do you wonder?

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funnyguy
funnyguy Member Posts: 89
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Do you ever wonder?

Before cancer, why did we care about the things that we did?
Why taking a little time off from work to meet the kids for lunch was a bother?
Why a scratch in the car could control thoughts for hours?
Why cutting the grass on Saturday morning had to come before a family trip to the park?

Now it’s all so funny.

Work will still be there. And if it’s not, than life has shown us another path.
The scratch in the car. It’s make’s one go, huh? That’s new and than off we go to more meaningul adventures.
The grass. Well it’s just that. Grass. It’s off to the park, take care.

I guess cancer really does make one reflect on life and what really really matters. At the end of the day it’s clear that life itself is terminal. So survivors and caregivers know all too well that priorities change and there is clarity.

We push away the clutter of everyday to find the family jewels hidden there all along.

So do you ever wonder…have we learned something so profound that others can only wish they too had the secret?

Cheers

Comments

  • shmurciakova
    shmurciakova Member Posts: 906 Member
    #2
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    That is all very nice but I have been a survivor for over six years now and I have to say that all this stuff is very idealistic. I don't worry about little things as much as I used to. However, I still do spend way too much time worrying and some things still get to me. I still sometimes get the "monkey mind" or the hamster running in the wheel over things that really do not matter. It is still a work in progress to find "inner peace" and I still get really scared before blood work and tests even though I know in my heart it will be OK. So, just being a cancer survivor does not automatically make a person enlightened. It certainly does make a person appreciate life more though, I'll agree with that. I just have heard all this so many times and personally I have not experienced this type of transformation. If anything having cancer has turned me into a hypochondriac and I feel that the mental turmoil that we face as survivors also goes untreated. I just don't want anyone else to feel bad if they don't suddenly become like a Buddhist monk after treatment. If you do feel that way, that is wonderful. I wish I could attain such a state of transcendence!
    -Susan H.
  • shmurciakova
    shmurciakova Member Posts: 906 Member
    #3
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    shmurciakova said:

    That is all very nice but I have been a survivor for over six years now and I have to say that all this stuff is very idealistic. I don't worry about little things as much as I used to. However, I still do spend way too much time worrying and some things still get to me. I still sometimes get the "monkey mind" or the hamster running in the wheel over things that really do not matter. It is still a work in progress to find "inner peace" and I still get really scared before blood work and tests even though I know in my heart it will be OK. So, just being a cancer survivor does not automatically make a person enlightened. It certainly does make a person appreciate life more though, I'll agree with that. I just have heard all this so many times and personally I have not experienced this type of transformation. If anything having cancer has turned me into a hypochondriac and I feel that the mental turmoil that we face as survivors also goes untreated. I just don't want anyone else to feel bad if they don't suddenly become like a Buddhist monk after treatment. If you do feel that way, that is wonderful. I wish I could attain such a state of transcendence!
    -Susan H.

    Sorry to be such a grumpy-butt. I just sometimes wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.
    -Susan H.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #4
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    shmurciakova said:

    Sorry to be such a grumpy-butt. I just sometimes wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.
    -Susan H.

    Susan, you're not a "grumpy butt." *L* I do like that term, though. I know where you're coming from, but I also see the other side. My husband was brought back from a sudden cardiac arrest in 2000,and I thought that took us way past worrying about anything trivial in life. HA! We slipped right back into it. Then I guess God thought we needed a refresher course. *L* Now that I'm a cancer survivor (who would ever thought I'd be typing that?), I'm still struggling to be the eternal optimist. Life is, apparently, an everyday process. We have to start with a fresh slate every day and try to write a beautiful story each time.

    Gail
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
    #5
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    shmurciakova said:

    Sorry to be such a grumpy-butt. I just sometimes wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.
    -Susan H.

    This is priceless! Yes, I have a new appreciation for life. I don't sweat the small stuff at work, for instance. I don't sweat about a little dust in the house. But I still get road rage, and I still get peeved about the toothpaste being sqeezed from the middle and the toilet paper being put on so it pulls from the bottom. It is all still a balancing act, and we are only human with that "monkey brain." :)
  • Betsydoglover
    Betsydoglover Member Posts: 1,248 Member
    #6
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    shmurciakova said:

    That is all very nice but I have been a survivor for over six years now and I have to say that all this stuff is very idealistic. I don't worry about little things as much as I used to. However, I still do spend way too much time worrying and some things still get to me. I still sometimes get the "monkey mind" or the hamster running in the wheel over things that really do not matter. It is still a work in progress to find "inner peace" and I still get really scared before blood work and tests even though I know in my heart it will be OK. So, just being a cancer survivor does not automatically make a person enlightened. It certainly does make a person appreciate life more though, I'll agree with that. I just have heard all this so many times and personally I have not experienced this type of transformation. If anything having cancer has turned me into a hypochondriac and I feel that the mental turmoil that we face as survivors also goes untreated. I just don't want anyone else to feel bad if they don't suddenly become like a Buddhist monk after treatment. If you do feel that way, that is wonderful. I wish I could attain such a state of transcendence!
    -Susan H.

