I'm afraid I need some professional help right now

Carolhodnett
Carolhodnett Member Posts: 27
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Good morning fellow warriors! I am six weeks post chemo and doing pretty well physically. I am a little worried about my emotional state, however. I almost feel quilty saying this because I am stage 1 ovarian and my prognosis looks very good. My CT Scan was clear and my CA125 is good. If all this is true then why do I find myself in a constant state of fear? I seem to go to this very dark place and panic overcomes me. I am fearful that I don't have that long to live and I want to live every day to the fullest.I have a wonderful supportive husband and family who I just don't want to burden with this latest setback. I've lost my appetite and my energy. I work full time and I can't bear to be at work because i need to do so many things. I cry when I'm frustrated and I've never done that before. I want to spend all of my time with my loved ones and I can't and it makes me so sad. I am on an antidepressant but apparently it's not working. Do I need to speak to a professional about this? It seems to be getting worse each day instead of better. I don't know why I have lost my positive outlook when things still look good. Have any of you experienced this? I'd like to think I'm not going in to a deep depression but I fear I am. You have all helped me in the past and lifted me up when I was down. I'm sorry to say that this morning I am very down and I don't know how to walk out of this hole. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I rely on your wise advice. Blessings to you all. Carol

Comments

  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #2
    Yes, Indeed
    Your antidepressant may need a dose adjustment. What would it hurt to go see a professional about your feelings? I can't think of any negatives, personally. Your prognosis is wonderful but it does take awhile for your body and emotions to calm down. My physical condition is still not up to par and I haven't had chemo since 9/2/2008. Still have to rest and I am not working a job out of the house. Go for it!!! Saundra
  • Karen1418
    Karen1418 Member Posts: 48
    #3
    Depression
    Dear Carol,

    Don't put off getting professional help. I've been through clinical depression in the past, not associated with cancer, or any serious problem for that matter. I know how much medicine and therapy can help. I have been on 60mg of Prozac for years and believe that and the counseling I've had are what are keeping me sane now that I have cancer. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Karen
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #4
    SENDING HUGS AND PRAYERS
    Carol:
    Sometimes after we have 'gotten through' chemo, we underestimate what a toll is takes on our body and mind and spirit. Add to that recovery from surgery, if that's your case. Either way, we all need to give ourselves lots of time to heal and recover. Each of us need to allow ourselves that, and find out what it will take to achieve normalcy once again in our lives.

    Maybe your antidepressant needs to be changed. Maybe you do need to 'vent' with someone, preferrably someone from a cancer support group who can understand what you are 'feeling'. I find that exercise is a wonderful way to relieve stress, not to mention the health benefits. Take it slow, find something you enjoy doing, so that you will make it a part of your lifestyle. Personally, I rely 100% on my faith in God to get me through those tough times, and still be at my side in the good times, too. When fear gripped me, I remembered one of my favorite scripture verses from Proverbs: 'He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND'.

    Don't despair. Whatever you need to do to get over this bump in the road, don't be ashamed. It's temporary, and it will get better. You will find a way to be thankful for what is, and not be fearful of what isn't. We're here for you, anytime.

    Big Hugs and Prayers,
    Monika
  • Carolhodnett
    Carolhodnett Member Posts: 27
    #5
    Thank You
    Once again ladies you amaze me. You take the time out of your busy days to help reaasure someone you don't evem know. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for not making me feel like I am the only one who has gone through this. I am going to take your advice. I think I do need a cancer survivor group to join and I might also need to adjust my medication just until this passes and you have all given me hope that it will pass. Like all of you I have been on an emotional roller coaster since October when I had my total hysterectomy and debulking. The diagnosis of ovarian cancer leveled me and I fought so hard through chemo to get it all. I think that is where the problem comes in for all of us. We are never sure if they got it all. Until we all live with that knowledge and find ways to rise above it I think we all struggle. I can't think of a more responsive, knowledgeable, loving group of woman as you all are and I am so very proud to be in your company fighting this disease of ovarian cancer. Hopefully with God's help they will find the cure. Oh what a party we can have that day!!! Many Thanks. Carol
  • LPack
    LPack Member Posts: 645
    #6
    Help
    Carol,

    I have not experienced depression, but I had experienced fear when in the hospital and found out I was diagnosed stage 3C. When everyone left that first night and the second I was convinced I was going to die before I ever left the hospital or started chemo!

