Need Prayers and Positive Thoughts

jcavanaugh
jcavanaugh Member Posts: 100
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Well, I got some bad news today. My parents have known since September but did not want to tell me. After my dad's bought with pnemonia in August, he asked his doctor how much time he had left and the doctor said 6-12 months. My dad is stage IV since May 2002 (many surgeries and treatments). We have been very lucky, we have been given numerous second chances, maybe we were living on borrowed time. I do not know. The doctor also said that only God ultimately knows the date and time. I believe this because I have yet to find an expiration date stamped on anybody's but :) He is currently on treatment (avastin and exolda). I know that his cea is around 5700. To think, we were concerned a year ago when his cea was 35. Oh to be that lucky again!! He has ascites but they seem to subside with the use of diuretics. He says that he has some pain in his stomach now and again and the doctor prescribed low grade pain pills which he takes (probably 2 a day). I am devestated. I knew all along that this could happen but I always had hope that we could find something new to take care of it. I am out of options. My dad is not willing to do a clinical trial. Very stubborn about this. This is not how I wanted to spend my new years' eve. Anyone know of someone who was given this kind of news and proved them wrong? I need hope because right now, I am losing hope fast!! Happy New Year!!

Jennifer

P.S. I want to thank everyone on this board. I do not respond a lot to posts but I read a lot. This is the only place I can go to feel better (connected). It is like a sounding board for me. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers and willingness to share.

Comments

  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #2
    Sad
    Jennifer,

    I'm so sorry about your dad. I know that's very tough news to hear. I do believe in miracles. I'm married to a man who's a living, breathing miracle. I pray that your dad will be one, too.

    No one on earth can tell us exactly how long anyone has to live, so try (I know it's VERY hard)not to get too caught up in a certain time frame. Just try to spend each day loving your dad and making as many memories as you can.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • shubunkin
    shubunkin Member Posts: 60
    #3
    Jennifer.......
    I am so sorry. I dont post often either. But I read daily. I have been coming here for seven years and reading. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer but sadly lost her fight 6 years ago. You have been given some wonderful advice. I know with my mom I was in denial. I was so ignorant to cancer when she was diagnosed. I knew nothing. She was stage 4 when diagnosed and the cancer had already ravaged her body. In my mind I just thought........she will get treatment....have surgery and be fine. It wasnt until she called me and told me that they stopped the chemo that I realized.....Im going to lose my best friend and my mom.
    I totally agree with Buzzard. No one knows how long you have on this earth. When my mom went in the hospital the day she passed, her surgeon, which was a doctor at a totally different hospital,walked in her room and looked at her with a totally humbled face and said,"I would not had given you 3 months to live." Now granted.....I wanted to slap him but I realized that he was trully shocked she made it almost 10 months after being diagnosed.
    Also, I agree with the comment about letting him see you happy....smile......talk to him and let him know you will be okay. After my mom was diagnosed she went into MAJOR mom mode. They lived in a bad neighborhood and she wanted to make sure that my brother(whom was 13 at the time)and my sister would live in a safe neighborhood before she passed. Well, that was accomplished. 2 days after moving into her new home she passed. SHe was at peace. They really need to know that everyone is okay. Im sorry...I know I have rambled on here and It is your post. After reading Buds post I was in tears because what he says is O so true and things started spilling out. Forgive me. I pray that your dad will be here for many years to come! Miracles happen each and every day. Many of them on here and I pray your dad is one of them. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) and if you ever want to talk feel free to mesage me. Love, Danielle
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #4
    Yes I know someone..........
    I understand your frustration.......you need to find Karmars post about how she dreaded to hear the news and found out that it was diverticulitis and not cancer at all...it is so heartwarming....and look at KathiM ..she is a living breathing bubbly NED right out of the blue, stage 4 rectal and breast cancer survivor.....there is always hope, and there are always miracles, they happen everyday. God has a plan for everyone, he has a plan for you and he has a plan for your Dad. He often doesn't work in the ways we would like for Him to but He does things the way He sees fit for the betterment of mankind. He will use your father in one of 2 ways. He will keep him here on earth to do his work or He will use him in Heaven, either way your father wins. Life here on earth or eternal life in Heaven. There is no way to lose in that situation. If you believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost you and your Dad will spend eternity together, you won't ever lose him, the Lord will only keep him until you get there to share it with him. I have a feeling that your dad will be ok for a long time, the survival instinct in everyone is strong. You have to assure yourself and him that the both of you will never be apart forever, but maybe only for a little while. That is your solace, that is your method of coping with this. A trip to Heaven is a reason to celebrate for it is an eternal life you have there.
    My father died of stomach cancer at age 63. He told me 1 time in his life that he loved me, that was the day before he died and only because I told him that I loved him first. Make every day with your Dad here on earth a joyful as possible one. Joke with him,smile with him, show him how much you love him. He needs to know that you will be OK cause thats the way parents are, protective of their children so that they never suffer. Your Mom and Dad only did what every Mom and Dad would do, protect their kids from anything that will hurt them. The time has come though that your Dad needs to know that your OK with his disease and prognosis even though your not he needs to think that you are . Then he can be at peace knowing his children will be ok in the event that something happens.
    Talk to God,talk to Jesus, tell Him how you feel and tell Him that you want to let Him take the painful Burden away from your heart and give it to Him. Then when He does that for you enjoy your time with your Dad.....and always smile.....they seem to always have a healing effect of their own...........God Bless you Bud.........
  • Faith4Cure
    Faith4Cure Member Posts: 405 Member
    #5
    Jennifer
    I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are such a loving daughter, what more could a parent ask for! I read Bud's post and I don't think anyone could say it better! I wish I could say something more to comfort you at this time.... I do know that I will do just about anything to spare my kids from hurt and worry. When my husband was first diagnosed, we were scared to death. When we told our two teenagers, we put on our happy faces and told them everything would be fine. I know your father doesn't want to see you hurt.

