Feeling depressed

334455
334455 Member Posts: 8
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My one and only support system that has been my mom throughout my entire cancer experience has been strained. She has been available for all the doctor's appointments, surgeries, and driving me to all the plastic surgeon appointments. She has got to a point where she can no longer hear me talk to her about anything to do with my health. She is saturated and feels odeed.
No one else in my family has taken the time to connect and be available for me during this time. I FEEL VERY ALONE AND ABANDONED!!!
I feel depressed, insecure, lost, and not feeling a true sense of direction. I feel stuck.
I suspect that I am still dealing with all the grief.
How does one be their own advocate and cheerleader for themself when right now all that is truly needed is someone to lean on and be there for them during the many transitions of their cancer experience, etc.
Please help.

Comments

  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #2
    Cancer is overwhelming for
    Cancer is overwhelming for survivors and those who love them. It's easy to let cancer take over and run your life. There are times when it has to, but there are times when we have to remember that we are people who happen to have cancer, we are not cancer (I hope that makes sense). Maybe you and your Mom just need some time to be "normal" as much as possible. It sounds like she loves you very much, but you both need some help.

    This site is a good place to come. If you need more "in person" connection, look on the American Cancer Society website, or call and find the local unit in your area. They have volunteers who can help with driving you to your appointments, support groups to contact by phone, or even to go meet with. There is a support group called "look good, feel better" that helps survivors with make-up, cosmetics, other ways to feel better. Some hospitals and other facilities have support groups too, or you may be able to get in touch with low-cost counselling, if you feel the need for that. You might also look into getting involved in a church or other faith-based organization where you can be involved with people. I don't know where your interests lie, or how you are feeling physically, but Sometimes doing something that puts the focus outward can help too, if you are up to it. Volunteer to read to folks in a nursing home, or a public library, or a school library...or maybe in an animal shelter, or join a scrapbooking club, or something.

    I hope this is useful. seof
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
    seof said:

    Cancer is overwhelming for
    Cancer is overwhelming for survivors and those who love them. It's easy to let cancer take over and run your life. There are times when it has to, but there are times when we have to remember that we are people who happen to have cancer, we are not cancer (I hope that makes sense). Maybe you and your Mom just need some time to be "normal" as much as possible. It sounds like she loves you very much, but you both need some help.

    This site is a good place to come. If you need more "in person" connection, look on the American Cancer Society website, or call and find the local unit in your area. They have volunteers who can help with driving you to your appointments, support groups to contact by phone, or even to go meet with. There is a support group called "look good, feel better" that helps survivors with make-up, cosmetics, other ways to feel better. Some hospitals and other facilities have support groups too, or you may be able to get in touch with low-cost counselling, if you feel the need for that. You might also look into getting involved in a church or other faith-based organization where you can be involved with people. I don't know where your interests lie, or how you are feeling physically, but Sometimes doing something that puts the focus outward can help too, if you are up to it. Volunteer to read to folks in a nursing home, or a public library, or a school library...or maybe in an animal shelter, or join a scrapbooking club, or something.

    I hope this is useful. seof

    I couldn't have said it better....
    One other thing, when it comes down to it, dearheart, you MUST be your own best cheerleader...YOU are standing (and sitting) in battle with the beast...and, as much as it is great to have a shoulder to lie your head on, you are the one DOING the treatment!!! And THAT you should be very, very, very proud of YOURSELF for!!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #4
    That you found your way in
    That you found your way in here is a positive step in and of itself~ congratulations for that. You will find yourself surrounded by insightful, compassionate Warrior-Survivors~ not just those going thru cancer, but also the beloved caregivers. Having cancer is in one respect like being pregnant: Only one is pregnant, but more than one is involved in the process. Oftentimes the parents-to-be say WE are pregnant, or WE are having a child. Similarly, though we may be the one undergoing cancer treatment, this is something we hardly do all alone. Of course the similarity pretty much ends there, but hopefully you understood my point. At this juncture in both of your lives your sweet mom is simply overwhelmed~ it isn't a right or a wrong. It isn't that ones circumstance is worse than, or better than, it just is what it is. And for whatever reasons, your mom reached the point where she couldn't be everything you still need/want her to be. That will not leave you stranded and without loving care. It also doesn't mean your mom doesn't love YOU anymore...she is perhaps over-saturated and has for now, given her all. Your mom is, afterall, human. As are you and as are all of us in here. We don't get it all right, but we muddle along as best we can with the hand that was dealt us!

