Newbie- how do I cope?
karlee
Member Posts: 2
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this site and sort of new to breast cancer. Im 22 years old, I was diagnosed in October last year with stage 3 IDC at age 21. Im having chemo at the moment and have 7 weeks to go.
Im having a tough time at the moment. It's been 6 months since diagnosis and im getting overwhelmed with it all. I stopped working when I was diagnosed and live with my parents (luckily) but have still been going to uni. Im studying nursing which has really helped with the medical side of things, but emotionally I feel like im about to fall apart. A lot of my friends have disappeared and my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago now. The only things holding me together are my family and uni.
I really need to talk to people who understand what im going through. My family have been great but they dont exactly know what its like. So what is it that has helped everybody through? When feel I cant do this anymore, people say "you'll be fine" or "stay positive". Well what if I cant stay positive any more, and how can they possibly tell me ill be fine? Nobody except a fellow cancer patient knows what its like to face their own mortality everyday.
I dont want to die, but I dont want to do this any more! (7 more weeks of chemo, 7 more weeks, 7 more weeks...)
Karlee
I'm new to this site and sort of new to breast cancer. Im 22 years old, I was diagnosed in October last year with stage 3 IDC at age 21. Im having chemo at the moment and have 7 weeks to go.
Im having a tough time at the moment. It's been 6 months since diagnosis and im getting overwhelmed with it all. I stopped working when I was diagnosed and live with my parents (luckily) but have still been going to uni. Im studying nursing which has really helped with the medical side of things, but emotionally I feel like im about to fall apart. A lot of my friends have disappeared and my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago now. The only things holding me together are my family and uni.
I really need to talk to people who understand what im going through. My family have been great but they dont exactly know what its like. So what is it that has helped everybody through? When feel I cant do this anymore, people say "you'll be fine" or "stay positive". Well what if I cant stay positive any more, and how can they possibly tell me ill be fine? Nobody except a fellow cancer patient knows what its like to face their own mortality everyday.
I dont want to die, but I dont want to do this any more! (7 more weeks of chemo, 7 more weeks, 7 more weeks...)
Karlee
0
Comments
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Karlee
When I was first diagnosed, if one more person had told me to "Stay Positive" I would have kicked them! It is just so lame, and lends itself to the suggestion that if you get miserable and despondent (Like we all do) then you are your own worst enemy.
We all get down during treatment, who wouldn't?
You are going through a lot at a very young and unfair age, But you are coping well.
7 More weeks! Hey you must be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel!!! Only 7 more weeks!
The other stuff you mentioned:.. A lot of my so called 'very good friends' disappeared too, it's as if what I had was contageous! People just can't cope with illness - well at least now I know who my REAL friends are. Natures way of weeding out the deadwood.
I was diagnosed in sept 2007, had lumpectomy and nodes, chemo, rads and now on tamoxifen for 5 years cos I was not menopausal. If I can do it you sure as heck can, I am the worlds biggest coward!
Your pic is very beautiful, and very brave.
Please come in here often, you will find the understanding, support and empathy helpful (Invaluable) I only wish I had discovered this room before I finished treatment, it would have been so much easier.
Hope to hear from you again real soon, And welcome! Hugs Jxxxxxxxx0 -
please know you are loved
please know this place is full of love . we walk a one day at a time walk.i wish i had just the right thing to tell you but i dont . we in this together.know if have to do this for one person and that is you. i have been just where you are now not so long ago its no fun. i hope in some small way i helped you.the next 7 chemo i will be with you in spirit hugs and love0 -
Hey Karlee
I learned that there was nothing that anyone could say to me that was'right'. If they said it will be okay, I thought, "no one knows that". If they told me about a loved one that had cancer and is a survivor, I thought, "their case could have been very different than mine". So I tried to think that they are just doing their best in dealing with something they know nothing about.
I don't know how you go on, but you do. All you can do is go one moment at a time. There were days when I said,"I can't do this anymore", but I did. Now I'm on the other side. (I had a left mastectomy, chemo ended in April 2008, and radiation ended in July 2008.) I still donm't know how I got through it! I too wish I would have found this site while still in treatment because it is such a blessing to hear from others that really do understand. Lean on us. We will be here for you as much as we can. It doesn't take away all the pain/crap, but it sure helps to know that you are not crazy in all of your thoughts. (I surely did think that I was and it was so amazing to hear that many others have experienced the same issues as I have.)
