Shouldn't have looked
So last night I was going through all the papers, and the pathology report said that they checked 10 of my lymph nodes (all clean). What I read online is that the standard is to check at least 12 lymph nodes. I was diagnosed Stage 1 and have had a clean colonoscopy in the last year, but that worried me a bit. One report from a ct scan said that my liver and pancreas were a tad enlarged, too, but nothing has been said to me about that.
I am a person who should probably never go near the internet or medical reports, because I always project too much, but still, I do NOT want to be someone who was told it's all honky dorey and then have this thing bite me again.
By the way, if any are interested, I posted an essay in my expressions area on my page, if y'all want to see it. It's what I'm going to close my talk with when I speak at the Relay for Life kickoff in January.
Sorry to be longwinded!
*hugs*
Gail
Comments
-
To much curiousity
Stay off the internet..all you need to know is in here.....10 clean nodes mean exactly that ...evidently he saw no reason to go any farther. Don't borrow trouble, celebrate with clean nodes......and take it at face value.....they always check my liver and such to see what type of effects the chemo is doing. that I take it is routine in their off cycle checkup.......God Bless ya.............0 -
Those 3:00am moments...
Hi Gail,
I personally wouldn't be concerned about either of those pieces of information (a) although they try to harvest as many lymph nodes as they can, they can't always harvest 12 (they didn't for me). Yours were all clean! Yea! (b) a slightly enlarged liver/pancreas are only that. If it were a big deal, they would have investigated further. They didnt note any lesions or tumors. They have to record everything even slightly out of ordinary -- that's their job.
We all have these dark moments. I refer to them as "3:00am moments" (which is when they tend to strike me). Keep breathing in and out -- and remember my favorite 'mantra' -- feed the faith, starve the fear'.
By the way, I know you are going to knock 'em dead with your talk -- I'm so honoured to have you representing us!
Tara0 -
You are very lucky -
Most of us here, on the board, do not have a Stage I diagnosis. You do. I have read many of your posts. You have no reason to believe that it was not correct. I agree with the other posts. Why borrow trouble. Stage I is almost always controlled by surgery. All my doctors thought I would be stage I - I had polyp - nothing showed up on my scans. Pathology reports after surgery showed two postive nodes (yes out of 19) - fortunately, they were the two closest ones.
My CEA has bounced around - which means I have to have a scan each time.
They have been clean. I am waiting/worrying by 3 month intervals.
If you trust your doctors, and and some point, you have to, why are you looking for trouble?
I am all in favor of being proactive, but maybe you should try to relax and be glad that you caught your cancer at its earliest stage. It is sometimes difficult to get 12 lymph nodes during surgery. I know the standard it 12.
I hope your new gastroenterologist can make you feel more comfortable.
The best advice I got from my gastroenterolgist, surgeon and internist was stay off the internet = it is not written for you and it is not written about you.
I wish you the best of health and peace of mind.
Pam0 -
Yeah, I know I was diagnosedpamness said:You are very lucky -
Most of us here, on the board, do not have a Stage I diagnosis. You do. I have read many of your posts. You have no reason to believe that it was not correct. I agree with the other posts. Why borrow trouble. Stage I is almost always controlled by surgery. All my doctors thought I would be stage I - I had polyp - nothing showed up on my scans. Pathology reports after surgery showed two postive nodes (yes out of 19) - fortunately, they were the two closest ones.
My CEA has bounced around - which means I have to have a scan each time.
They have been clean. I am waiting/worrying by 3 month intervals.
If you trust your doctors, and and some point, you have to, why are you looking for trouble?
I am all in favor of being proactive, but maybe you should try to relax and be glad that you caught your cancer at its earliest stage. It is sometimes difficult to get 12 lymph nodes during surgery. I know the standard it 12.
I hope your new gastroenterologist can make you feel more comfortable.
The best advice I got from my gastroenterolgist, surgeon and internist was stay off the internet = it is not written for you and it is not written about you.
I wish you the best of health and peace of mind.
Pam
Yeah, I know I was diagnosed Stage 1, but I still reserve the right to say I had cancer, and that it makes me nervous. And I wasn't borrowing trouble. I was reading MY medical report about MY cancer for the first time, and it bothered me a bit. I do trust my primary care doctor to the utmost. He's a personal friend, and I know he has my best interests at heart. That is not to say that I don't trust the other doctors, I just don't know them as well. I'm going to the new gastroenterologist, because he's university based, and this was a recommendation from both my primary care doctor and my local gastroenterologist. I have had ongoing pain for over a year now, causing occasional hospitalizations.
