Angel has died

angelsbaby
angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Angel passed away on april the 16th at 10.55 pm. I was with him when he took his last breath. He was in alot of pain thursday so i called the pain dr she came to my house about 9pm gave him triple the dosage for pain then left he was heavely medicated and then he started breathing less and less till he did not take another breath. I had called the family that tuesday and told them they need to come well they were all coming friday but it was to late by then. I called hospice a few minutes after he passed they came out to the house to verify. I did not have a funeral picked out so angel stayed with me at home til noon the next day the family did make it to our house before they took him but he was already stiff i felt bad i should of had a funeral place picked out but i was to worried about angel at that time . I miss him so much The funeral was at the veterns cemetary at cave creek rd it was beautiful we had a slide show at the funeral home that was very nice too. Angels sisters and mother were making things difficult before the funeral I stayed away from them It was so upsetting to me i should of been the one making the decisions but thats not how it went but it is over now. the family is gone and i have my house back. My son is with me so that helps and my brother in law and sister in law lives a few mile away they have been coming over every weekend to hang out.It has been hard for me it seems like angel is just in the hospital and he will be home soon but he won't be coming home this time. He was suffering til the end I am so sorry for that. I am back to work today it seems weird. My boss paid for the funeral I am so lucky to have a boss that takes care of me and angel knew he would watch out for me. Thank you all for helping me threw this but it is just beginning for me to go on alone

I love him and miss him so much.

michelle
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Comments

  • dmdwins
    dmdwins Member Posts: 454 Member
    #2
    so sorry
    Michelle,
    My heart is aching for you. The love and care that you gave Angel during his struggle was truly beautiful. You are in my prayers.

    Dawn
  • dixchi
    dixchi Member Posts: 431
    #3
    Sorry
    I am so sorry to hear that Angel is gone;
    You were wonderful in the way you took care
    of him and I know you deeply miss him. This
    is a difficult time and I hope you have warm
    and loving friends and family around you to
    help through.

    Don't know if this is of any help to you but
    I just listened to a program on National Public
    Radio a few days ago about how in some states
    families are allowed to let their family member
    remain at home for a time period after death and
    they had some of the family members talk about how
    much it helped them; they were more able to grieve
    and to have closure in a better way. What a
    wonderful boss you have; a rare breed.

    Hugs,
    Barbara
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #4
    I send my hugs...
    You were such a great support for Angel in his time of need. I'm sorry that his mom, et al, was so callous toward you...

    But, now, he is safe in your heart, and you know that he is without pain. I kept reminding myself of that when my daughter died. It DOES get easier, and you will always remember him. With a smile...which, I'm certain, he would want you to do.

    Give yourself time to grieve, and time to heal. It has been a rough ride for YOU, as well...

    My biggest hugs are sent your way, dearsoul...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
    #5
    Michelle
    I'm so very sorry for your loss. You are an inspirational lovegiver. Angel was blessed to have you, such a strong and loving wife. I'm sorry you are suffering now. My heart is with you.

    Kimby
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    #6
    Michelle
    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. I know how much you loved Angel, and how you took such wonderful care of him. Thank heaven for your wonderful boss. Let the rest go...as you said, it's over now.

    Angel is truly an angel now and will watch over you.

    Many hugs and prayers for you, Michelle. It will take time, but your pain will ease. Keep coming here to talk. We need you as much as you need us.

    Vicki
  • CanadaSue
    CanadaSue Member Posts: 339 Member
    #7
    Michelle
    So very sorry for your loss. I know how you loved Angel, and will miss him.
    Just know that he is no longer suffering. He is watching over you from up above.

    ((((HUGS))))

    Sue
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #8
    CanadaSue said:

    Michelle
    So very sorry for your loss. I know how you loved Angel, and will miss him.
    Just know that he is no longer suffering. He is watching over you from up above.

