Patrick Swayze Interview

Dreamdove
Dreamdove Member Posts: 175 Member
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
Wow, what an amazing interview with Patrick Swayze last night on Barbara Walters. So glad I watched it. He is an inspiration to all cancer patients and survivors, no matter what type of cancer. Especially now in this present time period when we have so much cancer among us. The fact that he hasn't given up and yet is realistic about his health........
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Comments

  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #2
    Darn!
    Oh I wanted to see that!! Darn I totally forgot last night. So it was pretty inspirational, huh? I wonder if there is any way to see it through the internet, or something.....?
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #3
    Eil4186 said:

    Darn!
    Oh I wanted to see that!! Darn I totally forgot last night. So it was pretty inspirational, huh? I wonder if there is any way to see it through the internet, or something.....?

    link
    Try this Eil:

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Story?id=6580801&page=1

    Enjoy!

    Joe
  • winthefight
    winthefight Member Posts: 162
    #4
    soccerfreaks said:

    link
    Try this Eil:

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Story?id=6580801&page=1

    Enjoy!

    Joe

    Thank you
    Thanks Soccer, I too missed the interview. You are the man!
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #5
    Another Observation
    I agree, that interview was a definite WOW. One thing that I couldn't help but notice all the way through the interview though was his facial expressions and his eyes, certain things he said and the way he said them. I really got the feeling that he was gripped by anger and maybe was stuck in that phase. As we all know we go in and out of all the stages of loss of our health but getting stuck in any one is never a good thing - maybe he just got back to anger recently but for some reason he seemed like he had been angry with it for a long time. Did anyone else see that? I can understand his anger in that he seems to have an amazing relationship with his wife and a charmed life and who wouldn't be angry at the idea that one will have to leave that sooner than expected. Still, that just really seemed to stand out to me in that interview, the intense anger. Maybe this defiant approach that comes across as anger will serve to strengthen his resolve and make all the difference in his longer term survival. We all have our own coping mechanisms, who knows, maybe this will work for him. Just really stood out for me. He often clenched his teeth, eyes were angry, the words he chose - made me feel uncomfortable for him. Anyone else see that?
  • CanadaSue
    CanadaSue Member Posts: 339 Member
    #6
    blueroses said:

    Another Observation
    I agree, that interview was a definite WOW. One thing that I couldn't help but notice all the way through the interview though was his facial expressions and his eyes, certain things he said and the way he said them. I really got the feeling that he was gripped by anger and maybe was stuck in that phase. As we all know we go in and out of all the stages of loss of our health but getting stuck in any one is never a good thing - maybe he just got back to anger recently but for some reason he seemed like he had been angry with it for a long time. Did anyone else see that? I can understand his anger in that he seems to have an amazing relationship with his wife and a charmed life and who wouldn't be angry at the idea that one will have to leave that sooner than expected. Still, that just really seemed to stand out to me in that interview, the intense anger. Maybe this defiant approach that comes across as anger will serve to strengthen his resolve and make all the difference in his longer term survival. We all have our own coping mechanisms, who knows, maybe this will work for him. Just really stood out for me. He often clenched his teeth, eyes were angry, the words he chose - made me feel uncomfortable for him. Anyone else see that?

    I beg to differ
    While I did not get to see the whole interview, my take on it is:

    He was in pain, hence the clenching of his teeth! Doing the interview I am sure that he did not want to be hyped up on meds.

    I myself have been thru a few pancreatic attacks (which rate right up there with a heart attack) as I do not drink, and have had my gallbladder removed they have not been able to find a reason that this keeps occuring.
    I am sure that having cancer of the pancrease does produce a fair bit of pain.

    My husband has been fighting colon cancer for 3 years now, and even though he has been thru 3 major surgeries I don't believe either one of us has been angry, maybe that is a stage to come yet. We don't ask why us, it is just something that has caused a bump along our road, and on we go.

    I am a firm believer that your mind set, if not positve will hinder your healing. Yes when we get told that it has reoccured it sets us on our butts, but then we pick ourselves up and go about fighting it again, and will continue to fight to the end.

    It does not matter if we lead a charmed life, or have the perfect relationship with our spouse, no one wants to leave this life a minute before they have to.

    I did not feel uncomfortable for him at all, I think he is an amazing man who has chosen to share his story with honesty. Admitting that he still smoked, and would do so until he was told that if he quit it would give him a chance at longer life. He is a fighter and will continue to fight till his last breath!


