Angel has died

13

Comments

  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #42
    My heartfelt condolences
    Dear Michelle,

    My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. You and Angel are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love,
    Tara
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #43
    taraHK said:

    My heartfelt condolences
    Dear Michelle,

    My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. You and Angel are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love,
    Tara

    all of you
    are so awesome.

    michelle
  • impactzone
    impactzone Member Posts: 555 Member
    #44
    I am so sorry. I read
    I am so sorry. I read everything you wrote and feel so much for you.
    Chip
  • morningstar4
    morningstar4 Member Posts: 15
    #45
    I am so sorry for your
    I am so sorry for your loss,Your love and support for Angel was amazing,Please take care of yourself, God bless you, Judy
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #46
    morningstar4 said:

    I am so sorry for your
    I am so sorry for your loss,Your love and support for Angel was amazing,Please take care of yourself, God bless you, Judy

    thanks
    chip and judy I just miss him so

    michelle
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
    #47
    angelsbaby said:

    thanks
    chip and judy I just miss him so

    michelle

    More Huggggs!
    Michelle... you are going to miss him for quite some time and that is totally understandable. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if you miss him for the rest of your life because he has been such a huge part of your life. Trust me, everyone here totally understands where you are coming from when you say you miss him so much.

    You are never going to forget him... but time has an incredible way of healing the pain. No, time doesn't make you "forget", your memories are yours to keep... but it takes time to smooth off the rough, raw edges of pain. Eventually, you are going to realize that although you still miss him, you aren't in as much raw pain. You aren't breaking into tears when you think of him. You'll even be able to touch something that was his and smile at the sweet memories it brings back... all with no pain.

    This happens when any of us has a traumatic event in our lives. Our brains/minds are incredibly strong tools that will do everything needed to protect us from the raw pain/fear/terror that some events in our lives cause. Taking an example that is so not related, but works the same way... childbirth. For any woman who has been through it, the pain can be described as one of the worst physical pains a body has to endure (and husbands, if you value your safety, you will want to be very, very careful what you say to your wives during childbirth ). But isn't it amazing that once that bundle of joy comes into the world, the mind starts smoothing over the memory of that pain. You remember the pain, you know it was the worst think ever, but as time goes by well, maybe it wasn't quite all that bad. Maybe I will have another child. And then a little later, there's no doubt you'd have another child. Again... you haven't forgotten the experience, it's all there in your memory... but time has eased the "pain" and left you with the wonderful memories.

    So give yourself time, my friend. What you are going through right now where you really think it can't get any worse and you are never going to be happy again... time will heal and I promise you will feel better again and every day will not be as painful as it is now.

    Be good to yourself. Remind yourself that you have been through a horribly traumatic time and it will take some time for the dust to all settle. But settle it will and you will be left with wonderful memories... only the pain will be taken away.

    Huggggggs,

    Cheryl
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #48
    CherylHutch said:

    More Huggggs!
    Michelle... you are going to miss him for quite some time and that is totally understandable. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if you miss him for the rest of your life because he has been such a huge part of your life. Trust me, everyone here totally understands where you are coming from when you say you miss him so much.

    You are never going to forget him... but time has an incredible way of healing the pain. No, time doesn't make you "forget", your memories are yours to keep... but it takes time to smooth off the rough, raw edges of pain. Eventually, you are going to realize that although you still miss him, you aren't in as much raw pain. You aren't breaking into tears when you think of him. You'll even be able to touch something that was his and smile at the sweet memories it brings back... all with no pain.

    This happens when any of us has a traumatic event in our lives. Our brains/minds are incredibly strong tools that will do everything needed to protect us from the raw pain/fear/terror that some events in our lives cause. Taking an example that is so not related, but works the same way... childbirth. For any woman who has been through it, the pain can be described as one of the worst physical pains a body has to endure (and husbands, if you value your safety, you will want to be very, very careful what you say to your wives during childbirth ). But isn't it amazing that once that bundle of joy comes into the world, the mind starts smoothing over the memory of that pain. You remember the pain, you know it was the worst think ever, but as time goes by well, maybe it wasn't quite all that bad. Maybe I will have another child. And then a little later, there's no doubt you'd have another child. Again... you haven't forgotten the experience, it's all there in your memory... but time has eased the "pain" and left you with the wonderful memories.

