coping after 1 year

arbrab
arbrab Member Posts: 55
edited March 2014 in Surviving Caregivers #1
It has been 1 year 2 months and 1 day since I lost my soul mate for life. I have tryed the group sessions, not for me. The chat room was my salvation. It seems to be getting harder instead of better and I don't know how to deal with the loss anymore. I remember him in his last days. Not like he was throughout our 34 years together. How do you go on? I'm at a loss!!! Any suggestions from anyone going through the same thing.

Comments

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #2
    Hello arbrab.
    My name is arabrab by the way.
    I assume you are referring to the csn chat room?
    While it is out of commission many of us have been going to the room listed below. You will find some of your former chat friends there I have no doubt, and make some new ones as well. Look forward to seeing you!
    www.southernhospitality.homestead.com/chatroom2.html
    Just backout the word 'guest' and enter whatever username you choose, then backout the word 'lobby' and type in this (exactly like this): SouthernHospitality
  • arbrab
    arbrab Member Posts: 55
    #3
    unknown said:

    Hello arbrab.
    My name is arabrab by the way.
    I assume you are referring to the csn chat room?
    While it is out of commission many of us have been going to the room listed below. You will find some of your former chat friends there I have no doubt, and make some new ones as well. Look forward to seeing you!
    www.southernhospitality.homestead.com/chatroom2.html
    Just backout the word 'guest' and enter whatever username you choose, then backout the word 'lobby' and type in this (exactly like this): SouthernHospitality

    thank you soooo much. i knew my angels were out there i just got lost from them. you are one of them. i use my name backwards so if you see me there you'll know who i am. thanks again
  • wadders10
    wadders10 Member Posts: 1
    #4
    I am too coping with a loss of my sister I had the privilege to be with her for 33 years, I agree with you as time passes the reality sets in and it gets much harder, I too struggle to forget the last days and try to remember the good times but the last days always creep in. I don't have an answer on how to cope but I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I have created a memorial/picture frame of mine and my sisters life together, although it tears me apart to look at it sometimes, I also hope she can see I have done that and every day I go to that frame and say Hi and tell her the day's news, sad maybe - but somehow it helps me cope and she feels closer too me, Try it you never know, but never doubt you are alone there will always be someone to help.
  • arbrab
    arbrab Member Posts: 55
    #5
    wadders10 said:

    I am too coping with a loss of my sister I had the privilege to be with her for 33 years, I agree with you as time passes the reality sets in and it gets much harder, I too struggle to forget the last days and try to remember the good times but the last days always creep in. I don't have an answer on how to cope but I just wanted you to know you are not alone. I have created a memorial/picture frame of mine and my sisters life together, although it tears me apart to look at it sometimes, I also hope she can see I have done that and every day I go to that frame and say Hi and tell her the day's news, sad maybe - but somehow it helps me cope and she feels closer too me, Try it you never know, but never doubt you are alone there will always be someone to help.

    I have our last family picture hanging to where I see it every morning when I wake up. I look at it and just don't remember that person. People that I know who have lost their partner to cancer has said it gets better after time. To me it is getting harder and harder everyday. Even my mom says it gets better, but I lost my dad to a heart attack, real fast. He walked in the house and passed. So it is different even for my mom. I watched my husband slowly die and couldn't do anything about it. I think that the worse part is everytime I asked him what am I gonna do when your gone he would just say " I LOVE YOU". I guess he didn't know either. Thanks for your response. It's good to know that there are people who are dealing with the past present issue as I am. I just don't know how to remember the past, or if I ever will. I can't even tool at the photo albums yet. Too hard. Guess as time passes I will, just not now. Be at Peace
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #6
    arbrab said:

    I have our last family picture hanging to where I see it every morning when I wake up. I look at it and just don't remember that person. People that I know who have lost their partner to cancer has said it gets better after time. To me it is getting harder and harder everyday. Even my mom says it gets better, but I lost my dad to a heart attack, real fast. He walked in the house and passed. So it is different even for my mom. I watched my husband slowly die and couldn't do anything about it. I think that the worse part is everytime I asked him what am I gonna do when your gone he would just say " I LOVE YOU". I guess he didn't know either. Thanks for your response. It's good to know that there are people who are dealing with the past present issue as I am. I just don't know how to remember the past, or if I ever will. I can't even tool at the photo albums yet. Too hard. Guess as time passes I will, just not now. Be at Peace

    arbrab,
    Did you ever think that maybe when you asked your husband what you would do when he was gone and his reply was always I LOVE YOU....maybe he was telling you that even if the rest of him might pass out of your life, his love for you would live forever?

