TICKED OFF

Julie 44
Julie 44 Member Posts: 476 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hey everyone,
Just had my port put in yesterday. With great difficulty a 30 min operation turned into a 2 1/2 hour one..I felt EVERYTHING and they kept saying sorry you'll be ok and patting my shoulder. Well I wasn't ok and now I am just ticked off big time!!!!! and in pain all day. (Yes I got meds for it but)......
I don't want to play this game anymore !!!! I am already tired of doctors and pain and confusion and axiety and etc. etc. etc. and I have not even started chemo yet. I have my first treatment on Tuesday afternoon. I need two treatments a week every other week for 12 treatments..I know I have a long hard road ahead but I am sooooo tired of it all already!!!!! Does anybody have any advice to get me passed all of this???? I have had it!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me tee off to you all Julie

Comments

  • Kanort
    Kanort Member Posts: 1,272 Member
    #2
    Tomorrow!
    Hi Julie,

    I am sorry your port procedure was more difficult than expected. Losing control of many aspects of our lives causes much frustration. When I would have a bad day during treatment or would be sick, I would tell myself...."Tomorrow will be a better day!".....and it always was. I hope tomorrow will be much brighter for you.

    Hugs,

    Kay
  • chynabear
    chynabear Member Posts: 481 Member
    #3
    That is just wrong!
    There is absolutely NO reason that you should have had to feel ANYTHING during the port surgery! My surgeon insisted on me being completely knocked out... well, I did try to "help" during my resection, but that is another story. I'm glad I was out. It allowed my body to relax while she did her job. It was sore afterwards, but nothing I couldn't handle.

    I remember when I would just get sick of it all, I would just think about giving six months to get the rest of my life with my family and baby girl. Six months didn't seem so long after I put it in perspective. So far, I've had the gift of four more years with them... and I plan to have many more, whatever it takes.

    You've had a trying ordeal, but things will start to calm down some and hopefully the pain will reside and it won't be nearly so hard to get through. You will have some bad days, and some good, but remember that you are giving them so that you may get the rest of the days ahead of you. Get angry and then put it all back in perspective. You can do this. You can do six months. Remember, we are all here cheering you on!

    *HUGS*

    Tricia
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #4
    Agreed, tomorrow will be a better day!
    Cancer really does SUCK! I hate that your port insertion went so bad... sounds like a surgeon needs to have a procedure done on him so he can learn a little empathy! You will recover, you will make it through chemo and you will be on the other side, looking back at all the crap and being glad you overcame. We will all be looking forward to your posts. Take it easy and keep your eyes on the goal.
    mary
  • StacyGleaso
    StacyGleaso Member Posts: 1,233 Member
    #5
    Been there...
    Hi Julie,

    Trust me when I say "I totally get it!" There were days in my battle when I felt I could conquer the world, and played the "mind over matter" game to get through the rougher times. Believe it or not, it works. As hard as it is, you just need to tell yourself that you're one day closer to healthy. Every little test, poke, prod, procedure is geared towards getting you on a path towards living again. My kids were 2, 4, & 7 when I was diagnosed (been clear from stage 4 for 7 yrs now) and they never even knew I was sick. We did have more days of playing Barbies (which was fine until I realized I kept getting stuck being the Ken doll!) and hanging out in pajamas. Cancer, believe it or not, can slow you down in a good way. It forced me to realize not to procrastinate. It forced me to live each day to its fullest. I am NOT trying to sound like a Hallmark card, but it's true...none of this is a dress rehearsal so we need to relish every moment. I enjoy my family more and find myself doing things my mom would have never done to enjoy what I do have going for me. My husband even blames the cancer experience on the crazy trips I've planned, like taking my 11 yr old to Vegas this Thanksgiving weekend to see the Jonas Brothers (we live in Indiana)!

    So chin up, little nipper! YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS! I PROMISE! Drop me a line whenever I can walk you over to the sunny side of the street!

    Happy Friday!

    Hugs,
    Stacy
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    #6
    Different experience
    Julie,
    I, too, had my port in yesterday, but had a totally different experience. They should have knocked you OUT. I am so sorry you had to go through this. You need to have control going forward - speak up and let everyone know what you want. I have only been going down this path for about three weeks, but I know me, and I know what is best for me. I've already fired a surgeon (Dr Doom I call him) and found a new, more experienced and NICER one.

    Come in and talk to us when you get down or mad. It helps.