    With that aside, I do believe in miracles! I get so frustrated when someone is given months to live. How can anyone besides God predict that? Who knows what will happen to any of us tomorrow. Live each day to the fullest and enjoy each and every day. Create some happy memories with your dad. Have faith that no matter what happens, your dad will be just fine with what God has planned.

    My prayers are with you and your family. Happy New Year Jennifer!

    Faith
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
    #6
    Jennifer
    Jennifer... I read your post and just want to reach out to you and give you a big old hug! And to let you know, miracles do happen every day. Miracles are not something that can be explained by medicine or technology, but are things that are meant to happen for a reason, even if it is a reason that no one can explain.

    You asked if anyone has been given the "time limit" news and then proved them wrong? Of course! It happens every day and with every other diagnosis! Just prior to me having my adrenal biopsy last March, I had asked, "If the biopsy turns out to be positive for cancer, what does this mean for me?" My oncologist tried to get me to just take it a step at a time and let's not go there until we had the results from the biopsy, but I insisted... I wanted to know what it would mean for ME. She said, "If it proves positive for cancer and the cells are colon cancer, then it means your colon cancer has metasticized and the prognosis is not good." I asked what she meant by "not good"? The answer was "The prognosis would be that you have 6 months - 2 years". HELLO?? I went into shock... I had assumed she would say that we would then have to try Treatments 2, 3, 4, 5... 19, 20, 21, etc. It never dawned on me that we were talking a prognosis of death. I lost it and could not think of anything but the fact I had a death sentence hanging over my head... then we got the results from the biopsy and sure enough, it was POSITIVE for cancer. When I got those results, I seriously think I left my body, it was that terrifying for me.

    But after being told that if the results showed cancer that I would now be in countdown mode... she explained that we were going to try a few things, the first being surgery to remove the adrenal gland, then we would work on treatment for the lung mets.

