Ok here goes
Today though, our Dr. asked me and i just told him, I was tired of the neg. and I was also so scared.. He said "Jackie you will make it, I know it.. and just because you are negative for the hormones, thats probably a good thing. You don't have to worry about side effects and hormones pushing your cancer along. I believe him.. he is great. I also sent al of my friends the www.thesurvivormovie.com. (Thanks my 50 ft. sis) and I will not listen anymore to their sad prognosis. of what they believe!! I intend on showing them that not only can we survive but we can do it with dignity and pride,
love jackie
Comments
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I think sometimes people
I think sometimes people want us to say....
Everything is great I am not scared anymore.
Breast cancer doesn't discriminate and most who ask me are vulnerable themselves...part of their question might have to do with 'yikes what if that happens to me'
Continue to blaze your trail on this journey...I do believe the strength in this board and in each of us (even when it wavers like a candle flame) will help those who follow0 -
Jackie, I also...
Jackie, I also think that in a lot of cases, people just don't know what to say.
Even in my own family, one of my 4 sisters is very close and supportive. Has been there for me every step of the way.
Another sister, who USED to be very close has been missing in action for the past 9 months. The last time she saw me, I was shaking (tremors really) during chemo. I have not seen her since. She rarely even emails.
I'm trying not to be hurt by it because I think that she was fightened and is thinking about her own health. She and I are closest in age and so, spent the most time together growing up.
I also live in a tiny town. Everybody knows everybody. I don't drive through town without my head covered. In fact, I don't go anywhere in town, very often. Not until I get some hair back. And it was even worse before I got my prosthesis.
I saw and still see, pity in most people's eyes. Sometimes fear too.
Given the large amount of cancers in this tiny town...one would think that people would be used to seeing sick people. I guess it's still a shock to some.
Some people I've known all my life avert their eyes or just smile. Others say the same thing...how are you doing?
Once in awhile, I am pleasantly surprised by people however. Last week, as I was in the driveway, unloading groceries, someone walked up the driveway and as I stood there not knowing what to expect, she threw her arms around me and hugged me and said that she thought about me often and she then asked all about my treatments and we just "talked" for awhile.
And it was very nice.
I must admit that I too have been guilty in the past, of either pretending I didn't see someone whom I knew was having health problems, or of merely saying...how are you, as I walked by.
I don't believe that I will be doing that anymore.
CR0 -
Aw, dearheart....it's so wierd!
It doesn't seem to matter how big or small a town is, people that are not exposed to cancer don't know HOW to properly react!
I know, I know, we should not have to teach them, but I cannot count the number of times I was told (after all treatments) "Thank you, Kathi, for showing us that cancer isn't the doom and gloom we thought it was". Even when I was bald, I didn't hide...well, unless I had a tasteful scarf with me...lol. I looked at it as a mission to expose people to HOPE! Was I scared? You bet! Remember, I had 2 cancers within 6 months of each other, the first, rectal, I was given 6 months to live, tops. Actually, truth be told, the breast cancer dx that followed just sort of annoyed me (wierd, huh?).
You have us here to help you, my dear! And we love you!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
I remember when my sisterKathiM said:Aw, dearheart....it's so wierd!
It doesn't seem to matter how big or small a town is, people that are not exposed to cancer don't know HOW to properly react!
I know, I know, we should not have to teach them, but I cannot count the number of times I was told (after all treatments) "Thank you, Kathi, for showing us that cancer isn't the doom and gloom we thought it was". Even when I was bald, I didn't hide...well, unless I had a tasteful scarf with me...lol. I looked at it as a mission to expose people to HOPE! Was I scared? You bet! Remember, I had 2 cancers within 6 months of each other, the first, rectal, I was given 6 months to live, tops. Actually, truth be told, the breast cancer dx that followed just sort of annoyed me (wierd, huh?).
You have us here to help you, my dear! And we love you!
Hugs, Kathi
I remember when my sister lost her hair. She had a "friend" tell her that she was only wearing scarves to draw attention to herself and that if she wore a wig no one would know. I told my sister that was not a friend. She didn't wear the wig for the same reason many here didn't. It bothered her head, it was hot, and it was obviously a wig. This same "friend" tried to give my sister lots of good advise like that. I would have told her to bugger off (like that Tasha). At least most of the people we run into, just say awkward things and don't know what to say. They can be forgiven but this was a nasty thing to say.
But karma is out there waiting for her.