    Vicki
  • Mike49
    Mike49 Member Posts: 261
    #7
    Ouch, sorry about your day
    I had my port placement yesterday and my procedure was pretty easy, it is sore today and after the numbness wore off. Sorry your procedure sucked. I think the longer we go everything bothers us more. I saw it referred to as the beaten dog syndrome elsewhere in somebodies messages. I am inclined to agree that the more we endure the more we recoil from the next stick, poke or prod. Hope you have a better day, this beaten dog is coming out of my recoil a little at a time.
  • jenjerandkatesmom
    jenjerandkatesmom Member Posts: 37
    #8
    Hugs coming your way
    My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that you had such a horrible experience so early in your journey. When I had my first port inserted in August '06, the surgeon placed it too low and actually buried it in breast tissue, so each time the nurses tried to access the port, it moved. Because it was so deep, they needed to use a 1 1/2 needle . Ouch. Also had problems with the needle staying in and the pump running steadily. Each time I had chemo, I was thinking nasty thoughts about that surgeon. I filed a formal complaint with his medical group and I must not have been the only one because he was dismissed. I certainly empathize with your dilemna and urge you to: 1. Fire that surgeon!!! 2. File a formal complaint. You have already done something positive by venting on this board so that you can get the frustration out of your system and move on. It's all about movin' on, kiddo! My Dad's most comforting words to me were, "Better days are coming"! So I'm sending a big hug your way and sharing his words of wisdom. -Sharon
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #9
    Mad,Ticked, and Totally PO'd
    Yeah Julie I was the same way with it all,lets just forget the post op chemo cause I have been through all I want to go through with this crap............until I found that it would give me and extra 20% chance of non re occurence and with a 60% chance without post op and an 80% chance with the post op chemo guess what. Yeah I got mad because I was going through all of this and then gonna let 6 months of silly **** chemo allow me to re occur because I was tired of going through it all. After I re thought my situation I have decided that it doesn't matter what they do to me its just a small price to pay to live for a long time more. You and I both owe it if not to ourselves then to anyone that loves us, they if not us deserve the opportunity to see us as long as possible.
    How bout me and you just deciding to let em do whatever they want to us, we can spit,puke,cuss,vomit,dance naked, doesn't matter, cause we know they can't beat us. Lets just get tough enough to say you can't hurt me anymore and Im not gonna succumb to any BS like this cancer I have. I am a whole lot tougher than it is, how bout you ? Instead of saying im sick of being sick use it to your advantage and say im sick of being sick and after 12 treatments I won't be sick anymore, period. Get mad and use it to your advantage, not against yourself, if not for anyone else do it for the people here that love and care for you. We'll go through the whole shootin' match together. If your gonna be mad help me and lets get mad at the cause of this crap and not at ourself........lets both outfight this badboy.......
  • Julie 44
    Julie 44 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #10
    Buzzard said:

    Mad,Ticked, and Totally PO'd
    Yeah Julie I was the same way with it all,lets just forget the post op chemo cause I have been through all I want to go through with this crap............until I found that it would give me and extra 20% chance of non re occurence and with a 60% chance without post op and an 80% chance with the post op chemo guess what. Yeah I got mad because I was going through all of this and then gonna let 6 months of silly **** chemo allow me to re occur because I was tired of going through it all. After I re thought my situation I have decided that it doesn't matter what they do to me its just a small price to pay to live for a long time more. You and I both owe it if not to ourselves then to anyone that loves us, they if not us deserve the opportunity to see us as long as possible.
    How bout me and you just deciding to let em do whatever they want to us, we can spit,puke,cuss,vomit,dance naked, doesn't matter, cause we know they can't beat us. Lets just get tough enough to say you can't hurt me anymore and Im not gonna succumb to any BS like this cancer I have. I am a whole lot tougher than it is, how bout you ? Instead of saying im sick of being sick use it to your advantage and say im sick of being sick and after 12 treatments I won't be sick anymore, period. Get mad and use it to your advantage, not against yourself, if not for anyone else do it for the people here that love and care for you. We'll go through the whole shootin' match together. If your gonna be mad help me and lets get mad at the cause of this crap and not at ourself........lets both outfight this badboy.......

    Thanks
    I want to thank everyone for ALL of your advice..I am taking advice from all of you and getting on with my life....
    Buzzard you are so right that we should use our anger to move forward and fight this crap....I totally agree and I will now pick myself up and dust myself off and get on with living!!!!!! They can do whatever they want to US and we will come right back at them and be even stronger you are sooo right!!!! Thanks to all
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #11
    Julie 44 said:

    Thanks
    I want to thank everyone for ALL of your advice..I am taking advice from all of you and getting on with my life....
    Buzzard you are so right that we should use our anger to move forward and fight this crap....I totally agree and I will now pick myself up and dust myself off and get on with living!!!!!! They can do whatever they want to US and we will come right back at them and be even stronger you are sooo right!!!! Thanks to all

    Atta Girlllllll
    Thats what I like to hear......They can't do anything to hurt me anymore, they can poke,cut,or prod and they will not see me grimace. I will smile and take everything they throw at me, know why ? Cause Im a whole lot tougher than the cancer is and Im not letting anything see any weakness in me.......Im gonna die an old man............ and you'll die an old woman..... :-)
  • Mike49
    Mike49 Member Posts: 261
    #12
    You are right Buzzard
    I found your message right on and inspiring. Let's kick the hell out this disease and move on. We've felt pain and tired and etc.. but we are'nt being hurt by it anymore, we are doing this for us. Good job condensing in words what is imprortant.

    Mike
  • VickiCO
    VickiCO Member Posts: 917
    #13
    Buzzard said:

    Atta Girlllllll
    Thats what I like to hear......They can't do anything to hurt me anymore, they can poke,cut,or prod and they will not see me grimace. I will smile and take everything they throw at me, know why ? Cause Im a whole lot tougher than the cancer is and Im not letting anything see any weakness in me.......Im gonna die an old man............ and you'll die an old woman..... :-)

    Boy did I need that today!
    Buzzard, you always know just the right things to say. I woke up hurting around the port, nervous about my meetings today with the 'team' and downright scared about starting treatment Wednesday. I am taking your words with me.

    Vicki
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #14
    Think of a reward for after treatment...
    I promised myself a 3-day stay at my favorite spa in Palm Springs after my treatment was over...when there were rough spots (like when I was told after my rectal cancer that I had breast cancer), I just kept thinking about 'after' and how WONDERFUL the massages are!!!!

    Part of your reaction is just frustration that you are not in control, or at least it was for me....the cancer had that control, and I HATED that!!!

    I always had a word search pocket book handy....it REALLY helped distract me when I waited for doctors, nurses, labs, etc...in fact, one time I told them THEY needed to wait until I found this one word...ROFL!

    Accept that this is something to get thru, and that AFTER you can go on with your life!!!! Look at me....I used 'squatty potties' in Turkey... and me without a rectum or sig colon...and managed the sometimes looooooong bus rides between pottie stops with no problems!


    Hugs, Kathi

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