Good Morning....
I found myself smiling at my husband... noticed the sun shining outside...i heard birds singing... LADIES, YOUR STRENGHT AND SUPPORT ARE AMAZING!!!! YOU ARE ALL AMAZING...INSPIRING... AND HAVE I SAID AMAZING!
My family (excluding my husband and children) has a habit of being extremely negative... I kid you not... I'm sure there have been moments that they have begun digging my resting place...They always look at the dark clouds... I look for some silver lining...Sometimes I allow there negativity to get to me... but not this time..I have something much more powerful on my side... I have ALL OF YOU... and your now stuck with me... (lol)...
Being a "control freak" the hardest part of this is that I cannot control it... but I can control where I go for support, information, friendship... and a safe place to express the crap emotions that go with it... and some positive ones...I choose here... with all of you...
Just in case I didn't tell you all... YOUR AMAZING!!! INSPIRING....I am proud to be a part of such an AMAZING GROUP OF PEOPLE... AND YES... WE CAN... not alone... but TOGETHER!
~T
Comments
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I agree
Hey, Taleena;
I couldn't agree with you more. I haven't even been diagnosed (yet--and hopefully I won't--waiting on the results), but I have been very impressed with the supportive response I have gotten from this discussion board.
I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with so much negativity right now. It must be tough to stay positive, and since our response to situations like this is all we have control over(for me anyway), so the kind of support we can get here is that much more important. I say this very conservatively, since like I said, I haven't been officailly diagnosed, so if I sound like I'm preaching, please forgive me:)
Hang in there!0 -
Stay positive!!
I know what you are talking about Taleena....I'm a VERY positive person also always looking for the silver lining. It's tough for me when I get surrounded by negative people because I don't want to loose what I feel is a good quality in myself. Sometimes you can be pulled down so fast that you feel like you have stepped in concrete and now your being tossed over the bridge. Whenever I find myself sinking...I have to step back and recharge even if that means I had to put you in the backgound for awhile. When it comes to family I find it is the hardest to do. I guess it is tough because they are just that,"Family". Try not to let them get to you (I know, way easier said then done!) because you are AMAZING as well.....and YES....WE CAN.....Together!! Lots of extra hugs sending your wat today!!
Pammy 0 -
In the trenches....
A favorite quote of mine, from Winston Churchill:
"When you are going thru hell, don't stop!"
We didn't choose this to happen to us, but we DO choose who we surround ourselves with during our battles...this is one of the best tumor boards around!!!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Negative relatives
Not long after diagnosis, my doctor had a "heart to heart" discussion with me about "toxic relationships" - his advice was to eliminate or, at the very least, minimize them. This is priceless advice. The cancer journey - and particularly invasive treatment - unbelievably taxes the body, mind and spirit.
So, I strongly suggest you "close ranks" as soon as possible. Rely and lean on your husband, children, and only those who make you feel very well loved and secure. Regarding your negative relatives - appoint a trusted "spokesperson" to keep them informed of your progress. Shield yourself, at whatever cost, from their negativity.
There have been many heartbreaking threads/posts here, within this group, about the soul destroying effects of "toxic relationship"... We have almost all suffered them. Please protect yourself.
Best wishes to you.
Kind regards, Susan0 -
Taleena
So glad you found this site, and yes, the people here are all that and more. You can find encouragement, information, hugs, friends, family, inspiration, etc.
It is always better for healing that you have a positive attitude, and part of that is being surrounded by positive people, keep the negative vibes away as much as possible.
Also, keep control, you do have a lot of control over what goes on, and you will realize that you are your own best advocate for your recovery. Sometimes the oncs, nurses, etc. get too busy to give you all the information you need. And because everyone reacts differently to all the fun stuff we go through, they can't give you all the possible side effects, so keep aware and informed.
Glad you are doing so well.
Cat0 -
:-)
Well, my new found friend are also AMAZING! You got up this morning in a funk and did not wallow there, no you looked for that silver lining and you lifted yourself up.....good for you! You do not need to remove yourself from your negative relatives, just learn to put aside their less than positive thoughts. Perhaps you could even help them find that silver lining. Remember to be true to who you are and you are not cancer, you have cancer it does not have you so enjoy yourself as much as you can and keep that chin up and keep that cup at least half full!
RE0 -
Shortly after my dx I found
Shortly after my dx I found this board and read a post about posting a sign at the door warning that negative people will be eaten....I think....anyway as a ketchupholic the sign that went up at the front and back doors says "negative people go good with ketchup"...
