Just wondering

When Treatment Ends
Hi, Kit, I am sorry for the difficult time you are having. I am not through with treatments, but from what I have read, your emotions are very normal and to be expected. There are older threads on this board where members have talked about their feelings after treatment ended.

I am already finding, as Seof said, that many people, even friends and family, think it is over when treatment ends, like you had appendicitis or something. It is not that they don't care. I don't think anyone who has not had cancer really can truly understand. This board, and survivors' groups meetings, again as Seof suggested, are places where you will find women who know what you are going through. Also, the ACS has a 24-hour number that you can call. Others have told me of the comfort and help they got through these calls.

You have already come through so much. If you made it through treatments, you can handle this time as well. You are not alone; the wonderful sisters on this board are here for you,day or night.

ive read the books
and ive done the research..i've listened to my sweet sisters go onward through the journey. But i still don't know i am not there yet but almost! from what i hear from our survivors this is a very scary time. before we are actively fighting the beast...then there is a periods of silence, just waiting for the ugly one to rear its head again. from what i hear our friends and loved ones believe we are all over this. not so.. this is a life experience and we change and learn and become a new person.. this can make us a better person, wanting to help others like us, realizing that we need to make the most out of each moment because our lives are fragile..and mortality has tapped us on the shoulder. I believe that God has many lessons and trials for us..and we were given this for a reason. I will give thanks to my lord for choosing me to help in this small part that i can. to make a difference. maybe there will be a cure by the time my grandaughters grow up.

sorry i got to deep. may God bless you
jackie

Kristin N said:

Kit, stay strong and know
Kit, stay strong and know that we here support you and will listen to you. I totally understand. I am still in treatment, going thru my 37 radiation treatments now. The first thing people say to me when they see me is " wow..you look so good". I feel like asking..what do you expect me to look like? death? I know they mean well, but, I think if we look good and act ok..people tend to forget that we are battling inside with a horrible beast. I put on a good front with my husband, friends and family. When I do let it down and cry or act depressed..they don't seem to understand because I "seem so good". I hope this makes sense..lol

"But you look so good!"
Yes, I think people tend to think that those who have had cancer should be pale, weak, and hospitalized. When you are not like that, they assume everything is resolved and that cancer is a distant memory. As we all know, that is far from the truth. As Jackie said, there is the fear of recurrence, of having to go through treatments again and face mortality. I alternate between being happy and content to be healthy and alive, to being fearful about what's down the road. I think after we have been through an experience like this, we need to do what's right for us, be gentle with ourselves. If others cannot understand, then it might be best to just make peace with that and move on. Not everyone will get it.

Cindy54 said:

Me Too
Boy, if I had a nickle for every time someone said "you look good", I would have had enough to take my dream vacation! It's true, no one understands us like another cancer survivor. My friends also have that distance thing going, now that I am out of treatment. They seem to feel I am all okay and they no longer have to worry about me. Well, I still need support! Gosh dang it. I have taken to trying other things that get me out of the house and moving...to try and make new friends. And yes, I do tell my story if someone asks or the subject comes up. You would be surprised how often cancer comes up in ordinary conversations, it's like it has touched us all in some way. Cindt

Cancer is everywhere
I am surprised by this, too, although I don't know why. Half of all men and a third of women will get cancer at least once in their lives. My next door neighbor heard about me and remarked to my husband that she was in remission from breast cancer herself. I sometimes wonder how many others in my condo building have had or currently have cancer. It's like an epidemic...

RE said:

Insensitivity
Kit these co-workers and friends simply have no idea how difficult cancer is to expierience both physically and mentally. They don't know that chemo and rads can leave us with life changing after effects and most don't wish to know. They are like the ostrich and wish to bury their heads in the sand and pretend we are the same as we once were. I agree that a support group would probably serve you well, give you an outlet to express yourself with those who understand. Of course we are always here for you too and we certainly understand.

Hugs,

RE

Having people understand the
Having people understand the unknown is an impossibility. However, we, as cancer survivors, can be the flag bearers when it comes to educating others on how it feels to be a survivor. When I am asked how I am doing now that treatment is over, I am usually very honest...."Life does not go on as usual. It is a work in progress, and each day is a blessing. However, I don't take the next day for granted, because you never know what life is going to send yur way." This type of honesty is taken in two ways...either they don't know how to respond, or they ask questions to educate themselves on how I am feeling deep inside. More often than not, the unaffected person becomes more enlightened, and a lot more understanding of where I am standing.

When working with the Relay For Life program years ago, I always took the opportunity to let those volunteers know why they were there. I would ask everyone in the stadium to raise their hand if they, one of their loved lones, or friend had been affected by cancer. Then while holding up their hands, I would ask everyone to look around to see all of the raised hands....THAT WAS WHY WE WERE THERE. Cancer affects so many people, and anyone you pass in the store has probably had an experience with the disease, or been a caregiver. Our stories are our own, and I really think that when these stories are known by everyone we come in contact with, the quicker we will find a cure for this disease. Cancer shouldn't be a hidden disease, it should be screamed from the rooftops for all the world to join the fight to find a cure. Too many have suffered, and will continue to suffer. Our experiences are assisting future generations in how their treatment will be given, and even if this disease will be wiped off of the face of the earth like polio. Hang in their, dear people, and know that we are in this fight together, and there will be victory, even if on a small scale...one by one.

Hugs,

Judy

creampuff91344 said:

Having people understand the
Having people understand the unknown is an impossibility. However, we, as cancer survivors, can be the flag bearers when it comes to educating others on how it feels to be a survivor. When I am asked how I am doing now that treatment is over, I am usually very honest...."Life does not go on as usual. It is a work in progress, and each day is a blessing. However, I don't take the next day for granted, because you never know what life is going to send yur way." This type of honesty is taken in two ways...either they don't know how to respond, or they ask questions to educate themselves on how I am feeling deep inside. More often than not, the unaffected person becomes more enlightened, and a lot more understanding of where I am standing.

When working with the Relay For Life program years ago, I always took the opportunity to let those volunteers know why they were there. I would ask everyone in the stadium to raise their hand if they, one of their loved lones, or friend had been affected by cancer. Then while holding up their hands, I would ask everyone to look around to see all of the raised hands....THAT WAS WHY WE WERE THERE. Cancer affects so many people, and anyone you pass in the store has probably had an experience with the disease, or been a caregiver. Our stories are our own, and I really think that when these stories are known by everyone we come in contact with, the quicker we will find a cure for this disease. Cancer shouldn't be a hidden disease, it should be screamed from the rooftops for all the world to join the fight to find a cure. Too many have suffered, and will continue to suffer. Our experiences are assisting future generations in how their treatment will be given, and even if this disease will be wiped off of the face of the earth like polio. Hang in their, dear people, and know that we are in this fight together, and there will be victory, even if on a small scale...one by one.

Hugs,

Judy

Your reply brought me to
Your reply brought me to tears Judy, but, good tears! You are an inspiration! Thank you for writing that, and, I truly mean that!