    Just my two cents worth - jumping down off my soap box now.

    Hugs,

    Sue
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #7
    CanadaSue said:

    I beg to differ
    While I did not get to see the whole interview, my take on it is:

    He was in pain, hence the clenching of his teeth! Doing the interview I am sure that he did not want to be hyped up on meds.

    I myself have been thru a few pancreatic attacks (which rate right up there with a heart attack) as I do not drink, and have had my gallbladder removed they have not been able to find a reason that this keeps occuring.
    I am sure that having cancer of the pancrease does produce a fair bit of pain.

    My husband has been fighting colon cancer for 3 years now, and even though he has been thru 3 major surgeries I don't believe either one of us has been angry, maybe that is a stage to come yet. We don't ask why us, it is just something that has caused a bump along our road, and on we go.

    I am a firm believer that your mind set, if not positve will hinder your healing. Yes when we get told that it has reoccured it sets us on our butts, but then we pick ourselves up and go about fighting it again, and will continue to fight to the end.

    It does not matter if we lead a charmed life, or have the perfect relationship with our spouse, no one wants to leave this life a minute before they have to.

    I did not feel uncomfortable for him at all, I think he is an amazing man who has chosen to share his story with honesty. Admitting that he still smoked, and would do so until he was told that if he quit it would give him a chance at longer life. He is a fighter and will continue to fight till his last breath!


    Just my two cents worth - jumping down off my soap box now.

    Hugs,

    Sue

    The site is here for 'differing', lol
    Oh ya I agree with all you say Sue, just my own feelings as I watched him speak. I didn't see the expressions as being pain related but who knows for sure except for him. I certainly didn't want to detract from what a super brave and seemingly positive guy he is, fighting this painful form of cancer for so long, it just felt as I said above that he just seemed to be so so angry and my point was to bring this personal observation up so as to point to the fact that it's important not to stay in one stage of grief over loss of health too long. I am glad to hear that there was no anger in your situation but in many people they do go through that when faced with loss of any kind, health or a death or a loss of another kind. There are several stages of loss as you probably know, the 'why me' thingy, anger, denial etc etc. Just thought I would share my observation - right or wrong for debate and again to stress how important we need to move through the stages of loss and not get stuck in one for too long. We all have our observations, only Patrick knows for sure. Take care Sue. Blueroses
  • CanadaSue
    CanadaSue Member Posts: 339 Member
    #8
    blueroses said:

    The site is here for 'differing', lol
    Oh ya I agree with all you say Sue, just my own feelings as I watched him speak. I didn't see the expressions as being pain related but who knows for sure except for him. I certainly didn't want to detract from what a super brave and seemingly positive guy he is, fighting this painful form of cancer for so long, it just felt as I said above that he just seemed to be so so angry and my point was to bring this personal observation up so as to point to the fact that it's important not to stay in one stage of grief over loss of health too long. I am glad to hear that there was no anger in your situation but in many people they do go through that when faced with loss of any kind, health or a death or a loss of another kind. There are several stages of loss as you probably know, the 'why me' thingy, anger, denial etc etc. Just thought I would share my observation - right or wrong for debate and again to stress how important we need to move through the stages of loss and not get stuck in one for too long. We all have our observations, only Patrick knows for sure. Take care Sue. Blueroses

    stages
    Hey Blue,

    I remember the day my hubby was dx'ed, my world fell apart! We have been married for almost 33 years, and when they said the "C" word I fell to pieces. But since then I have tried to stay focused on being positive, for what ever reason the: why me, the anger, denial (you cannot deny the facts) have never surfaced, but like I said, I suppose that could be something that we will face in the future.

    I truly believe that we have all been put on this earth for a purpose, and when we have accomplished this we move on. Perhaps this is why I do not feel the anger. I have lost many close to me, and still feel the loss, but no anger.

    I guess maybe I don't see the point to anger and the negativity, as I mentioned I have heard so much about it not doing you any favors in your fight. And for most on here it is a long hard battle, with more people winning the fight everyday.

    Thanks for reading, there are some days when I to need to vent.....

    Have a great weekend Bluerose!