    So I have gone from the "death" talk to actually working on treatments... and no one, my oncologist or any specialist can actually give me a time limit. Why? Because as clever as these doctors are (and I am not questioning their training, experience or how many times they have gone through this with other patients), NO ONE and I mean NO ONE has any idea when someone is going to die, unless you are a murderer and outright kill someone with your own hands (and even then, people survive the most ghastly of murders).

    You spend whatever quality time you can with your Dad. The quality time you spend with him is what we all should be doing with everyone we know and love... not because they are going to die, but because every moment we are on this planet should be cherished. And when that miracle happens, you will know it.... whether it is the miracle of life, or the miracle of saving him from pain and suffering.

    Huggggggs,

    Cheryl
  • CherylHutch
    CherylHutch Member Posts: 1,375 Member
    #7
    Jennifer
    Jennifer... I read your post and just want to reach out to you and give you a big old hug! And to let you know, miracles do happen every day. Miracles are not something that can be explained by medicine or technology, but are things that are meant to happen for a reason, even if it is a reason that no one can explain.

    You asked if anyone has been given the "time limit" news and then proved them wrong? Of course! It happens every day and with every other diagnosis! Just prior to me having my adrenal biopsy last March, I had asked, "If the biopsy turns out to be positive for cancer, what does this mean for me?" My oncologist tried to get me to just take it a step at a time and let's not go there until we had the results from the biopsy, but I insisted... I wanted to know what it would mean for ME. She said, "If it proves positive for cancer and the cells are colon cancer, then it means your colon cancer has metasticized and the prognosis is not good." I asked what she meant by "not good"? The answer was "The prognosis would be that you have 6 months - 2 years". HELLO?? I went into shock... I had assumed she would say that we would then have to try Treatments 2, 3, 4, 5... 19, 20, 21, etc. It never dawned on me that we were talking a prognosis of death. I lost it and could not think of anything but the fact I had a death sentence hanging over my head... then we got the results from the biopsy and sure enough, it was POSITIVE for cancer. When I got those results, I seriously think I left my body, it was that terrifying for me.

    But after being told that if the results showed cancer that I would now be in countdown mode... she explained that we were going to try a few things, the first being surgery to remove the adrenal gland, then we would work on treatment for the lung mets.

    So I have gone from the "death" talk to actually working on treatments... and no one, my oncologist or any specialist can actually give me a time limit. Why? Because as clever as these doctors are (and I am not questioning their training, experience or how many times they have gone through this with other patients), NO ONE and I mean NO ONE has any idea when someone is going to die, unless you are a murderer and outright kill someone with your own hands (and even then, people survive the most ghastly of murders).

    You spend whatever quality time you can with your Dad. The quality time you spend with him is what we all should be doing with everyone we know and love... not because they are going to die, but because every moment we are on this planet should be cherished. And when that miracle happens, you will know it.... whether it is the miracle of life, or the miracle of saving him from pain and suffering.

    Huggggggs,

    Cheryl
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #8
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #9
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • jillpls
    jillpls Member Posts: 238
    #10
    Buzzard said:

    Yes I know someone..........
    I understand your frustration.......you need to find Karmars post about how she dreaded to hear the news and found out that it was diverticulitis and not cancer at all...it is so heartwarming....and look at KathiM ..she is a living breathing bubbly NED right out of the blue, stage 4 rectal and breast cancer survivor.....there is always hope, and there are always miracles, they happen everyday. God has a plan for everyone, he has a plan for you and he has a plan for your Dad. He often doesn't work in the ways we would like for Him to but He does things the way He sees fit for the betterment of mankind. He will use your father in one of 2 ways. He will keep him here on earth to do his work or He will use him in Heaven, either way your father wins. Life here on earth or eternal life in Heaven. There is no way to lose in that situation. If you believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost you and your Dad will spend eternity together, you won't ever lose him, the Lord will only keep him until you get there to share it with him. I have a feeling that your dad will be ok for a long time, the survival instinct in everyone is strong. You have to assure yourself and him that the both of you will never be apart forever, but maybe only for a little while. That is your solace, that is your method of coping with this. A trip to Heaven is a reason to celebrate for it is an eternal life you have there.
    My father died of stomach cancer at age 63. He told me 1 time in his life that he loved me, that was the day before he died and only because I told him that I loved him first. Make every day with your Dad here on earth a joyful as possible one. Joke with him,smile with him, show him how much you love him. He needs to know that you will be OK cause thats the way parents are, protective of their children so that they never suffer. Your Mom and Dad only did what every Mom and Dad would do, protect their kids from anything that will hurt them. The time has come though that your Dad needs to know that your OK with his disease and prognosis even though your not he needs to think that you are . Then he can be at peace knowing his children will be ok in the event that something happens.
    Talk to God,talk to Jesus, tell Him how you feel and tell Him that you want to let Him take the painful Burden away from your heart and give it to Him. Then when He does that for you enjoy your time with your Dad.....and always smile.....they seem to always have a healing effect of their own...........God Bless you Bud.........

