i dont even know which cancer my mom has...im really scared and i feel alone
Comments
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hi
My son was 20 when I was diagnosed in July of 2007 and he too is an only child. We had the unfortunate experience of losing a good friend of the family to ovarian cancer just 6 weeks before my diagnosis - Linda's daughter is a good friend of my son. To say that phone call was one of the hardest he ever had to make doesn't compare to what it really was.
Since you are young you know all about how to do the research on the web. Go to reputable sites and give yourself some education on ovarian cancer, treatment options, stages, surgery, etc so you can feel a bit more calm about what is coming up. If at all possible go to the doctor appointments with your mom and have a list of questions ready to ask. Write everything down. Patrick became well versed in my treatment and all that was going on.
He went to every treatment and every doc app't with me - he was amazing. I will say from experience even though your mom is probably terrified she is probably more worried about you. I could not get over the fact of how unfair it was for my 20 year old to be dealing with this. When you are 20 you are supposed to be out learning who you are, dating, having a great time - not being glued to your mom who has cancer. I was so proud of him though and I thought wow, what a great man he has turned out to be. I was very lucky.
I think I saw on another post that you do need to find out which cancer it is, get through the surgery, find out the stage, be sure you have a surgeon/oncologist do the surgery if at all possible and then talk about the treatment plan after surgery is done. Your mom will have to heal a couple of weeks after surgery before they start treatment so then you can google during that time about chemo, etc.
Just be there for her. Remember she is still your mom and not a cancer diagnosis. These days you live with cancer - so keep doing the things you've always done - you just need to be careful about germs & not being around people who are sick because your immune system doesn't work the way it used to. But you can worry all about that after surgery in December. Until then - do your research, and keep posting as often as you need to. Maybe show your mom this site as well - we all know what she's going through.
Take good care! I'll be thinking of you both.
Kris0 -
thanks so much
what your son did for you is really inspiring and im really glad to know that im not the only one in this situation. you are very lucky to have someone like him but of course im sure you're such a good mom to him, and that's why he doesnt mind helping you at all. in my case of course i want to help her as much as i can, but sometimes i cant bear to look at her when she's wincing in pain or something and i feel like i cant cry..so what i do is just be there and help her..but it's really hard sometimes to kinda keep my feelings to myself so when im driving(that's when i get out of the house) i start to cry behind the wheel..which i think could be kinda dangerous..i havent cried today about it because for the most part my mom and i had a good time just spending time together yesterday..i know she was upset with my dad though. she kept saying he doesnt have consideration even now that she's sick..i feel that my dad is having a hard time about it and maybe the only way he can release that is through anger. im really afraid to bring it up to him though..because as much as i hate to see my mom cry, i would be more afraid to see my dad cry..he's always been the "tough one" and it's just something i dont see everyday. but i really want to thank you for sharing with me yours and your son's experience..and i wish you the best in life. god bless you and your family always.0 -
Opinioncpapa05 said:thanks so much
what your son did for you is really inspiring and im really glad to know that im not the only one in this situation. you are very lucky to have someone like him but of course im sure you're such a good mom to him, and that's why he doesnt mind helping you at all. in my case of course i want to help her as much as i can, but sometimes i cant bear to look at her when she's wincing in pain or something and i feel like i cant cry..so what i do is just be there and help her..but it's really hard sometimes to kinda keep my feelings to myself so when im driving(that's when i get out of the house) i start to cry behind the wheel..which i think could be kinda dangerous..i havent cried today about it because for the most part my mom and i had a good time just spending time together yesterday..i know she was upset with my dad though. she kept saying he doesnt have consideration even now that she's sick..i feel that my dad is having a hard time about it and maybe the only way he can release that is through anger. im really afraid to bring it up to him though..because as much as i hate to see my mom cry, i would be more afraid to see my dad cry..he's always been the "tough one" and it's just something i dont see everyday. but i really want to thank you for sharing with me yours and your son's experience..and i wish you the best in life. god bless you and your family always.