    So give yourself time, my friend. What you are going through right now where you really think it can't get any worse and you are never going to be happy again... time will heal and I promise you will feel better again and every day will not be as painful as it is now.

    Be good to yourself. Remind yourself that you have been through a horribly traumatic time and it will take some time for the dust to all settle. But settle it will and you will be left with wonderful memories... only the pain will be taken away.

    Huggggggs,

    Cheryl

    Thanks Cheryl
    Its a hard time now but i know it will get better for me. Well i already had to make a big decision not that big the saturn needed tires now angel always took care of that him being a mechanic and all . so now i need tires the wire was already showing so i called big o and the quoted me 220.00 out the door so i went to discount tire and told a little white lie i said big o quoted me 190.00 so discount tire said 190.00 so I was proud of myself and angel would be too. now the windshield cracked really bad so i called the insurance and today i have a new windshield. So I know i can do this I have to.

    michelle
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #49
    angelsbaby said:

    Thanks Cheryl
    Its a hard time now but i know it will get better for me. Well i already had to make a big decision not that big the saturn needed tires now angel always took care of that him being a mechanic and all . so now i need tires the wire was already showing so i called big o and the quoted me 220.00 out the door so i went to discount tire and told a little white lie i said big o quoted me 190.00 so discount tire said 190.00 so I was proud of myself and angel would be too. now the windshield cracked really bad so i called the insurance and today i have a new windshield. So I know i can do this I have to.

    michelle

    Cheryl's right!
    Michelle, I was 16 when I lost my mother to leukemia, who I was so close too. She died on a Father's Day, June 21, 1981, I will never forget the scream that came out of me when she passed...she died just 19 days after her diagnosis, and I never got to say goodbye, she was in the hospital, and my father and aunts wouldn't let me see her at the end, or talk to her, I so resented that, and still do, but I actually was so angry when she passed that I hit some sliding doors we had to the bedroom and they fell off the hinges! I was mad for a very long time with God, with the world! everything and everyone! but later in life, I did eventually recover, and still have wonderful memories of her, I don't even think of her at the wake, but I remember her when she was alive and strong, and don't ever go back to her being sick, I still dream about her, I feel like she actually tries to communicate to me through my dreams, and little things that happen, like signs, of her being around, it has comforted me, I know it sounds weird, I'm sorry, but I really believe there is life after death, their energy is still present, and I sometimes can still feel her around me.

    Enough of this babble, but she has been in my dreams ALOT lately, since I've been sick, and I think and hope it's a way of her telling me she is still here. I will never forget how traumatic it was too lose her, but let's just say, all I can do is smile now thinking about her, no more tears, well, maybe a few because I miss her, but here I am 28 years after her death and still would never forget her, but will remember the good times, always.

    Hugsssss to you!
    ~Donna
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #50
    Shayenne said:

    Cheryl's right!
    Michelle, I was 16 when I lost my mother to leukemia, who I was so close too. She died on a Father's Day, June 21, 1981, I will never forget the scream that came out of me when she passed...she died just 19 days after her diagnosis, and I never got to say goodbye, she was in the hospital, and my father and aunts wouldn't let me see her at the end, or talk to her, I so resented that, and still do, but I actually was so angry when she passed that I hit some sliding doors we had to the bedroom and they fell off the hinges! I was mad for a very long time with God, with the world! everything and everyone! but later in life, I did eventually recover, and still have wonderful memories of her, I don't even think of her at the wake, but I remember her when she was alive and strong, and don't ever go back to her being sick, I still dream about her, I feel like she actually tries to communicate to me through my dreams, and little things that happen, like signs, of her being around, it has comforted me, I know it sounds weird, I'm sorry, but I really believe there is life after death, their energy is still present, and I sometimes can still feel her around me.

