Please help....

CR1954
CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am 54 and I was diagnosed with breast cancer less than a week ago. That is all I know. I was having intense itching for a long time and was told that it was just dry skin...use lotion. Eventually, the itching turned to pain.
I have always had annual mammograms and I have had two breast exams in the past seven months, but nothing was felt.
Eventually, I started noticing outward changes, so I went back to the doctor.
Then I had mammogram, ultrasound and core biopsy. And it is cancer.
I do not have any information yet as to what is going on with me. I am meeting with the breast surgeon in a couple of days and I am at the point where complete teror has taken over, and I barely have a rational thought. I have convinced myself that she is going to give me devasating news about my cancer, and I am not coping...at all.
I have a wonderful, supportive family...who are also terrified for me right now. And I also have very good friends who do their best to lift me up. But I am so very afraid of what I will hear about this. I'm not sure how I can make it through until I see the surgeon. I'm not sure how I will make it after I see her. I am so far down right now, that I can't bring myself to hope for something positive. I need help...

Comments

  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    I am sorry you are having this problem. Cancer diagnoses are overwhelming for patients, families, friends. Even complete strangers often don't know what to say or do when they find out you have cancer. I am glad you have an appointment with a breast surgeon. They know more about breast cancer than general surgeons and they can get you started on dealing with the "beast". Someone else on this board called cancer that, but somehow I think the nickname fits. The goal is to kill the beast if possible and control it so it does as little damage as possible for as long as possible if an all out cure doesn't materialize. All cancer can be treated. Keep breathing and telling yourself that over and over because it is true. You are doing everything just right. You did your mammograms. When you noticed odd changes, you went back to the doctor. You made it through your tests. Now you are going to a specialist for a treatment plan. If you don't agree with the specialist, you are entitled to a second opinion. And you can always come here and ask as many questions as you need or want to. The folks here are very supportive and know a lot just from personal experience. You can also get on the chat room to talk to fellow survivors. Getting support from fellow survivors really helps even if your family and friends are there for you (more good things in your favor!). When I was first diagnosed, I was scared I would die within the month. Then I realized that I was not any sicker than I had been before the doctor said,"Cancer". I just knew more. Knowledge is power. Knowledge helps. You have already taken a giant step toward finding out how to battle your cancer. Just don't forget to breathe! When you go to the doctor, take a tape recorder to keep track of what the doctor says. If you have already gotten a copy of the pathology report from the biopsy, take that with you. He will probably want your films and slides of your biopsy too. Whoever did the biopsy should help you get everything to the breast surgeon. Even if they sent the path report directly, you can get a copy for yourself. Ask here if there are things on it that you want to understand. Medical terms are like another language, but it is a language that can be learned abd several folks here can help you. It is very helpful to get a ringbinder to keep reports in so you have them to share with all the doctors you see. Do not go alone to see the surgeon. We all need support when we are dealing with stressful treatment plans. Good luck!
    C. Abbott
  • terryI
    terryI Member Posts: 43
    Just like Cabbott I am really sorry to hear you are having to fight the beast. I am going through my second time around fighting it. You did not say what type of cancer you have is it invasive or inflammatory? Make sure when you go back to the surgeon you take someone with you and a note pad to write down answers to you questions. The reason for the second person is to help you hear what the doctor is saying to you. I would also make sure they run the normal tests such as: cat scan, bone scan and maybe a pet scan. These test show us if the cancer has spread to other areas of our body. I am now going through chemo to fight inflammatory breast cancer, not to many people on the sight know much about this form but I love it hear because everyone here is so loving and informative great support system to have.

    Please don't get upset with family as they are just as scared as you and may not know what to say or do to help. Just remember they love you and will be there for you, so will I. Hope this little bit of information helps you and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    A big ((((((((Hugs)))))))))

    God Bless,

    Terry i
  • NorcalJ
    NorcalJ Member Posts: 187
    Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but it's great that you've discovered this site, because no one understands this better than someone going thru it. I agree with the others--take someone along with you who can listen with a different ear and take notes also. A little something to think about--when you take someone, try to choose a person who, perhaps, is less emotional, and maybe someone who everyone else thinks of as level headed. At a time like this, it may NOT be your mom, sister, or best friend because they may be in as much shock as you. Remember, as long as you don't have the whole crowd with you, there's nothing to say you can't have 2 people with you---one to hold your hand and the other to actually get the answers. Keep asking the questions until you understand.
    Good luck, and keep us posted!
  • nbritton
    nbritton Member Posts: 7
    Hello I am new to this site as well, I was diagnose a couple of months ago. I am schedule for a lumpectomy
    this Friday. I know you probally feel overwhekmed at this time. Hearing this news really is tough to bear, once you find out the type of BC you're dealing with you will have a better understanding. I still am overwhelm and I find myself on the internet as much as I can. Having support really helps I am finding out, I have went to a couple of support groups maybe you can do the same.I wish you luck, taking with other people who are going through the same thing as you really helps.
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    Hi,

    Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement and the "understanding" that you all have.
    I don't know what type of cancer it is. I asked my gyn when she told me the diagnosis, but she said that she had just had a call from the radiologist and did not have the written report yet. So, I am going to guess that I will find out much more on Thursday when I meet with the surgeon.
    I have an MRI scheduled for next Monday. That was the soonest that they could get me in.
    I have gotten myself a purse size little notebook to write any questions I may have in and to write down things that the doctor tells me.
    Frankly, the only thing that my gyn told me is that I was in for 6 months of Hell. She said to expect to lose the nipple & surrounding area at the very least and to expect chemo. that was pretty much where she left it. Which has let my mind go totally to the worst possible scenarios, of course.
    My friends say that I don't have the will to fight. That I am spending too much time in tears. But I think I am still trying to digest and come to terms with having cancer in the first place. And I am waiting for any kind of encouragement from a doctor. And, I have been taking premarin for the past eight years and it has now been abruptly stopped, so I am guessing that is also adding to the mood swings and emotional turmoil.
    I am hoping that once a treatment plan has been put in place and I am able to take each step as it comes, that the fighting spirit that I know I need, will come.
    At any rate, I have found this site and women who understand what I am going through. Thank you.
    CR
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    You are in such great company here...let me say that I too was vigilant about mammograms and a very healthy woman , and at age 53, I got Breast Cancer! ALL of us, bar none, know just what you are feeling at this moment in time!

    I will fill you in with the details of decisions, etc later on, as you don't need to be overwhelmed with everything at this point. But just know I did it all~ Surgery, Chemotherapy and Radiation, and that was just over 5 YEARS ago!!!

    So, welcome to the club you never wanted to join! We will take good care of you, and before you know it, you will be offering support, comfort and advice to those who follow you in here!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • Hello CR. These ladies have just given you the best advice and support you will find ANYWHERE...and I do mean anywhere, because we have walked this road before you.
    One thing I feel I MUST add. The gyn who told you that you were in for 6 months of hell has no place in the medical profession in my opinion. I have never heard a more obscene comment from a medical professional in my life.
    I am a 22 year breast cancer survivor...2 radical mastectomies at different times, 2 ten-month courses of chemo, 5 weeks of daily rads, years of post-cancer drugs. And I have NEVER....I mean NEVER...felt that I was anywhere even close to hell.
    Yes, it is hard. Yes it is emotional. Yes it takes a lot out of you; physically, mentally, and emotionally. But I PROMISE you that you are going to find within yourself a strength and courage that you never suspected was there. And with the wonderful support system you have in place, you are going to go through this and come out on the other side a stronger, more confident woman.
    And one day not too far away you will be posting here in encouragement for others who are where you are right now.
    And as for the tears, NOTHING could be more normal or healthy at this point. Tears are NOT a sign of weakness. They are our escape valve which keeps us from exploding.
    God bless you and keep posting.
  • CR, I forgot to mention that I have recently put a short article on my web page here that describes my 20 year survivorship in terms of 'how bad it got'. You might like to check it out. I hope it will give you some perspective on the journey you are undertaking. Hugs.
  • NorcalJ
    NorcalJ Member Posts: 187
    CR,

    Just an addition to what everyone is saying---I'm smack in the middle of this "adventure" having had my 2nd round of chemo which followed a mastectomy. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I got my diagnosis in Feb. But now, although this isn't the most exciting thing I could think of doing, knowledge is power. Keep reading, reading, reading and asking the doc's questions. If you don't understand their answers, ask them again, until you do.
    As for crying--it is actually therapeutic. They've found a good wet cry produces endorphins, which is what runners produce that gives them a High to keep running. So go for it!
    You'll absolutely astound yourself with how strong you've become.
    More importantly, keep us posted, we're here for you!
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    CR1954 said:

    Hi,

    Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement and the "understanding" that you all have.
    I don't know what type of cancer it is. I asked my gyn when she told me the diagnosis, but she said that she had just had a call from the radiologist and did not have the written report yet. So, I am going to guess that I will find out much more on Thursday when I meet with the surgeon.
    I have an MRI scheduled for next Monday. That was the soonest that they could get me in.
    I have gotten myself a purse size little notebook to write any questions I may have in and to write down things that the doctor tells me.
    Frankly, the only thing that my gyn told me is that I was in for 6 months of Hell. She said to expect to lose the nipple & surrounding area at the very least and to expect chemo. that was pretty much where she left it. Which has let my mind go totally to the worst possible scenarios, of course.
    My friends say that I don't have the will to fight. That I am spending too much time in tears. But I think I am still trying to digest and come to terms with having cancer in the first place. And I am waiting for any kind of encouragement from a doctor. And, I have been taking premarin for the past eight years and it has now been abruptly stopped, so I am guessing that is also adding to the mood swings and emotional turmoil.
    I am hoping that once a treatment plan has been put in place and I am able to take each step as it comes, that the fighting spirit that I know I need, will come.
    At any rate, I have found this site and women who understand what I am going through. Thank you.
    CR