It has sparked many comments and I keep a large bottle of ketchup handy....
jojo0 -
jojojojo elizapest said:Shortly after my dx I found
Shortly after my dx I found this board and read a post about posting a sign at the door warning that negative people will be eaten....I think....anyway as a ketchupholic the sign that went up at the front and back doors says "negative people go good with ketchup"...
It has sparked many comments and I keep a large bottle of ketchup handy....
jojo
I remember that post well! It was started by me i think it was something like "what do you do when they cry" I took all the advice, posted the sign and informed others that neg. comments/people were not welcome!! positive attitudes only!! Lotsa love Jackie0 -
negativity is toxic!
I am 12 days past my lumpectomy......since my dx 2 months ago, I "had" what I thought was a good, close friend of 20+ years.......This "friend" has YET to say anything postive.......she lives 4 houses down from me....has YET to step foot in this house to see if I need anything....which I don't.......she has called exactly TWO TIMES........I have "seen" her numerous times.....and all she can talk about is OTHER people she knows who have or had cancer....survived or not...especially one who has bc and is dying.....I am so sick of her! Sad thing is, her husband and mine have been great friends also......my husband is really upset over their lack of concern...I told him, to hell with them! It's sad but you really DO find out who your true friends are when going through something like this....
My surgeon also told me to NOT to listen to this kind of crap.......and I am taking his advice! MY REAL FRIENDS have been nothing but FABULOUS........and of course my family, the hubby, my grown kids have been so very supportive and loving.....
As of today I am ridding myself of this toxic person....in the past, that has even including some family members.......and our life is better for it........0 -
toxic peopleMAJW said:negativity is toxic!
I am 12 days past my lumpectomy......since my dx 2 months ago, I "had" what I thought was a good, close friend of 20+ years.......This "friend" has YET to say anything postive.......she lives 4 houses down from me....has YET to step foot in this house to see if I need anything....which I don't.......she has called exactly TWO TIMES........I have "seen" her numerous times.....and all she can talk about is OTHER people she knows who have or had cancer....survived or not...especially one who has bc and is dying.....I am so sick of her! Sad thing is, her husband and mine have been great friends also......my husband is really upset over their lack of concern...I told him, to hell with them! It's sad but you really DO find out who your true friends are when going through something like this....
My surgeon also told me to NOT to listen to this kind of crap.......and I am taking his advice! MY REAL FRIENDS have been nothing but FABULOUS........and of course my family, the hubby, my grown kids have been so very supportive and loving.....
As of today I am ridding myself of this toxic person....in the past, that has even including some family members.......and our life is better for it........
I don't want to make excuses for you "friend" ... but I have found that many, many people just don't know how to react when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer. Many of them just fumble and bumble ... totally clueless what to do or say. I got the same thing about how so and so knew so and so and their situation was blah, blah, blah. I honestly think some people think they are helping by sharing their experiences and their "knowledge" ... but they just don't know how to do it. Many friends just go into denial and act like nothing is going on ... and that their friend just has a slight cold or something and it will soon pass. They don't know how to deal with it.
My very dearest friend ... we've known each other since we were 5 .... and we are now 65 (!!) ... has had many experiences with other friends who had various types of serious illnesses, cancer etc. and I think she thought I would "need" the exact same thing they needed... which was entertainment and distractions. I was grateful that she was always there through biopsies, surgeries ... and would do anything for me ... but when I started chemo she wanted to go in the infusion room with me ... and I told her "NO!" I explained that I don't need distractions and entertainment ... that what I needed was to "go into" my very calm space ... and relax. It hurt her feelings that I didn't "need" her ... but she accepted it and that's what a true friend does. Whatever I needed to get myself through this experiece was what she would do ... even if it meant "leaving me alone" to work on my own strength and will-power.
Now I'm not saying that your "friend" is like my friend ... but maybe ... just maybe if you talked to her and told her what you needed ... whether it is her helping you with something ... or her not talking about the other people and their experiences ... or just giving you space .... maybe ... just maybe ... she'll understand and not be afraid or uncomfortable with you and your diagnosis.
Just my thoughts.
hugs.
teena
0 -
Nice point, Teena....tgf said:toxic people
I don't want to make excuses for you "friend" ... but I have found that many, many people just don't know how to react when someone close to them is diagnosed with cancer. Many of them just fumble and bumble ... totally clueless what to do or say. I got the same thing about how so and so knew so and so and their situation was blah, blah, blah. I honestly think some people think they are helping by sharing their experiences and their "knowledge" ... but they just don't know how to do it. Many friends just go into denial and act like nothing is going on ... and that their friend just has a slight cold or something and it will soon pass. They don't know how to deal with it.