    ((((HUGS))))

    Sue

    I'm so sorry
    I'm so sorry for your loss. This has to be such an emotional time in your life. You were such a wonderful caregiver and always there for him. He is at peach now with no pain.
    Take the time to grieve and give yourself time. You sound like you have a wonderful boss. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Kim
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #9
    Annabelle41415 said:

    I'm so sorry
    I'm so sorry for your loss. This has to be such an emotional time in your life. You were such a wonderful caregiver and always there for him. He is at peach now with no pain.
    Take the time to grieve and give yourself time. You sound like you have a wonderful boss. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Kim

    Hi Michelle...
    I wish I was there to hug you hard! Your Angel is now a real angel, and you were one hell of a lovegiver, he is in peace now, and you will have wonderful memories of him, when my mother died, I didn't think I'd ever be able to go on without her, but you do, and you think back to those beautiful memories you both had together. Thank God you have a wonderful boss, you have my sympathies, and I hope now you go on as well with the best memories of him.

    Huggggssssssss!
    ~Donna
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #10
    So sorry for your loss, Michelle
    It has been such a rough journey for you, and I know you will come to a day when you are at peace with the loss and happy that Angel is no longer in pain. Right now, you miss him terribly and that is alright! I am actually glad you were alone with Angel when he passed, in light of the way his mother and sister chose to behave after; Angel was able to pass in relative peace. As far as keeping his body at home, that's how it's done around here. The body lies in state at the home for the entire visitation period, then is taken to be buried. The family is able to remember their loved one knowing that their bodily presence is still at home with them. It's not done so much anymore, but you still see it being done often enough for it not to be strange!

    Thank God for your wonderful boss, friends and loving family. You will need their strength in the coming days, but I don't doubt that you will eventually come out from under that cloud, with the help of God. Be strong and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
    mary
  • ldot123
    ldot123 Member Posts: 272
    #11
    msccolon said:

    So sorry for your loss, Michelle
    It has been such a rough journey for you, and I know you will come to a day when you are at peace with the loss and happy that Angel is no longer in pain. Right now, you miss him terribly and that is alright! I am actually glad you were alone with Angel when he passed, in light of the way his mother and sister chose to behave after; Angel was able to pass in relative peace. As far as keeping his body at home, that's how it's done around here. The body lies in state at the home for the entire visitation period, then is taken to be buried. The family is able to remember their loved one knowing that their bodily presence is still at home with them. It's not done so much anymore, but you still see it being done often enough for it not to be strange!

    Thank God for your wonderful boss, friends and loving family. You will need their strength in the coming days, but I don't doubt that you will eventually come out from under that cloud, with the help of God. Be strong and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
    mary

    My heart goes out to you
    Hi Michelle, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is obvious what a wonderful caregiver you were. I know everyone on the board feels for you. Lance
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #12
    your loss
    Michelle,

    My heart breaks for you. As you said, it is over now, and Angel is no longer in pain- he's resting easy.
    It will be you now, going onward in your life. I know it won't be easy for you, but I'm glad your son has been there for you, and that you've had such a wonderful boss.
    Try to surround yourself with people who will help lift you up and pull you through. You will surely go through several different stages of grief and recovery. Allow yourself the freedom to feel a variety of emotions over the next few months or even longer. You are still whole and will continue on. Do check in with this board every now and then and let us know how you are.
    Know that I will continue to pray for and think of you. By the way, don't feel badly about anything you did or didn't do re. planning the funeral or anything else regarding Angel- you did the best you were able to do, and you were a wonderful caregiver for Angel.

    Blessings,
    Lisa
  • changing2
    changing2 Member Posts: 118
    #13
    Sorry
    I've been coming here almost daily looking for some news and today my heart felt so heavy, that I knew he had passed. Yet, seeing your note reminded me of how blessed he really was having you and your love, being at home and having friends nearby! I have family that works in hospice and they tell their clients that's common to encounter family issues and that probably more than 80% of those under 65 yrs old don't have funeral arrangements prior to passing....it's hard to grasp needing them before that. Now it's time to take time to grieve and hold fast to fond memories. I was so privaliged to share some of your journey and I thank you for that. I will keep you in my prayers and please visit when and if you can, Manny
  • nudgie
    nudgie Member Posts: 1,478 Member
    #14
    Poem
    Remember the poem, FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND:

    Footprints in the Sand


    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
    Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
    In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
    Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
    other times there were one set of footprints.