I have resumed my life and am very grateful for still being alive. I don't choose to complain much to my family or friends, so that is why I vent here. I thought that was okay. However, I see that it is apparently not appreciated, since I "only" had a Stage 1 cancer. So I'll just read from now on and not post a single complaint.
Best of luck with all your checkups. I hope you continue to check out fine.
Gail0 -
Thank you, Buzzard. You'reBuzzard said:To much curiousity
Stay off the internet..all you need to know is in here.....10 clean nodes mean exactly that ...evidently he saw no reason to go any farther. Don't borrow trouble, celebrate with clean nodes......and take it at face value.....they always check my liver and such to see what type of effects the chemo is doing. that I take it is routine in their off cycle checkup.......God Bless ya.............
Thank you, Buzzard. You're always so positive.
*Hugs*
Gail0 -
Thank you, Tara. AlthoughtaraHK said:Those 3:00am moments...
Hi Gail,
I personally wouldn't be concerned about either of those pieces of information (a) although they try to harvest as many lymph nodes as they can, they can't always harvest 12 (they didn't for me). Yours were all clean! Yea! (b) a slightly enlarged liver/pancreas are only that. If it were a big deal, they would have investigated further. They didnt note any lesions or tumors. They have to record everything even slightly out of ordinary -- that's their job.
We all have these dark moments. I refer to them as "3:00am moments" (which is when they tend to strike me). Keep breathing in and out -- and remember my favorite 'mantra' -- feed the faith, starve the fear'.
By the way, I know you are going to knock 'em dead with your talk -- I'm so honoured to have you representing us!
Tara
Thank you, Tara. Although there might be some on this board who find it difficult to believe, I have been planning my talk in my head, and it's going to be all positive.
*hugs*
Gail0 -
Thank you, Kathi. GailKathiM said:Nah....
Just remember who is the doctor...I always say "I'm not a doctor, but I wash the underwear of one...does THAT count?"....lol!
(Can you imagine, my beau IS a doctor, and he will NOT give me advice????)
Hugs, Kathi
Thank you, Kathi.
*hugs*
Gail0 -
Sorry to sound so angrytootsie1 said:Yeah, I know I was diagnosed
Yeah, I know I was diagnosed Stage 1, but I still reserve the right to say I had cancer, and that it makes me nervous. And I wasn't borrowing trouble. I was reading MY medical report about MY cancer for the first time, and it bothered me a bit. I do trust my primary care doctor to the utmost. He's a personal friend, and I know he has my best interests at heart. That is not to say that I don't trust the other doctors, I just don't know them as well. I'm going to the new gastroenterologist, because he's university based, and this was a recommendation from both my primary care doctor and my local gastroenterologist. I have had ongoing pain for over a year now, causing occasional hospitalizations.
I have resumed my life and am very grateful for still being alive. I don't choose to complain much to my family or friends, so that is why I vent here. I thought that was okay. However, I see that it is apparently not appreciated, since I "only" had a Stage 1 cancer. So I'll just read from now on and not post a single complaint.
Best of luck with all your checkups. I hope you continue to check out fine.
Gail
And I know I sound angry, but I'm upset at the implication that I don't deserve to complain, because I had Stage 1. Believe me, I know there are people suffering every day through chemo and radiation, and I haven't had to do that. I'm extremely grateful for that and very sorry for those who have to endure it. Still, the news that you have cancer is something that changes your life forever, and I was hoping this board was a place where I could share with other survivors without being made to feel like I haven't earned my place here. And I believe I have posted many positive comments to others. It really hurts my feelings to made to feel like I don't belong here. Wish I didn't!
Gail0 -
I hear you!
I was young and naive when I was diagnosed and just wanted the cancer out as quickly as possible. I went to the surgeon my the gastro recommended and didn't give it a second thought. My mother-in-law brought up getting a second opinion and I didn't... mainly because I wanted this horrible disease out of me RIGHT NOW and didn't want to waste time shopping for a doctor.
