Ok here goes
Comments
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It's strange
Jackie,
You know,it's strange. How those of us who are going through it are stronger emotionally and in our character sometimes than those on the outside! When I was dx in 2007,it seemed that I was trying to hold up those around me sometimes!
We are just human beings like the rest out there-it's just that we've gotten cancer.0 -
These are probably the samemimivac said:Fauxma
What an awful "friend" that person was. I had a friend who told me that I would never have my previous abilities or energy after cancer. That I would always be impaired. She "knew" this because she was a doctor. Not an oncologist, but an emergency room doctor. This really got my goat. Who is to say what I will and will not have the capacity to do? And who was she to set limits for me? It made me even more determined to live life and enjoy doing so. Sure, I have my moments, too, just like everyone else. It doesn't take cancer to feel scared, depressed, or anxious about life. But now when we talk, I always say "I feel great! Even better than before." It preplexes her and makes me happy!!!
These are probably the same people who say just the wrong thing to people who have just lost a loved one. I think if people don't know what to say or ask, just saying I am here if you need me, just call, or my heart and prayers are with you covers it quite well. My best friend and I have been through a lot together. Years ago she developed a serious heart problem. It is an enlarging of her heart and the doctor told her she had maybe 5 years. When she told me we were out having dinner and I told her that she couldn't die until I could sing Wind Beneath My Wings really well. You have to understand that I sing like a frog. We burst out laughing and it has been a running joke for 18 years and yes, she is still around. When I got my first cancer diagnosis, she said, DO I HAVE TO LEARN THAT F***ING SONG? That was over 9 years ago. We are so good for each other because we can both laugh and cry together. She always knows the right thing to say and do and she says the same about me. She is the one person that, although she hasn't had cancer totally gets it because the people that knew about her heart all did the same kind of things. And it hangs over her head. She is doing well but the heart problem can't be fixed and she has to deal with it and the possibility of dying. So in rare instances, others can understand. But there aren't many. It's just too hard for them to truly imagine what this entails.
When people ask questions that are intrusive or rude or ignorant, I usually just say, Why would you ask that? or Why would you think that? It's best said in a haughty condesending tone.
I just love this group because you not only understand, you truly care.
Love to all,
Stef0 -
Thank you all my sistersoutdoorgirl said:It's strange
Jackie,
You know,it's strange. How those of us who are going through it are stronger emotionally and in our character sometimes than those on the outside! When I was dx in 2007,it seemed that I was trying to hold up those around me sometimes!
We are just human beings like the rest out there-it's just that we've gotten cancer.
Thank you for all of your notes of encouragement! Today is a new day, and thanks to you all i have renewed hope and strength. I know I should just shake it off and remember that most people do not research or know that carncer treatments have come a long way, and it can be survived. I think they are afraid. One of my sisters (i have 3 and a brother) is to afraid even to go get yearly mamograms, colonoscopies etc. she said she is "afraid of what they might find!" I told her that even if they find something now..there is something that can be done about it..and if i have to drag her kicking to her yearly tests SHE WILL GO!! She is scared and has never had a cancer diagnosis. So it is probably true with most people. I guess with some all we can do is show them with all of our grace and dignity..and with time they will learn.
Some days i am more emotional than others..and it was one of those days. I try to surround myself with positive people..but unfortunately we can't always avoid these negative ones. We can only change our reaction to them.
I love you all and am wishing you a very good day. I am working for an ice-cream social today at the nursing home that i work at..and i know I will have fun (all that icecream! and old peoples smiles.
Hugs Jackie
P.S. Yesterday a old woman there lovingly told me that her mom had bc and treatments were not what they were now, and her mom lived to be 100. and was very proud of it!! Made my day!0 -
I was one of thoserjjj said:Thank you all my sisters
Thank you for all of your notes of encouragement! Today is a new day, and thanks to you all i have renewed hope and strength. I know I should just shake it off and remember that most people do not research or know that carncer treatments have come a long way, and it can be survived. I think they are afraid. One of my sisters (i have 3 and a brother) is to afraid even to go get yearly mamograms, colonoscopies etc. she said she is "afraid of what they might find!" I told her that even if they find something now..there is something that can be done about it..and if i have to drag her kicking to her yearly tests SHE WILL GO!! She is scared and has never had a cancer diagnosis. So it is probably true with most people. I guess with some all we can do is show them with all of our grace and dignity..and with time they will learn.
Some days i am more emotional than others..and it was one of those days. I try to surround myself with positive people..but unfortunately we can't always avoid these negative ones. We can only change our reaction to them.
I love you all and am wishing you a very good day. I am working for an ice-cream social today at the nursing home that i work at..and i know I will have fun (all that icecream! and old peoples smiles.
Hugs Jackie
P.S. Yesterday a old woman there lovingly told me that her mom had bc and treatments were not what they were now, and her mom lived to be 100. and was very proud of it!! Made my day!