This is my two cents worth....having been with both parents at the end of life. For me, crying together, was a sign of our deep affection for one another and we did it openly. It was not a sign of weakness at all but of closeness that we could cry with each other without regret. Some men have trouble showing this affection and maybe need to be given permission, like, "Dad, its OK to cry." Cancer changes our lives so drastically that it is only normal for our usual behavior to change too. Saundra0 -
time
i think my dad needs time right now to think things through..and then when the right time comes and im also strong enough i will have to bring up the subject to him so we can also help each other. you're right it's not a sign of weakness..but i dont want my mom to worry more if she sees me crying/down...i will have to at one point though..thanks again for your comments and support0 -
cpapa,
I have a friend who
cpapa,
I have a friend who was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer Stage 1 and did not have to have any treatments. It went out with the hysterectomy. I went to surgery (january 2008)and afterwards was shocked to find I was stage 3C and so was my husband and 4 children. We all cried before surgery but much more after. Three of the four are sons.
Wait and see what happens first after surgery. We are all different and we all have different doctors. But it is a shock to hear the word cancer. My mom had breast cancer and so did my mother-in-law.
In His Grip,
Libby0 -
hope
thank you so much for your input. it gives me hope knowing that someone has gone through it and came back strong again. i really hope and pray for your speedy recovery as well. your picture with your boys is one of the cutest ive seen. may god bless you and your family.0 -
boyscpapa05 said:hope
thank you so much for your input. it gives me hope knowing that someone has gone through it and came back strong again. i really hope and pray for your speedy recovery as well. your picture with your boys is one of the cutest ive seen. may god bless you and your family.
cpapa,
Thanks for the compliment. But these are two of my grandchildren. One girl and one boy and my daughter just had another boy on the 1st AND my son and his wife are expecting in May. God is SO good. We are excited about the growing family. Still have two sons not married 29 & 27 (any takers out there)?
Take care cpapa and keep us posted.
Love,
Libby0 -
Hello
I'm sorry someone as young as you are is having to exp. this. I can remember back to when I was diagnosed,I remember it as feeling surreal. I just sat there nodding my head and just doing and going in what ever direction they pushed me into.....so I can understand the feeling of feeling very lost and very scared. You won't know the stage until the surgery and hopefully it will be a low stage. My sister went to her gyn to have herself checked out because of me having ovca. She had no symptoms at all. They found a 5" mass on her ovary,which they removed intact. If it weren't for the cytology test done she would have been a stage 1A..but because she had cells found in her fluid test she was diagnosed with 1C...no chemo was done..just the surgery,she has been in remission since!!! As far as me, (a 4 year survivor as of 11/05/2008)I am currently on my 3rd recurrence,and I have found it to be scary but I can do it. I treat it as a chronic disease (like diabetes) and when it rears it's ugly head I begin treatment until is goes back away...I guess what I'm saying is life will continue and you can learn to live with the disease. As a matter of fact you can still live a great life,it's the half glass full or empty kind of thing!!! I will keep your Mom in prayer and don't feel bashful with us ask as many questions as you need. ~~~~Joanne0 -
welcome
Hi Cpapa05,
You're just a little older than my oldest son. He will be 21 next month, my other son is 18. I was diagnosed with stage IC in July of this year at age 44. I will be having my last chemo treatment on November 28th, something to be very thankful for on Thanksgiving! Everyone's treatment is a little different. I had stray cells floating around in my abdomen, and my CA-125 was still at 75 after my surgery, so I ended up with 6 doses of chemo. My onc. stressed that it was mostly preventative. My CA-125 is now at 4.8, and things look very good. I've been through both sides of this now. My father had colon cancer 3 times, so I know what you're going through as well as what your mom is going through. It's a tough road, but with faith, hope, support from loved ones and friends, and good doctors it's not impossible. This is a great site, with wonderful caring people that are always willing to listen and help where they can. Take care, and don't be afraid to talk with these wonderful people about any question or fear you have, even if it seems silly at the time. They've certainly made my membership here better.