For whatever reason, only 5 nodes were taken out of me. Five. I later thought that this was because I had JUST turned 27, didn't have any risk factors, etc etc etc... I was told that it couldn't be cancer because of this... and it was. Then I was told that even though it was cancer, it couldn't have spread because blah blah blah... well, guess what? it did... at least to the first node closest to my tumor. My tissue looked so good, according to my surgean, that they had to scope me again to see where the cancerous polyp was taken. I didn't know any better in regards to the low number of nodes taken. My oncologist never mentioned that they should have taken more and never gave me any further reason to worry.
I too, tend to look too much into what I read and hear. In fact, I couldn't learn or read ANYTHING regarding cancer because I would get stuck on the probablity and odds and such that I would freak out. I finally just stopped, until I found these boards anyway. I never requested my reports or records until it was time to move and then I read... and I freaked. I asked my oncologist more questions after reading my chart than I did during the whole 3 years I was seeing him. The only true scare I have had since being diagnosed was an apparent "enlarged" lymph node near the surgical site. My oncologist was never worried about it and said it was likely that it was enlarged because of the surgery itself or possibly through normal lymph node functions... but I always wonder if they should have taken more nodes. Too late now, I guess. However, I am over four years out past diagnoses and surgery (where they "got it all") and I am living strong.
BTW... a survivor is a survivor is a survivor.
*HUGS*
Tricia0 -
This comment has been removed by the Moderatorchynabear said:I hear you!
I was young and naive when I was diagnosed and just wanted the cancer out as quickly as possible. I went to the surgeon my the gastro recommended and didn't give it a second thought. My mother-in-law brought up getting a second opinion and I didn't... mainly because I wanted this horrible disease out of me RIGHT NOW and didn't want to waste time shopping for a doctor.
For whatever reason, only 5 nodes were taken out of me. Five. I later thought that this was because I had JUST turned 27, didn't have any risk factors, etc etc etc... I was told that it couldn't be cancer because of this... and it was. Then I was told that even though it was cancer, it couldn't have spread because blah blah blah... well, guess what? it did... at least to the first node closest to my tumor. My tissue looked so good, according to my surgean, that they had to scope me again to see where the cancerous polyp was taken. I didn't know any better in regards to the low number of nodes taken. My oncologist never mentioned that they should have taken more and never gave me any further reason to worry.
I too, tend to look too much into what I read and hear. In fact, I couldn't learn or read ANYTHING regarding cancer because I would get stuck on the probablity and odds and such that I would freak out. I finally just stopped, until I found these boards anyway. I never requested my reports or records until it was time to move and then I read... and I freaked. I asked my oncologist more questions after reading my chart than I did during the whole 3 years I was seeing him. The only true scare I have had since being diagnosed was an apparent "enlarged" lymph node near the surgical site. My oncologist was never worried about it and said it was likely that it was enlarged because of the surgery itself or possibly through normal lymph node functions... but I always wonder if they should have taken more nodes. Too late now, I guess. However, I am over four years out past diagnoses and surgery (where they "got it all") and I am living strong.
BTW... a survivor is a survivor is a survivor.
*HUGS*
Tricia0 -
I caretootsie1 said:Sorry to sound so angry
And I know I sound angry, but I'm upset at the implication that I don't deserve to complain, because I had Stage 1. Believe me, I know there are people suffering every day through chemo and radiation, and I haven't had to do that. I'm extremely grateful for that and very sorry for those who have to endure it. Still, the news that you have cancer is something that changes your life forever, and I was hoping this board was a place where I could share with other survivors without being made to feel like I haven't earned my place here. And I believe I have posted many positive comments to others. It really hurts my feelings to made to feel like I don't belong here. Wish I didn't!
Gail
Hi Gail,
Just wanted to give you a "hug"! I read all the other posts and, honestly, I didn't interpret them as negatively as you did- hopefully that wasn't what was intended by the people who posted just because you're "only" a stage 1! We all go through feelings of frustration, worries, and fears, whether we're a stage 4 or a stage 1! Knowing myself (I'm a stage 4), I'd still have the same worries and fears even if I were a stage 1. Please don't feel the need to apologize or stop posting!!
I enjoy reading your questions and comments. Take care and may God bless you with peace in 2009 (which is my wish, of course, for everyone on this board!)
