lumpectomy vs masectomy?

Akiss4me
Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi everyone!! Had visit with Family Doc today. He helped me sort out some of my feelings about what to do (Lumpectomy vs Masectomy). He feels because I have had so many lumpectomies in the past maybe time for masectomy. Plus I could have both breast done with reconstruction and be done with it. I guess pros & cons to both sides. Have until Tuesday to decide (I see breast surgeon then). I will need to make decision by then so we know if Plastic Surgeon will be involved. Would love to hear anyones thoughts on this. And typically if you choose masectomy do you get to skip radiation? Trying to arm myself with as much ammo as possible!! Thanks in advance for all your input, thoughts, helpful knowledge, and friendship :) Pammy
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Comments

  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    #2
    My choice was
    I was diagnosed with DCIS with invasion on 12/8/08. The first surgeon I saw told me that all I needed was a lumpectomy with node biopsy. I asked him with invasion how does he know where it is and he answered that he would not know until he got in there. I then went for a second opinion in another state at a breast cancer center and saw the whole team and it was highly recommended that I have a mastectomy and if I choose to have a double then that would be fine. I choose to have a double with reconstruction--tissue expanders put in at the time of my surgery which was 2/2/09. I did not need to have radiation. My lymph nodes were clear. I am in the middle of chemo treatment and 3 months after my chemo is done then I will have the tissue expanders taken out and semi permanent ones put in. I say semi-permanent ones because they do not last your life time. They have to be replaced every 15 years usually. There are other choices for reconstruction and those are options that the plastic surgeon can talk to you about. In my case the path report showed that I was HER2+ so I made the right choice because if I had gone with the lumpectomy I would have ended up having a double mastectomy anyway.

    I wish the best for you. Write down questions and bring someone with you.

    Thinking of you during this time of decision.

    Margo
  • bfbear
    bfbear Member Posts: 380
    #3
    tommaseena said:

    My choice was
    I was diagnosed with DCIS with invasion on 12/8/08. The first surgeon I saw told me that all I needed was a lumpectomy with node biopsy. I asked him with invasion how does he know where it is and he answered that he would not know until he got in there. I then went for a second opinion in another state at a breast cancer center and saw the whole team and it was highly recommended that I have a mastectomy and if I choose to have a double then that would be fine. I choose to have a double with reconstruction--tissue expanders put in at the time of my surgery which was 2/2/09. I did not need to have radiation. My lymph nodes were clear. I am in the middle of chemo treatment and 3 months after my chemo is done then I will have the tissue expanders taken out and semi permanent ones put in. I say semi-permanent ones because they do not last your life time. They have to be replaced every 15 years usually. There are other choices for reconstruction and those are options that the plastic surgeon can talk to you about. In my case the path report showed that I was HER2+ so I made the right choice because if I had gone with the lumpectomy I would have ended up having a double mastectomy anyway.

    I wish the best for you. Write down questions and bring someone with you.

    Thinking of you during this time of decision.

    Margo

    My 2 cents
    Hi Pammy,

    I was diagnosed with high-grade DCIS 3/13/09. Because it was so widespread in the left breast, I was advised to have a mastectomy. There were benign issues in the right breast, and after some thought and research, I decided to go for the double. My breast surgeon told me that if I did so, and my nodes were clear, I would need neither radiation nor chemo, and probably not any estrogen blockers.

    On 5/6/09 I had my dbl. mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time (silicone implants, which, as Margo said, need to be replaced in 10-15 years). The nodes were clear and my final pathology report still showed just DCIS...lots of it, but no invasion (smile). So, NO radiation and NO chemo

    I am very confident that the double was the way to go for me. It has taken a lot, if not all, the major worry away about a recurrence. I believe it's possible, but extremely unlikely, that I will ever have breast cancer again.

    (I still have to have an appointment with an oncologist on 6/11, per his request after discussions with my breast surgeon. I don't know what that will result in...maybe he'll want the estrogen blockers after all. But that remains to be seen...)

