My hair is gone and it's OK

I can relate
If you read back on these posts, you will read many written by me about my hair. I was (and am) absolutely obsessed with it. I probably dealt with it a bit differently (some would think weirdly) than most:

I could feel it falling out and I didn't want to shave it because my attitude was that I might not lose it all and I wanted to hang on to every bit I had. For months I never looked at my head: I would get in the shower and get out without looking, and make sure I had my cap or scarf on before I looked in the mirror. For me this worked: it prevented me from becoming incredibly depressed. I actually thought I had more hair left than turned out because I still had a lot of hair left in the back. One day after chemo was over I decided to look in the mirror because I figured how could I tell if it was growing back if I never looked. I was devastated when I saw the pitiful remains of my hair (I had big bald patches and some parts of the hair were still left).

My hair did not start to grow back at all until 9 or 10 weeks after the last chemo. At first I had little white hairs, which I could tell meant it was starting. Then I began obsessed if it would ever cover my head. My last chemo was on June 20 and my hair now completely covers my head, although very short. It grew in completely gray, which I hear is common and my hair was not all gray before: I tried coloring it with a rinse that washes out after a week, but no matter which brand I used, it didn't work. Finally I tried a permanent rinse called Natural Match from L'Oreal which is made without ammonia and I was so happy that it worked! My latest obsession is that although my hair is growing back, it is not the same texture: it's thin (it used to be coarse, thick, and fast-growing) and curly only in the back (the front is straight). I have heard conflicting comments from other survivors if your hair stays different, or goes back to whatever you had before. I am hoping the new texture will change back eventually.

One more thing about hair: I read many posts about things people use for their hair to grow back quicker. I have no idea if this is helping or my hair is just growing back the way it would anyway, but for what it's worth, I use Nioxin (a special shampoo and conditioner) which is for sale in Ulta stores here in Chicago, and I take pre-natal vitamins to strengthen my hair and nails.

Good luck with your hair - you are not alone in your feelings about losing it. I think we all feel the same way.

Write if you have questions,

Ohilly