Jackie,
I was one of those who was afraid to get tested for fear of what they might find and afraid to do self breast exams for the same reason-no more! It will stay forever in my mind that early detection is the best!
And I too have those emotional days sometimes and have posted on here sometimes when I have those. These women and men(including yourself) on here are strong and we are all here for each other!That's the great thing about this place-we all understand!0 -
Brave womenrjjj said:Thank you all my sisters
Thank you for all of your notes of encouragement! Today is a new day, and thanks to you all i have renewed hope and strength. I know I should just shake it off and remember that most people do not research or know that carncer treatments have come a long way, and it can be survived. I think they are afraid. One of my sisters (i have 3 and a brother) is to afraid even to go get yearly mamograms, colonoscopies etc. she said she is "afraid of what they might find!" I told her that even if they find something now..there is something that can be done about it..and if i have to drag her kicking to her yearly tests SHE WILL GO!! She is scared and has never had a cancer diagnosis. So it is probably true with most people. I guess with some all we can do is show them with all of our grace and dignity..and with time they will learn.
Some days i am more emotional than others..and it was one of those days. I try to surround myself with positive people..but unfortunately we can't always avoid these negative ones. We can only change our reaction to them.
I love you all and am wishing you a very good day. I am working for an ice-cream social today at the nursing home that i work at..and i know I will have fun (all that icecream! and old peoples smiles.
Hugs Jackie
P.S. Yesterday a old woman there lovingly told me that her mom had bc and treatments were not what they were now, and her mom lived to be 100. and was very proud of it!! Made my day!
You are all very brave and very right. Some people loose their common sense and say and do things they would never say or do if they weren't scared. I don't think it matters if it's a small or large town, it's just more evident when you know everyone. Everyone is telling me how great I look and asking if I lost weight - duh - nauseau will do that to you, and I just had rads no chemo! Glad to hear that people live to be 100 even with the older treatments 'cause that's what I plan to do! Unfortunately, when we have a bad day and someone says something, sometimes it sets us off - I've been doing a lot of crying. But I am an eternal optimist, my daughter told me I have always been very positive and happy and she expects nothing else right now. My brother hasn't talked to me, but my sister and other brother call, email and support. Take what you can get and ignore everyone else, we don't have time to waste worrying and fretting on them when we could be playing with our kids and grandkids (or significant others!). Enjoy your life - you deserve it without the complications.0 -
So truechili said:Brave women
You are all very brave and very right. Some people loose their common sense and say and do things they would never say or do if they weren't scared. I don't think it matters if it's a small or large town, it's just more evident when you know everyone. Everyone is telling me how great I look and asking if I lost weight - duh - nauseau will do that to you, and I just had rads no chemo! Glad to hear that people live to be 100 even with the older treatments 'cause that's what I plan to do! Unfortunately, when we have a bad day and someone says something, sometimes it sets us off - I've been doing a lot of crying. But I am an eternal optimist, my daughter told me I have always been very positive and happy and she expects nothing else right now. My brother hasn't talked to me, but my sister and other brother call, email and support. Take what you can get and ignore everyone else, we don't have time to waste worrying and fretting on them when we could be playing with our kids and grandkids (or significant others!). Enjoy your life - you deserve it without the complications.
Chili..you are so right when you say that we are wasting our time fretting. It only zaps our own energy..and we need to save our energy to enjoy our loved ones and all the good things life has to offer! When fear creeps in I usually turn my thoughts to other good things or get out of the house to do something I enjoy with people i enjoy doing it with. Or i get on this board with all my beautiful and loving sisters here...you all always lift my spirits!
Love and hugs
Jackie0 -
I don't know what to say either ...rjjj said:So true
Chili..you are so right when you say that we are wasting our time fretting. It only zaps our own energy..and we need to save our energy to enjoy our loved ones and all the good things life has to offer! When fear creeps in I usually turn my thoughts to other good things or get out of the house to do something I enjoy with people i enjoy doing it with. Or i get on this board with all my beautiful and loving sisters here...you all always lift my spirits!
Love and hugs
Jackie
I've had several people make comments about how great I look etc. and I say "thank you." I know people feel uncomfortable and awkward ... and don't know what to say ... but ... guess what ... when I see someone else who has cancer ... I don't know what to say either. Some people want you to ask how they feel ... others want to hear how good they look ... others ask if there's anything they can do to help ... etc. etc.
I guess what I'm trying to say is ... no matter what people say ... there are going to be people who don't like the comments. But ... we are not mind readers and that's why there isn't just one thing to say to a cancer patient. And ... as cancer patients we must always try to keep in mind that they all mean well. Otherwise they would turn their heads and totally ingore us. But ... instead ... the feel the need to acknowledge their concern ... and that's all we need to know. We don't need to worry about how they express their concern because the main thing is ... they do see us ... and they do care... even though the words may not sound like that. They really do care.
hugs.
teena
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A New Day!tgf said:I don't know what to say either ...