    So, that's my story and my 2 cents worth. Good luck with your decisions. It sounds as though you've already been through an awful lot of lumpectomies. Hang in there, and keep posting. :-)

    Gentle hugs,
    Debi
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #4
    I was offered the lumpectomy
    I was offered the lumpectomy and that is what I chose. My scar is barely visible and I don't know if I could have faced lots of scarring and losing my breasts. My oncologist and all of the research show that there is no difference in recurrence or survival rate inre to having a lumpectomy or mastectomy. You can still get breast cancer even if you have a mastectomy. I am starting radiation. Some women, even with a mastectomy, have radiation. I think it is a personal choice and a medical one. My breasts are a part of me, part of my sexual being and I wanted to keep them. But, not everyone is like me. Good luck with your choice. Do what is best for you!
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #5
    Alexis F said:

    I was offered the lumpectomy
    I was offered the lumpectomy and that is what I chose. My scar is barely visible and I don't know if I could have faced lots of scarring and losing my breasts. My oncologist and all of the research show that there is no difference in recurrence or survival rate inre to having a lumpectomy or mastectomy. You can still get breast cancer even if you have a mastectomy. I am starting radiation. Some women, even with a mastectomy, have radiation. I think it is a personal choice and a medical one. My breasts are a part of me, part of my sexual being and I wanted to keep them. But, not everyone is like me. Good luck with your choice. Do what is best for you!

    I was told the same
    I was told the same information as Alexis. I will be having a lumpectomy soon. The choice is yours and I am sure you will make the right decision. Good Luck
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    #6
    Kat11 said:

    I was told the same
    I was told the same information as Alexis. I will be having a lumpectomy soon. The choice is yours and I am sure you will make the right decision. Good Luck

    lumpectomy vs mastectomy
    I was first told i could have a lumpectomy and just rads, but I made the decision to have mastectomy, when they got in there they did find some pos. nodes so I guess it was the right decision but.. I wish I would have had a bilateral now , in fact I asked him at the last min. to do one, and he said it was to late. But when i think of reconstruction now.. I think.. who wants one perky little boob and one 50 year old hanging down one!! lol! Oh well I am alive and that is what really matters. Like the others have said it is your own decision. Whishin you the best. Jackie
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #7
    rjjj said:

    lumpectomy vs mastectomy
    I was first told i could have a lumpectomy and just rads, but I made the decision to have mastectomy, when they got in there they did find some pos. nodes so I guess it was the right decision but.. I wish I would have had a bilateral now , in fact I asked him at the last min. to do one, and he said it was to late. But when i think of reconstruction now.. I think.. who wants one perky little boob and one 50 year old hanging down one!! lol! Oh well I am alive and that is what really matters. Like the others have said it is your own decision. Whishin you the best. Jackie

    I also had a lumpectomy as
    I also had a lumpectomy as Alexis and as Kat will be having. You actually don't know for sure about how involved your treatment will be until you have surgery and have the pathology report. Like one of them said, even women with mastectomy's have radiation and chemo. And, their chances are the same of a reccuring cancer and of life expectancy as with a lumpectomy. There is no way all of your breast tissue can be removed, so, it is still there. And, if you notice, most of the women with mastectomy's have over .1 cm tumors and sometimes several of them all over the breast which would indicate they should have the mastectomy and not a lumpectomy. A lumpectomy would make no sense for them and not be recommended at all by their doctors. But, with a small tumor, under .1 cm, a lumpectomy is normally recommended and with clean margins and clean nodes to have radiation treatments. From what I hear, radiation is not that hard. I would rather have a little burn on my breast than lose my breasts. But, like I said, it will depend on your choice, your doctor's advice and your pathology report after your surgery. Just make a good decision for you, don't let anyone else sway you or scare you into something you might regret. Do what is right only for you. Good luck!
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #8
    tommaseena said:

    My choice was
    I was diagnosed with DCIS with invasion on 12/8/08. The first surgeon I saw told me that all I needed was a lumpectomy with node biopsy. I asked him with invasion how does he know where it is and he answered that he would not know until he got in there. I then went for a second opinion in another state at a breast cancer center and saw the whole team and it was highly recommended that I have a mastectomy and if I choose to have a double then that would be fine. I choose to have a double with reconstruction--tissue expanders put in at the time of my surgery which was 2/2/09. I did not need to have radiation. My lymph nodes were clear. I am in the middle of chemo treatment and 3 months after my chemo is done then I will have the tissue expanders taken out and semi permanent ones put in. I say semi-permanent ones because they do not last your life time. They have to be replaced every 15 years usually. There are other choices for reconstruction and those are options that the plastic surgeon can talk to you about. In my case the path report showed that I was HER2+ so I made the right choice because if I had gone with the lumpectomy I would have ended up having a double mastectomy anyway.

