Living alone with cancer

No truer words
Dear Strawgirl,

Joe is absolutely right, we may not be in your home with you but we are here for you. We will listen, advise, laugh (yes there are times we laugh) and even cry with you. We are here to celebrate your triumphs and hold you up during your weaker moments. Please do not stay away if you need support this site has some of the most amazing, caring and supportive people you may ever meet.

Hugs,

RE

You are not alone, you are a gift!
I have been cancer-free (I am knocking on wood with one hand while I type with the other) for some time now, but have lived alone for years, since my diagnosis and divorce. Dealing with things by myself has made me a stronger more interesting person. I don't shut others out, you understand, I have a number of cousins and a few friends that I see occasionally and work five days a week, providing more than enough human contact.

Developing a support network that you can call when you need help is essential to managing your life when things happen that you can't handle. Having a list of phone numbers available provides a sense of security and emotional safety valve during times of stress. Of course, visiting this site is a great first step towards renewed sanity.

Love and Courage!

Rick

Strawgirl said:

A little about me
Thank you to all who have commented on my post.
Hit by a truck (broken back, pelvis, ribs lost a kidney 4 ½ month in hosp) 1991
Ovarian cancer in 1992 (13 months of chemo)
Breast cancer 1998 - 1999 (mastectomy and 8 month of chemo, radiation, reconstruction 2000
Back to work Aug 2001, plant closed 2005 where I had worked for 11 years.
2006 stage 3-lung cancer. Chemo & radiation.
A friend did come and stay with me because I wasn't going to do any treatment as I
was completely alone, he came and stayed with me in my country home to look after dog, my
bird, & myself took me to the hospital for treatment when I wasn't able to take myself.
I have been out of treatment for 2 years but have to go to the cancer clinic every 6
months. For the most part I am always alone for the cat scan and then 2 weeks later to get
the results. I would get sick from the worry that the cancer has started to grow and I just
can't do it any more. Since the doctors told me there is nothing more they can do when it
starts to grow I have made the choice not to go every 6 months. The things that are making
me even more crazy at this present time is my best friend who lives in BC was diagnosed with
the same cancer as me & she will not see the end of summer. I lost Pepsi (my 14 yr Maltese)
just weeks ago. And here I sit in this house. ALONE!!

Have you investigated cancer support groups in your area?
Strawgirl,

If you have not already done so, please check out this link to support services with the BC Cancer Agency.
http://www.bccancer.bc.ca/HPI/CancerManagementGuidelines/Genitourinary/SupportServices.htm

Support groups and counseling got me through cancer, divorce, my brother's suicide, and my parents' deaths.

Believe me, many of us know what it is like to go for tests with no one "on our team" in the waiting room. When we appreciate that our lives are valuable to "us", regardless of who else might be in our lives, these difficult circumstances become more tolerable.

Love and Courage!

Rick

soccerfreaks said:

Some other options
You have had a tough row to hoe, Strawgirl! I admire your courage and determination. You have been through too much to hang up that hoe just yet!

Here are some other possibilities for support to add to the one suggested by Rick:

Cancer Care, a non-profit org., offers free support and counseling for cancer patients by oncology social workers. They have face-to-face counseling and counceling on the phone. Support groups on the phone are available too and are moderated by an oncology social worker. Call 800-813-HOPE. Check their website: www.cancercare.org

Gilda's Club - www.gildasclub.org - they offer free social and emotional support.

Live Strong - www.livestrong.org - offers one-on-one support.

American Cancer Society (here) can also give you support, etc. information available in different cities.

Via the ACS, you may also discover other, local, organizations in your community, established via churches or in honor of cancer victims or survivors that offer visits, transport, and such.

Best of wishes.

