Mental Issues

Hi Beth,
I completely
Hi Beth,

I completely understand what you're feeling. I've been on Zoloft for about 7 years now and I can't cope without it. I too have asked why me. I've pondered the thought of being told to "get my affairs in order" and what my response would be..."I'm only 33 - I have no affairs yet"!!!! I'm working hard now on the survival aspect of this disease - I juice, stay active and take my mushroom pills daily. I'm focused on living well into my elderly days.

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
Elizabeth

dorookie said:

Your are so right
How do you fully turn it over to God, how does one do that if he/she has control issues? I dont mean to sound stupid here, because I am serious, how do you fully turn it over? I want so badly for him to take all this away from me and for me to get back on a better path, one that will lead me to a cure. Or at least a better quailty of life while I am here.

I always used to say, as long as God let me live till my daughter was 18 so that she could take care of herself and I would know she was okay, then thats all I asked. Well she turns 18 in 10 months, and guess what I am not ready to go, so did I lie to God? I am guessing I did and maybe he is planning on making me stick to what I said? I am scared and I dont want to die now. I want to see my grandkids, I want to finish my career, I want to retire and help people along the way, is that asking to much? I know what your going to say Buzzard, that those are my plans and may not be God's plan RIGHT?

I just feel so lost and scared and not in control of anything really. I am going to go see my daughter tomorrow for a few days. I really want to spend some time with her. Hopefuly that will help.

Buzzard, you are such an inspiration to me, I love reading your post, you have the best attitude and outlook. Thanks for being here!

THANKS TO ALL THAT RESPONDED, IT TRULY MEANS ALOT TO ME!
God BLess ALL
Beth

BETH
No sweetie, you didn't lie to GOD.....you simply changed your mind.....Don't you remember....as women, we have that right....just a little humor here....
In all sincerity, GOD understands.

Luv,
Marytgale

CherylHutch said:

Welcome to my world
Hehehe PolarPrincess! Welcome to my world... this is what I have been saying without starting a whole topic/discussion because I didn't want to offend those who have a strong belief in traditional religions. If I were to go off on a tangent about the Laws of Attraction, "you are what you think", "what you put out there in the universe in the way of thought, you receive tenfold", "what you can do when illness or tragedy strikes, with thought and visualization", etc., I could see this getting into a huge argument about religion vs any other thoughts. So, I do play low key here... it's not worth it to me to upset anyone, or even make them question what they have strong beliefs in. I figure, whatever works and gets you through this journey, then that is great... I just go about it in a different way than the "norm".

But Dr. Bernie Siegel has some wonderful explanations and ideas that truly are inspiring. And I also love the writings of Deepak Chopra.

I figure things are going really well if one can live a happy, peaceful life full of hope the majority of the time... and when there are those times that you are scared, or start questioning yourself because of something a doctor(s) has said to you... well, we are human and it doesn't hurt to remember that now and again

Hugggggs,

Cheryl

Alternative Med/soup recipes
Hi Cheryl!

I got so excited when you posted that wonderful long answer with recipes on the alternative med thread but I was at work and my break time was up. Then life got in the way and I never went back to it, but I had really wanted to respond. You had brought up some really good points that I wanted to address and add to. Now I think I need to revisit that post. (and right now my little one is patiently waiting for me to get off the computer so I can put her to bed!!!)

I totally agree about what kind of energy you put out there.

After that thread I looked for you on Facebook to discuss stuff other than cancer issues....didn't find you there though. bummer.

Beth, I agree with a lot of what PP said. I also want to address your feelings too and highly recommend adding counseling to your cancer protocol as IMPERATIVE to healing. Cancer is a SYMPTOM of a deeper issue and it can take some digging to get to that issue. Cancer is a way of your body trying to get your attention for whatever reason.

A really good read is Spontaneous Healing by Dr. Andrew Weil.

The anger is so natural. There is a time of grieving through this as well. On some level we are grieving our loss of innocence. We are forced to look our mortality in the eye at a younger age and that can cause some resentment. Others without cancer have not had to do this and can go tra-la la-la through life. No FAIR we cry!

Counseling was a big part of my healing. A BIG part.

I hope this helps.

peace, emily

dorookie said:

Your are so right
How do you fully turn it over to God, how does one do that if he/she has control issues? I dont mean to sound stupid here, because I am serious, how do you fully turn it over? I want so badly for him to take all this away from me and for me to get back on a better path, one that will lead me to a cure. Or at least a better quailty of life while I am here.