    THE SPIRIT OF LOVE

    All things are not confined by the tomb;
    There is a spirit set free to roam
    After the body ceases to be,
    And the soul is risen, light and free.
    It is the essence of a loving heart;
    What remains is the purest part
    Of the one you have laid to rest
    With tears of grief upon his breast.
    So if you glance toward an open door;
    Hearing a footstep that is no more,
    Or feel his hand brush your hair,
    Or sense his presence in a favorite chair,
    And if your mind cries, "He has died!";
    Then let your heart in faith reply,
    "He is not gone, nor am I alone,
    For his love of me lingers on."

    By Barbara.....God bless.
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #7
    unknown said:

    arbrab,
    Did you ever think that maybe when you asked your husband what you would do when he was gone and his reply was always I LOVE YOU....maybe he was telling you that even if the rest of him might pass out of your life, his love for you would live forever?

    THE SPIRIT OF LOVE

    All things are not confined by the tomb;
    There is a spirit set free to roam
    After the body ceases to be,
    And the soul is risen, light and free.
    It is the essence of a loving heart;
    What remains is the purest part
    Of the one you have laid to rest
    With tears of grief upon his breast.
    So if you glance toward an open door;
    Hearing a footstep that is no more,
    Or feel his hand brush your hair,
    Or sense his presence in a favorite chair,
    And if your mind cries, "He has died!";
    Then let your heart in faith reply,
    "He is not gone, nor am I alone,
    For his love of me lingers on."

    By Barbara.....God bless.

    Very nice, Za!

    Take care, my friend.

    Joe
  • arbrab
    arbrab Member Posts: 55
    #8
    unknown said:

    arbrab,
    Did you ever think that maybe when you asked your husband what you would do when he was gone and his reply was always I LOVE YOU....maybe he was telling you that even if the rest of him might pass out of your life, his love for you would live forever?

    THE SPIRIT OF LOVE

    All things are not confined by the tomb;
    There is a spirit set free to roam
    After the body ceases to be,
    And the soul is risen, light and free.
    It is the essence of a loving heart;
    What remains is the purest part
    Of the one you have laid to rest
    With tears of grief upon his breast.
    So if you glance toward an open door;
    Hearing a footstep that is no more,
    Or feel his hand brush your hair,
    Or sense his presence in a favorite chair,
    And if your mind cries, "He has died!";
    Then let your heart in faith reply,
    "He is not gone, nor am I alone,
    For his love of me lingers on."

    By Barbara.....God bless.

    That was very beautiful. Thank you muchly. I know that he is here with me, every once in awhile I feel his presence. I figured he didn't know what to say to me. He knew that I would be taken care of and he didn't have to worry. And I knew that he didn't want to leave, but he was tired and didn't want to live life as he was, putting the burden on me any longer. In which let me tell you, he was not a burden. He was my love, my life for 34 years.
    Can I copy your poem for myself. It really brought peace to my heart.
    barbra
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #9
    arbrab said:

    That was very beautiful. Thank you muchly. I know that he is here with me, every once in awhile I feel his presence. I figured he didn't know what to say to me. He knew that I would be taken care of and he didn't have to worry. And I knew that he didn't want to leave, but he was tired and didn't want to live life as he was, putting the burden on me any longer. In which let me tell you, he was not a burden. He was my love, my life for 34 years.
    Can I copy your poem for myself. It really brought peace to my heart.
    barbra

    Of course you can. So glad if it helped.
  • dscott
    dscott Member Posts: 35
    #10
    For me it has been 2 months and 2 days since my Johnny has died so I can not really say how to cope because I can not. Everyone says this will get easier but for me right now it is getting harder. I find myself isolating myself more and more. I hope you start to feel better...Debbie
  • Goodkind
    Goodkind Member Posts: 10
    #11
    Hi,
    I totally understand what you are going through. I lost my dad four months ago and I am a only child so it was up to me to take care of him. During this time I kept telling myself that when the end does come he will be in peace and I believe that to be true, but what about me. I feel that there was so much more that I could have done or said. I find myself picking up the phone to call him about something his grandson did and then it hits me that he is gone forever. I was daddy's little girl and he was my rock and now that is gone. I believe it will get better, when, who knows. The best thing that I have found is to stay busy, enjoy life and remember the good times that we had with our loved ones. The memories in the last days with them will always be there however unpleasant they might be, but they are still memories of the time you had with them. Cherish all of them.
    Good Luck and Best Wishes.

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