    Not only do I believe that was the meds and from surgery but I also believe it was a spiritual battle I was in. I talked with my pastor by the third day in the hospital and he prayed with me and told me there is not anything the matter with being fearful, nervous, etc. because at that time I had been given some startling news to say the least! But I was not to live in fear.

    I John 4:18 reminds us that "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear........." If we ever are afraid of the future, eternity, or God's judgment, we can remind ourselves of God's love. We know that He loves us perfectly. Also, read Romans 8:38-39. I needed to be reminded of God's love and that He was in control.

    But on the other hand I do know about depression first hand. We have a 29 year old son who lives with us diagnosed with schizophrenia. And he takes 4 different meds. Before when he would not take them he was not a happy person and neither were we! But over the last 12 years he has learned to live with his illness and so have we. Most do not even know now how he suffered. Praise the Lord he did get help.

    Don't know if this has helped, but I will keep you in my prayers and may you find what you need through your church support groups and through the medical field and most of all through Jesus who promises never to leave you nor to forsake you.

    In His Grip,
    Love, Libby ☺
  • kris43
    kris43 Member Posts: 275
    #7
    Carolhodnett said:

    Thank You
    Once again ladies you amaze me. You take the time out of your busy days to help reaasure someone you don't evem know. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for not making me feel like I am the only one who has gone through this. I am going to take your advice. I think I do need a cancer survivor group to join and I might also need to adjust my medication just until this passes and you have all given me hope that it will pass. Like all of you I have been on an emotional roller coaster since October when I had my total hysterectomy and debulking. The diagnosis of ovarian cancer leveled me and I fought so hard through chemo to get it all. I think that is where the problem comes in for all of us. We are never sure if they got it all. Until we all live with that knowledge and find ways to rise above it I think we all struggle. I can't think of a more responsive, knowledgeable, loving group of woman as you all are and I am so very proud to be in your company fighting this disease of ovarian cancer. Hopefully with God's help they will find the cure. Oh what a party we can have that day!!! Many Thanks. Carol

    Depression
    Hi Carol - I'm with the other ladies on this one, you probably need a little adjustment in your meds, which is not unusual and if your insurance will pay for therapy - why not meet with someone who you can just pour your heart out to and does not judge. My depression didn't start to hit me until about 8 months after chemo was over and by the time I realized how down I really was it was almost 10 months out and I was up til all hours of the night, sick all the time, afraid all the time of every ache & pain and spent many hours crying for no apparent reason.

    I've been in therapy before for other reasons but had never been clinically depressed and had also always refused drugs because talk therapy always helped. This time it wasn't enough. The therapist explained that a mind can only take so much stress and when it has reached it's limit, it gets out of balance (hence, chemical imbalance)and even if it's just a smidgden it is enough to put you in to a tail spin. I take 20 mgs of Paxil now, plus 1 mg of Lorazepam for anxiety as needed (usually just at night to help relax me for sleep)and my world seems much brighter and I can live life as I used too.

    This is a horrible experience you and the rest of the teal warriors have been handed - why WOULDN'T it get us down. Everyone has there own way to deal with things. Never feel ashamed or embarrassed - I know you've already said thank you for being made to feel as if you aren't alone. And you are not. That is the wonderful thing about this site - it always makes me feel sane.

    I hope you find your back to the light and know that we are thinking of you. Take good care. HUGS!

    Kris
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #8
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • lindachris
    lindachris Member Posts: 173
    #9
    Beyond normal!
    The challenge with all this is that we are called to go beyond "normal" whether we are dealing with cancer ourselves or caregivers to those we love. It affects us deeply. I know my wife benefitted greatly from maintenance meds during her last treatment and following. When she was ready she moved off them.
  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    #10
    lindachris said:

    Beyond normal!
    The challenge with all this is that we are called to go beyond "normal" whether we are dealing with cancer ourselves or caregivers to those we love. It affects us deeply. I know my wife benefitted greatly from maintenance meds during her last treatment and following. When she was ready she moved off them.