    Hugs,

    Sue

    P.S. Do you live in Ontario?
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #9
    CanadaSue said:

    stages
    Hey Blue,

    I remember the day my hubby was dx'ed, my world fell apart! We have been married for almost 33 years, and when they said the "C" word I fell to pieces. But since then I have tried to stay focused on being positive, for what ever reason the: why me, the anger, denial (you cannot deny the facts) have never surfaced, but like I said, I suppose that could be something that we will face in the future.

    I truly believe that we have all been put on this earth for a purpose, and when we have accomplished this we move on. Perhaps this is why I do not feel the anger. I have lost many close to me, and still feel the loss, but no anger.

    I guess maybe I don't see the point to anger and the negativity, as I mentioned I have heard so much about it not doing you any favors in your fight. And for most on here it is a long hard battle, with more people winning the fight everyday.

    Thanks for reading, there are some days when I to need to vent.....

    Have a great weekend Bluerose!


    Hugs,

    Sue

    P.S. Do you live in Ontario?

    Vent on me matey, lol
    We all need to vent sometimes, heck by the number of postings I have on this discussion board I am a big fan of venting, lol. Like I said before Sue we all have our own ways of dealing with all the stages of loss and sometimes we don't even recognize a stage we are in because we deal with it so fast and on to the next or maybe we just skip stages perhaps due to our nature, don't really know for sure. Whatever gets us through the day is great as long as we don't get stuck and it affects our lives. Have a good weekend Sue.
  • Dreamdove
    Dreamdove Member Posts: 175 Member
    #10
    CanadaSue said:

    stages
    Hey Blue,

    I remember the day my hubby was dx'ed, my world fell apart! We have been married for almost 33 years, and when they said the "C" word I fell to pieces. But since then I have tried to stay focused on being positive, for what ever reason the: why me, the anger, denial (you cannot deny the facts) have never surfaced, but like I said, I suppose that could be something that we will face in the future.

    I truly believe that we have all been put on this earth for a purpose, and when we have accomplished this we move on. Perhaps this is why I do not feel the anger. I have lost many close to me, and still feel the loss, but no anger.

    I guess maybe I don't see the point to anger and the negativity, as I mentioned I have heard so much about it not doing you any favors in your fight. And for most on here it is a long hard battle, with more people winning the fight everyday.

    Thanks for reading, there are some days when I to need to vent.....

    Have a great weekend Bluerose!


    Hugs,

    Sue

    P.S. Do you live in Ontario?

    It's all in the perception and how we deal with what happens
    Sue, I agree with so much of what you said. We have a purpose here and once we fulfill it we move on. It's nobody's fault, not even God's. It's not a punishment. It's just one of those things some of us experience while here. Others have different experiences that are maybe just as bad. It's how we deal with those experiences. I don't believe I have ever felt anger about having cancer. I never once said, "why me?" My mother thought I was angry at her for passing on the gene. But she had breast cancer, I had ovarian. But she pointed out, as I knew, that those cancers are genetically related. I was totally stunned that she thought I blamed her! I did not see anger in Patrick Swayze either. My mother may have thought I was angry but I was not. It was her perception of what I felt. It's not that I never have angry feelings because I do. But I did not feel angry about having cancer. But I feel that it is far better to put the anger towards fighting the disease because feeling angry all the time eats you up and does no good for yourself or anyone else. Cancer is what it is. Like Patrick Swayze said, "we are all dying."
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #11
    soccerfreaks said:

    link
    Try this Eil:

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Story?id=6580801&page=1

    Enjoy!

    Joe

    :0)
    Thanks, Joe, I'll try it out!
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #12
    Dreamdove said:

    It's all in the perception and how we deal with what happens
    Sue, I agree with so much of what you said. We have a purpose here and once we fulfill it we move on. It's nobody's fault, not even God's. It's not a punishment. It's just one of those things some of us experience while here. Others have different experiences that are maybe just as bad. It's how we deal with those experiences. I don't believe I have ever felt anger about having cancer. I never once said, "why me?" My mother thought I was angry at her for passing on the gene. But she had breast cancer, I had ovarian. But she pointed out, as I knew, that those cancers are genetically related. I was totally stunned that she thought I blamed her! I did not see anger in Patrick Swayze either. My mother may have thought I was angry but I was not. It was her perception of what I felt. It's not that I never have angry feelings because I do. But I did not feel angry about having cancer. But I feel that it is far better to put the anger towards fighting the disease because feeling angry all the time eats you up and does no good for yourself or anyone else. Cancer is what it is. Like Patrick Swayze said, "we are all dying."

