need support

cee77
cee77 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
30 y.o. and a few years post treatment. Ten surgeries, chemo, rads. Going through a major depression because I cant find work and I feel like cancer destroyed my ability to lead a progressive life. I coped so well during treatment but the aftermath has proved horrific. Any survivor willing to talk on phone or via chat?

Comments

  • seeknpeace
    seeknpeace Member Posts: 259
    #2
    I want to help you but I am not up to par myself right now and I think that I am not strong enough but I cannot stand that you are reaching out and have not gotten a response. Perhaps you have gotten one by private email.

    I can relate to your employment issues big time. When I was dx Jan of 2004, I owned a small investment company that I had started in Jan 1996. Like so many small business owners, we are gonna put retirement money up later (we make our clients) and I had that smart cpa who fixed it where my company never paid into soc sec.

    Well, what I had to live off of until I was able to work were the many lines of credit that I had because of the business, which I closed Mar of that year. When I secured work in September, I felt like I would never get a job. So, I had become careless, it looked like bankruptcy. But, instead I refinanced our home and took care of business. Still owed more than I should have because of the carelessness.

    It is a terrifying time. I could not go back to being a stock broker. You cannot send your entire book of business packing and then ask then to come back, so you have to start over and I just could not do that. All the major wire houses made offers but after 18 mos. you are straight commish. I just could not do that at 52.

    Are you married? I was married but my spouse worked for the one and only UselessAir. He retired with a portion of what his retirement should have been. So, he was working at nothing jobs.

    Have you checked all the financial assitance resources in your town?

    Here in NC, we have places that will pay your electric, car, rent if you are one month behind. Our Employment Sec. Comm. here handles this. You have to get there early, and have your bills, showing you are past due. We have places that you can get food. I am sure that there is so much more. I would ask at a local shelter or library. I just wish I had something good to tell you.

    Good luck honey. I wish I was in a better place, I am dealing with recurrent bc and MS and I just feel full. I can message but I just am not up to the other. God bless you.

    And I may be making an assumption that you are talking financial when it is an emotional issue to be productive, if I am please forgive me.

    Jan
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #3
    Sweetheart - I am not sure I know how to help. Have you been to see a professional social worker? It can be so confusing when C plays a major role in our life to sort out the rest of our life. Sometimes the C may not be involved directly in the pain, but it remains a tangled mess. I am just finishing up my treatment. There have been a few times when I have taken Ativan just to give myself a little breathing room when needed. Maybe you need some breathing room, too. I am so glad that you are asking for help, now the question will be where to find the best help! Please post with us often, let the women here respond and give you support. But, also, please make an appt. with a professional. You will get through this, just as you did your treatment. I know it is tough. Write back about what your dream job would be. Maybe it would be something very different than what you have done in the past. I have a degree in art but ended up teaching teenage felons in jail. And I love my job! Ask yourself, what really wonderful things are possible for the future? Share some dreams with us. We are here to share as much as we can with you, but alas, I am muddling through things too and don't feel confident to know what you need. Please write back later, by tomorrow and let us know how you are doing, what your dreams may be, and what steps you have taken towards finding a counselor.
    HUGS and wiped tears,my daughter,
    love, Joyce
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #4
    I am so sorry that things have been so hard for you. It is amazing how cancer can change things and the dominoe effect it can have in your life. Are you living with cancer or in remission? You didn't say why you have been having trouble finding work. In the meantime look into local organizations that may be able to help financially till you can get on your feet. Do you have support system? I have recently joined a BC support group and it is very comforting to sit around and talk with other survivors. It is very difficult to bounce back from cancer in many ways. Hopefully the chat rooms will be up again soon-I find a lot of support there. Hang in there and try and be as possitive as you can. I know its hard to do but depression can sap you physically and emotionally. You will be in my prayers and I will look for you in the chat room. God bless, Eileen
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
    #5
    Hey CEE,
    Being so young and fighting all this has to be terrible but this is doable. Unfortunately the chatroom is not working and I can't wait for it to get going...soon I hope and you will find a lot of support. Earlier on the board we were talking this same fact that once the chemo and all is finished...then what. The aftermath of dealing with not only the emotional and physical part of cancer but the financial side. I don't know if you are from a small town or metropolitian area. Depression is one of the side effects. Check with your oncologist and see about some help. I know that many are taking Effexor and that helps with both hotflashes and those feelings of the sky is falling all around. This is a roller coaster ride and then we have the "what do we do now" part. You will find that this board and the Chatrooms are a life saver. If you go back through many of the postings since January, you will recognize names that have been down and yet another day they are the strong ones for someone else. I have found myself several times having difficulty breathing in the next moment but then one of the sisters or many encircle me here. Have you called the 1-800-227-2345 which is a 24/7 number and they can assist you with advice and help. My thoughts are with you and being down is a horrible feeling. We are here and keep posting, it will get better and as for the job, maybe the ACS can assist.
  • cee77
    cee77 Member Posts: 2
    #6
    Thanks for your responses. I don't have any support and I am feeling very lonely. Its not so much the finances as it is the lack of others who can relate to my struggle.To answer some of your questions no I am not married I am divorced. I live at home with a couple of abusive family members, and have nowhere else to go, which certainly doesn't help matters. I am so stressed out that my hair is falling out everywhere and it is giving me chemo flashbacks. I am scared of recurrence and the doc is saying I'm under so much stress that I am going to end up getting it again, and next time around would be final. I feel intense pressure. Just could use some company. The weekends are the worst. I appreciate your responses.
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
    #7
    cee77 said:

    Thanks for your responses. I don't have any support and I am feeling very lonely. Its not so much the finances as it is the lack of others who can relate to my struggle.To answer some of your questions no I am not married I am divorced. I live at home with a couple of abusive family members, and have nowhere else to go, which certainly doesn't help matters. I am so stressed out that my hair is falling out everywhere and it is giving me chemo flashbacks. I am scared of recurrence and the doc is saying I'm under so much stress that I am going to end up getting it again, and next time around would be final. I feel intense pressure. Just could use some company. The weekends are the worst. I appreciate your responses.