You're in my prayers.
God bless,
Rita0 -
Hang in there
Just try to get through one day at a time and soon it will be over. Maybe a local support group would help. Maybe your doctor would know of other young people with cancer you can talk to. It's sad to lose friends but maybe they aren't gone forever. And you can always make new friends too. Can't have too many friends.0 -
Hi Karlee...
Hi Karlee,
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this. Please know that we, on this board, will be here for you every step of the way.
I had mastectomy last August, 8 rounds of chemo, then 28 rounds of radiation. I still go every 3 weeks for Herceptin and will until late November.
I was 2B, with 9 out of 21 nodes involved.
I'm so glad that you have your family to lean on as you go through this. I'm sorry about your friends though. I guess some people just can't or won't cope with another's illness.
As far as being down and questioning yourself as to whether you can go on, that's so normal! I can't tell you how many times I would tell people that I wouldn't do any more. I couldn't do any more. But I did. You will too.
It's just so easy to become discouraged about everything..how overwhelming it all is. But we are all fighters when it comes right down to it. And I know that you can and will do it!
I'm glad you found this board because I know from experience that you will never find a more caring and helpful bunch of folks than the lovely people here.
Sending hugs and strength your way!
CR0 -
I know, it sucks.
Karlee, so sorry you have to go through this at such a young age. People kept telling me I was young at 42-----jeesh. It is very hard. I hated chemo and after 3 Adriamycin/Cytoxan treatments I contemplated stopping chemo. But we forge on because we know that it will reduce our risk in the future and thats the bottom line with cancer.
I know after my 4th treatment I was very depressed and people kept saying "Only four more to go!" Well that did me no good at all, because as far as I was concerned it may as well have been fourty more!!!! Thats how much I hated chemo and how miserable it made me. But anyway, I want you to know that I felt similar to how you are feeling. Most of us will say that chemo is doable and not too bad, but in reality for some of us it BITES! It made me pretty ill and I would never want to go through it again. For six months my life was planned around my every third "sick chemo week".
Hang in there, I know its hard to see it now, but believe it or not, that last treatment will be here and you will be finished and look back and say I did it, I got through it!
You are a nursing student--wow you are going to be one of those angels that help sick people. That is a wonderful thing. I really believe nursing and doctoring are callings from God. It takes a special person to spend their productive years caring for others. I remember fondly all the nurses that were so kind and caring to me through those scary first weeks and throughout my surgery and treatments. Does "uni" in your post mean university?
You will make it through and be ok, I just know it. Before long you will be encouraging your own patients to be hopeful and get well.
Cancer sucks, but it can be beaten, you will see. Ya gotta be a pretty tough warrior though. April 17th was the three year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis and I am well. Three years ago I worried that I would not live three years. God is good. You have the strength in you to get well because you have a lot to do yet:0) Blessings, and prayers, Eileen0 -
we all need help
Karlee,
We all need help. This site is a good place to talk about your feelings and hear what others have been through. The feeling of being all alone with no one who really understands is very common to us all. Sometimes we just need to allow ourselves to be sad and down for a while, as long as it does not prevent us from doing what we can to get better. Talk to your Doctor. There may be a support group, or a counsellor you can get in touch with who has experience with cancer survivors. Right now those 7 weeks may feel like more than you can handle, but just take one day or one minute at a time. Each time you accomplish something (shower, get dressed, go to bed, wake up...) just think that you are one tiny step closer to being done. Try to think of things you can do to help you get as much pleasure out of life as possible. Go outside and enjoy looking at the shapes in the clouds, go to a park and watch children playing, read a good book, whatever you have energy for that can perk you up. You have cancer, but you are still you.
The American Cancer Society website is a place you can go to look for a support group in your area. They also have "look good, feel better" groups for survivors to go to to learn tips on how to.....you guessed it...look good and feel better. You can get free make-up and tips on how to use it.