    Enough of this babble, but she has been in my dreams ALOT lately, since I've been sick, and I think and hope it's a way of her telling me she is still here. I will never forget how traumatic it was too lose her, but let's just say, all I can do is smile now thinking about her, no more tears, well, maybe a few because I miss her, but here I am 28 years after her death and still would never forget her, but will remember the good times, always.

    Hugsssss to you!
    ~Donna

    Thanks
    Donna i too lost my mom to brain cancer in 1981 i was 24 and like you i felt thaT way but i don't anymore about my mom and you are lucky to have those dreams I am waiting to see angel again.

    michelle
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    #51
    I'm sorry
    @Donna: well...you wrote how I feel right now...although I was nowhere in 1981 June, but I am almost 16 (younger) and my mom has a month left...and right now, I feel the same, what you have felt back then. I feel God is mean...and I catch myself hating everything, and everybody. I know it's not good...and I try to force myself not to think this way, but it does come out. Sometimes, I wish she just died of a car accident, or heart attack...I wouldn't see her suffer...but on the other hand, I think the same as you said, that if that was the case, I never would've had time to say goodbye to her. Lately, I realized, it's better if we don't think! It is horrible to think! Because then my mind is always on mom...I will be sooo alone...

    @Michelle: sorry, I cannot say anything too encouraging...but I'm sure that he will always be watching you, and once you get through this sadness, you will catch yourself hearing him, and you'll realize he will be with you, so you won't be alone. And although, I'm afraid I will be alone too, but I always tell myself the same what I wrote you. I won't be alone.No! What will be the difference? Nothing! Just because us, humans, are attached to crappy physical things that's why we get "depressed" if one leaves...we tend to forget that their soul is going to be with us! And that we probably will have more time to be with them than before...or at least, I hope so. This is what I tell myself...maybe it won't help you any...maybe it will...maybe it won't help me either...maybe it will. I cannot write anything smart...I guess that's the huge difference between us and grown-ups. They can write a lot smarter...but one more thing: I decided the other day as I was sitting by my mom's bed that no matter how my life will end up, and no matter what profession I will choose, I will want to do things that will make me happy. I don't need a house of my own, I don't need a car, I don't need computer, or TV (currently, we don't have any of these). All I want that will make me happy...very happy. And all I want to do in my life is smile, and laugh...laugh at life.
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #52
    sharpy102 said:

    I'm sorry
    @Donna: well...you wrote how I feel right now...although I was nowhere in 1981 June, but I am almost 16 (younger) and my mom has a month left...and right now, I feel the same, what you have felt back then. I feel God is mean...and I catch myself hating everything, and everybody. I know it's not good...and I try to force myself not to think this way, but it does come out. Sometimes, I wish she just died of a car accident, or heart attack...I wouldn't see her suffer...but on the other hand, I think the same as you said, that if that was the case, I never would've had time to say goodbye to her. Lately, I realized, it's better if we don't think! It is horrible to think! Because then my mind is always on mom...I will be sooo alone...

    @Michelle: sorry, I cannot say anything too encouraging...but I'm sure that he will always be watching you, and once you get through this sadness, you will catch yourself hearing him, and you'll realize he will be with you, so you won't be alone. And although, I'm afraid I will be alone too, but I always tell myself the same what I wrote you. I won't be alone.No! What will be the difference? Nothing! Just because us, humans, are attached to crappy physical things that's why we get "depressed" if one leaves...we tend to forget that their soul is going to be with us! And that we probably will have more time to be with them than before...or at least, I hope so. This is what I tell myself...maybe it won't help you any...maybe it will...maybe it won't help me either...maybe it will. I cannot write anything smart...I guess that's the huge difference between us and grown-ups. They can write a lot smarter...but one more thing: I decided the other day as I was sitting by my mom's bed that no matter how my life will end up, and no matter what profession I will choose, I will want to do things that will make me happy. I don't need a house of my own, I don't need a car, I don't need computer, or TV (currently, we don't have any of these). All I want that will make me happy...very happy. And all I want to do in my life is smile, and laugh...laugh at life.