    Downer
    Swayze's quote that we are all dying is true but so depressing. Death scares the heck out of me....I think it stinks that we have such a short time on earth and have to die. We spend so much time and effort with school, and working our way towards a good job/career only just to be snuffed out after a short time. Why go to all the trouble?
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #13
    CanadaSue said:

    I beg to differ
    While I did not get to see the whole interview, my take on it is:

    He was in pain, hence the clenching of his teeth! Doing the interview I am sure that he did not want to be hyped up on meds.

    I myself have been thru a few pancreatic attacks (which rate right up there with a heart attack) as I do not drink, and have had my gallbladder removed they have not been able to find a reason that this keeps occuring.
    I am sure that having cancer of the pancrease does produce a fair bit of pain.

    My husband has been fighting colon cancer for 3 years now, and even though he has been thru 3 major surgeries I don't believe either one of us has been angry, maybe that is a stage to come yet. We don't ask why us, it is just something that has caused a bump along our road, and on we go.

    I am a firm believer that your mind set, if not positve will hinder your healing. Yes when we get told that it has reoccured it sets us on our butts, but then we pick ourselves up and go about fighting it again, and will continue to fight to the end.

    It does not matter if we lead a charmed life, or have the perfect relationship with our spouse, no one wants to leave this life a minute before they have to.

    I did not feel uncomfortable for him at all, I think he is an amazing man who has chosen to share his story with honesty. Admitting that he still smoked, and would do so until he was told that if he quit it would give him a chance at longer life. He is a fighter and will continue to fight till his last breath!


    Just my two cents worth - jumping down off my soap box now.

    Hugs,

    Sue

    Bravo!
    Say it again, ma'am!

    Hope and humor!

    Take care,

    Joe
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #14
    Eil4186 said:

    Downer
    Swayze's quote that we are all dying is true but so depressing. Death scares the heck out of me....I think it stinks that we have such a short time on earth and have to die. We spend so much time and effort with school, and working our way towards a good job/career only just to be snuffed out after a short time. Why go to all the trouble?

    Eil!
    My friend, I do not know if this will help. I am not a Christian, or even a deist, so this is not preaching. What it is is my response to a poem I read by a man who was one of the finalists for some huge Poetry award here in the states. I hope it applies in some way because the poem made me think of where I have been and, perhaps, where you are.

    >> I also fancy the idea that limitation frees you. It is so true, and yet so unknown to most, I think. When I was told in June of 2007 that I had perhaps 10 months to live (fortunately a rather hasty and errant diagnosis), I was suddenly without fear. I had nothing left to fear. It was the strangest thing. I had no cause to fear death and, specifically, mortality, because I had been provided, more or less, a schedule for my demise, I had been provided the inevitability. Rather than fear, I assumed a coat of entitlement.

    ...

    Rounding out with stanza six, we come back to the message, and to the idea that we deny mortality, even when it faces us, because the limitation frees us to consider alternatives, to make of the obvious finite something that is infinite. The inclusion of a flashback to sixth grade is brilliant. Is this not about the time when we typically begin to truly consider such concepts as time and mortality and death, if not of ourselves then of those we love, our parents, grandparents?

    The last two sentences are brilliant. We do not know what the end even means. We cannot see it, and it will, to the poet's mind, be different than what we expect. We will see that future, that end, but in addition to not knowing when, we also, after all, do not know what. <<

    I probably misread the poem entirely, eil :). My point is that, as Henry Miller once wrote, and I paraphrase, you have to die in order to live. I know that he meant that figuratively, and know that you know it as well. He meant that you have to shed your old conceptions and misconceptions, your old rules and codes, as if they were old skin, and learn to LIVE!

    Take care, my friend.

    Joe
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #15
    Eil4186 said:

    Downer
    Swayze's quote that we are all dying is true but so depressing. Death scares the heck out of me....I think it stinks that we have such a short time on earth and have to die. We spend so much time and effort with school, and working our way towards a good job/career only just to be snuffed out after a short time. Why go to all the trouble?