    great response
    you are so right in how you talk about God. He is in control and only He knows when it's time to go home. And yes, if you believe, we are all in a win/win situation. I thank God daily for His help and peace through this journey. He is there for all of us and He never lets us go. God bless you
    Jill
  • changing2
    changing2 Member Posts: 118
    #11
    Praying for you all
    Hi, so sorry to read your post but still encouraged to read 6 to 12 months! 12 months would be great as there are new drugs coming out every year consistanly! Praying often!
  • bubullime
    bubullime Member Posts: 2
    #12
    STAY POSITIVE!
    Hello Sweets,

    I just joined this site because I wanted to read stories similar to our own and remind myself that we are all in the same boat! I agree with everyone here..Miracles happen and when your number is up GOD will tell you...this is not in our hands really. All we can do is stay positive..it is so important during this time so chin up darling! My sister was diagnosed with stage 4 metastasis colon cancer in May of 2007. She had just turned 41 in March. She has fought every step of the way and always been positive. She has always said she will not rest untill God comes to pick her up! =) She has been a warrior throuh out all of this. On New Years eve , 2 days ago her daughter and best friend and her son and several of her sibilings all gathered around her bed in critical care to count down the ball drop in NYC. It was the first New Years she slept through...=) and every breath she takes is a miracle for us! We pray night and day for more time for her and every second we are blessed with an additional second more! She has beaten the odds since her diagnosis and this is not the first time she has been close to passing over...So the truth is we don't know what will happen but whatever may come she will know she is loved and cherished and her children will be looked after!....Stay Positive...Breath Deep....and do not shed a TEAR because they are STILL WITH YOU!

    Love,
    Linda
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #13
    bubullime said:

    STAY POSITIVE!
    Hello Sweets,

    I just joined this site because I wanted to read stories similar to our own and remind myself that we are all in the same boat! I agree with everyone here..Miracles happen and when your number is up GOD will tell you...this is not in our hands really. All we can do is stay positive..it is so important during this time so chin up darling! My sister was diagnosed with stage 4 metastasis colon cancer in May of 2007. She had just turned 41 in March. She has fought every step of the way and always been positive. She has always said she will not rest untill God comes to pick her up! =) She has been a warrior throuh out all of this. On New Years eve , 2 days ago her daughter and best friend and her son and several of her sibilings all gathered around her bed in critical care to count down the ball drop in NYC. It was the first New Years she slept through...=) and every breath she takes is a miracle for us! We pray night and day for more time for her and every second we are blessed with an additional second more! She has beaten the odds since her diagnosis and this is not the first time she has been close to passing over...So the truth is we don't know what will happen but whatever may come she will know she is loved and cherished and her children will be looked after!....Stay Positive...Breath Deep....and do not shed a TEAR because they are STILL WITH YOU!