    Sharpy....
    You typing your story is very smart, you're so young, and I know exactly what you're trying to say. I made a mistake in blaming God, and hope you don't stay angry at him either, if anything, I always think now he's the one who helped her away from the beast of this disease, he has nothing to do with getting people sick, but he does carry them away from it. I know everyone has their own beliefs, but this is mine. Don't get angry at anything except for the disease, you will not be alone, we are all here for you, you can always PM me, email me, if you ever need to talk. I had stayed with other family members when my parents passed, but by 20, I was living with my boyfriend, and on my own, working 2 jobs, and just moving on, as you will! You will be happy again, and you will think of your mom with the fondest of memories. She will always be with you in spirit and in your heart as well.

    You say she only has a month left?? did the dr's give her that, or is she not going through any treatments to help her?

    Hugsssss to you!
    ~Donna
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 957 Member
    #53
    Angel
    Michelle, i am so heartbroken over this news. We all knew it wasn't looking good, but that hope lingered, and a miracle was always possible. He was so lucky to have you, his beloved wife who was his biggest advocate, and always at his side. I'm so sorry, Michelle that this has happened. Please know that my heart is with you and your family, and i hope that you will check in from time to time to share your life with us, and offer us advise.

    Many, many hugs,
    Krista
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    #54
    Shayenne said:

    Sharpy....
    You typing your story is very smart, you're so young, and I know exactly what you're trying to say. I made a mistake in blaming God, and hope you don't stay angry at him either, if anything, I always think now he's the one who helped her away from the beast of this disease, he has nothing to do with getting people sick, but he does carry them away from it. I know everyone has their own beliefs, but this is mine. Don't get angry at anything except for the disease, you will not be alone, we are all here for you, you can always PM me, email me, if you ever need to talk. I had stayed with other family members when my parents passed, but by 20, I was living with my boyfriend, and on my own, working 2 jobs, and just moving on, as you will! You will be happy again, and you will think of your mom with the fondest of memories. She will always be with you in spirit and in your heart as well.

    You say she only has a month left?? did the dr's give her that, or is she not going through any treatments to help her?

    Hugsssss to you!
    ~Donna

    thank you Donna
    @Donna: thank you for your reply...I guess you're right about how God is only taking people away from the disease...I'll try to think of this when I get angry...hmm...about PM..I haven't even checked ever how to PM...I guess that's what I'll do next after I left this note to you. :) Well, I am not sure about how my future will be...I have only one relative, my mom's sister who immigrated to the US when we had the bombings in 1998. My grandparents (at both side) died already, and my dad doesn't have any siblings. So, I will either have to move to US which...don't take me wrong, I don't want to. I've never been in the US, and I know it must be really nice, but I would be such a stranger there! I don't belong there! I don't even know the people, the culture, the food...nothing! Plus, I would have also such a bad language difficulties because this is my knowledge here which I tried to learn in the last 3 years at school, I don't think I would be capable of going to school where they speak English! But then if I wanted to stay here at home, I would have to go to a children home up until I turn 18. I don't know...this is all so scary! None of the options sound appealing....about the 1 month thing: the doctor told me...mom is not getting any kind of treatment anymore...so we "live" on the patches and she still has pain. (she's on 200) Anyway, sorry other folks for writing a novel here..I will figure out how to PM, and I will delete this soon (once Donna read it). Sorry guys, I know you all have your own problem and here I am whining.
    Please take care all!
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #55
    sharpy102 said:

    thank you Donna
    @Donna: thank you for your reply...I guess you're right about how God is only taking people away from the disease...I'll try to think of this when I get angry...hmm...about PM..I haven't even checked ever how to PM...I guess that's what I'll do next after I left this note to you. :) Well, I am not sure about how my future will be...I have only one relative, my mom's sister who immigrated to the US when we had the bombings in 1998. My grandparents (at both side) died already, and my dad doesn't have any siblings. So, I will either have to move to US which...don't take me wrong, I don't want to. I've never been in the US, and I know it must be really nice, but I would be such a stranger there! I don't belong there! I don't even know the people, the culture, the food...nothing! Plus, I would have also such a bad language difficulties because this is my knowledge here which I tried to learn in the last 3 years at school, I don't think I would be capable of going to school where they speak English! But then if I wanted to stay here at home, I would have to go to a children home up until I turn 18. I don't know...this is all so scary! None of the options sound appealing....about the 1 month thing: the doctor told me...mom is not getting any kind of treatment anymore...so we "live" on the patches and she still has pain. (she's on 200) Anyway, sorry other folks for writing a novel here..I will figure out how to PM, and I will delete this soon (once Donna read it). Sorry guys, I know you all have your own problem and here I am whining.
    Please take care all!