Take care,

Joe

Strawhat Wow
You have been there and back and are now cancer free. You say the CT scans and waiting make you anxious. But not knowing would make me nervous. All have to have those checkups for 5 years. I know you have been thru a lot but the test would confirm. As you know dedected early you will beat it. But after 2 years I will bet you are cured. Whatever you do I hope you have a piece of mind and yes these wonderful people have the best advice talk to names given. You have been thru so much and beat it. God Bless
Have a good weekend
Prayers and Hugs
Sandy

Thinking of you!
Hi Strawgirl,

Just wanted to check in with you, I have been thinking of you. You certainly have been through a lot and I truly hope and pray better days are coming your way. Many people have chimed in with very good suggestions for sources of support. I hope that as you research them you will find some relief. I am truly sorry to hear of the loss of your loving pet Pepsi, if you are like me your pets are like family.

Hugs,

RE

tasha_111 said:

Strawgirl
I think I would have been better off alone than what I had to carry. Hy husband was a complete tosser, he just didn't GET IT! Every chemo, he took me to the hospital (Usually after us sleeping apart after some horrible row) dropped me off there, moaned about how long it took. AND Charged me for the lift!... then he moaned all the way home about just how inconvenient it was for him. For Radiation, i enlisted the help of the Canadian Cancer Society, he never had to take me once, He still moaned that I was out most of the day and not much use with the housework.
He even walked out on me for over a week when I was halfway through chemo. Then the day I finished radiation he laced into me about "When are you going to get a JOB?"

Hey... Think yourself lucky, you at least have good friends.

Good Luck. Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Right on, Tasha!
Just because someone happens to be in your life, does not mean you are not still alone. True soul-mates are rare treasures. To tell you the truth, when my wife left me, it was like having another tumor removed!

When I was younger, I had four piranhas in an aquarium. One day, there were three piranhas and the chewed-up corpse of the fourth. A month later, two guilty-looking piranhas were swimming around their partially consumed tank-mate. I was going to say that the remaining two both slept with one eye open, but fish never close their eyes when they sleep anyway. The moral of my "fish tale" is that you can live with someone, yet never really know him/her.

I would rather swim alone in my own aquarium than share it with "piranhas".

Love and Courage!

Rick

Strawgirl said:

A little about me
Thank you to all who have commented on my post.
Hit by a truck (broken back, pelvis, ribs lost a kidney 4 ½ month in hosp) 1991
Ovarian cancer in 1992 (13 months of chemo)
Breast cancer 1998 - 1999 (mastectomy and 8 month of chemo, radiation, reconstruction 2000
Back to work Aug 2001, plant closed 2005 where I had worked for 11 years.
2006 stage 3-lung cancer. Chemo & radiation.
A friend did come and stay with me because I wasn't going to do any treatment as I
was completely alone, he came and stayed with me in my country home to look after dog, my
bird, & myself took me to the hospital for treatment when I wasn't able to take myself.
I have been out of treatment for 2 years but have to go to the cancer clinic every 6
months. For the most part I am always alone for the cat scan and then 2 weeks later to get
the results. I would get sick from the worry that the cancer has started to grow and I just
can't do it any more. Since the doctors told me there is nothing more they can do when it
starts to grow I have made the choice not to go every 6 months. The things that are making
me even more crazy at this present time is my best friend who lives in BC was diagnosed with
the same cancer as me & she will not see the end of summer. I lost Pepsi (my 14 yr Maltese)
just weeks ago. And here I sit in this house. ALONE!!

I understand Strawgirl
I too live on my own and go through many after effects of my cancer treatment each and everyday by myself. I go to all my own doctor's appointments and all my tests and procedures on my own as well and I have gotten used to it. Most times I don't want to chat and make small talk before a procedure so it has started to work for me actually. I lost my marriage about 7 years ago now, he was really just another big kid I had to take care of and I was the decision maker anyways so not too much of a loss but it was nice to think someone would be home soon from work just to help me with this and that. All in all though I am better off on my own, for now anywho. I have many days when I can bearly get out of bed due to pain and it's nice not to have to explain that the dishes aren't done by dinnertime sometimes. He always used to look at me doubtingly, making me feel that gee maybe it is just me being too weak and that was definitely a wrong assumption. I feel better off on my own in my case. If someone comes along who is understanding and caring I am open to that but I am alright as it is right now.