    A Change
    I think it sounds like you have just got a new perspective on things. Believe me, not wanting to be at work because you realize the time you really spend with your loved ones is precious, is not a bad thing. Yes you may need somone professional to talk with. Yes you may need an adjustment in the meds. But your body is still healing. Your spirit is still healing. It takes time. And none of us will ever be the same after this experience. We have come to appreciate all the little things in our lives. We realize what is the most important..the love of friends and family.

    Take each day as it comes, get a little extra help just to reasssure yourself that this is not a permanent thing in your life...the depression will ease up. Cry when you have to , laugh when you have to. You are just starting to live again, it will take a litttle while to adjust to the new you.

    I send my very best to you.....Cindy
  • ladyjogger31
    ladyjogger31 Member Posts: 289
    #11
    Carol
    Chemo is hard and
    Carol
    Chemo is hard and harder on some than others. You need to talk to your doctor about your depression because that is something that you don't have to deal with right now. There are plenty of medications that can help you through this slump.I take 200 mg of Zoloft. When you are depressed it is so hard to see that there will be an end to all of this. I really think that you will be able to think clearer and make a good decision once you have your depression under control. My suggestion would be to tell the doctor everything that you have told us here and than the two of you can work on answers together. Good luck Carol and know that you are not alone in how you feel. I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to make a good clear decision!I don't know what faith you are but I know that mine is strong and helped me through my difficult times.
    Hugs and Prayers, Terry
  • Carolhodnett
    Carolhodnett Member Posts: 27
    #12
    ladyjogger31 said:

    Carol
    Chemo is hard and
    Carol
    Chemo is hard and harder on some than others. You need to talk to your doctor about your depression because that is something that you don't have to deal with right now. There are plenty of medications that can help you through this slump.I take 200 mg of Zoloft. When you are depressed it is so hard to see that there will be an end to all of this. I really think that you will be able to think clearer and make a good decision once you have your depression under control. My suggestion would be to tell the doctor everything that you have told us here and than the two of you can work on answers together. Good luck Carol and know that you are not alone in how you feel. I will keep you in my prayers that you are able to make a good clear decision!I don't know what faith you are but I know that mine is strong and helped me through my difficult times.
    Hugs and Prayers, Terry

    Thank you all
    I want to thank all of you wonderful ladies that read my post and provided me with invaluable information. I do not feel as alone and frightened as I did a few weeks ago. I guess we just all go through rough patches. Lately when I'm feeling anxious, I run to the nursery to buy plants or I go visit my adorable granddaughters. Both of these activities give me comfort and hope. and lift my spirits. I am so very grateful to you for being there to talk to. You all completely understand the depths of ovarian Cancer. It's not a disease to take lightly and I've learned that in order to survive you have to fight and do everything and anything you can to get better. I find your strength and belief in a higher power comforting. Hugs and prayers to all of you and have a wonderful weekend! Carol
  • Bstrange
    Bstrange Member Posts: 87
    #13
    Carol
    When you have chemo it changes everything. Please go to your psy. and get your meds checked. I had to up mine.
    Also, the memory loss is normal- it does come back.
    I have learned to stay in the moment. If you think of the past or future-God is not there. He is only in the present so you can lean on him.
    When you start worrying ask Him to remove this and He will. I call worrying "minding God's business" What we worry about may not even happen or will work itself out before we get to it.
    I also call on my guardian Angel to surround me and give me peace. It Works!
  • JanQ
    JanQ Member Posts: 236
    #14
    depression
    You have received great advice here.
    I was at the doctor's yesterday and Lisa, my nurse, put on my paper that I had stopped meds early because of sickness and emotional instability! You have to talk to your doctor and you really should have someone you can tell everything to as far as your feelings be it professional or just a great friend that you feel you can share with, but you have to get it out.
    Like many say to I always turn to God and he hears me! He is my father.

    Blessings to you, Jan

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