    I wish the best for you. Write down questions and bring someone with you.

    Thinking of you during this time of decision.

    Margo

    choices
    Thanks so much margo...your experience was incredidably helpful and I appreciate so much you sharing with me. :) Pammy
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #9
    bfbear said:

    My 2 cents
    Hi Pammy,

    I was diagnosed with high-grade DCIS 3/13/09. Because it was so widespread in the left breast, I was advised to have a mastectomy. There were benign issues in the right breast, and after some thought and research, I decided to go for the double. My breast surgeon told me that if I did so, and my nodes were clear, I would need neither radiation nor chemo, and probably not any estrogen blockers.

    On 5/6/09 I had my dbl. mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time (silicone implants, which, as Margo said, need to be replaced in 10-15 years). The nodes were clear and my final pathology report still showed just DCIS...lots of it, but no invasion (smile). So, NO radiation and NO chemo

    I am very confident that the double was the way to go for me. It has taken a lot, if not all, the major worry away about a recurrence. I believe it's possible, but extremely unlikely, that I will ever have breast cancer again.

    (I still have to have an appointment with an oncologist on 6/11, per his request after discussions with my breast surgeon. I don't know what that will result in...maybe he'll want the estrogen blockers after all. But that remains to be seen...)

    So, that's my story and my 2 cents worth. Good luck with your decisions. It sounds as though you've already been through an awful lot of lumpectomies. Hang in there, and keep posting. :-)

    Gentle hugs,
    Debi

    thanks for 2 cents!!
    Thanks debi for sharing...I am leaning towards masectomy but not sure how tough it will be to get through. DEFINITLY will do both if I go that route.
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #10
    Alexis F said:

    I was offered the lumpectomy
    I was offered the lumpectomy and that is what I chose. My scar is barely visible and I don't know if I could have faced lots of scarring and losing my breasts. My oncologist and all of the research show that there is no difference in recurrence or survival rate inre to having a lumpectomy or mastectomy. You can still get breast cancer even if you have a mastectomy. I am starting radiation. Some women, even with a mastectomy, have radiation. I think it is a personal choice and a medical one. My breasts are a part of me, part of my sexual being and I wanted to keep them. But, not everyone is like me. Good luck with your choice. Do what is best for you!

    Well...maybe....
    Thanks alexis...good to hear a view from the other side too. Thats what makes the descision soooooooo hard. AND I can't keep delaying....need to decide one way or the other. :(
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #11
    Kat11 said:

    I was told the same
    I was told the same information as Alexis. I will be having a lumpectomy soon. The choice is yours and I am sure you will make the right decision. Good Luck

    decisions, decisions....
    ok....I am tired of making decisions....Can't we que to the thrilling music....me standing defiant with my hands on my hips....and a mother figure telling me what I WILL do?...that would be soooooo much easier....but thanks for the vote of confidence kat :)
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #12
    rjjj said:

    lumpectomy vs mastectomy
    I was first told i could have a lumpectomy and just rads, but I made the decision to have mastectomy, when they got in there they did find some pos. nodes so I guess it was the right decision but.. I wish I would have had a bilateral now , in fact I asked him at the last min. to do one, and he said it was to late. But when i think of reconstruction now.. I think.. who wants one perky little boob and one 50 year old hanging down one!! lol! Oh well I am alive and that is what really matters. Like the others have said it is your own decision. Whishin you the best. Jackie

