Thanks for info on preparing for wife's mastectomy

Visitors need to be healthy
I haven't been through chemo, but several of my friends and spouses of friends have. Most of them tried to keep from being exposed to obviously sick friends but still socialized (when they weren't napping). Hugs are great for the immune system. However, chemo definately depresses your immune system. Nobody with coughing, sneezy colds or any contagious disease should come over or send food over. It would be better if they called or emailed. But that doesn't have to mean no visits at all. The hospital suggests face masks on folks with colds visiting the wards. They don't stop the visits though. They just suggest you wear a face mask and wash your hands before you enter a room. Good hygene will control most germs. Let someone else wipe the kid's drippy noses if possible and suggest that kisses be on the cheek rather than on the lips with kids, cousins, brothers and sisters. I figure she is pretty used to your germs unless you are down with something new. Doctors have to see sick folks all the time. Practicing good hygiene--stuff like washing their hands and/or using hand sanitizers--protects them from most problems. Another thing that you can do is just monitor how she is doing. If she looks like she is coming down with an infection or contagious something or another, call the doctor sooner instead of later while she is on chemo. I have a lowered immune system thanks to lung cancer on top of breast cancer. I dropped the nursery duty every week with the 2 and 3 year olds so I wouldn't get strep. But I still work with school age kids at work Monday through Friday so I can pay the bills. I just wash my hands a lot. I say thanks but then give away or throw out food gifts from obviously sick kids that are coughing all over their homemade fudge and cookies. I hate to do it, but I don't dare get sick either. It doesn't always work, but most of the time its enoough. Good luck!

C. Abbott

PS By the way, my family and friends all wanted to "help out" a lot when I was down during surgery. They would call and keep asking "How can I help?" The first time around I had no idea what I needed or how to ask for it. I got a lot of flowers and cards and meals that were great but full of fats and sweets that make for great holiday meals but poor breast cancer recovery. It really helped the second time around to make a list of things I really needed, give in to all the meal makers but suggest what foods I could eat and what should be left out. Some folks sent gift cards to local restaurants so I could order out whenever I wanted. Chemo zaps your energy but not your desire to provide for other's needs. So you might want to figure out what meals they could help with and what foods might be best for the two of you. Or maybe help with things like laundry, driving, weeding, mowing, or stuff like that. It makes extended family feel better when they can pitch in and help and it relieves you and your wife of one more chore. Just something to think about...

Naps and Neighbors
Dozing - Am I right in thinking that your wife hasn't started treatment yet? Her surgery is in the next week or so? I can see why you're wondering...why is she so sleepy. The truth is, there is a lot of processing going on in your wife's mind. All of those thoughts can really wear a person out. Yes, cancer certainly will affect her physical body, but it takes it's toll on your mental/emotional health and spirtitual health as well. Napping/Dozing is one way of shutting down your brain for awhile! It's possible that she may be laying awake at night thinking about stuff and you're noticing her 'catch-up' sleep during the day.

Visting - Certainly you'll want to be sure that those that visit are healthy. But as far as how much visiting....it's really up to you and your wife. There were times when I really wanted someone in the house with me....even if I was upstairs taking a nap. There were times when I really just wanted to be alone. She doesn't have to be a shut-in without visitors, but she may want to from time to time. She'll need you (or someone else if you're not home during the day) to be the 'visitor police,' especially if she has a hard time saying no to someone's request to come over...even when she's really not up for it.

I say this all the time, and it's a bit of an oxy-moron....but I was really healthy last year, except for the fact that I had breast cancer. I didn't get one cold, or sniffly nose. Sure I had many side effects to deal with. BUT, I didn't shut myself in. I used caution, but I lived my life...when I was up to it!

Your wife does not need to
Your wife does not need to be shut in while going through chemo. But visitors should be healthy when visiting. Any sign of a cold and they should not come by. I also kept a tub of lysol wipes and wiped down surfaces constantly. I even kept one at the office so that I could wipe down the phones and keyboard. It would also depend on how she feels, Jim. She will be needing lots of rest so maybe the visits should be limited to maybe 2 or 3 at a time. She will be the best judge of that once she starts her chemo. Go with the flow. Hugs, Lili

You have gotten good
You have gotten good responses already about how to help your wife. I would add, don't forget yourself in those who need help. Someone could drive your wife to her treatments or Dr. visits, do housecleaning, laundry, take kids or pets (I don't know if you have either one) to the park for a day, do some yard work for you, or just be with her while you take a few hours to do something....You and your wife will know better what you need as time goes by, but definitely take them up on their offers!

She is blessed to have such good support around her. seof

NorcalJ said:

Good Advice
As usual, everyone has come up with great suggestions and comments.

I finished chemo in Sept. and radiation in Nov. Of course, the tirednes was sometimes overwhelming with the chemo, and it became somewhat cumulative as it went on.

But, feeling like someone is thinking of you is very uplifting. Unfortunately, people have a tendency to come and stay too long because we are all too polite and won't say "I'm tired, go home" LOL

So, you can be the gate keeper, and visit timer---or put a close relative or friend in that position, and you won't be perceived as the "bad guy".

Some people don't know what to say or do, but are happiest if given a specific task, i.e. making dinner, clipping the hedge that you haven't had time to do. Some folks just fall into a certain roll that's comfortable. If it works for you, let them. If not, it's another time to nicely say "thanks, but we're doing fine with that". It's all about your wife (and you) right now, and not time for you to worry about what other people will think, or need.

The other little picky things my obcessive compulsive self needs to mention are: just as everyone has said, keep germy people away, and the food they might want to provide. Give them lots of liquid soap to wash their hands, and only paper towels for wiping them, before they see your wife; AND, I would avoid fresh vegetables that you have not washed yourself. Even the ones that say "triple washed". I live in Calif. were a lot of the veggies are from and supposedly cleaned according to certain standards, but we still managed to have a couple of outbreaks of e-coli on them. Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but I think that's an oxymoron when you are getting chemo and your immune system is "challenged".

You two will do fine! You obviously have a very large support system, and studies have shown how important it is for healing.

Good luck, and come back and let us know how it's all going!
Jan

Great advice about being extra careful
I fall into this trap, too. When I was healthy, it never occurred to me to wash the vegetables and salad mixes that were "triple washed" from the store. I admit that I sometimes didn't even wash those that weren't. Now that I am on chemo, I eat very healthily, but I still sometimes overlook this aspect. I just get lazy or think that it will be fine. But this IS important, and I am going to be extra vigilant from now on. One thing you can do for your wife is to make sure that her food is nice and washed and clean. Sometimes she just may not feel like doing that herself. It's all the little things that make a difference. For instance, when I had mouth sores from the chemo I had my husband make baking soda rinses for me when I brushed my teeth. I was perfectly capable of doing it myself, but it felt nice that he would do that little thing for me...

Mimi