I've had several people make comments about how great I look etc. and I say "thank you." I know people feel uncomfortable and awkward ... and don't know what to say ... but ... guess what ... when I see someone else who has cancer ... I don't know what to say either. Some people want you to ask how they feel ... others want to hear how good they look ... others ask if there's anything they can do to help ... etc. etc.
I guess what I'm trying to say is ... no matter what people say ... there are going to be people who don't like the comments. But ... we are not mind readers and that's why there isn't just one thing to say to a cancer patient. And ... as cancer patients we must always try to keep in mind that they all mean well. Otherwise they would turn their heads and totally ingore us. But ... instead ... the feel the need to acknowledge their concern ... and that's all we need to know. We don't need to worry about how they express their concern because the main thing is ... they do see us ... and they do care... even though the words may not sound like that. They really do care.
hugs.
teena
Jackie, I am so glad to read that you are feeling better and it sounds like you will have a great day with the ice cream social. We all have the bad days, but hopefully, we will have more GOOD days! It is to be expected with what we have been thru and what we are still going thru. It just takes time. And Teena, what you wrote was perfect! I think you summed up what we all were thinking and writing!
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chili - I like what you said...chili said:Brave women
You are all very brave and very right. Some people loose their common sense and say and do things they would never say or do if they weren't scared. I don't think it matters if it's a small or large town, it's just more evident when you know everyone. Everyone is telling me how great I look and asking if I lost weight - duh - nauseau will do that to you, and I just had rads no chemo! Glad to hear that people live to be 100 even with the older treatments 'cause that's what I plan to do! Unfortunately, when we have a bad day and someone says something, sometimes it sets us off - I've been doing a lot of crying. But I am an eternal optimist, my daughter told me I have always been very positive and happy and she expects nothing else right now. My brother hasn't talked to me, but my sister and other brother call, email and support. Take what you can get and ignore everyone else, we don't have time to waste worrying and fretting on them when we could be playing with our kids and grandkids (or significant others!). Enjoy your life - you deserve it without the complications.
In sum: "Take what you can get and ignore everyone (and all) else." Not always easy, for sure. Still, can be hurtful. Nevertheless, this is another SURVIVAL technique which we must all learn - some how, some way - to practice.
I often say something with the same meaning, in a slightly different way: "Magnify & cherish the good & precious, let go of the rest."
Yes, we all deserve a life with minimal complications. Because there are too many beyond our control.
Kind regards, Susan0 -
I am so happy to read thatChristmas Girl said:chili - I like what you said...
In sum: "Take what you can get and ignore everyone (and all) else." Not always easy, for sure. Still, can be hurtful. Nevertheless, this is another SURVIVAL technique which we must all learn - some how, some way - to practice.
I often say something with the same meaning, in a slightly different way: "Magnify & cherish the good & precious, let go of the rest."
Yes, we all deserve a life with minimal complications. Because there are too many beyond our control.
Kind regards, Susan
I am so happy to read that you are feeling happier today Jackie! And that you are looking forward to the ice cream social at work. I bet that will be fun! Just put a smile on your beautiful face and know that we are all here to help and support you anytime!
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WOO HOO, Jackie!!!rjjj said:Thank you all my sisters
Thank you for all of your notes of encouragement! Today is a new day, and thanks to you all i have renewed hope and strength. I know I should just shake it off and remember that most people do not research or know that carncer treatments have come a long way, and it can be survived. I think they are afraid. One of my sisters (i have 3 and a brother) is to afraid even to go get yearly mamograms, colonoscopies etc. she said she is "afraid of what they might find!" I told her that even if they find something now..there is something that can be done about it..and if i have to drag her kicking to her yearly tests SHE WILL GO!! She is scared and has never had a cancer diagnosis. So it is probably true with most people. I guess with some all we can do is show them with all of our grace and dignity..and with time they will learn.
Some days i am more emotional than others..and it was one of those days. I try to surround myself with positive people..but unfortunately we can't always avoid these negative ones. We can only change our reaction to them.
I love you all and am wishing you a very good day. I am working for an ice-cream social today at the nursing home that i work at..and i know I will have fun (all that icecream! and old peoples smiles.
Hugs Jackie
P.S. Yesterday a old woman there lovingly told me that her mom had bc and treatments were not what they were now, and her mom lived to be 100. and was very proud of it!! Made my day!
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Dear Jackie... So happy to know today is a GOOD day for you! We all have those bad days - certainly, we are ALLOWED them!
Last night, I read a post from a newer member that wrote something like... this group/forum is "a safe zone"... a "TLC zone"... And, I thought her description was simply perfect!
I'm hoping you will certainly enjoy that ice cream social! And, bless that woman's heart, who shared the story of her own mom with you and made your day!
Kind regards, Susan
P.S.: I'm enjoying your new I.D. photo! :-)0
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