I always used to say, as long as God let me live till my daughter was 18 so that she could take care of herself and I would know she was okay, then thats all I asked. Well she turns 18 in 10 months, and guess what I am not ready to go, so did I lie to God? I am guessing I did and maybe he is planning on making me stick to what I said? I am scared and I dont want to die now. I want to see my grandkids, I want to finish my career, I want to retire and help people along the way, is that asking to much? I know what your going to say Buzzard, that those are my plans and may not be God's plan RIGHT?

I just feel so lost and scared and not in control of anything really. I am going to go see my daughter tomorrow for a few days. I really want to spend some time with her. Hopefuly that will help.

Buzzard, you are such an inspiration to me, I love reading your post, you have the best attitude and outlook. Thanks for being here!

THANKS TO ALL THAT RESPONDED, IT TRULY MEANS ALOT TO ME!
God BLess ALL
Beth

Perhaps an incorrect assumption
You are making the assumption that you "struck an agreement" with God to be able to live until your daughter is 18 and ONLY until then. First of all, I don't believe God strikes deals with us. He loves us and he cares for us. You have survived this long because you are strong and you have a purpose. Your daughter will turn 18 and you will still be here, and if it is in His plan, you will be here when she turns 21 and 30 and on and on. I have over the years prayed that I see my daughter marry, I have. I prayed that I would see a grandchild and I have. I pray that I see my youngest marry, and I don't doubt that I will. I don't expect the journey to be easy, although I certainly will send up prayers of thanks if it IS easy! LOL! I send up prayers of thanks for every blessing I receive (at least I try to, I am human and I am not always perfect!). I was blessed to have my problem with insurance taken care of, although it had actually ALWAYS been taken care of. I just didn't realize it until that letter came in showing me that I qualified for renewal of my CHCBP as long as I need it! God knew all along that my concern was taken care of, and I am sure He wished that I trusted more and worried less. That is my need; to trust more and worry less. Beth, you are strong and you can do it. Get the help you need so you can focus on the important things again! Life is to be enjoyed not endured!
mary

dorookie said:

Yes it does
I live in a small town and I have some friends trying to get together a cancer support group pretty much just for me and one other lady, so that will help as well. Also I am seeking an individual counselor as well. I agree there are issues I need to address and work through things besides the cancer I am sure. I have written down the book you mentioned and I am going to get it. I also want to get that book that Cheryl suggested too. I really appreciate your post and your support.

Thank you so much
God Bless
Beth

check it out
hi Beth,

I addressed the emotional aspect of colon cancer in the Alternative Medicine thread too. It's all connected. It may shed some light on the issue.



peace, emily

Cancer's mind games
Beth,

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. When I was diagnosed in Oct. 07, I was so scared, so desparate, so angry. I couldn't stand to be by myself, I couldn't sleep at night, and I felt like I was about to break into a million pieces. One night, it was late and I was awake and so alone and so, so scared. I prayed to God to please send my guardian angel to watch over me. Believe it or not, that night as I finally fell asleep, I felt as though I were cradled in someone's arms and I slept through the entire night peacefully. And no, I hadn't taken any meds! In my eyes, this was God's way of comforting me and letting me know that he would be with me every step and that I could lean on him when I needed. Lots of times I forget that and struggle with being in control and making things work out my way. Okay, enough said.

Now, you and I have posted about Stage iv before, so here's the latest. On Dec. 8, I had a colonoscopy. In my original surgeries, we weren't able to remove the flat lesion that started the problem. So I had 6 mos of FOLFOX w/Avastin. After my scope, my gastro told me there was no sign of any lesion, that my colon looked absolutely normal, healthy, and he couldn't even tell where the lesion had been. That chemo is an awesome miracle!

Then on Dec. 12, I went in for surgery to remove the original area in my sigmoid colon and part of my rectum where the cancer originated. My oncologist wanted the surgery; my surgeon was more inclined to wait and see. I decided if this gave me any chance to avoid a recurrance, go for it. So I had my surgery laprascopically and went home on the 16th. My surgeon had a pathologist in the OR who examined the area removed and said it looked absolutely normal. The path reports on the colon, the mesentary, and the 7 nodes they removed showed NED.

On Dec. 30, I had my PET scan. I saw my oncologist Friday, Jan 9th, for results. Let me preface this by saying that all along I have been telling my onc that I was going to be his victory and that in 10 years, I would be cheering on his new patients and telling them they could be victories, too. I just could not get him on board; he was too grounded in the realities and I believe was afraid to give me false hope. So Friday morning, he came in and said my PET showed NED with the only areas of inflammation in the incision and resection sites. He then told me he has been reading the book "Anti-Cancer," which made him think of me. He actually told me that he believes that I am going to be one of his patients that beats this--now how awesome is that!