    perky boobie!!!
    Wow Jackie....feel like you were in my head tonight! If I go for masectomy....definitly both!! Want a matching set. But it's soooo hard to make these kind of decisions in such a short time. Heck, if I were making a major purchase, I would only proceed AFTER I was 100% sure!! (No matter how long it took!). I feel like the sand in my hour glass is running out & you can't flip it over. Or maybe I'm running away from the decision; afraid of making a wrong one?
  • moonlightlady
    moonlightlady Member Posts: 6
    #13
    lumpectomy vs mastectomy
    Pammy,
    I am not sure this info will help you, but here goes. I saw the oncology surgeon and plastic surgeon today and am faced with similar options. I am thinking seriously about selecting a partial mastectomy with bilateral reconstruction just to have them symetrical. The non involved breast will undergo a reduction to match the involved breast. I still would need approx 25 radiation treatments as well as hormone treatment for 5 years. I am hoping the lymph nodes will be clear so I will not have to have chemo. The surgeons told me today that if I opted for radical mastectomy that I would not have to have radiation treatment. Both of these surgeons work together during surgery, claiming their procedure as "Oncoplastics", removing the diseased breast tissue and reconstructing it and or both breast to have a "matched set". Talk to your plastic surgeon and get all the info you can from him/her, then it will be easier making your decision. I will keep you in my prayers and best thoughts. Remember this is just a little bump in the road that you can overcome.
    Warm wishes,
    Debbie
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #14
    Kylez said:

    I also had a lumpectomy as
    I also had a lumpectomy as Alexis and as Kat will be having. You actually don't know for sure about how involved your treatment will be until you have surgery and have the pathology report. Like one of them said, even women with mastectomy's have radiation and chemo. And, their chances are the same of a reccuring cancer and of life expectancy as with a lumpectomy. There is no way all of your breast tissue can be removed, so, it is still there. And, if you notice, most of the women with mastectomy's have over .1 cm tumors and sometimes several of them all over the breast which would indicate they should have the mastectomy and not a lumpectomy. A lumpectomy would make no sense for them and not be recommended at all by their doctors. But, with a small tumor, under .1 cm, a lumpectomy is normally recommended and with clean margins and clean nodes to have radiation treatments. From what I hear, radiation is not that hard. I would rather have a little burn on my breast than lose my breasts. But, like I said, it will depend on your choice, your doctor's advice and your pathology report after your surgery. Just make a good decision for you, don't let anyone else sway you or scare you into something you might regret. Do what is right only for you. Good luck!

    hmmm...
    thanks Kylez...gave me some more insight. I guess my deep down fear is having a lumpectomy + rads and finding out a year or two down the road that it's back and I now need a masectomy but I can't have reconstruction done since rads took all the elasticity out of my skin & tissue and it will not stretch now.....A) I had to endure more surgery...B) I missed my chance at having boobies ...C)Now I'm kicking myself in the **** for not doing it in the first place....lesser of two evils? Who knows? I do believe that my tumer is over 1cm. No, I'm sure it is, but less than 2cm....should I be considering this factor?
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #15
    moonlightlady said:

    lumpectomy vs mastectomy
    Pammy,
    I am not sure this info will help you, but here goes. I saw the oncology surgeon and plastic surgeon today and am faced with similar options. I am thinking seriously about selecting a partial mastectomy with bilateral reconstruction just to have them symetrical. The non involved breast will undergo a reduction to match the involved breast. I still would need approx 25 radiation treatments as well as hormone treatment for 5 years. I am hoping the lymph nodes will be clear so I will not have to have chemo. The surgeons told me today that if I opted for radical mastectomy that I would not have to have radiation treatment. Both of these surgeons work together during surgery, claiming their procedure as "Oncoplastics", removing the diseased breast tissue and reconstructing it and or both breast to have a "matched set". Talk to your plastic surgeon and get all the info you can from him/her, then it will be easier making your decision. I will keep you in my prayers and best thoughts. Remember this is just a little bump in the road that you can overcome.
    Warm wishes,
    Debbie

    bump in the road...
    Wow Debbie......lots of info...thank you! My problem is that I have caused such a delay with my inability to decide that I see my surgeon on the 2nd again but was not able to get in with the Plastic surgeon till the 15th. Then it takes 4-6 weeks to cordinate their schedules to be in the same operating room at the same time. I inevidably will have A) gone insane by then ...B)have gotten a divorce (I can see my husbands patience wearing thin with my moodiness....maybe quitting smoking at the same time was bad idea?)....C) or definitely changed my mind a hundred times & caused the very people that are trying to help me go insane as well (at least they'll be in my own little world by then & we will know each other!!). I guess I feel like this is more of a major fault in the road instead of a bump. But I'm sure at some point I will look back and think....Deb was right, just a little bump, nothing more. :) Pammy
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #16
    Akiss4me said:

    hmmm...
    thanks Kylez...gave me some more insight. I guess my deep down fear is having a lumpectomy + rads and finding out a year or two down the road that it's back and I now need a masectomy but I can't have reconstruction done since rads took all the elasticity out of my skin & tissue and it will not stretch now.....A) I had to endure more surgery...B) I missed my chance at having boobies ...C)Now I'm kicking myself in the **** for not doing it in the first place....lesser of two evils? Who knows? I do believe that my tumer is over 1cm. No, I'm sure it is, but less than 2cm....should I be considering this factor?

    As I said and others here
    As I said and others here and your oncologist will too, it has been proven that the chance of recurrence and/or the survival rate is the same with a lumpectomy as with a mastectomy -- no difference. And, you can have reconstruction with rads. Many have had it done. In the old days they didn't, I guess, but, now they do. And, many mastectomy patients have to have radiation treatments too. Have you talked to an oncologist yet? Or, just a family doctor as you said? Because you really need to speak to the experts in cancer so that you know what your options are and to have these questions of yours answered by an expert in the field. And, be sure and ask your surgeon your questions. Is he a plastic surgeon? That is what I had so that my scar would be almost invisible. And, I do believe the size of ones tumor should be considered. After all, if the tumor is big and the surgeon has to remove most of your breast with a lumpectomy, that might help you to decide to have a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction because most of your breast would be gone anyway. You just need some good advice and questions answered from an oncologist and from your surgeon. And, research it on the internet too. Educate yourself, that is always the best. Good luck!
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #17
    Akiss4me said:

    bump in the road...
    Wow Debbie......lots of info...thank you! My problem is that I have caused such a delay with my inability to decide that I see my surgeon on the 2nd again but was not able to get in with the Plastic surgeon till the 15th. Then it takes 4-6 weeks to cordinate their schedules to be in the same operating room at the same time. I inevidably will have A) gone insane by then ...B)have gotten a divorce (I can see my husbands patience wearing thin with my moodiness....maybe quitting smoking at the same time was bad idea?)....C) or definitely changed my mind a hundred times & caused the very people that are trying to help me go insane as well (at least they'll be in my own little world by then & we will know each other!!). I guess I feel like this is more of a major fault in the road instead of a bump. But I'm sure at some point I will look back and think....Deb was right, just a little bump, nothing more. :) Pammy

    Just don't rush into
    Just don't rush into anything Pammy! Think it thru as you have to live with your decision the rest of your life. Talk to other survivors. Call the American Cancer Society. They have a 24 hour hotline. Go to a cancer survivor meeting at your hospital. Just think it thru!
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #18
    Kylez said:

    As I said and others here
    As I said and others here and your oncologist will too, it has been proven that the chance of recurrence and/or the survival rate is the same with a lumpectomy as with a mastectomy -- no difference. And, you can have reconstruction with rads. Many have had it done. In the old days they didn't, I guess, but, now they do. And, many mastectomy patients have to have radiation treatments too. Have you talked to an oncologist yet? Or, just a family doctor as you said? Because you really need to speak to the experts in cancer so that you know what your options are and to have these questions of yours answered by an expert in the field. And, be sure and ask your surgeon your questions. Is he a plastic surgeon? That is what I had so that my scar would be almost invisible. And, I do believe the size of ones tumor should be considered. After all, if the tumor is big and the surgeon has to remove most of your breast with a lumpectomy, that might help you to decide to have a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction because most of your breast would be gone anyway. You just need some good advice and questions answered from an oncologist and from your surgeon. And, research it on the internet too. Educate yourself, that is always the best. Good luck!

    doctors....
    I have been seeing a breast cancer surgeon (I have to go out of state)....he is for lumpectomy but doesn't sound 100% sure (hence the reason I will meet with him again Tuesday). In the meantime, he has set an appointment for me with Plastic surgeon on 15th to talk to. Met with my PCP today who favors a masectomy more in my case (I trust his judgement 100%). But he is not specialist in this field. I am running into such a difference in opinions among doctor's for a variety of different reasons and I think that is whats confusing me. Also trying to finish a crash course in BC before decision deadline? Makes your head just spin :(
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #19
    Kylez said:

    Just don't rush into
    Just don't rush into anything Pammy! Think it thru as you have to live with your decision the rest of your life. Talk to other survivors. Call the American Cancer Society. They have a 24 hour hotline. Go to a cancer survivor meeting at your hospital. Just think it thru!

    thinking it through...
    thanks, I am desperately trying to do that. This site seems to be my most immediate source of opinions & experiences which is the reason I find myself turning to it so frequently. Besides the fact that I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Honestly, I don't WANT to make the decision. I wish it could be alike a broken bone where they tell you it has to be fixed by wearing a cast or appendicitis where they tell you it has to be removed to be fixed. With BC you have way too many things to consider & way too many options to boot. It's like heeping way too much pressure on you all at once. I guess maybe I'm just venting (good thing it's only words & no animation!!). But you are right...thanks
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #20
    Akiss4me said:

    bump in the road...
    Wow Debbie......lots of info...thank you! My problem is that I have caused such a delay with my inability to decide that I see my surgeon on the 2nd again but was not able to get in with the Plastic surgeon till the 15th. Then it takes 4-6 weeks to cordinate their schedules to be in the same operating room at the same time. I inevidably will have A) gone insane by then ...B)have gotten a divorce (I can see my husbands patience wearing thin with my moodiness....maybe quitting smoking at the same time was bad idea?)....C) or definitely changed my mind a hundred times & caused the very people that are trying to help me go insane as well (at least they'll be in my own little world by then & we will know each other!!). I guess I feel like this is more of a major fault in the road instead of a bump. But I'm sure at some point I will look back and think....Deb was right, just a little bump, nothing more. :) Pammy

    I never looked at my bc or
    I never looked at my bc or treatment as a little bump. I guess I wish I would have, but that just isn't me. To me, it was and is a huge hurdle and a huge part of my life. Pammy, I have read your posts here and I truly feel sorry for you. You are so confused and I feel like you are getting so many conflicting opinions and suggestions, that you don't know which way to turn. So, take a deep breath and just give yourself some time. Quite honestly, your oncologist and surgeon will tell you what options there are for you. And your pathology report, after your surgery is done, will determine your future treatment options, whether you need chemo, tamoxifen or what. And, if your oncologist and surgeon do not agree, question it. I would think they would though, having the same info on you. I have never known them not too. Do what is best for you!
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #21
    Jeanne D said:

    I never looked at my bc or
    I never looked at my bc or treatment as a little bump. I guess I wish I would have, but that just isn't me. To me, it was and is a huge hurdle and a huge part of my life. Pammy, I have read your posts here and I truly feel sorry for you. You are so confused and I feel like you are getting so many conflicting opinions and suggestions, that you don't know which way to turn. So, take a deep breath and just give yourself some time. Quite honestly, your oncologist and surgeon will tell you what options there are for you. And your pathology report, after your surgery is done, will determine your future treatment options, whether you need chemo, tamoxifen or what. And, if your oncologist and surgeon do not agree, question it. I would think they would though, having the same info on you. I have never known them not too. Do what is best for you!

    Confused & dazed
    (isn't that a song?) anyway, thanks for validating my feelings Jeanne. I am VERY confused and (sniff, sniff) having a very bad day today. Just one of those things where I'm sure that when I wake up tomorrow, I'll find the bad feelings have faded into the background.
    For the first time today I noticed the emotional strain this has caused to my husband & Son (Daughter handling much better) that it upsets me horribly; that I caused our lives to be so disrupted. Son due to take LSAT's on Monday June 8th. He quit job, moved back home and has been studing EVERY day for past 2 months. Now I see the look of concern on his face and I don't want to be the cause of him missing that "1" point he needs to get into best school. Or my husband whom I'm sure doesn't know what to do (although I have managed to point out all the wrong things he has done thus far) and it bothers me the way I have been acting towards him because he certainly does not deserve it. What scares me most is this is just the beginning and how will we ever make it through if this is a taste of what it will be like? I can't handle living my life at the moment let alone make a decision....I wish our attitudes didn't change with the diagnosis. I want the person back I was a month ago....I seem to have lost her in such a short time. :(

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