Reconstruction reconsiderations

KSB said:

Hi - I'm also scheduled for
Hi - I'm also scheduled for reconstructive surgery (TRAM) in February. I was diagnosed in May of 2006. I had chemo, mastectomy (left side) and radiation. I'm told that I'm NOT a candidate for implants - so the TRAM is my only option. I'm SCARED TOO DEATH. I've often considered canceling the procedure. I've heard good and bad about this procedure. I don't know what to do. I NEED to do SOMEthing - because I'M A MESS. I absolutely HATE looking at myself. This has affected intimacy with my husband tremendously - I have lost what little self confidence I possessed before all of this happened. What do you recommend?

KSB - I also had mas. chemo
KSB - I also had mas. chemo and rads. I had rads at four locations, 35 rounds. The first plastic surgeon I went to did not seem very happy about giving me an implant after rads. He said that the muscle and flesh just wouldn't stretch, or at least that he couldn't guarantee success. So I visited another plastic surgeon, in the same Kaiser office. This one told me that yes, it can be tricky doing expansion after rads. so he always takes it real slow. If it doesn't work, he says, I really don't loose anything and can still go for a flap (I would have the back one and then an implant cause I am skinny). But, he also said he hasn't lost one yet and he has been doing them for 15 years. He is also the head of the dept. so I decided to trust him and go ahead. I am writing all of this because you MAY want to get a second opinion on the implant with expander methond.
Now, if you have read this far, here is another story. My plastic surgeon was telling me that he does implants and women tell him not to tell their husbands (they are so good, hubbies can't tell). But even more remarkable is that he did implants on one woman who was born a man. Her husband doesn't know that either! I figure if he is that good, maybe there is hope for little ol' me!
Lastly, whether you decide on this method or that, please do never hate yourself or feel anything less than beautiful. Go ahead with the recon, but also pursue other roads of self boosting and self love. After all we have been through, our closest ally is actually our own bodies who got us through all sorts of hard times fighting off an invader. Even the lost breast can be seen as a noble sacrifice for the good of the whole. Try to put a positive spin on it! Because, in truth, we are both beautiful and lovable. Definitely. Love, Joyce