depression

depression
Hi Ohilly,
I have suffered from depression since my teens. I could usually bring myself out of it until I was diagnosed with Lupus in 1990. The only information I could find was that I had 10 years at best to live. I was 33. I saw a therapist and talked to my pcp. He put me on an antidepresent and for the first time I felt "normal". I am now 52 and have been on my antidepreents every since. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I had to quit a 26 year career (and focus of my life)of teaching. I understand how you feel and why. I found what helped me, I hope you find your answer. It's a really crappy feeling that can sneak up on you slowly and take control. But you know that. Oh, I have never had a problem with hair thinning on the meds. Again, that's just me. Hang in there. We will get through this.

Love and Gentle Hugs,
Donna

Hi Ohilly, I am sorry for
Hi Ohilly, I am sorry for all you have gone through and that you are feeling so down. I wish I could help but I also am depressed a lot of the time. My Mom comitted suicide, and my Dad suffered for a long time when he died. Losing them was very hard and I can't imagine how hard it was for you when you lost your parents. Since having cancer I have been going through a mid life crisis. As you said, one looks ahead and realizes our generation is next in line. Cancer makes us think about how short life truly is-----a blink. Its cruel that we must be aware of our mortality. Yes it helps us to appreciate each day but it also makes me anxious and depressed to think that eventually I will be sickly and pass. it does not seem right.

What can we do? I hate to be a downer, but I am just expressing my true feelings. Wish I could help, but you are not alone.

ohilly said:

thanks
It helps just to know I am not alone, and that others have experienced this. Eileen, I also have a history of suicide in my family: my father's father and his brother both committed suicide. I think there is truly a chemical imbalance and that this accounts for a lot of my depression. Maybe I will get to the point that I give in and take medication, but for now I am too afraid of the side effects.

Thanks to all of you.

Ohilly

meds
Ohilly, If you are concerned about medical expenses, I just want you to know that you don't always have to see a psychiatrist for anti depressant meds. You may be able to get a RX from your oncologist, gyn or other Dr. which you already see. Best to you, Susie

tgf said:

depression
Add me to the list of depressed people. I guess I could say I "suffer" from depression ... but that isn't quite the case. I am no longer "suffering" ... I have been on anti-depressents for many years and honestly don't think I could function without them. I can still remember how I felt before I started taking medication and I can still remember the pain I felt. I felt totally alone and felt as though no one on the earth could possibly understand how I felt. I was alone. It seemed that I had nothing to look forward to and life just looked like an endless struggle to get through each day. There was no happiness or joy.

But ... at some point ... luckily ... I realized I needed help. Desperately. I went to a psychiatrist and he did put me on medication. It did take awhile to get "it" adjusted ... but it worked. That has been 30 years ago and since that time my medications have been changed several times ... but I am grateful that I am now able to function. The medications help me to cope with life. I can deal with situations without totally falling apart. I am not an angry person ... and I don't cry all of the time. I feel very lucky that there are medications out there to help people with depression ... and I think you might be surprised what a difference it will make in your life. I have NEVER heard of hair loss as a side-effect and I honestly believe if I was guaranteed to lose my hair if I took anti-depressants ... I would still take them. I'd rather wear a hat/scarf/wig the rest of my life than live with depression.

I wish you all the best ... and hope that you might reconsider your decision to NOT try medication.

hugs.
teena

In the Dumps
Hi, Believe it or not I got severely depressed AFTER treatment was over, worries about whether I had made the right choices, worries about recurrence, worries about my new shape, about my hair, about my looks, about my washing machine, cat, even "Harry the Spider"...Gimme a break.. But I couldn't switch this insane anxiety off or down at all. Both hubby and My Mum suggested I go to see my doc with a view to getting some of "Mum's little helper" (Hey I thought they meant Gin!! I was there!) anyway he put me on a couple of things that didn't work, then we tried Zoloft.........What a change, Happy-Pills sometimes work without you becoming a zombie or losing track of who you are. Try it..What have you got to GAIN????????? Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

" The only time I feel good is when I'm busy........"
Perhaps you and your husband should make another little baby----- that will keep you busy.
Bill S

djteach said:

depression
I just want to add one more thing and then I'll shut up and leave you alone (maybe)LOL.
I don't want you to think that taking a pill means you are weak. I know a lot of people feel this way. Aren't you expecting a whole lot of yourself? I just want you to know that the only person that would see you as weak, would be you. You are an inspiration to so many on this board, myself included, that I hate to see you hurting when you have options. Just make sure you take care of yourself!!

Love and Gentle Hugs,
Donna

You've got plenty of company...
Hi Ohilly,

I've suffered from depression since I was a child. There's definitely a history of it in my family, and then you add in all the environmental triggers, and voila....clinical depression.

