guilt

guilt
strlitnite,
There is no reason for you to feel guilty. Caregivers need time for themselves also. I lost my husband in 07 and took care of him by myself for 2 1/2 years. I never asked anyone for help and it wore me down more than I care to remember. If your daughter is there with him, then he is not alone. But, you still need to take time for you. There will come a time during this that you will not have time to even go down the street for a cup of coffee. So, please do not feel guilty for taking time out just for you. You need time to think about each and every day. You already call him from work to make sure he is doing everything he needs to do. So even at work you are his caregiver. Give yourself a break, go to the Christmas Party. Relax. He gave his permission (doesn't like the cold). I truely wish I would have had some time to do anything for me, but everyone disappeared when my husband got sick. My daughter in laws and sons were the only ones that were there for me. They went to the store for me, but in the long run the caregiving was up to me. Please do not feel guilty. There's time enough for that later on.
Take Care Of Yourself. And be thankful your daughter is there to be with him.
Hugs to You and Yours
Barbra

Another consideration....
During the last two years of my mother's battle I lived next door to her and Dad and was their only day-to-day care giver. What I found was that sticking too close to Mom made her more helpless than she really needed to be. It was actually good for me to step away for a few hours a couple of times a week and give her reason to do as much for herself as she was able to do. Otherwise she depended on me too much and just sat down and said, 'here I am, do it for me'.
My dad was there to look after her and get help if it was needed so she was in no more danger with me gone for short times than she was with me there constantly. You might want to give your hubby some 'space' to stretch and challenge himself a bit. I think that is good for anyone, but especially when our lives become narrowed by the limitations of illness.
God bless.

guilt
After reading the above posting, I feel that I am not loosing my mind. My mom was recently DX with MM this past May 2008. My dad and I are her primary caregivers. My husband and I live next door to them. I have been through the chemo, the ER vists, the hospital stays, the endless phone calls and questions. Taken time off work to go to DR visits 2 hrs away to have a second set of ears listen in on visits. Running errands, making up folders of each week for my dad for my moms visits if I couldn't get off work to go. Each week dad had a different folder, of current meds lists for mom (and one for him too, for just incase something happened to him) a map of appts that were to be done, test locations with a color scheme to have dad follow for easier reading for hiim. A list of contact numbers for him, plus I programmed them into his cell phone. A list of Drs that he could contact in particluar parts of the hosptial. My mom will be heading to University of MI for her Bone Marrow Transplant on December 4th. She will be down there for 3 weeks or plus...just depends upon how it goes. She will be receiving her own stem cells. She was able to donate to herself. My mom too had just given up on everything and I found myself plus my dad doing everything for her. She wouldn't even go to the dinner table to eat, she wanted everyone to bring things to her. She does have neuropathy in her legs now from chemo side effects, but I finally had to talk to her and say....this is your fight mom, we need you to fight to win. Dad and I are along for the ride to help you. I started giving her small things that I knew she could for me while I was at work. I wanted her to be involved in this fight. She was just like going through the motions. We had to have her depression meds increased, but it is hard. I had to get a counsler to help her, cause I was too close to her and was worn out emotionally and physcially. I could see the toll being taken on my dad too. Plus he isn't in the greatest of health either. He has stuck by her thou, more than I ever thought. Doing all of the house work, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. I pick up everythign else for them, meds, cleaning, ordering meds, dr visits, calling people, and I will be staying with her throughout the thanksgiving holiday so my dad can get a break and do some deer hunting. My mom can't be left alone, due to the pain meds, vertigo, and she has two different types of ports in her chest. I have been reading some books to see if they will help me understand and cope with being a caregiver. In December will be a very difficult time, they only gave my mom 3 out of 20 that she will survive the transplant. I do have a brother, but he lives 10 hrs away and is no help to me or my father. Unlike your husband, my mom isn't able to leave the hosue right now, she hasnt' been around anyone except the viist to the dr office (with a mask on) and only been around my dad and myself. This has been going on since November 2nd. She coudn't be around anyone due to viruses, colds, etc. Her counts are good right now. She does talk to her friends often on the phone, but she is in constant pain in her legs and back due to the chemo made her bones weak and she has two new fractures(which can't be surgically fixed) So she is on a lot of pain meds and meds for her neuropathy. We have had to take in my parent dog also until at least March 09. Apparently the Dr's say that my mom can't be around the dogs saliva...due to viruses it carrys. So the dog has been here for almost 2 months...and he is BIG dog..all 130 pounds of him. He is good, just trying to get him to get along with a bird and a cat has been a new experience.