Colleen0 -
oopsLPack said:boys
cpapa,
Thanks for the compliment. But these are two of my grandchildren. One girl and one boy and my daughter just had another boy on the 1st AND my son and his wife are expecting in May. God is SO good. We are excited about the growing family. Still have two sons not married 29 & 27 (any takers out there)?
Take care cpapa and keep us posted.
Love,
Libby
sorry about that Libby...you do have a beautiful family though..and i really wish you all the best!
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thanks joannefloridajo said:Hello
I'm sorry someone as young as you are is having to exp. this. I can remember back to when I was diagnosed,I remember it as feeling surreal. I just sat there nodding my head and just doing and going in what ever direction they pushed me into.....so I can understand the feeling of feeling very lost and very scared. You won't know the stage until the surgery and hopefully it will be a low stage. My sister went to her gyn to have herself checked out because of me having ovca. She had no symptoms at all. They found a 5" mass on her ovary,which they removed intact. If it weren't for the cytology test done she would have been a stage 1A..but because she had cells found in her fluid test she was diagnosed with 1C...no chemo was done..just the surgery,she has been in remission since!!! As far as me, (a 4 year survivor as of 11/05/2008)I am currently on my 3rd recurrence,and I have found it to be scary but I can do it. I treat it as a chronic disease (like diabetes) and when it rears it's ugly head I begin treatment until is goes back away...I guess what I'm saying is life will continue and you can learn to live with the disease. As a matter of fact you can still live a great life,it's the half glass full or empty kind of thing!!! I will keep your Mom in prayer and don't feel bashful with us ask as many questions as you need. ~~~~Joanne
you are one of my many inspirations now..thank you for your support. i hope that all goes well for your treatment and it sounds like it really is going well! i guess my question is my mom had like a mini surgery..it's called dnc but it wasnt like a full on surgery because they didnt have to make an opening/cut. they just made this mini hole for the camera to go in and at the same time they did a biopsy on her..but now she's actually telling me that the cyst in her ovary is benign..but the cancer was found in the uterus lining...im really confused and i tried getting clarification from her doctor but i need a written consent from her first so i couldnt get any info yesterday..i hope all my questions will get answered soon so that i can plan on our next move from here..thanks you again for your encouragement.0 -
thank you so muchColleenN said:welcome
Hi Cpapa05,
You're just a little older than my oldest son. He will be 21 next month, my other son is 18. I was diagnosed with stage IC in July of this year at age 44. I will be having my last chemo treatment on November 28th, something to be very thankful for on Thanksgiving! Everyone's treatment is a little different. I had stray cells floating around in my abdomen, and my CA-125 was still at 75 after my surgery, so I ended up with 6 doses of chemo. My onc. stressed that it was mostly preventative. My CA-125 is now at 4.8, and things look very good. I've been through both sides of this now. My father had colon cancer 3 times, so I know what you're going through as well as what your mom is going through. It's a tough road, but with faith, hope, support from loved ones and friends, and good doctors it's not impossible. This is a great site, with wonderful caring people that are always willing to listen and help where they can. Take care, and don't be afraid to talk with these wonderful people about any question or fear you have, even if it seems silly at the time. They've certainly made my membership here better.
Colleen
thanks colleen for welcoming me here...wow you are such a strong person for having been on both sides and still such a positive person. im very glad that you're on your last treatment and that is definitely something to be thankful for. im trying to live my life normally but of course in the back of my head there is that fear. my mom is stronger than i am at this point but at least im not in denial anymore. i know it's a process and im willing to do everything to make it easier for her. thank you again for your support and you're definitely right about people in this site: you guys are all very helpful and i appreciate everyone's concerns. thank you.0 -
My mom has ovarian cancercpapa05 said:thank you so much
thanks colleen for welcoming me here...wow you are such a strong person for having been on both sides and still such a positive person. im very glad that you're on your last treatment and that is definitely something to be thankful for. im trying to live my life normally but of course in the back of my head there is that fear. my mom is stronger than i am at this point but at least im not in denial anymore. i know it's a process and im willing to do everything to make it easier for her. thank you again for your support and you're definitely right about people in this site: you guys are all very helpful and i appreciate everyone's concerns. thank you.