Hugs,
Lisa (hope you don't mind me copying your signature style)0 -
Thankslisa42 said:I care
Hi Gail,
Just wanted to give you a "hug"! I read all the other posts and, honestly, I didn't interpret them as negatively as you did- hopefully that wasn't what was intended by the people who posted just because you're "only" a stage 1! We all go through feelings of frustration, worries, and fears, whether we're a stage 4 or a stage 1! Knowing myself (I'm a stage 4), I'd still have the same worries and fears even if I were a stage 1. Please don't feel the need to apologize or stop posting!!
I enjoy reading your questions and comments. Take care and may God bless you with peace in 2009 (which is my wish, of course, for everyone on this board!)
Hugs,
Lisa (hope you don't mind me copying your signature style)
Hi, Lisa.
Thank you for the kind remarks. I appreciate the understanding so much. I really felt fine about most of the posts, but it did sting when I felt I was being chided to remember I was Stage 1. I do! And I thank God for that every day. I really was just hoping someone would say something like, "Yeah, I only had 10 nodes checked, and it was fine." Something like that. It just hit me in the face with a big "C" to read the reports for the first time.
Borrow my hugs anytime!
*Hugs*
Gail0 -
Hey, Tricia.chynabear said:I hear you!
I was young and naive when I was diagnosed and just wanted the cancer out as quickly as possible. I went to the surgeon my the gastro recommended and didn't give it a second thought. My mother-in-law brought up getting a second opinion and I didn't... mainly because I wanted this horrible disease out of me RIGHT NOW and didn't want to waste time shopping for a doctor.
For whatever reason, only 5 nodes were taken out of me. Five. I later thought that this was because I had JUST turned 27, didn't have any risk factors, etc etc etc... I was told that it couldn't be cancer because of this... and it was. Then I was told that even though it was cancer, it couldn't have spread because blah blah blah... well, guess what? it did... at least to the first node closest to my tumor. My tissue looked so good, according to my surgean, that they had to scope me again to see where the cancerous polyp was taken. I didn't know any better in regards to the low number of nodes taken. My oncologist never mentioned that they should have taken more and never gave me any further reason to worry.
I too, tend to look too much into what I read and hear. In fact, I couldn't learn or read ANYTHING regarding cancer because I would get stuck on the probablity and odds and such that I would freak out. I finally just stopped, until I found these boards anyway. I never requested my reports or records until it was time to move and then I read... and I freaked. I asked my oncologist more questions after reading my chart than I did during the whole 3 years I was seeing him. The only true scare I have had since being diagnosed was an apparent "enlarged" lymph node near the surgical site. My oncologist was never worried about it and said it was likely that it was enlarged because of the surgery itself or possibly through normal lymph node functions... but I always wonder if they should have taken more nodes. Too late now, I guess. However, I am over four years out past diagnoses and surgery (where they "got it all") and I am living strong.
BTW... a survivor is a survivor is a survivor.
*HUGS*
Tricia
I'm sorry they
Hey, Tricia.
I'm sorry they seemed to give short shrift because of age. I'm very glad it's turned out okay for you!
It really does freak you out to read that report for the first time, doesn't it? There it is-size of tumor, where it is, etc. And you think, "That was ME!" Yike, to say the least.
*Hugs*
Gail0 -
Hey, Triciachynabear said:I hear you!
I was young and naive when I was diagnosed and just wanted the cancer out as quickly as possible. I went to the surgeon my the gastro recommended and didn't give it a second thought. My mother-in-law brought up getting a second opinion and I didn't... mainly because I wanted this horrible disease out of me RIGHT NOW and didn't want to waste time shopping for a doctor.
For whatever reason, only 5 nodes were taken out of me. Five. I later thought that this was because I had JUST turned 27, didn't have any risk factors, etc etc etc... I was told that it couldn't be cancer because of this... and it was. Then I was told that even though it was cancer, it couldn't have spread because blah blah blah... well, guess what? it did... at least to the first node closest to my tumor. My tissue looked so good, according to my surgean, that they had to scope me again to see where the cancerous polyp was taken. I didn't know any better in regards to the low number of nodes taken. My oncologist never mentioned that they should have taken more and never gave me any further reason to worry.