Stef0 -
right on CR! i don't think
right on CR! i don't think people have a clue about cancer unless they have had it themselves. i have to tell you that i worked at our hospice for over 10 years as a social worker and thought i knew everything about how people, families and patients felt about a cancer diagnosis or the disease itself. well guess what? i didn't. i realized that some of the questions that i asked of cancer patients were so stupid and sometimes uncaring, although i didn't think so at the time. it surprised me how much i didn't know and understand about being a cancer patient. i feel that a big job cancer patients have is to educate people about cancer, the real cancer. its highs and lows. i don't think people mean to hurt us by asking inappropriate questions they just don't know what to ask. as i said, before i had cancer i didn't either. you are a very courageous and strong woman. these attributes will help you so much to journey through cancer. tomorrow is another day, love, peggy0 -
Stef - OUCH!fauxma said:I remember when my sister
I remember when my sister lost her hair. She had a "friend" tell her that she was only wearing scarves to draw attention to herself and that if she wore a wig no one would know. I told my sister that was not a friend. She didn't wear the wig for the same reason many here didn't. It bothered her head, it was hot, and it was obviously a wig. This same "friend" tried to give my sister lots of good advise like that. I would have told her to bugger off (like that Tasha). At least most of the people we run into, just say awkward things and don't know what to say. They can be forgiven but this was a nasty thing to say.
But karma is out there waiting for her.
Stef
Your poor sister. That person was not a REAL friend, I agree with you. Unfortunately, I believe at least most of us here can relate a similar story about people showing their "true colors" once we've been diagnosed. I've learned the hard way to forgive, FORGET, and move forward.
Aaah, sweet karma. Some day, when that person is in need of SUPPORT (for whatever reason) - she'll be blown off by someone else who simply won't be able to stand not being the absolute center of attention at all times. I'm certainly not vindictive. It's just karma - what goes around, comes around. We all get what we give in life.
Kind regards, Susan0 -
I agree Peggy.....peggy65 said:right on CR! i don't think
right on CR! i don't think people have a clue about cancer unless they have had it themselves. i have to tell you that i worked at our hospice for over 10 years as a social worker and thought i knew everything about how people, families and patients felt about a cancer diagnosis or the disease itself. well guess what? i didn't. i realized that some of the questions that i asked of cancer patients were so stupid and sometimes uncaring, although i didn't think so at the time. it surprised me how much i didn't know and understand about being a cancer patient. i feel that a big job cancer patients have is to educate people about cancer, the real cancer. its highs and lows. i don't think people mean to hurt us by asking inappropriate questions they just don't know what to ask. as i said, before i had cancer i didn't either. you are a very courageous and strong woman. these attributes will help you so much to journey through cancer. tomorrow is another day, love, peggy
I agree Peggy, i think it's awkward for alot of people.
Oftentimes, my family or friends say that they are surprised at how upbeat I am. I usually roll my eyes at them and tell them that "I have my moments"! Times I let fear and doubt get me down. But I usually bounce back and am upbeat again within a day. We all have our "moments". And when I'm down or scared, I end up posting here and you dear sisters always set me right again!
It is very difficult unless you or a loved one has "been there". I think too, that aftentimes people are afraid of saying the wrong thing, and so they say nothing.
CR0 -
((((HUGS))))
You are beautiful, no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down.
You are powerful, in every single way,
Words can't bing you down,
Don't let them bring you down, today.
That is not exactly what Christina Aguilera said in her song "Beautiful", I changed the words a bit and the lyrics apply to YOU. Make them yours, and know that you are indeed beautiful.
We here at Hogwarts, with our Magical powers simply can't make the Muggles understand what it's like to be us. It isn't their fault. Muggles fear what they don't understand, so they put up their guard and strike first. Just in case....
And if you don't know what I'm talking about, I guess you haven't read/seen the Harry Potter series! LOL
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
LOL Claudia.......chenheart said:((((HUGS))))
You are beautiful, no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down.
You are powerful, in every single way,
Words can't bing you down,
Don't let them bring you down, today.
That is not exactly what Christina Aguilera said in her song "Beautiful", I changed the words a bit and the lyrics apply to YOU. Make them yours, and know that you are indeed beautiful.
We here at Hogwarts, with our Magical powers simply can't make the Muggles understand what it's like to be us. It isn't their fault. Muggles fear what they don't understand, so they put up their guard and strike first. Just in case....
And if you don't know what I'm talking about, I guess you haven't read/seen the Harry Potter series! LOL
Hugs,
Claudia
You ALWAYS make me smile!! You make all of us smile!