    Hi Susan -

    It sounds really good to hear someone say that cancer hasn't brought them enlightenment! I love the survivor movie and all that. I am mostly able to tell my self to not stress about the small things (but it's all small stuff, most days!). I appreciate life now (but I think I did before).

    I try and keep cancer in the back of my mind, but it won't always stay there. It is definitely in the back of the minds of my family and friends - sometimes that helps and other times it makes me feel a bit alone.

    I worry less with each upcoming scan, but I still worry. I am now moving toward a 6 month scan cycle (it's been 3) - it'll be 4 this time, then 5, then 6 assuming all goes well. I have days when the words "cancer" or "scan" or "oncologist" don't enter my mind. And, I have nights where I wake up realizing that cancer terms are floating about in my thoughts. I have reduced my participation in these boards in an attempt to reduce my focus on cancer - only somewhat successful (here I am).

    So, I wish I could get to that peaceful place, but right now just feeling normal on more days than not feels good.

    One day at a time,
    Betsy
  • pamness
    pamness Member Posts: 524 Member
    #7
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    Betsydoglover said:

    Hi Susan -

    It sounds really good to hear someone say that cancer hasn't brought them enlightenment! I love the survivor movie and all that. I am mostly able to tell my self to not stress about the small things (but it's all small stuff, most days!). I appreciate life now (but I think I did before).

    I try and keep cancer in the back of my mind, but it won't always stay there. It is definitely in the back of the minds of my family and friends - sometimes that helps and other times it makes me feel a bit alone.

    I worry less with each upcoming scan, but I still worry. I am now moving toward a 6 month scan cycle (it's been 3) - it'll be 4 this time, then 5, then 6 assuming all goes well. I have days when the words "cancer" or "scan" or "oncologist" don't enter my mind. And, I have nights where I wake up realizing that cancer terms are floating about in my thoughts. I have reduced my participation in these boards in an attempt to reduce my focus on cancer - only somewhat successful (here I am).

    So, I wish I could get to that peaceful place, but right now just feeling normal on more days than not feels good.

    One day at a time,
    Betsy

    Amen, I will be having my 6 month scan in May, and I am just happy on the days I feel good. I still feel tired some of the time, and most the time I don't worry about little things. (it took me a year to get a cooktop put in that works the way I want it to), but I still have some dark times - usually short but there. My hope is that I move further away in time from all this, the dark times will be fewer and farther in time. However, that said, I am happy to be done with treatment and will never take feeling good for granted again.
  • dn220
    dn220 Member Posts: 79 Member
    #8
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    my biggest thought is why didn't i do all those "special things" I always wanted to do? And now I have a very hard time with the things that I am passionate about and cannot do now. Hopefully I can kick cancers **** and do it again someday and maybe add some of the things I always wanted to do. I want so,so badly to go to Ireland before I die. That is my dream. Now why didnt I do that when I was healthy and had the money to do it? I also always wanted to beat my fear of the water and learn to scuba but never did. Sometimes when I start thinking about it I feel like such an idiot for not doing those things. But then again i did raise my 3 kids alone and still have 1 left at home and she is almost 17 so I'm not quite done with that either.
    Deb
  • whatnow2
    whatnow2 Member Posts: 4
    #9
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    Yes I do wonder, like most I have cut down what I think is important. I still worry and fret about grandchildren, kids, getting the garden ready, but I don't let it take over. Sometimes that old feeling of not doing enough to take care of things comes in and I do have to fight it. I am only a year out of treatment for anal cancer and I am having symptoms. It makes me crazy at times and worried about the what if question. I think at times the treatment was easier than this, at least I knew the treatment would end. I have done things I wouldn't normally do just because I didn't do them before hand. I am stuck between never seeing any drs again and following this thing through. Which I will do because I made a commitment to myself. I do ask at times will this ever end. And like one person said I wake up with cancer running through my head and wonder what made me get there. Life is good I have hope but I also have fear and pain. I think alot about my quality of life and how this cancer has changed it. I recently had two very very good days WOW it was wonderful and I want to have more. I know I want life and I know that I have this "new life" I am just trying to figure out what that "new life" is. L

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