My mom has ovarian cancer Stage 3c. which is pretty far advanced. My aunt had an early stage ovarian cancer they found accidental during a hysterectomy. That was 15 years ago. She never had any recurrence. Don't under estimate your ability to be strong for your mother. But it isn't easy no matter how old you are. I am 53 today. And still cry about my mom. Oh my the way I also was diagnosis with an early stage lung cancer this september. Remember Pray it helps but do what the doctors say. Get a note book and write everything down for your mother, because her head is also spinning after hearing the cancer word. Ask questions until you understand what the doctor said. I always chuckle and say something stupid like Here I go with another question. But make sure you understand what they are talking about. read on the internet. Find out current treatment. check into cancer centers near by. I was lucky to live 2 hrs from University of Pennsylvania for my cancer. One of the top 10 in the country. Pray always helps me to calm down when I get overwhelmed. Good luck and God Bless you and your mother. Also I check into genetic testing after finding out my mom had ovarian cancer. It can be genetic. I tested positive for the same mutated gene that my mother has. I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed. Something to consider after having a family and you are into your fourties and fifties. Please let me know how you make out.0 -
actually we found out thatcatcon49 said:My mom has ovarian cancer
My mom has ovarian cancer Stage 3c. which is pretty far advanced. My aunt had an early stage ovarian cancer they found accidental during a hysterectomy. That was 15 years ago. She never had any recurrence. Don't under estimate your ability to be strong for your mother. But it isn't easy no matter how old you are. I am 53 today. And still cry about my mom. Oh my the way I also was diagnosis with an early stage lung cancer this september. Remember Pray it helps but do what the doctors say. Get a note book and write everything down for your mother, because her head is also spinning after hearing the cancer word. Ask questions until you understand what the doctor said. I always chuckle and say something stupid like Here I go with another question. But make sure you understand what they are talking about. read on the internet. Find out current treatment. check into cancer centers near by. I was lucky to live 2 hrs from University of Pennsylvania for my cancer. One of the top 10 in the country. Pray always helps me to calm down when I get overwhelmed. Good luck and God Bless you and your mother. Also I check into genetic testing after finding out my mom had ovarian cancer. It can be genetic. I tested positive for the same mutated gene that my mother has. I had my ovaries and fallopian tubes removed. Something to consider after having a family and you are into your fourties and fifties. Please let me know how you make out.
we actually found out that my mom has uteran cancer instead..for so long i thought it's in her ovaries/cervix but it's in her uteran lining...my aunt who's had i believe 3 cancers in her lifetime (she's still doing allright) and who was also a nurse had told my mom that uteran cancer is the one that spreads fast..i was really alarmed by this esp bc my mom was diagnosed late october and she's only getting her surgery done next monday on dec.1. i'm a little mad at the doctors/insurance company bc they couldnt set an earlier date for my mom. it's like why cant they just do it sooner than that?!? i was really upset by this...but my mom always tells me to just pray and everything will go well and that she trusts her doctor, so that's what im trying to do.
im really sorry to hear that about your mom and your aunt, and about your condition as well. thankfully yours is also in its early stage just like my mom's. i hope and pray that you will get through it just fine and your family survives all the obstacles that come across..i pray to god everyday and i try to find out more information about my mom's cancer. she's also trying to inform herself as well. she gave me a print out of information about hysterectomy yesterday and we both read its risks but my mom is a strong woman and she is basically just thinking about life after the surgery and how she couldnt wait to do things that she would normally do. i love her so so much and she is the source of my strength even though she is the one who is sick. i also tried to find out more information about her from her doctor but the receptionist refused to give me information unless my mom comes with me and signs a consent form, which is understandable. i just have to be there everytime so i can ask my questions right then and there.
again thank you so much for your support and i really wish the best for your and your family. may God bless all of you.0
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