Mastectomy (Rt.breast)

babebussie
babebussie Member Posts: 150
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I had my rt.breast removed in April and i'm still trying to deal with my new look. I'm married and i just can't seem to get comfortable around my husband seeing my entire body. I feel un-attractive and depressed sometime because my breast is gone and all i have is this ugly scar going across my chest. How do i get past feeling like half a women and depression? Please help!!!!!

Comments

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #2
    Well, sweetie, it's only been a month. These things take time.
    Also, your hubby has a responsibility in this too. It is his job to reassure you that his love and regard for you has not changed.
    If you and he do not begin to feel more comfortable with each other soon, then get professional help. None of us can always handle what life throws at us ALL THE TIME.
    This is a wonderful place to get support and advice but if you and your hubby need something more 'professional', don't hesitate.
    But as I said before, it is early. Time will help....and you will know when the time comes for outside help, if it does.
    Hugs.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #3
    I agree with Zahalene~ it has only been a month; please give it time! Something traumatic has happened to your body; first it was assaulted by breast cancer, and now you have a scar to remind you that you are a SURVIVOR!

    There are so many facets which make up who we are as women, and hair and breasts certainly seem to top that list, don't they? If you have any doubt about that, peruse the postings here!

    You will also find, that after the initial shock has worn off, and you LITERALLY get more comfortable in your own skin,the emotional assault will also lessen.

    I suggest you and your husband have to get to know each other in a different way now. You are NOT damaged goods, you are a survivor who happens to have a delicate psyche right now. May I be so bold to assume that you would not leave or otherwise not desire your husband if he had lost a testical to cancer??? Sometimes it really does help to put the shoe on the other foot...

    This is a great time to rediscover why you loved each other in the first place, and to allow yourself to be nurtured and loved now, as well.

    This avenue of support is invaluable, and I hope you come here often. I also strongly encouage good communication with your husband, and your doctor. Your oncology staff has heard this many, many times, and they are not unsympathetic to your feelings. If need be, get outside counseling and even consider anti-depressants to help you through the initial stages of coming to terms with your fears and concerns.

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #4
    I agree with what the others have said...you and your husband are in this together, and it has not been long. This site is a good place to come for support, but even so, it might help to see a counsellor. The facility I go to has one on staff, and has a list of resources including support groups for cancer patients and families. Check with your facility, or with American Cancer Society. Going to counselling or a support group for emotional support is not a sign of weakness any more than going to a Doctor when you have a physical pain that you cannot explain.

    take care of yourself and your marriage, and be patient. seof.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #5
    Part of you may be mourning for the you that was. Let mourning happen. But, the you that is here is indeed lovable. When I look at my one breasted self, after 6 months, here is the peace I have come to. 1) No breast - I will get reconstruction. 2) no breast - one side of me is the little girl I once was. I was a lovely little girl and that side needs love too. (This is going to get corny!) Cheer for your breastless side! It had to undergo so much for you. It is not your enemy, but your friend, who sacrificed. Be breastless on one side with love and tenderness. You are not ugly. Your new, scarred self is so loving to you, love it back.
    And I agree with the good counsel of the ladies who wrote before me. My best wishes, love, Joyce
  • babebussie
    babebussie Member Posts: 150
    #6
    unknown said:

    Part of you may be mourning for the you that was. Let mourning happen. But, the you that is here is indeed lovable. When I look at my one breasted self, after 6 months, here is the peace I have come to. 1) No breast - I will get reconstruction. 2) no breast - one side of me is the little girl I once was. I was a lovely little girl and that side needs love too. (This is going to get corny!) Cheer for your breastless side! It had to undergo so much for you. It is not your enemy, but your friend, who sacrificed. Be breastless on one side with love and tenderness. You are not ugly. Your new, scarred self is so loving to you, love it back.
    And I agree with the good counsel of the ladies who wrote before me. My best wishes, love, Joyce

    Joyce, i chuckled at that because it wasn't corney at all. I appreciate you saying that because it really made me look at me in a whole new way. Thanks so much to all of you.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #7
    unknown said:

    Part of you may be mourning for the you that was. Let mourning happen. But, the you that is here is indeed lovable. When I look at my one breasted self, after 6 months, here is the peace I have come to. 1) No breast - I will get reconstruction. 2) no breast - one side of me is the little girl I once was. I was a lovely little girl and that side needs love too. (This is going to get corny!) Cheer for your breastless side! It had to undergo so much for you. It is not your enemy, but your friend, who sacrificed. Be breastless on one side with love and tenderness. You are not ugly. Your new, scarred self is so loving to you, love it back.
    And I agree with the good counsel of the ladies who wrote before me. My best wishes, love, Joyce

    Wow, Joyce...how well put! I didn't lose my breast, but have scars from the lumpectomy and a large 'badge of honor' 12-inch scar on my belly from the colon cancer resection...

    Thanks for the perspective!!! It made me feel great!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    #8
    KathiM said:

    Wow, Joyce...how well put! I didn't lose my breast, but have scars from the lumpectomy and a large 'badge of honor' 12-inch scar on my belly from the colon cancer resection...

    Thanks for the perspective!!! It made me feel great!

    Hugs, Kathi

    My grandfather couldn't wait to show me (age 12) his war scar from heart surgery. I was very impressed. Now I have my own battle scars from the war against breast cancer and lung cancer. I realize I won't win any Barbie look-alike contests, but I like my grandfather's attitude. I have heard of getting a tatoo on the scar if you want to dress it up a bit but don't feel like getting a reconstruction job.

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