    Crying when you are scared and angry is a completely normal reaction to traumatic events. Cancer diagnosis is a traumatic event. There is even a book at my public library titled, "First You Cry." Then apparently you are supposed to get yourself together and do what needs to be done, not that grief is a one-time thing, especially when you are looking at cancer and its treatment. It took me a lot more than a day or two to quit crying. After a week of crying non-stop practically, I told God he would have to handle the fear because I sure couldn't. That helped a lot. So did getting a plan, but I still cried daily and had nightmares regularly. I think I noticed I was making it through the day without tearing up by the second or third year...and I started sleeping through the night without nightmares after year four. I don't feel a bit abnormal about it either. There are meds to help you with the stress and grief. Lots of exercise and terrific support groups do the trick for me. But I did take the time to talk with one social worker about the nightmares, reoccurring thoughts and tears. She told me that I seemed pretty healthy and normal to her. I was just overwhelmed by an overwhelming mostly uncontrollable situation. She got me in touch with the Wellness Community in my hometown. It had free support groups for cancer patients and it was great. It also helped me to find out more about cancer. I realize that doesn't work for everyone, but knowing the worst helped me limit my fears, at least during the day!!! While lumpectomies followed by radiation treatment (with or without chemo) are standard treatment for discrete lumps in the breast, mastectomies are often used for cancer in more than one place and inflamatory breast cancer. I had a mastectomy done because my kind of cancer, though caught early, was in more than one area. I chose not to have reconstruction done and got a prosthesis. The surgery was day surgery and I was home putting the dishes away that same night. I have a battle scar, but I recovered fairly quickly and my grandpa taught me to be proud of battle scars (he had had heart surgery) rather than ashamed. A nurse told me that undergoing chemo is a lot like childbirth. It lasts about 9 months and there's new life at the end of the process. It is aggressive medicine for aggressive cancer. If you have to have it, remember it is your friend. They will not bother with any treatment if they think it will not help you get better. They will leave the choice of how aggressive your treatment is totally up to you. They have to tell you all the gory statistics and side effects, but keep your eyes on the fact that they are trying to make you better not worse. Many, many women have benefitted from today's cancer treatments. Everyone is different in how they weather these things, so focus on getting a treatment plan for yourself and taking it one day at a time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    C. Abbott
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    Oh my gosh! You have all been a Godsend to me!
    I am so glad and relieved to have found all of you wonderful ladies!
    I have never been a "strong" person in the face of adversity...LOL! I freely admit it. But I want to do everything I can to beat this!
    I have taken Xanax off and on for years because of panic attacks. My family doctor has prescribed them for me now, and they seem to have helped trememdously. At least I am able to get some rest. I am just hoping that at some point along the way, the doctors don't decide to take them away from me...LOL!
    And I am hoping that once a plan is in place, and I am no longer in this state of limbo, that my strength will grow. I KNOW it will grow!
    On a lighter note, I also tend to get very homesick, very rapidly...so I hope that if a mastectomy is required, I am home again as quickly as you were C Abbott!

    Hugs to all of you!
    Cindy
  • CR1954 said:

    Oh my gosh! You have all been a Godsend to me!
    I am so glad and relieved to have found all of you wonderful ladies!
    I have never been a "strong" person in the face of adversity...LOL! I freely admit it. But I want to do everything I can to beat this!
    I have taken Xanax off and on for years because of panic attacks. My family doctor has prescribed them for me now, and they seem to have helped trememdously. At least I am able to get some rest. I am just hoping that at some point along the way, the doctors don't decide to take them away from me...LOL!
    And I am hoping that once a plan is in place, and I am no longer in this state of limbo, that my strength will grow. I KNOW it will grow!
    On a lighter note, I also tend to get very homesick, very rapidly...so I hope that if a mastectomy is required, I am home again as quickly as you were C Abbott!

    Hugs to all of you!
    Cindy

    Cindy, we are all so glad we could help. And it is so good to see you posting LOL's all over the place! LOL!!!
    Seriously, it sounds like you are on the upswing. Not to say there won't be hard days ahead, but now you know you CAN and WILL get through them and enjoy life again.
    As for not being strong....you just wait girl, you are going to surprise yourself. :)
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    Invasive ductal carcinoma is the diagnosis.
    Next week is a whirlwind of appointments. MRI, PET scan, meeting with plastic surgeon, bone scan and then, back to the breast surgeon.
    She discussed options...lumpectomy and mastectomy. But she said that the tumor is fairly large and she would have to take a substantial amount...so, I am certain that I will opt for mastectomy.
    So...she said she would like to get me in for surgery within the next two weeks. Then chemo and possibly radiation.
    Ok, I admit it...I am terrified and I find that I am either in a very "good" place in my mind, or I am in total meltdown, with nothing but dire thoughts and defeated attitude.
    But, I am ready to get on with it.
    I told the doctor that I don't need my breast, and I could care less about losing my hair....I just don't want to lose my life.

    CR