    It's not the destination, it's the journey.
    Hey Eil, Just read your post and while I totally see where you are coming from with the 'it stinks that we have such a short time on earth and have to die' thingy, what springs to mind is that quote from - who knows where - that says 'It's not the destination, it's the journey'. 'Why go to all the trouble?' then would be like saying why live when the idea is to live each day to the fullest and appreciate the journey daily. Know what I mean? I am not being a Pollyanna about it, I have thought what you have clearly stated here many times through the cancer experience especially but one thing I realize now that I look back is that time has flown throughout my life in many time frames because I have just enjoyed the day to day so much that some of it seems like only yesterday. We all have different ways of looking at the same thing for many reasons but it's never too late to try and get at least a little something pleasant out of each day even if it's only tiny due to our unpredictable health situations. Easier said than done, I know, I have 'what's the point' spells now and again too, of course. Take care Eil and hope today is a good one for you. Hugs, Blueroses.
  • winthefight
    winthefight Member Posts: 162
    #16
    You go Blue
    Very well put Blue. You are very insightful.

    Win
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #17
    winthefight said:

    You go Blue
    Very well put Blue. You are very insightful.

    Win

    Thanks but ....
    Hey we have all learned so much from the cancer experience, easy to state things like this when you have lived through hell and come back, sometimes more than once, right? Thanks for the nice comments though. Hugs, Blueroses.
  • CanadaSue
    CanadaSue Member Posts: 339 Member
    #18
    Dreamdove said:

    It's all in the perception and how we deal with what happens
    Sue, I agree with so much of what you said. We have a purpose here and once we fulfill it we move on. It's nobody's fault, not even God's. It's not a punishment. It's just one of those things some of us experience while here. Others have different experiences that are maybe just as bad. It's how we deal with those experiences. I don't believe I have ever felt anger about having cancer. I never once said, "why me?" My mother thought I was angry at her for passing on the gene. But she had breast cancer, I had ovarian. But she pointed out, as I knew, that those cancers are genetically related. I was totally stunned that she thought I blamed her! I did not see anger in Patrick Swayze either. My mother may have thought I was angry but I was not. It was her perception of what I felt. It's not that I never have angry feelings because I do. But I did not feel angry about having cancer. But I feel that it is far better to put the anger towards fighting the disease because feeling angry all the time eats you up and does no good for yourself or anyone else. Cancer is what it is. Like Patrick Swayze said, "we are all dying."

    Dealing with it all
    Hi Dream,

    I haven't been to church in years, but I am a believer. Our lives are what we make of them, and blame cannot be placed anywhere, WE (not anyone else)made the choices to eat red meat, smoke,and anything else they say is bad for us. I totally agree with you that we are not being punished, in order to make it thru our journey here on earth we have to experience the bad with the good.

    Before this cancer experience we are going thru, I never gave a lot of things a second thought. Now I savor everyday, and while it is true tomorrow I could step off a curb, get hit by a car and die....once you live the cancer experience you realize just how preious life is:
    I don't take people for granted anymore, I listen to what they have to say. I spend a few extra minutes looking at the beautiful sunset, and we quit putting off till tomorrow all the things we want to do. I no longer find room for negativity in my life, you have choices, you can choose to have a great day or choose to feel sorry for yourself - your choice.

    Have a great weekend all!

    Hugs

    Sue
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #19
    blueroses said:

    Thanks but ....
    Hey we have all learned so much from the cancer experience, easy to state things like this when you have lived through hell and come back, sometimes more than once, right? Thanks for the nice comments though. Hugs, Blueroses.

    Miss doom and gloom here.
    Thanks you guys for being so understanding. I try to look at life with a positive attitude but ever since the whole cancer experience, I am very scared of death. I just can't believe how fast the years have flown by. Each year seems like a month and each decade seems like a few years. I teach and I swear, it seems that one minute we are at the start of a new school year and the next, I'm packing up for the summer break.

    It will be 3 years since my diagnosis this april, and I still remember that horrible day so clearly that it seems as though it was a minute ago. The intense fear and sickening feeling in my stomach is still very fresh in my memory.

    Sometimes I will get to thinking; I am 45 now, and I know that in a second I will be 50, and then in another second I will be 60, and so on. Before I know it, my time will be over. I feel as though I am being dragged towards something I dread and I desperately want to escape but can't.

    Am I crazy? I guess none of us wants to die, but am I the only one who feels this way? It seems so cruel; we grow to adulthood, our lives just get started really, and then our bodies begin to deteriorate, and we suffer and die. This just seems so abrupt, and ironic.