    Love,
    Linda

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #14
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • shubunkin
    shubunkin Member Posts: 60
    #15
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    I agree with Nana B
    When my mom passed I took her bandana off her head(she refused to wear a wig ;) and I put it in a ziplock bag and its in my cedar chest. I also took her afgan that my aunt made for her that she took to her hospital stays and she was covered in it when she passed. It lays on the foot of my bed and it gives me great comfort to snuggle with it. After she passed I found myself going around just trying to find things with her scent on them so I could hold them to my face and smell her.
  • MoonDragon
    MoonDragon Member Posts: 183
    #16
    Hugs
    I"m so sorry to hear your dad's news, however I am a very firm believer of "When it's your time, it's your time, and when it's not, it's not". Cherish each moment with your dad and know that he will go when it's his time and not a moment before. I had a very good friend who was in a serious RV accident 3 months before he died of cancer. The doctors were amazed that he lived through this accident. It just wasn't his time. His time and his gift to us was 3 more months with him. I have a 50/50 chance of being here in the next 5 years. I might get hit by a bus tomorrow and then the cancer won't have mattered at all. It will just be my time. I might be a little old lady at the age of 90 and then the cancer won't have mattered, it will just be my time. The only difference between someone with cancer and someone without it is that the person with cancer knows that this may be how they go and the person without does not know how they will go. Neither of them know for sure when they will go. Stay positive no matter how much time your dad has and know that when he does go, it is his time just as you and I will have our times as well.
  • captainhop
    captainhop Member Posts: 156
    #17
    PRAYERS AND POSITIVE THOUGHTS
    Dear Jennifer:

    Honey, I'm heart broken for you. So sorry you're having to go thru this, but always remember you're not alone. We're here for each other.

    Pray, Jennifer, Pray for a miracle and Divine Intervention. But at the same time, give this worry to God and let HIM carry the load that's on your shoulders right now. Ask to be able to accept HIS WILL, for HE has plans for all of us...each and every one..They may not be what we have in mind, but for the best.....

    Don't mean to sound like a sermon here. Please know that I'm praying for you right now and thinking positive thoughts for you.

    I agree, this is a wonderful place to come and learn, communicate, tell our thoughts and problems and if you need to vent, then vent.....we'll listen. I've done some of that myself.and everyone understands.

    Keep the wind at your back and angels around you.

    Thinking of you,
    Marygale (Captain Hop's wife)
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #18
    I'm sorry to hear
    I'm sorry to hear that dad has been having a hard time of it. We used to talk on chat a long long time ago. At that time we were both stage 3 and wondering what our fates would be. You can tell dad that from st3 with 6 nodes involved in jan 98 I am still cancer free. I hope it gives him a lift and lets him fight on,none of us knows what is just around the corner. Pass on my best wishes to him. They also go to you . you have been fighting cancer as long as dad. Ron.
  • bubullime
    bubullime Member Posts: 2
    #19
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    ALL WE NEED IS LOVE =)




    To all of you on this site thank you so much for your warm thoughts and empathy!....I only wish I could express how much they mean to us. Nana you made me smile and its been awhile since that has happened THANK YOU!.. We have her rings and her stuffed platapus with her. Her dauhter wears her sweater day in and out! I pray night and day that when the time comes she will pass over quickly and ask GOD to settle my neices heart because watching her go through this I think is as hard as watching my mom and dad. I am very grateful to all that responded and all that read our post. I am inspired by everyones stories and proud as well! THe Doctor says Violeta has at best 72 hrs from here out so if you can all send just a little prayer for us we will forever be grateful...
    GOD BLESS YOU ALL
  • amcp
    amcp Member Posts: 251 Member
    #20
    Jennifer
    I am so sorry to hear about you Dad but God is the only one who knows our time to go. Hang in there. I remember when my mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer back in 1972. She wasn't given a lot of time but through faith, positive attitude, and doctors she made it 14 more years. The cancer spread and she had to have several more surgies after the first diagnoses but she had a good 14 years..she traveled and loved every day and was thankful for each day. We all just have today but no one really thinks of that. I too was a basket case when they came in and told us. I ran to the bathroom and broke down. Just remember you are in our thoughts and prayers. Make the best of each and every day.
    Anna

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