CR0 -
You WILL survive
Jackie, your doctor is right, as Moopy says. Don't let your co-workers get you down. I have had people from work outright tell me that I didn't look good. Thanks. And I know the pity is annoying. It is as though you are no longer part of the living, working, going-about-our-daily-business world -- some people think that we are now in a special category of the condemned. I have even had people wonder how I could smile and laugh given my status. They seem to think that I will drop dead at any moment. Nothing could be further from the truth -- for me, and for you. People are well meaning usually, but not knowledgeable. Don't let their dire looks and questions deter you from what you know -- that you will continue to live your life. I must admit that before my diagnosis, I was one of these people. While, I would never ask anyone about the cancer coming back (who are these insensitive people???), I would expect that anyone diagnosed with cancer would be walking around head bowed low the ground, contemplating their impending death. Ha!!! I am out there living life, and I know you are, too, Jackie. It is lack of knowledge, combined with the anxiety about doing/saying the right thing that makes people insert their hooves into their mouths.0 -
Fauxma... Bloody Right!fauxma said:I remember when my sister
I remember when my sister lost her hair. She had a "friend" tell her that she was only wearing scarves to draw attention to herself and that if she wore a wig no one would know. I told my sister that was not a friend. She didn't wear the wig for the same reason many here didn't. It bothered her head, it was hot, and it was obviously a wig. This same "friend" tried to give my sister lots of good advise like that. I would have told her to bugger off (like that Tasha). At least most of the people we run into, just say awkward things and don't know what to say. They can be forgiven but this was a nasty thing to say.
But karma is out there waiting for her.
Stef
Noway can anyone give you any right advice unless they have been there themselves (and are you).
About what your Sisters' "Friend" said...just down-right nasty and not a real confidence builder....Quite right..Bugger Off would work for me. Hugs Jxxxxxx0 -
Fauxmafauxma said:I remember when my sister
I remember when my sister lost her hair. She had a "friend" tell her that she was only wearing scarves to draw attention to herself and that if she wore a wig no one would know. I told my sister that was not a friend. She didn't wear the wig for the same reason many here didn't. It bothered her head, it was hot, and it was obviously a wig. This same "friend" tried to give my sister lots of good advise like that. I would have told her to bugger off (like that Tasha). At least most of the people we run into, just say awkward things and don't know what to say. They can be forgiven but this was a nasty thing to say.
But karma is out there waiting for her.
Stef
What an awful "friend" that person was. I had a friend who told me that I would never have my previous abilities or energy after cancer. That I would always be impaired. She "knew" this because she was a doctor. Not an oncologist, but an emergency room doctor. This really got my goat. Who is to say what I will and will not have the capacity to do? And who was she to set limits for me? It made me even more determined to live life and enjoy doing so. Sure, I have my moments, too, just like everyone else. It doesn't take cancer to feel scared, depressed, or anxious about life. But now when we talk, I always say "I feel great! Even better than before." It preplexes her and makes me happy!!!0 -
Pity.....mimivac said:You WILL survive
Jackie, your doctor is right, as Moopy says. Don't let your co-workers get you down. I have had people from work outright tell me that I didn't look good. Thanks. And I know the pity is annoying. It is as though you are no longer part of the living, working, going-about-our-daily-business world -- some people think that we are now in a special category of the condemned. I have even had people wonder how I could smile and laugh given my status. They seem to think that I will drop dead at any moment. Nothing could be further from the truth -- for me, and for you. People are well meaning usually, but not knowledgeable. Don't let their dire looks and questions deter you from what you know -- that you will continue to live your life. I must admit that before my diagnosis, I was one of these people. While, I would never ask anyone about the cancer coming back (who are these insensitive people???), I would expect that anyone diagnosed with cancer would be walking around head bowed low the ground, contemplating their impending death. Ha!!! I am out there living life, and I know you are, too, Jackie. It is lack of knowledge, combined with the anxiety about doing/saying the right thing that makes people insert their hooves into their mouths.
I went into the local Food Basics just after I got hairless, I was wearing a well snazzy scarf and thought I looked like some sort of erotic arabian lady, hey, I felt ok. UNTIL......These 2 old hags started staring at me, shaking their heads and giving me the pity look. I could have Kicked Them! But even going through Chemo, Bald and miserable...I STILL LOOKED a whole lot better than them. I guess they just needed someone to look down on....
Big fleas have little fleas, upon their backs to bite 'em
And little fleas have littler fleas, and so ad infinitum.
Love you all...... Jxxxxxxx0 -
Special Category of the Condemnedmimivac said:You WILL survive
Jackie, your doctor is right, as Moopy says. Don't let your co-workers get you down. I have had people from work outright tell me that I didn't look good. Thanks. And I know the pity is annoying. It is as though you are no longer part of the living, working, going-about-our-daily-business world -- some people think that we are now in a special category of the condemned. I have even had people wonder how I could smile and laugh given my status. They seem to think that I will drop dead at any moment. Nothing could be further from the truth -- for me, and for you. People are well meaning usually, but not knowledgeable. Don't let their dire looks and questions deter you from what you know -- that you will continue to live your life. I must admit that before my diagnosis, I was one of these people. While, I would never ask anyone about the cancer coming back (who are these insensitive people???), I would expect that anyone diagnosed with cancer would be walking around head bowed low the ground, contemplating their impending death. Ha!!! I am out there living life, and I know you are, too, Jackie. It is lack of knowledge, combined with the anxiety about doing/saying the right thing that makes people insert their hooves into their mouths.