Now here's the part I really want you to hear. The last week I have been very depressed because it is really hard to wrap my mind around the statistics sometimes. And how stupid is it to be depressed when I've had such good news lately?! So when I went to see my oncologist and he said those words to me, I swear it was like a message straight from God--get my chin up off the ground, count my blessings, and keep on fighting! So you go see a counselor, see your doctor, get your meds upped, cause we are in this for the long haul. I am going to beat this and so are you! We are not going to let statistics drag us down--we are not average and we are not going to be average. Email me if you want, post and I'll answer, but just remember, we are going to fight every step of the way. Now, here's one last little thing that has helped me. I see a counselor once a month. One day he told me it was okay to have a pity party, I deserved it. I told him if I walked out of his office and got hit by a car, I had sure wasted some good time feeling sorry for myself. So on the days that I am really down, I have a good cry and the get back up and thank God for the fact that I'm here right now with everything I love (and a lot of things I don't like at all-LOL).

Sorry this is so long, but I believe!

Rebecca

dorookie said:

Your are so right
How do you fully turn it over to God, how does one do that if he/she has control issues? I dont mean to sound stupid here, because I am serious, how do you fully turn it over? I want so badly for him to take all this away from me and for me to get back on a better path, one that will lead me to a cure. Or at least a better quailty of life while I am here.

I always used to say, as long as God let me live till my daughter was 18 so that she could take care of herself and I would know she was okay, then thats all I asked. Well she turns 18 in 10 months, and guess what I am not ready to go, so did I lie to God? I am guessing I did and maybe he is planning on making me stick to what I said? I am scared and I dont want to die now. I want to see my grandkids, I want to finish my career, I want to retire and help people along the way, is that asking to much? I know what your going to say Buzzard, that those are my plans and may not be God's plan RIGHT?

I just feel so lost and scared and not in control of anything really. I am going to go see my daughter tomorrow for a few days. I really want to spend some time with her. Hopefuly that will help.

Buzzard, you are such an inspiration to me, I love reading your post, you have the best attitude and outlook. Thanks for being here!

THANKS TO ALL THAT RESPONDED, IT TRULY MEANS ALOT TO ME!
God BLess ALL
Beth

Control Issues
I am/was the worst about control. I had everything I thought the way it needed to be. Oh, life is great......BOOM....along comes Mr Cancer and takes all control away. All control... Im lost, I have lost all sense of anything, I have fell into a trap I set for myself and I have no way out. I set myself up for failure by not allowing myself to have faith in a stronger being. I have turned my life completely upside down because of my stubbornness to always want to be in complete control when all the time I never controlled anything.
You have found out as all of us in here have that you can't control anything, you can only make the calls as to what you want to happen in your course through life and God will adjust as He sees fit. I like you have children I want to see grow up, Im sure we all do.
You make the assumption that I am going to say that no matter what your plans are, Gods plans will take over. Yep, thats what I would normally say, but have you ever thought that if you turned it all over to him that 1/2 of your depression would be gone because you will have relieved yourself of worrying about what will happen to you. You see where I am going here ? Recovery and NED are a lot of what you do for yourself and a lot of what God does to adjust the paths you take. You turn your troubles over to Him and half of your depression problems are gone. The other half allow the meds to take care of. He will guide you through all of it if you let Him.
Its Gods plan to love and nuture and care for every living human as long as the impardonable sin does not happen, to be blasphemous to God. To never allow Him in your life. Beth, you want Him in your life but aren't sure how to really turn it fully over to Him.....All you have to do is ask and be sincere in doing so, its that simple...all you have to do is ask.......He will take it from you immediately, immediately, and then you have to allow Him to keep it, because wanting it back only tells Him that your still not sure....Beth, you and I are alot alike, we both are control freaks, But lets face it, neither one of us ever controlled anything at all, we just thought we did. If you ask God this afternoon to take your burdens away and actually let Him have them you will feel the calmness that everything will be OK from then on. Allow life to go on as usual but live each day, don't exist, live. You have a long life ahead of you as I do. Our loved ones as well as our children deserve to see smiles all the time. We all die sweetie, its inevitable, but its how we live that matters. Forget the cancer, use it as a tool to make you closer to the people that love you. Can't you see how much more precious life is now than you thought it was 6 months ago ? Shame we don't find out a lot sooner, our lives would be so much more fun.
When I visit my friends or my family anymore we never talk about cancer and death as one. We talk about cancer and then maybe what we're gonna do next year as a family. I don't deal in months or days or years prognosis of my time here on earth. I gave that to my God to determine. I will enjoy my time here on earth be it a day or 100 years.
Talk to Him tonight....you might be surprised how you feel. I'll be right there with ya hun........God Bless ya.....ya just gotta trust Him.....What do you have to lose ?