I too, tend to look too much into what I read and hear. In fact, I couldn't learn or read ANYTHING regarding cancer because I would get stuck on the probablity and odds and such that I would freak out. I finally just stopped, until I found these boards anyway. I never requested my reports or records until it was time to move and then I read... and I freaked. I asked my oncologist more questions after reading my chart than I did during the whole 3 years I was seeing him. The only true scare I have had since being diagnosed was an apparent "enlarged" lymph node near the surgical site. My oncologist was never worried about it and said it was likely that it was enlarged because of the surgery itself or possibly through normal lymph node functions... but I always wonder if they should have taken more nodes. Too late now, I guess. However, I am over four years out past diagnoses and surgery (where they "got it all") and I am living strong.
BTW... a survivor is a survivor is a survivor.
*HUGS*
Tricia
Hey, Tricia.
I'm sorry they seemed to give short shrift because of age. I'm very glad it's turned out okay for you!
It really does freak you out to read that report for the first time, doesn't it? There it is-size of tumor, where it is, etc. And you think, "That was ME!" Yike, to say the least.
*Hugs*
Gail0 -
oopstootsie1 said:Hey, Tricia
Hey, Tricia.
I'm sorry they seemed to give short shrift because of age. I'm very glad it's turned out okay for you!
It really does freak you out to read that report for the first time, doesn't it? There it is-size of tumor, where it is, etc. And you think, "That was ME!" Yike, to say the least.
*Hugs*
Gail
Sorry about the double post. Tried to copy and paste it under your remarks properly, but instead ended with a double post. Novice! *L*
*hugs*
Gail0 -
Cancer is cancertootsie1 said:Sorry to sound so angry
And I know I sound angry, but I'm upset at the implication that I don't deserve to complain, because I had Stage 1. Believe me, I know there are people suffering every day through chemo and radiation, and I haven't had to do that. I'm extremely grateful for that and very sorry for those who have to endure it. Still, the news that you have cancer is something that changes your life forever, and I was hoping this board was a place where I could share with other survivors without being made to feel like I haven't earned my place here. And I believe I have posted many positive comments to others. It really hurts my feelings to made to feel like I don't belong here. Wish I didn't!
Gail
You vent away! Only stage 1, or 2, or 3 - who cares? The beast is still there. I have a dear friend who is stage 4 and just told he has another recurrence in his liver. Not once has he said "you are lucky you are ONLY stage 3". He is supportive and caring and offers advice, as we should all do with each other.
Huge hugs and keep posting Gail. We are behind you. You are a CANCER SURVIVOR!
Vicki...only stage 30 -
Happy New Year!VickiCO said:Cancer is cancer
You vent away! Only stage 1, or 2, or 3 - who cares? The beast is still there. I have a dear friend who is stage 4 and just told he has another recurrence in his liver. Not once has he said "you are lucky you are ONLY stage 3". He is supportive and caring and offers advice, as we should all do with each other.
Huge hugs and keep posting Gail. We are behind you. You are a CANCER SURVIVOR!
Vicki...only stage 3
Thank you Vicki.
That means so much to me.
*hugs*
Gail0 -
Wowtootsie1 said:Yeah, I know I was diagnosed
Yeah, I know I was diagnosed Stage 1, but I still reserve the right to say I had cancer, and that it makes me nervous. And I wasn't borrowing trouble. I was reading MY medical report about MY cancer for the first time, and it bothered me a bit. I do trust my primary care doctor to the utmost. He's a personal friend, and I know he has my best interests at heart. That is not to say that I don't trust the other doctors, I just don't know them as well. I'm going to the new gastroenterologist, because he's university based, and this was a recommendation from both my primary care doctor and my local gastroenterologist. I have had ongoing pain for over a year now, causing occasional hospitalizations.
I have resumed my life and am very grateful for still being alive. I don't choose to complain much to my family or friends, so that is why I vent here. I thought that was okay. However, I see that it is apparently not appreciated, since I "only" had a Stage 1 cancer. So I'll just read from now on and not post a single complaint.
Best of luck with all your checkups. I hope you continue to check out fine.
Gail
Gail,
Reading your post-Wow-I dont have cancer at all but am sorry that you felt belittled by others. I agree with one post we are family. My dad was stage 4 but I never thought of stages ever. Cancer is a beast no matter how big or small. And none of us know who will get through it and those who will have a life long battle. I still plan on posting and reading. I truly hope you do to. Keep up the faith. And vent! cnacer or not stage 1 or 4 your still a gift as we all are.God Bless you
Karen0
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