    If you need more than Cyber-Support, such as found here, your local ACS or cancer treatment center will have avenues for you to join actual physical support groups.During my radiation treatment, I used the ACS Road To Recovery program to transport me to the radiation center every morning. I scanned the bulletin boards and found things that interested me~ our local YMCA for example, had a 12 week FREE program for those within a year of treatment to help us get our physical self back as well.

    I am sorry you are feeling alone and abandoned~ you will be able to find the support you need!

    Welcome to the room, and I hope you also connect with others in your community; you will have much to share and learn from one another! Keep us posted!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • redriverartist
    redriverartist Member Posts: 54
    #5
    Support
    They have said it all. This is such a huge change in our lifestyles and our mindsets. If you haven't been through it, you just don't know. Please, please hang in there and find someone to talk to who has been through this.

    You know you can talk to us 24/7, but it's not like not like having a person to person conversation and vent all.

    I'm a month (yesterday) out of chemo and trying like hell to get my energy levels back. I got sick again tonite after dinner, so I know I have a long road to go. But I know I can do it and YOU CAN, TOO!!! We're will you in all this.

    Your mom is probably extremely overwhelmed with all this. It's not her fault - just the way it is.

    Teresa
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #6
    As seof has already done within her post...
    ... My very first suggestion would have been to contact the ACS.

    I'm glad you've had your mom at your side. As you've already recognized, she's probably completely exhausted - physically & emotionally. It's not easy to be a caregiver. I feel bad for both you and her. Because you are the patient, you cannot simply choose to stop & take a rest, recharge. Your battle is ongoing. However, she can. Even though this may be a disappointment to you - it does not threaten her own existence to take a break.

    I'm sorry for you, and her, that other family members & friends haven't been there for you, and her.

    Although my husband was my #1 caregiver during treatment, several other relatives & friends also pitched in. It was good for me, and him.

    I know EXACTLY how you feel at the moment, when you state you feel very alone & abandoned. I joined this group just a few weeks ago, to mark my 5 year anniversary of completion of all invasive treatment. I came here primarily to "give back" - to support & encourage others. It took me that long to feel strong enough- mentally & emotionally - to do so. Which is why I have such deep admiration for our sisters here who are currently undergoing their own treatments while at the same time offering companionship & comfort to others. I don't think I could've done both simultaneously.

    However, I - too - was beginning to feel alone & abandoned, although 5 years from where you are now. Loved ones telling me to "get over it... just forget about it & move on... why can't you pretend this never happened to you..." etc. Even though I simply wanted to talk about "things" once in a while. Instead of feeling hurt, I decided to seek out others I could communicate with freely, about all things breast cancer related. Without fearing judgment or criticism. So, now I'm here.

    Some how, some way - I sincerely hope you find the inner strength to find a way to stand for yourself. Because now, you must. At the same time, seek out others for support. Please also realize that you can accept only what they are willing to give. Another post here provided good suggestions. This group, of course, IS HERE FOR YOU. You already know that. But, we can only be "here" for you virtually. Can't go to the doctor with you, etc., except in spirit.

    With heartfelt hopes you'll find a new way to travel the journey, and with...

    Kind regards, Susan
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #7
    I'm glad...
    I'm glad that you found this site. You don't need to feel alone, as there are many here who will walk with you on your journey.

    My daughter always took me to my appointments, comforted me when I was feeling down, held my hand when test results were given, was my advocate when I couldn't handle some things by myself.
    At one point, as we were getting into the car to head for yet another appointment, I told her that we really needed to start going someplace fun for a change.
    So that's what we did. We set aside time when I was feeling well enough, to go out for lunch or on shopping trips....just anything enjoyable, and that did not involve dealing with my health. It was a breath of fresh air for both of us and helped to lower the stress level. And it was nice to rediscover that there is a world out there, outside of my battle with cancer.

    I don't know if that is a possibility with your Mom. Just spending time together doing something you both enjoy, now and then.

    Wishing you strength and sending hugs your way,
    CR

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