Does anyone else ever feel ashamed when they get overwhelmed?

((((akbetty)))) No WONDER you feel overwhelmed!
Wow, girl, you have a lot on your plate. Anyone would be overwhelmed with the weight that rests on your shoulders! Two teenagers and a toddler, : ARGH! God love you, girl! Blessings they may be, but could there be a more demanding combination for any parent?? Huge hugs, kiddo. NEVER feel ashamed for feeling overwhelmed! You have every right.

Is there an adult day care (like a LIFE program??) or respite program in your region that could help you with your in-laws? When people ask, 'what can I do to help?', do you have a list that you can whip out and tell them 'Take your pick', or do you say 'not really' ?? You've GOTTA take any help that's offered! HECK, if I were nearby, I'd come over and help you out, and I'm in treatment for cancer!! (Any chance you're in central Pennyslvania??) And maybe you even need to ASK for help. BIG BIG HUG.

lizrider said:

wow
Wow Betty, you are doing great, just keep going and don't worry if you feel overwhelmed, as any normal human would. You are inspired by your husband's stength but your story is inspiring the rest of us to keep going with our own trials. Thank you for posting this and keep up the good work with your family! God Bless- Liz

Betty is amazing
Betty. Holy do you have a full plate. And I really think you deserve a vacation. At the least some time for yourself once in a while. Your an amazing caregiver. I wish you would say where you live as someone on here might be able to give you a hand now and then. Bless you Slickwilly

suzjazz said:

My thoughts are with you
Betty, you are definitely not crazy--your feelings of shame and despair are signs of sanity and that you are human trying to cope with a terrible and unfair situation. My boyfriend has stomach cancer and we are not even sure what stage because they can't be sure until he has surgery next month. Today he is getting a PET scan to see if his chemo/radiation worked (he finished a 6 week treatment to shrink the tumor) Cancer has ravaged my own family--I saw my mother die too young of a brain tumor; my cousin also died of melanoma. I am a breast cancer survivor. I feel that I must be strong for my BF and never cry in front of him, but he is almost always around and the only other places I could break down would be work or when I am out doing errands, or in my therapist's office. I frequently walk around wanting to cry but can't because other people are around. Sometimes I go to a restroom into a stall to cry. The stress is terrible sometimes. He has to have major surgery and we have money problems, and on top of that, we just had a stupid fight, he left to get his scan, and I am crying by myself because I apologized and now he's angry and not forgiving me. Sometimes we feel there is no one to turn to and no one understands. I am grateful for this board because I can always be in touch with someone who does understand.

I don't know if I can be of much comfort to you, but I hope and pray that things get better for you and that you have some support (therapist, clergyman) Everyone needs someone to talk to and fall apart in front of. Remember that it is your basic sanity that makes you feel this way. It is a natural response to a cruel disease. I hope today is a better day for you.

akbetty and suzjazz
Akbetty. It was great that you got our for a while. Having a young child in the home is a blessing and I wish my children had not grown up. For many of us cancer completly changes our lives. I have always been a giving type person but cancer brought a whole new dimension to how much I cared about people and their suffering. We quickly find that we can never do enough and that hurts more than my daily physical pain. Someday when things settle down you will be the person handing out pennies at the fountain.
Suzjazz. You have a long struggle ahead of you. When we go through cancer we sometimes take our pain and suffering out on the person we love. The person that is the closest catches our frustration, anger and fear. Some drugs make this problem worse as there is a loss of mental control and we don't even realize it. I don't have all the answers as each case if different. But I suspect your boyfriend would like to cry also as he is just as afraid of things as you are. He is proubly putting up the same strong front and trying to be strong. So some communication between you two about your fears might be in order. Express your love and fears and fight together. Blessings to you both. Slickwilly

akbetty said:

suzjazz
Thank you for your thoughts. I am so sorry for the stress that you are under. It sounds like you've had more than your fair share. I liked what you said about how it's sanity that makes us feel like falling apart, not INsanity. That's a really smart way of putting it. I'm sure your boyfriend is grateful for your support. You will have fights and arguments, because you are both stressed, frightened, and angry. But you'll also learn to forgive each other quickly, because you need each other more than ever now. A couple of times I've wanted to shoot myself after snapping at my husband, but he knows I'm going to be there for him, no matter what. You need to find a way to let yourself cry. As you said, we are only human after all. I find myself crying in the car after I've dropped my daughter at pre-school. I guess it's one of the few times I'm ever alone. All the best to you. I hope your BF gets a good report from his scan. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Sending Hugs and Comfort
akbetty and suzjazz,
I'm sending you my biggest (((hugs)))! You have a whole lot on your platter and you're both handling it with such grace; you may not see it that way, as you are too close to the situation daily. But as a cancer survivor,who is dependent on my husband and children, I see the courage and strength in both of you.
I just melted down yesterday because of the stress of upcoming tests and my husband held me and told me he was proud of me for fighting so hard for our family. I didn't feel courageous but, his kind words were all I needed to get back on track and keep going. You may not see it or realize it but just a few kind words from you and your family can recover and recoup from the stress and pain much more quickly.
I have found, like Randy Pausch, that crying in the shower is a great way to relieve my stress when I have a bad day. It may not be the answer to the problem, but it sure does feel good to let those emotions out; and nobody is the wiser! I also spend time here with people that I know understand ALL that I have to deal with.It can only help to share your feelings and concerns; so many here are experienced with all that you are going through and can offer great advice and support.
Hang in there and know that you are loved and appreciated, even if you don't hear those words too often. Sometimes, we survivors are so wrapped up in getting through this battle that it's hard to acknowledge that we aren't going through it alone. Sometimes it's hard to accept help or feel dependent and that may be one of the reasons that you don't hear "thank you" very often- not a great way to deal with it, but very human. It's not easy being a survivor or a caregiver but that's what we have to deal with and it can only be better if we have someone to love and support us along the way.
So hang in there, know that you are truly loved and appreciated! I hope you have a better, stress-free( or at least stress-reduced) day.
Much love,
Hollyberry