Bitter feelings

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Comments

  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #42
    TY2HC said:

    WOW
    Hello Gail/Everyone,
    I am glad that you have had the opportunity to talk with you husband and family! It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot lately. How has your pain been by the way?

    I am also glad that there was further discussion between you and ccstinks. When I read his comments it sort taken back for a moment. It brings up something that has been bugging me for 5 years now. I was diagnosed stage 1 5 years ago. Every Onc. appointment I go to I feel like I am in a place I don't belong. I don't feel like I have experienced "cancer", because to have cancer means you have to have chemo or radiation therapy. Understand this is my own feelings no one has made me feel this way. I have often felt it would be insulting to those of you that have had to endure so much to dwell on the fact that I was diagnosed with "only" stage 1 cancer. As irrational as it might sound. I do not mean to pick on ccstinks' comments but they sort of validate my feeling. Is this how others have felt that were diagnosed and did not have to have chemo or radiation? I do not mean to be disrespectful in any way and am not trying to pit one stage against another. I am just curious if I am alone in these feelings.

    Thanks,
    Chris

    Good to hear from you,Chris
    Hey, Chris.

    The pain is still there, and I don't know what's going to happen. All the tests come back good, so I suppose it's just a very irritable bowel. VERY! For the moment I'm in a much better place emotionally. I think just getting those feelings out with my family helped tremendously.

    I know exactly what you mean about being diagnosed Stage 1 and feeling like you haven't really "had" cancer. I feel sort of embarrassed sometimes to admit to people that I didn't have chemo or radiation. Stupid, huh? But I do know that it felt like an awfully big deal when I woke up from the surgery that took 2 ft. of my colon, and I still can't say that I feel like myself totally. I'm out there living life and doing everything, but I still feel awfully tired and like my energy level is not what it once was. I also cried like a baby the first time I went to the oncologist's office. That was just a place I had never expected to be in my life.

    I think that no matter what stage our cancer was, we have to remind ourselves that cancer is a life threatening event, and that it takes a toll on you. I feel like it put an imprint on me, and while I won't always feel as tired and scared as I sometimes do now, I will never be the same person I was before. For that reason alone, even a Stage 1 diagnosis is a big deal.

    Thanks, Chris, for being the wonderful person that you are.

    Gail
  • apache4
    apache4 Member Posts: 272 Member
    #43
    You are correct...
    You are correct...any stage cancer is a big deal. I wish that I had taken my first experience more seriously. Just maybe, I would have insisted on follow-up for it and not be in the situation I am in today. That is one thing I would advise anyone with an early cancer...make sure you have follow-up! I don't know why none of my doctors suggested it. I had annual exams every year and that first cancer was always listed. Oh, well...
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #44
    apache4 said:

    You are correct...
    You are correct...any stage cancer is a big deal. I wish that I had taken my first experience more seriously. Just maybe, I would have insisted on follow-up for it and not be in the situation I am in today. That is one thing I would advise anyone with an early cancer...make sure you have follow-up! I don't know why none of my doctors suggested it. I had annual exams every year and that first cancer was always listed. Oh, well...

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #45
    TY2HC said:

    WOW
    Hello Gail/Everyone,
    I am glad that you have had the opportunity to talk with you husband and family! It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot lately. How has your pain been by the way?

    I am also glad that there was further discussion between you and ccstinks. When I read his comments it sort taken back for a moment. It brings up something that has been bugging me for 5 years now. I was diagnosed stage 1 5 years ago. Every Onc. appointment I go to I feel like I am in a place I don't belong. I don't feel like I have experienced "cancer", because to have cancer means you have to have chemo or radiation therapy. Understand this is my own feelings no one has made me feel this way. I have often felt it would be insulting to those of you that have had to endure so much to dwell on the fact that I was diagnosed with "only" stage 1 cancer. As irrational as it might sound. I do not mean to pick on ccstinks' comments but they sort of validate my feeling. Is this how others have felt that were diagnosed and did not have to have chemo or radiation? I do not mean to be disrespectful in any way and am not trying to pit one stage against another. I am just curious if I am alone in these feelings.

    Thanks,
    Chris

    stage envy
    Weird what cancer brings into our lives, huh? I have a similar situation in my family. I am the 2nd to the youngest in a family of 6 children (43 at diagnosis stage IIIB). I had resection, chemo, recurrence and surgery 2 years later, more chemo and then more chemo. It hasn't been pleasant, but hey, I am still here! My father was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2000, has BCG treatments off and on, doing well. Then he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, had the seeding done. Last year he was diagnosed with stomach cancer and now was finally having to undergo chemotherapy, and using drugs similar to the ones I have had, but delivered in a different method. You know, there are actually members of my family that were glad he "finally" had to undergo chemo so he could "know what Mary was going through". I was appalled! I hated to find out he had to take some of the drugs I had taken and had a hard time with; he's 26 years older than I am! Luckily, he had an easier time of it since he got lower doses, although he did have continuous chemo so he never got a break from the pump for a month. I hope to never be so bitter that I wish what i have experienced on ANYBODY else, least of whom are fellow survivors! For all of you "just" stage I's, know that there is no need for guilt! I for one, and certainly not the only one, am glad you don't have to deal with chemo and/or radiation and hope that your fight will continue to not require it! Enjoy every day and I pray for continued health for us all at ALL stages of this beast! Mary

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