It really will get better...just hang in there. seof.0 -
Karlee...Welcome to the
Karlee...Welcome to the boards! I am just starting to dive into the pool of support that these boards can provide and appreciate the direct and honest thoughts/feelings that you have shared. My family has been very supportive throughout, but these boards help sift through questions and situations with the benefit of the perspective of brave women who have been on this journey longer than I.
I read on your profile that you rely not only on family but on your dogs too...I would love to hear more about your canine support team0 -
Jojo and Karlee...jojo elizapest said:Karlee...Welcome to the
Karlee...Welcome to the boards! I am just starting to dive into the pool of support that these boards can provide and appreciate the direct and honest thoughts/feelings that you have shared. My family has been very supportive throughout, but these boards help sift through questions and situations with the benefit of the perspective of brave women who have been on this journey longer than I.
I read on your profile that you rely not only on family but on your dogs too...I would love to hear more about your canine support team
My dogs have also been a Godsend to me through all of this! Especially one of my Golden Retrievers. I would also like to hear about your dogs!
CR0 -
Welcome, Karlee
Glad you found us, though sorry for the reason. Like Eileen here, I was told I was very young - at 45! - for breast cancer. I can't imagine how this feels for you, so much younger...
I endured horrible chemo, too. So, I understand where you are now. Takes such a toll on the body, wears down the spirit. But, you must finish. Try not to focus on "7 weeks"... Try just one day at a time. When overwhelmed, stop & take a deep breath.
People mean well for the most part, I believe. They just don't know what to say; and, sometimes, they simply don't think about what they're saying & what it might mean to the listener. Try to let it go, dismiss those types of statements instead of allowing it to bother you. You have more than enough to deal with.
Thank goodness for your family. Although it hurts, friends will come & go. I think it's pretty typical for all us. Unfortunately, it comes with the territory. People show their true colors. If they left you in your time of most need, were they really good friends to begin with? You're so young, you will make new - and better! - friends when you're healed & well again. I know, small consolation at the moment. Actually, by joining this group - you just made a whole bunch of new friends!
You are most welcome here, within this group. We are all breast cancer patients - like you are now, survivors - like me (almost 6 years since diagnosis), & caregivers. So, we can speak & relate to your experiences specifically. However, just in case you haven't noticed, there is another group here - Young Cancer Survivors. You may find a different type of companionship there. And, of course, you can be part of both groups at the same time.
You keep going, and take good care.
Kindest regards, Susan0 -
Karlee
Hi Karlee,
I know how you feel. It gets old real quick. I would worry about you if you didn't fall apart. Falling apart is one of the ways that we mourn our disease and our lives, or lack there of when everything is happening. You are aloud what I call my "pity Parties", you would call falling apart. If my family and friends wanted to join in, they had to follow my party rules. 1) the word positive was not allowed, 2) the word attitude is not aloud. Once my friends got the hang of it and why I was doing it, they were able to understand a small slice of what I was feeling. So, honey, you throw those pity parties anytime you want, where ever you want. We will be here for whatever type of support you need. Hang in there.
Love and Gentle Hugs,
Donna0 -
Just a note...
Karlee, all these ladies have given you wonderful support and advice so I will not repeat. Just wanted to say that I lost one breast in '86 and the other in '88. I was 38 when first diagnosed. I am now the BIG 6-0!
Given the advances that have been made in the treatment of breast cancer since I was diagnosed (23 years ago in June!), you have EVERY reason to be hopeful of a long, good life. And life after cancer IS good.
God bless, and the door here is always open.0 -
To CR re: DogsCR1954 said:Jojo and Karlee...
My dogs have also been a Godsend to me through all of this! Especially one of my Golden Retrievers. I would also like to hear about your dogs!
CR
Aaahhh, CR. Another thing we have in common - we love our dogs! (Actually, I love ALL dogs... Am a DOG NUT!)
You can learn more about my dogs on my Profile, under Expressions.
Kind regards, Susan
P.S.: Am sending you there so we don't unnecessarily bore the non-dog lovers, nor offend the cat & other pet/animal lovers... :-)0 -
CR & SusanChristmas Girl said:To CR re: Dogs
Aaahhh, CR. Another thing we have in common - we love our dogs! (Actually, I love ALL dogs... Am a DOG NUT!)
You can learn more about my dogs on my Profile, under Expressions.