    Hi Sweetie,

    Your post breaks my heart. You sound so alone and scared. So many issues and doesn't sound like much of a support system. So, let's take small steps towards getting you to feel better, because the overall picture is overwhelming. First, on this ACS website, you can find some resources in your local area for you to talk to. I think individual counseling and/or a support group might help. It's a shame that you're family is not only insupportive, but abusive, so you're going to have to create a new family. Open your heart and allow people to care for you. You've already asked for help and that's huge.

    You are a special, unique, and a gift. We know this because your post for help has touched all of us and pulled on our heart strings. We are all sending strong, positive thoughts your way. Calm yourself on the inside and know that by taking little steps that you're going to come out of this. If you have a hard time finding a local resource, email me through this site and I will help you find one. They also have a 24-hour number where you can talk to someone.

    We are here for you. Post often, let us help you, and be very, very kind to yourself.

    Love,
    Kim
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #8
    cee77 said:

    Thanks for your responses. I don't have any support and I am feeling very lonely. Its not so much the finances as it is the lack of others who can relate to my struggle.To answer some of your questions no I am not married I am divorced. I live at home with a couple of abusive family members, and have nowhere else to go, which certainly doesn't help matters. I am so stressed out that my hair is falling out everywhere and it is giving me chemo flashbacks. I am scared of recurrence and the doc is saying I'm under so much stress that I am going to end up getting it again, and next time around would be final. I feel intense pressure. Just could use some company. The weekends are the worst. I appreciate your responses.

    HOLD ON A MOMENT! What kind of doctor speaks to a troubled young woman and threatens her with bringing her cancer back from worrying and says it will be fatal at that? He may have been kidding around, but I am not laughing. Telling someone they are responsible for the suffering of this crappy C is a real good way to make them depressed. Sweetheart, take a look around you at your resources and support systems. Are there care givers you can change? Are there people you can add? To start with, add us. Do you have good insurance by any hopeful chance? Many hospitals have social workers to help patients through some hurdles. I think you qualify for a makeover, head to toe. Find someone to help you, please. We all care. Write more about yourself and what you want from life.
    love and hope!
    Joyce
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #9
    unknown said:

    HOLD ON A MOMENT! What kind of doctor speaks to a troubled young woman and threatens her with bringing her cancer back from worrying and says it will be fatal at that? He may have been kidding around, but I am not laughing. Telling someone they are responsible for the suffering of this crappy C is a real good way to make them depressed. Sweetheart, take a look around you at your resources and support systems. Are there care givers you can change? Are there people you can add? To start with, add us. Do you have good insurance by any hopeful chance? Many hospitals have social workers to help patients through some hurdles. I think you qualify for a makeover, head to toe. Find someone to help you, please. We all care. Write more about yourself and what you want from life.
    love and hope!
    Joyce

    I agree Joyce about the doctor. Telling her that she will ge t her cancer back from stress is only going to cause her more stress----HELLO!!!!! And anyway, his statements must be unethical not to mention cruel. I think she should change docs.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #10
    cee77 said:

    Thanks for your responses. I don't have any support and I am feeling very lonely. Its not so much the finances as it is the lack of others who can relate to my struggle.To answer some of your questions no I am not married I am divorced. I live at home with a couple of abusive family members, and have nowhere else to go, which certainly doesn't help matters. I am so stressed out that my hair is falling out everywhere and it is giving me chemo flashbacks. I am scared of recurrence and the doc is saying I'm under so much stress that I am going to end up getting it again, and next time around would be final. I feel intense pressure. Just could use some company. The weekends are the worst. I appreciate your responses.

    cee, My heart goes out to you. Having had to deal with cancer is **** enough without having to be treated horribly by your own flesh and blood. You must get away from them. Is there possibly a friend you could stay with? Definitely look into a social worker at your hospital. They could put you in touch with some contacts in your area. Also definitely call the #800 number on this site because they can give you specific info on resources in your area. Also cee please seek out and join a support group. It has been a Godsend for me and I have a support system already. Please, do this. You need some kind, supportive people in your life you can count on. And as others have said, you also have us here. I am glad that you found this site. Please keep in touch and I will be praying for you. Eileen
  • babs49242
    babs49242 Member Posts: 193
    #11
    Cee..soothing hugs first. I too was single( divorced) when I went thru DX and treatments, my only support was a group of ladies at the local hospital. Talk with your doc about the depression..he/she should be able to give you something for that. I am SO thankful that I am taking Wellbutrin to this day. It certainly helps me thru the doubting days i have. I too am out of work, have been for a year now..been told I am either OVER quailified or too old?(51) so I started to do mystery shopping and got my Notary public status, which isn't bad money but not steady.
    Hope to see you in chat when it comes back up. I would be willing to chat with you in private chat. Set up a time if you like or email me here.
    There is light in this dark tunnel, you started by coming here.
    Cindie

Discussion Boards