My very dearest friend ... we've known each other since we were 5 .... and we are now 65 (!!) ... has had many experiences with other friends who had various types of serious illnesses, cancer etc. and I think she thought I would "need" the exact same thing they needed... which was entertainment and distractions. I was grateful that she was always there through biopsies, surgeries ... and would do anything for me ... but when I started chemo she wanted to go in the infusion room with me ... and I told her "NO!" I explained that I don't need distractions and entertainment ... that what I needed was to "go into" my very calm space ... and relax. It hurt her feelings that I didn't "need" her ... but she accepted it and that's what a true friend does. Whatever I needed to get myself through this experiece was what she would do ... even if it meant "leaving me alone" to work on my own strength and will-power.
Now I'm not saying that your "friend" is like my friend ... but maybe ... just maybe if you talked to her and told her what you needed ... whether it is her helping you with something ... or her not talking about the other people and their experiences ... or just giving you space .... maybe ... just maybe ... she'll understand and not be afraid or uncomfortable with you and your diagnosis.
Just my thoughts.
hugs.
teena
I believe there is a difference between negativity as a personality type and someone who is reacting negatively to a particular situation....because they don't know how to act and that is what comes out (they may not realize they are doing it). On the other hand, a truely negative person should be avoided. My brother-in-law is that way and my husband chose not to inform him what is going on as to protect me (Bless his heart). We keep our distance with him & only have contact when absolutely neccessary. So in my mind there is a difference. But a friend will still be your friend if you have a heart to heart with them about what YOU need right now....then if they continue, well, time to break the ties for your sake!! Do what is best for you...you deserve that much!!
On a lighter note....love the pic Teena Pammy 0 -
i had an amazing thing
i had an amazing thing happen to me this weekend. i was with my sister in law and we were talking about my husband's upcoming neck surgery, disk, and i was complaining about how one of the docs had treated my husband. so she very calmly said " we are not going to talk about Dr. G. now". we are going to concentrate on what a beautiful day it is is and what a nice time we are having this minute. in other words: LIVE IN THE MOMENT. this is a challenge for me as i tend to worry about upcoming things that i have absolutely no control over. i thought this was such good advice. i decided that i am not in control so why not enjoy where i am at this moment. love, peggy0 -
Thanks Peggypeggy65 said:i had an amazing thing
i had an amazing thing happen to me this weekend. i was with my sister in law and we were talking about my husband's upcoming neck surgery, disk, and i was complaining about how one of the docs had treated my husband. so she very calmly said " we are not going to talk about Dr. G. now". we are going to concentrate on what a beautiful day it is is and what a nice time we are having this minute. in other words: LIVE IN THE MOMENT. this is a challenge for me as i tend to worry about upcoming things that i have absolutely no control over. i thought this was such good advice. i decided that i am not in control so why not enjoy where i am at this moment. love, peggy
I'll have to
Thanks Peggy
I'll have to use this in reverse on my negative Girlfriend......0 -
TaleenaJoMama54 said:Enjoy the day!
"Carpe diem"
JoMama
You won't believe this. I got home from work tonight and Himself wanted to discuss........... Cremation! (I know, Romantic little bugger ain't he?)
I wasn't in the mood for such a discussion or to put up with his balderdash at the time, so he took the hump and went to bed. He said he just wanted it to be inexpensive for me if he cocked his clogs up. I told him I'd borrow the Kubota from work and invest in a bag of lime and get to work in the back 40. Men!......You can't live with 'em, You can't shoot 'em. LOL
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx0 -
Ask him just how soon hetasha_111 said:Taleena
You won't believe this. I got home from work tonight and Himself wanted to discuss........... Cremation! (I know, Romantic little bugger ain't he?)
I wasn't in the mood for such a discussion or to put up with his balderdash at the time, so he took the hump and went to bed. He said he just wanted it to be inexpensive for me if he cocked his clogs up. I told him I'd borrow the Kubota from work and invest in a bag of lime and get to work in the back 40. Men!......You can't live with 'em, You can't shoot 'em. LOL
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Ask him just how soon does he wants to be cremated. I've got an opening tomorrow at 3:00pm. LOL0 -
Ohhhhhhhhhphoenixrising said:Ask him just how soon he
Ask him just how soon does he wants to be cremated. I've got an opening tomorrow at 3:00pm. LOL
What's the likelihood of Spontaneous Combustion? Just thinking out loud here...LOL
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx0
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