Kind regards, Susan
P.S.: Am sending you there so we don't unnecessarily bore the non-dog lovers, nor offend the cat & other pet/animal lovers... :-)
I want a dog!
I've been begging my hubby for almost a year to let me get one. Even played the cancer card.
He's being a poop. I thought maybe for Christmas he would surprise me, Nope. Then I thought maybe for my anniversary (New Years Eve), Nope. My birthday in January, Nope. Valentine's Day, Nope. I guess I'm not getting one:( I even asked him if I could foster a dog. Nope.
So anyway, have some fun with your dogs for me!
Rita0 -
I want a dogritazimm said:CR & Susan
I want a dog!
I've been begging my hubby for almost a year to let me get one. Even played the cancer card. He's being a poop. I thought maybe for Christmas he would surprise me, Nope. Then I thought maybe for my anniversary (New Years Eve), Nope. My birthday in January, Nope. Valentine's Day, Nope. I guess I'm not getting one:( I even asked him if I could foster a dog. Nope.
So anyway, have some fun with your dogs for me!
Rita
Rita,
How about a dog for your one year anniversary of being a survivor of BC? I think that is an occaision that is very dog worthy. I have had a standard poodle for 9 years and he is the sweetest thing. Standards are very calm and smart and although they are pretty big they are super mellow and sweet. Thanks for letting me brag about my dog. surfermom0 -
coping
Dear Karlee,
It sure can be rough. I finished my chemo last February. I remember feeling like the bad times would last forever. I can tell you this. One day, I just popped out of it. It was really weird. You go into hell and then one day, hell spits you out again.
I never anticipated that part. I thought I would feel like crap forever. I sure was not able to stay positive the whole time. So, I bitched up a storm, when I was strong enough.
I'm sorry your friends have disappeared. That happened to me too.
Then they came back and for a time, I really hated them! Now it is ok again.
Hugs to you,
Ginny0 -
Ok Susan...Christmas Girl said:To CR re: Dogs
Aaahhh, CR. Another thing we have in common - we love our dogs! (Actually, I love ALL dogs... Am a DOG NUT!)
You can learn more about my dogs on my Profile, under Expressions.
Kind regards, Susan
P.S.: Am sending you there so we don't unnecessarily bore the non-dog lovers, nor offend the cat & other pet/animal lovers... :-)
Ok Susan, I have added my pooches to my Expressions Page. (Be happy I didn't also add my 2 pet goats!)
CR0 -
Hi Zahalenezahalene said:Just a note...
Karlee, all these ladies have given you wonderful support and advice so I will not repeat. Just wanted to say that I lost one breast in '86 and the other in '88. I was 38 when first diagnosed. I am now the BIG 6-0!
Given the advances that have been made in the treatment of breast cancer since I was diagnosed (23 years ago in June!), you have EVERY reason to be hopeful of a long, good life. And life after cancer IS good.
God bless, and the door here is always open.
I just read your post. I have also been diagnosed twice with breast cancer and hadn't seen anyone else on here that had. So, I don't feel so odd. I had breast cancer first in 1985 in my left breast and then in 2009, I got diagnosed with breast cancer in my right breast. A NEW cancer, not a recurrence. The doctor's keep stressing that is good...I keep just wanting to give them the finger. lol I went 23 years without cancer..cancer free and it came back. Now that is a BUMMER! Oh, and nice to meet you!0 -
July Puppy1surfermom said:I want a dog
Rita,
How about a dog for your one year anniversary of being a survivor of BC? I think that is an occaision that is very dog worthy. I have had a standard poodle for 9 years and he is the sweetest thing. Standards are very calm and smart and although they are pretty big they are super mellow and sweet. Thanks for letting me brag about my dog. surfermom
GREAT idea Surfermom! I think July is the perfect time for a new puppy. I thought I had run out of occasions until next Christmas but now I've got a new goal to work on him for. THANKS for the great idea!
I have always loved standard poodles! I've never had one but they just seem very cool. I would love to have one but actually this time I'm hoping for a small dog that I can paper or litter train. We like to take day trips on the Harley's and hubby doesn't want to have to worry about getting home by a certain time to potty it. So although I will end up with NONE, I am at least hoping for a little one.
You can brag about your baby anytime.0
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