: 22
    #7
    Hello Stephanie88
    I also was a caregiver for my brother from the 21-25. I understand what you are feeling and are undergoing. My brother died of bone cancer at the age of 22. Now I have AA-3 and I am very bless to have my mate taking care of me as well as wonderful daughters ages 19 -22. I keep a positive attitude and put on a smile as much as I can. I know this is very hard to do, but I have to think of my daughter's that are also going through the same experience as you. I do not want them to remember me like what you describe.

    Life is very funny, how it repeats itself from one generation to another. Stephanie, I cannot even tell my Mother that I am sick, since I do not want her to worry; she already lost a son to cancer.

    It sound like your mate needs to speak to someone about his illness. My church has meeting once a month with cancer patients. I am sure that you may have other support groups in your area. You received a lot of good advice from others and I do hope that you are looking into them as his caregiver.

    About not telling the job, we have law that protect employees, but you may want to consult with someone in the legal profession on what rights he is entitle under the situation.


    God Bless
    Priash
  • Sceerd
    Sceerd Member Posts: 8
    #8
    skinner said:

    I understand
    I am one of those with brain cancer and there are times when I am in the same boat as who your talking about, weeks on-end I am down and need full attention, You can find help to releive you watching over him when he needs 24/7 and I do know that it would be good for you to go out and do things with your friends, EVERYTHING you want to do and need to do as a young pretty women. Find a caregiver, say another friend, mother in-law- sister in-law even, or a sibling you have, that would watch over him for a week-end while your out. it's ok, I would want my wife to do the same. All I need is help and, love is love, but I inside want the best for my wife and for her not to feel trapped in this situation. It's life. Go Out! and I believe that you would have more fun with him after you have had fun elsewhere and releived yourself of THINGS. :) Take it from one who sits on the other side of the table. if your getting run down it's not going to work for long if you dont go out.it's fine..

    I'm amazed by your attitude
    Skinner after reading your profile I'm just stunned by how well your coping with your situation. I wish I was half as brave as you are.
  • darrahchris
    darrahchris Member Posts: 9
    #9
    Lift your head up sweetie!!!!
    I'm a brain cancer survivor and I know how hard u have it!!!! I'm recently divorced with 2 girls & I stay broke but ALIVE! I found a WONDERFUL oncologist. They send a bill to me every month but it's optional to pay after they receive payment from insurance. The way I see it. All they can say is NO. Ask 4 a reduction of ur bill. GOOD LUCK 2 u and hubby!!!!!!!!!
    Smiles, Chris
  • darrahchris
    darrahchris Member Posts: 9
    #10
    stephanie88 said:

    Thank You
    Thanks for your advice. He isn't sick enough to need a caregiver, so I've started to spend more time with family and friends on the weekends.

    Unfortunately this isn't even the worst thing on his plate right now. He's still working, although his work doesn't know he has cancer because they would probably let him go if they did, and he keeps falling behing on bills because he has to go to the doctor and gets sick more easily. He can't even have chemotherapy or surgery because he just can't afford it. Do you know if there is any help out there for someone like him?

    Working and cancer
    I worked the first 4 months after being diagnosed with primary breast cancer. When they found the primary brain cancer, I had to quit. This was in Texas in 2000. Years later, I found out that if you have 2 quit because of this terrible med condition that you can receive unemployment. At least the unemployment gets u thru until disability kicks in.
    I hope this helps!
    Smiles, Chris
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #11
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

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