I have 2 cats which are a great source of comfort to me and are amazing therapy for me and I know alot of people on this board have pets and feel the same way. Like others have said here you could consider a support group, people who like you deal with cancer in one way or another each day and truly will understand and validate you. You have received great advice here already so the only thing that I might add to it all is that if I were you I would seriously consider getting another pet. If a dog is too much for you to take care of then 2 cats from the same litter might be easier. I don't know if you are into cats but whatever your choice for a pet I would certainly do that as soon as you can. The loss of a pet when you are alone is a doubly difficult situation as you miss the pet and when it is gone you feel so much more alone when it was just you and the pet. Think about it. You may want to adopt an older dog, not too old but not a puppy, from a shelter and give it a second chance at life as you have had after your cancers.

I hope you think about this and let me know if you do go ahead and get another dog. Cats are amazing too, they don't get enough credit - they are easier to care for as well as you don't have to walk them if you aren't feeling well - they take care of themselves. They can be real little comedians, lots of personality, and you can train them to do all kinds of things, just like a dog - only difference is that they will give you attitude all along the way, lol. They are way more independant than dogs and I like that about them.

You have the site here whenever you feel poorly as well and remember that there is a chatroom on this site too if you want live feedback sometimes. Take care, Blueroses.

Strawgirl said:

I lost my best friend
I lost my closest and dearest friend two weeks ago (Tanya). She was diagnosed last October with the exact cancer I am dealing with right now! We knew she didn't have long but we were hoping for another year. She was my angel, when I got hit by the truck her and hubby cancelled their holiday and came to Winnipeg, they came up to the hospital everyday for two weeks. When I was going through the chemo for ovarian cancer she came to give my mother a break from taking care of me. The one that sticks in my mind even more is the day I was told about the breast cancer and that I needed to have a mastectomy, she called from BC and said "be at the airport tomorrow at 3:15. We talked every Sunday and often during the week. Please don't tell me I was lucky to have her friendship and that should help me through this, that’s what people are telling me at work. I can't understand how they think that should help me through this. I used to have lots of friends before I got sick, and every time I got another illness more friends drifted away. Tanya was the one who came to my side for over 30 yrs.

When I say alone, I am not just talking about a husband.

My deepest condolences
I am so very sorry for your loss, I know that friends like Tanya are rare and a true jewel. I too had bunch of "friends", cancer weeds them out and you are left with the true blue ones, it is just the way that it is. I am glad you had someone like Tanya in your life to give you such love and support. It is however true that you were lucky to have her and I speak from experience, you see my Mom was my best bud and she too was a breast cancer survivor. The other person I had in my corner to help me through breast cancer was my eldest sister who had breast cancer and pancreatic cancer. I assisted with the care giving/love giving of both and now they are gone. I do miss them tremendously, but I am grateful to have had them in my life. My sister died while my hair was still growing back from my chemo as did my mom. I talked to my mom each night and my sister was unique and certainly not replaceable.

I do have a husband who is wonderfully supportive, that however does not replace my mother or my sister who I will miss for the rest of my days on this earth. I could choose to be sad and unravel or I could do my best to live a life with as much zest as I can muster in their honor. I do not want people to see me as RE the breast cancer girl, I want them to see me as RE the gal who lives life to its fullest and just happens to have breast cancer.

Now you mention your alone so I wish to extend an invitation to the breast cancer board on this site since you are a breast cancer survivor. If you choose to go there and introduce yourself you will find a host of some of the most wonderful, caring and supportive people you can imagine. If you keep coming there you will begin to feel less alone as they are such a loving group. I hope to see you there.



RE