    I am sorry if I am bringing you guys down. Before cancer, I never really thought about this stuff. I guess it doesn't help that my cancer came at 42----I think it threatening my life spurred on a mid-life crisis. Thanks though guys for your incredible support. You are amazing.
    Eil
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #20
    Eil4186 said:

    Miss doom and gloom here.
    Thanks you guys for being so understanding. I try to look at life with a positive attitude but ever since the whole cancer experience, I am very scared of death. I just can't believe how fast the years have flown by. Each year seems like a month and each decade seems like a few years. I teach and I swear, it seems that one minute we are at the start of a new school year and the next, I'm packing up for the summer break.

    It will be 3 years since my diagnosis this april, and I still remember that horrible day so clearly that it seems as though it was a minute ago. The intense fear and sickening feeling in my stomach is still very fresh in my memory.

    Sometimes I will get to thinking; I am 45 now, and I know that in a second I will be 50, and then in another second I will be 60, and so on. Before I know it, my time will be over. I feel as though I am being dragged towards something I dread and I desperately want to escape but can't.

    Am I crazy? I guess none of us wants to die, but am I the only one who feels this way? It seems so cruel; we grow to adulthood, our lives just get started really, and then our bodies begin to deteriorate, and we suffer and die. This just seems so abrupt, and ironic.

    I am sorry if I am bringing you guys down. Before cancer, I never really thought about this stuff. I guess it doesn't help that my cancer came at 42----I think it threatening my life spurred on a mid-life crisis. Thanks though guys for your incredible support. You are amazing.
    Eil

    Eil.......YOU are amazing!
    Thank you for putting it into words.
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #21
    Eil4186 said:

    Miss doom and gloom here.
    Thanks you guys for being so understanding. I try to look at life with a positive attitude but ever since the whole cancer experience, I am very scared of death. I just can't believe how fast the years have flown by. Each year seems like a month and each decade seems like a few years. I teach and I swear, it seems that one minute we are at the start of a new school year and the next, I'm packing up for the summer break.

    It will be 3 years since my diagnosis this april, and I still remember that horrible day so clearly that it seems as though it was a minute ago. The intense fear and sickening feeling in my stomach is still very fresh in my memory.

    Sometimes I will get to thinking; I am 45 now, and I know that in a second I will be 50, and then in another second I will be 60, and so on. Before I know it, my time will be over. I feel as though I am being dragged towards something I dread and I desperately want to escape but can't.

    Am I crazy? I guess none of us wants to die, but am I the only one who feels this way? It seems so cruel; we grow to adulthood, our lives just get started really, and then our bodies begin to deteriorate, and we suffer and die. This just seems so abrupt, and ironic.

    I am sorry if I am bringing you guys down. Before cancer, I never really thought about this stuff. I guess it doesn't help that my cancer came at 42----I think it threatening my life spurred on a mid-life crisis. Thanks though guys for your incredible support. You are amazing.
    Eil

    No apologizing Eil
    Hi Eil, No apologizing allowed on this site, new rule, lol. You aren't bringing anyone down on these boards, remember - we have all been there, and over and over for many of us. Death is a scaring thing to think about, anytime, and as we grow older I think it's just natural for us to start thinking about our own mortality. For those of us like you and I who had cancer near 40 we also were faced with a life threatening disease early so, again, only natural for us to think about earlier. On these boards we are given a great opportunity to express our innermost thoughts when it comes to our cancers, and that's a marvelous gift - to be able to vent without fear of invalidation. However, don't think that if someone else has a different take on something or has a different attitude than you do (at that particular time in their lives and yours) that you are then automatically wrong or negative in your attitude. We all get down and negative and worried and happy and grateful and sad and somedays I swear all those come to me, and you too probably, all at once. Cancer is a big deal, a scarey deal, but with the help of people who have been there, we will all get through whatever it is in the cancer experience we may be dealing with at any given time. I know for me my spirituality got me through and counselling helps me every now and again when I find myself getting in those ruts if it lasts too long. I still do that once in awhile - don't know if you have done that but for me it helped. We are all human and oftentimes we know what we SHOULD be doing to help ourselves but with the weight of all the treatments and diagnoses and doctors and hospital visits and aftereffects we just want to scream ENOUGH ALREADY and just curl up in front of the tv for a week. So be it, it's the way some of us cope, we all have our own coping skills and none are wrong unless it goes on for too long and starts interfering with our quality of life. Nothing 'down' about you Eil, you are human and a strong survivor. Blessings, Blueroses.

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