    Hey Sharpy!
    I have read this, and so sorry for your conditions, but you never know what else the future may bring you! Where are you from? The US isn't so bad, but I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to leave your homeland either. I wish I could speak alot of languages, I took Italian for a year in High School, but forgotten alot of it, if you don't use it alot, of course you'll forget. It's always great to get to know new things though :) You can PM me now, I don't want to keep hijacking this thread. I think you'll surprise yourself sharpy at how things will sometimes turn out :)

    Hugssss to you!
    ~Donna
  • qwe
    qwe Member Posts: 124
    #56
    kristasplace said:

    Angel
    Michelle, i am so heartbroken over this news. We all knew it wasn't looking good, but that hope lingered, and a miracle was always possible. He was so lucky to have you, his beloved wife who was his biggest advocate, and always at his side. I'm so sorry, Michelle that this has happened. Please know that my heart is with you and your family, and i hope that you will check in from time to time to share your life with us, and offer us advise.

    Many, many hugs,
    Krista

    My heart goes out to you and
    My heart goes out to you and your family I know he will be missed
    God Bless you and your family.
  • Mike49
    Mike49 Member Posts: 261
    #57
    So sorry for your loss
    I am very sorry to hear of Angel's passing, I know from reading your posts how much you love and cared for him and I know he put up a hell of a fight. You gave him everything you had, and I know he was lucky to have you as I am to have to have my wife and partner.

    Mike49
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #58
    Mike49 said:

    So sorry for your loss
    I am very sorry to hear of Angel's passing, I know from reading your posts how much you love and cared for him and I know he put up a hell of a fight. You gave him everything you had, and I know he was lucky to have you as I am to have to have my wife and partner.

    Mike49

    Michelle......
    I am so very sorry ...Things will eventually get easier for you...I am sorry that your going through this and just want you to know that I am thinking of you.....It will get better hun...
  • tiny one
    tiny one Member Posts: 465 Member
    #59
    Michelle
    I am so sorry to hear that your husband has passed away. I can't imagine the pain that you're feeling. I know this was hard watching him everyday not getting better. Everyone on this board knows that this could have been each and everyone of us. I pray that your kids will be there for you during this tough time. God bless.
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #60
    tiny one said:

    Michelle
    I am so sorry to hear that your husband has passed away. I can't imagine the pain that you're feeling. I know this was hard watching him everyday not getting better. Everyone on this board knows that this could have been each and everyone of us. I pray that your kids will be there for you during this tough time. God bless.

    buzzard,tiny one
    Thank you, I so wanted him to beat this but It didn't happen I miss him more everyday. I take one day at at time and going to work helps but when i come home reality sets in . No he won't be coming threw the door or calling me 3x a day just to talk like he use to.35 yrs of being married and together and then all of a sudden he will never be here again it dosn't seem real
    but it is Missing everything about him is the hardest..

    michelle
  • tiny one
    tiny one Member Posts: 465 Member
    #61
    angelsbaby said:

    buzzard,tiny one
    Thank you, I so wanted him to beat this but It didn't happen I miss him more everyday. I take one day at at time and going to work helps but when i come home reality sets in . No he won't be coming threw the door or calling me 3x a day just to talk like he use to.35 yrs of being married and together and then all of a sudden he will never be here again it dosn't seem real
    but it is Missing everything about him is the hardest..

    michelle

    alone
    Taking one day at a time is all you can do. All of us feel your pain and if we lived close to you we would be there for you. Sending you hugs, please vent to us on here if it helps in a small way.

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