Caregiver for husband, he lashes out at me

patriciamariechristie
patriciamariechristie Member Posts: 11
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
My husband has non hodgkins lymphoma. His last CHOP with Rituxan destroyed his heart. The lymphoma is growing in his abdomen and no treatment can be given. He can't eat very much. I want to be more understanding, but he gets angry a lot.

Comments

  • MR_SAD
    MR_SAD Member Posts: 91
    #2
    Angry a lot
    Patricia
    There are going to be times when your husband is going to take all of his furstrations and anger out on you. You are the one that is there for him. You must understand he is dying. I can't imagine what that would be like. When my wife got so sick towards the end she said things to me that were so hurtful that I some times had to just go out on my back porch take a deep breath and relize that this was the Cancer talking and not the Love of my life. She was always such a joy to be around. When someone is nearing the end of life they react in ways we really find hard to understand. Just know it is not at you but this terrible thing called CANCER. We as CareGivers must endure some of the most difficult times anyone could expect to go thru for the ones we Love. Just stop, walk away if you need to and take a break. There would be times that Cathy just needed some time alone, and a few minutes later she would not even rember what she had said to me. I Finally realized that if I would just leave the room when she would get so angry it would soon pass and she would be calling for me to come back in the room. We spent the last 3 months of her life together 24/7 and there were some very Difficult times when I would just have to take a moment to re-group and rember that deep heartfelt LOVE we both shared for so many years. This is a most difficult time for you, all of us here on this site know your Pain. Alot of us have been down your Road and I wish you did not have to go thru this, but some times Life throws us a hard one and that is were you are now. We are here to help in any way we can. If you would Like, We have a Care Giver Chat in Room #2 on tuesday nights at 7:00 pm Eastern time. It is a good place to laugh, cry and forget for just a moment this tough road we are all going down.
    Your Friend
    Floyd
  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    #3
    I was no angel, either, believe me!
    patricia,

    When I was a cancer patient, I was always angry and bitter, never getting close to nomination for any "husband of the year award". To tell you the truth, I was relieved when she left me, just because I hated what I and our marriage had become. Cancer can be like a demon, compelling the patient into parts of his personality not expressed in less stressful times. Your husband probably hates himself when he is like this, but can't help striking out at his path of least resistance, which, unfortunately, happens to be you. "You always hurt the ones you love."

    Love and Courage!

    Rick
  • patriciamariechristie
    patriciamariechristie Member Posts: 11
    #4
    terato said:

    I was no angel, either, believe me!
    patricia,

    When I was a cancer patient, I was always angry and bitter, never getting close to nomination for any "husband of the year award". To tell you the truth, I was relieved when she left me, just because I hated what I and our marriage had become. Cancer can be like a demon, compelling the patient into parts of his personality not expressed in less stressful times. Your husband probably hates himself when he is like this, but can't help striking out at his path of least resistance, which, unfortunately, happens to be you. "You always hurt the ones you love."

    Love and Courage!

    Rick

    Terato
    Thanks Rick for the great advice. I truly appreciate it.
    Pat
  • patriciamariechristie
    patriciamariechristie Member Posts: 11
    #5
    MR_SAD said:

    Angry a lot
    Patricia
    There are going to be times when your husband is going to take all of his furstrations and anger out on you. You are the one that is there for him. You must understand he is dying. I can't imagine what that would be like. When my wife got so sick towards the end she said things to me that were so hurtful that I some times had to just go out on my back porch take a deep breath and relize that this was the Cancer talking and not the Love of my life. She was always such a joy to be around. When someone is nearing the end of life they react in ways we really find hard to understand. Just know it is not at you but this terrible thing called CANCER. We as CareGivers must endure some of the most difficult times anyone could expect to go thru for the ones we Love. Just stop, walk away if you need to and take a break. There would be times that Cathy just needed some time alone, and a few minutes later she would not even rember what she had said to me. I Finally realized that if I would just leave the room when she would get so angry it would soon pass and she would be calling for me to come back in the room. We spent the last 3 months of her life together 24/7 and there were some very Difficult times when I would just have to take a moment to re-group and rember that deep heartfelt LOVE we both shared for so many years. This is a most difficult time for you, all of us here on this site know your Pain. Alot of us have been down your Road and I wish you did not have to go thru this, but some times Life throws us a hard one and that is were you are now. We are here to help in any way we can. If you would Like, We have a Care Giver Chat in Room #2 on tuesday nights at 7:00 pm Eastern time. It is a good place to laugh, cry and forget for just a moment this tough road we are all going down.
    Your Friend
    Floyd

    Mr_Sad
    Dear Floyd,

    Your words are great. It is a HARD ROAD. I get angry! I am sick of sitting in chemo rooms. I am sick of doctors visits. I am sick of having Thanksgiving dinner in a hospital cafeteria alone. I am sick of being alone.

    It goes on and on. It is a hard one.

    I do know that it is the right thing for me to do. I have learned that I am a strong person. I have learned to trust in God. I have learned to take only one day at a time. I miss my daughters, I miss my family, I miss my only grandson.

    I don't even have the CANCER. I don't have pain. I don't suffer. My husband does this. I do walk away at times. But I am called back to him. You are right the CANCER changes the person emotionally and physically.

    I will try to get there on Tues at 7 p.m.

    Thanks again Floyd,
    Pat

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