In any case, I used to "just say no" to antidepressets, but after my mother died in 1989, I realized that I had three choices: 1. shoot myself, 2. get hospitalized so I wouldn't shoot myself, or 3. try taking antidepressents. I was started on Prozac, and for the first time in my life, I began to understand how "normal" (i.e. non-suicidal) people felt and thought. I honestly believe that Prozac saved my life.

But several years ago it stopped working quite so well. I tried several other meds -- Wellbutrin made me psychotic/angry, Zoloft made me too tired to function -- but last year I finally settled with Citalopram (the generic of Celexa/cheap). I was OK for awhile, decided I wanted to wean off of them, and found myself pretty much unable to function well over the last year, but was too tired and sad to care. The cancer dx sort of slapped me in the face when I initially thought, "Great, now I can just die without having to shoot myself, OD on something, whatever!!! Yeaaaa!!!"

Then I realized how irresponsible and selfish that would be (having been in law enforcement, I've seen many times over what suicide does to those who are left behind....). So I started working with my doctor a few weeks ago. We began by increasing the dosage of the Citalopram, since I didn't want to try anything new at this point with everything else that is going on BC-wise. About a week later, I told my OB/GYN, that I was having more trouble than usual sleeping and that I really didn't want to go through surgery on 5/6 being sleep-deprived already. She gave me Xanax (a generic form of it/also cheap)to take at bedtime.

Well, either the synergistic effect of the Xanax & Citalopram, or the combination of Citalopram and regular sleep patterns, has increased my quality of life a HUGE amount this past week. I am feeling sooooooo much better about life. Not giddy and manic, not "high" or weird -- just a better version of me. It seems like it's taken forever to find this proper mix of Rx, partly because over the years I got tired of the craziness of trying to find an antidepressent that worked and didn't have side effects. Basically, I had given up on myself, until the BC dx.

Bottom line: most clinical depression is caused by chemical imbalance(s) in the brain's neurotransmitters, just as diabetes is caused by the inability of the pancreas to make insulin properly. There are medications that can help people like us, who suffer from depression, function on a much higher level than we can without the medication, just as insulin helps a diabetic survive. And I think that one of the biggest problems with depression is that when we are in the midst of it, it is very difficult to make the proper choices to get ourselves the help we need because we are not thinking in a rational manner. I would take being bald for the rest of my life over being depressed for the rest of it...any day of the week.

Please, please try to help yourself get out of that horrible hole. It's hard enough to fight the BC Beast without the added battle with the Monster of Depression.

(Hope I haven't ranted too much...)

Much love and hugs,
Debi

Christmas Girl said:

Cancer = Depression
I sorta disagree. I think cancer almost automatically brings depression along for the ride. Too many of us, who've never had the problem before, find ourselves wondering: "What the heck's wrong with me?"

And I am very sorry for the losses of your loved ones. Should've stated that first.

I have often thought that it would be just wonderful if enduring cancer would be "enough"- that life after cancer might give us a break. Unfortunately, this isn't so. Life goes on. New struggles emerge. Some of the things you mention would've certainly - or at least, probably - happened, even if you hadn't developed cancer. Still, you must not give up on your search for a solution. Please continue, for your own sake, until you find the right option that actually works and helps to lift your spirits. Gather your strength, and keep going.

Turn that coin over to the other side: you didn't go through all that horrid cancer treatment to give up now! Best wishes to you.

Kind regards, Susan

cancer = depression
I agree that cancer = depression. I've been telling my friends that I really think that anti-depressants should be prescribed prophylactically to every person diagnosed with cancer. I'm sure that not 100% of people get depressed but I think the percentages are high enough to warrent this. I wonder if how much of this could be avoided?

Rita

ritazimm said:

cancer = depression
I agree that cancer = depression. I've been telling my friends that I really think that anti-depressants should be prescribed prophylactically to every person diagnosed with cancer. I'm sure that not 100% of people get depressed but I think the percentages are high enough to warrent this. I wonder if how much of this could be avoided?

Rita

An excellent idea, Rita!
YES! Or, as soon as diagnosis is delivered - an automatic appointment with a psychotherapist or psychiatrist, or someone like that, for an initial consultation & evaluation. (They provide the meds, as needed.) What the heck? Why not? Just more doctor appointments mixed right in with those with the surgeon, medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, and all the tests & what-not that get added in, etc., etc., etc.??? Should just be part of the whole program, you know? And that same psyche doctor sees the patient regularly throughout the journey.

Even better if those psyche doctors would be survivors themselves, with first-hand experience... automatic "street cred"!!! Yeah, preventative therapy. Or at least, to help manage the blues before they get too deep.

Kind regards, Susan

P.S.: My mind is spinning - how to make this happen??? Where to start???