LOL, Mimi.
Come to think of it, I did step into one of the isolation cells at Alcatraz last fall. Maybe I should have stayed there and avoided all the trouble.0 -
Jail Time!Moopy23 said:Special Category of the Condemned
LOL, Mimi.
Come to think of it, I did step into one of the isolation cells at Alcatraz last fall. Maybe I should have stayed there and avoided all the trouble.
I have visited Alcatraz three times~ I am a history buff, and that place absolutely FASCINATES me! On one visit, a former "guests of the State" was there, having written a book which he graciously signed for me. Of course my Reggie wishes he could have been part of the Native occupation, but that year he was just graduating high-school!
Historically fascinating as it may be, I must disagree with you about moving in to one of the cells~ we are the Warrior-Survivors; lets put the negative ones in Alcatraz and let them whine and moan amongst themselves to their hearts content! Doesn't misery love company???? We belong, no we DESERVE to be on the outside, walking in the sunshine!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
You're Right, 50-Ft Womanchenheart said:Jail Time!
I have visited Alcatraz three times~ I am a history buff, and that place absolutely FASCINATES me! On one visit, a former "guests of the State" was there, having written a book which he graciously signed for me. Of course my Reggie wishes he could have been part of the Native occupation, but that year he was just graduating high-school!
Historically fascinating as it may be, I must disagree with you about moving in to one of the cells~ we are the Warrior-Survivors; lets put the negative ones in Alcatraz and let them whine and moan amongst themselves to their hearts content! Doesn't misery love company???? We belong, no we DESERVE to be on the outside, walking in the sunshine!
Hugs,
Claudia
Jackie's town is small--I bet there are enough cells for her negative coworkers and neighbors. Not to mention Tasha's hags and the "friend" of Stef's sister, and Jojo's How are You people. I would add the ER doc, too, but I think Mimi has taken care of her pretty well.
I agree with you on Alcatraz, too. We would have liked to go back for the day tour. Had planned to go this Fall. We loved SF and weren't there long. Something to look forward to next year.
Walking in the Sunshine with my sisters,
Moopy0 -
Dear, dear Jackie...
Oh, you are sooo right. One would THINK that folks who work in a hospital/nursing home would have much better common sense. I think they need to go back to school and retake that "Compassion & Empathy" class! I hope those people are much better with their patients than the way they are with YOU, their co-worker. Geez...
Although I know those folks have gotten you down (try to ignore 'em & their dumb remarks) - I am over the moon for you, because of what your DOCTOR said! Sweetie, THAT is what really counts!!! And, counts for A LOT!!! What wonderful words from your doctor: "Jackie, you WILL make it, I KNOW IT..." HE is the expert, NOT your co-workers. I hope you continue to find comfort & confidence in his words.
Kind regards, Susan
P.S.: What happened to your picture, with your fish? I miss seeing it, because I know fishing makes you happy... :-)0 -
JackieChristmas Girl said:Dear, dear Jackie...
Oh, you are sooo right. One would THINK that folks who work in a hospital/nursing home would have much better common sense. I think they need to go back to school and retake that "Compassion & Empathy" class! I hope those people are much better with their patients than the way they are with YOU, their co-worker. Geez...
Although I know those folks have gotten you down (try to ignore 'em & their dumb remarks) - I am over the moon for you, because of what your DOCTOR said! Sweetie, THAT is what really counts!!! And, counts for A LOT!!! What wonderful words from your doctor: "Jackie, you WILL make it, I KNOW IT..." HE is the expert, NOT your co-workers. I hope you continue to find comfort & confidence in his words.
Kind regards, Susan
P.S.: What happened to your picture, with your fish? I miss seeing it, because I know fishing makes you happy... :-)
People mean well. Some are just so awkward and don't know what to say or ask. I come from a small town too and I work in a small town. ( on leave now for my treatment and then a very long vacation lol ) And, my friends and co-workers have named a team in my honor for the Relay For Life this year, so, if some didn't know me and about my cancer, they do now. lol As I posted before, I am just sick of people saying "OMG, you look great!" Um...what do they expect? I just politely say "thank you" and cuss them out in my head. lol Quite honestly, if I hadn't of had cancer myself, I might be one of those that look at people with that diagnosis with pity in my eyes too. I don't know. Cancer is such a terrible disease BUT it is NOT a death sentence! Maybe in the "ole days", but, not now. When you get a diagnosis of cancer, it weeds out your true friends and your true family members and introduces you to some new and caring people that now are your friends as a result of cancer. So, look at that..look at the positive. You will make it Jackie..you HAVE made it! Read that and believe it!!!!!!
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