    This bothered me because I noticed
    that during the low periods of my life,
    when I was suffering from
    anguish, sorrow or defeat,
    I could see only one set of footprints.

    So I said to the Lord,
    "You promised me Lord,
    that if I followed you,
    you would walk with me always.
    But I have noticed that during
    the most trying periods of my life
    there have only been one
    set of footprints in the sand.
    Why, when I needed you most,
    you have not been there for me?"

    The Lord replied,
    "The times when you have
    seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
    is when I carried you."
    Mary Stevenson
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
    #15
    Huggggggs!
    Michelle, I am so sorry to hear of Angel's passing and how hard this has been for you throughout this whole period. There are no words that give justice to just how much your love for Angel has shown, even here on this cyberboard. Angel was an incredibly rich man surrounded by love and you were HIS angel.

    My heart aches for you because you are suffering the loss of this wonderful man in your life. Let yourself grieve. Do not give yourself a time limit on when you should feel better because grieving is a very personal, individual process. Also, do NOT be afraid to ask for help. This much trauma in your life is bound to have thrown your own system for a loop and that is so normal too. It is not a bad thing to ask for help during this time. Please see your own doctor and let him/her know what you are going through and how you are feeling.

    And please, please come back here as often as you want because YOU are part of the CSN family here.

    Major healing thoughts and hugs being sent your way!!!

    Cheryl
  • chynabear
    chynabear Member Posts: 481 Member
    #16
    You are Angel's Angel
    I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through. I am glad that he is not suffering anymore, but I am sorry that you are now. Please don't leave these boards... especially if it helps you get through. I pray for your peace. You are truely an angel and a great caregiver.

    I'm sorry the funeral was difficult. I think maybe that because the roles didn't follow the typical pattern, maybe mom had a harder time and needed to call a few shots? Kids aren't supposed to die before the parents. Obviously, I don't know the entire situation, but he was taken from all. Don't beat yourself up too badly for not having a funeral set up. You had a lot on your plate to handle at the time. In the end, it worked out.

    *HUGS*

    Tricia
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #17
    I'm so sorry
    I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like at his funeral it was celebration of his life with the slide show and all. You were wonderful to him. I'm sorry he suffered so at the end.
    -phil
  • Glv49
    Glv49 Member Posts: 206 Member
    #18
    I am so sorry for your loss
    I am so sorry for your loss Michelle, You were a wonderful caregiver for Angel. I know he will live on in your heart forever. Please take care of yourself, take the time to grieve. I lost my Mother to cancer last year, and all I can say is it does get a little easier over time, I guess, thats what everyone tells me. Please come and talk to us whenever you feel the need. You aren't alone, we are all your friends here.


    Hugs,
    Gail
  • lizbiz
    lizbiz Member Posts: 120
    #19
    My deepest sympathies and
    My deepest sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family. You are a truly amazing person and I'm sure Angel was too. You for seeing him through this and he for going through it with what sounds like such grace.

    You will be in my constant prayers.

    Hugs,
    Elizabeth
  • Monicaemilia
    Monicaemilia Member Posts: 455 Member
    #20
    I am so very sorry....
    Michelle: I am so very sorry for your loss. Your deep love for him always shone through every message you placed on this board. He was a very lucky man to have you by his side. As others have already said, Angel is now no longer in pain and can get on with his new job, and that is watching over you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Monica
  • Hatshepsut
    Hatshepsut Member Posts: 336 Member
    #21
    Monicaemilia said:

    I am so very sorry....
    Michelle: I am so very sorry for your loss. Your deep love for him always shone through every message you placed on this board. He was a very lucky man to have you by his side. As others have already said, Angel is now no longer in pain and can get on with his new job, and that is watching over you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Monica

    Condolences
    Michelle: I don't have the words to express how sorry I am to learn that your beloved Angel is gone. In reading your posts, I've always been struck by your strength and your obvious love for your husband. I'm sure your husband was very moved by your dedication to him and to his care. Take care of yourself during this very hard time.

    Hatshepsut

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