What to tell my 12 yr old son?

lady342008
lady342008 Member Posts: 82
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Hey Everyone, for those of you that don't know I'm being scheduled for a da Vince Hysterectomy due to a history of continued problems. You can view info on my profile about all this, but the biggest concern is I now have a Solid Mass the size of a small tangerine as well as having complex cysts that have developed in both ovaries. My uterus is FULL of fibroids.

My son has KNOWN and SEEN and HEARD the PAIN I've been in. I've explained to him all about my issues and why I experience what I experience. In fact, in Oct he was home alone with me and my hubby was out of town. My son had to help care for me with bringing me the heating pad and all because I was in too much pain to get things myself. He was BRAVE and it wasn't as bad as it had been other times. But, he did say he didn't like being the care person with nobody else around. I know it was a scary thing for him, because he didn't know if something else more serious could happen and he'd have to get help. But, he was a REAL CHAMP me boy was. :-D

My question to YOU MOMS out there........ What is YOUR OPINION and EXPERIENCE of any of this with facing a full hyster with the POSSIBLITY of finding out after surgery that it's cancer??????

I plan to ask the doctor and talk with his counselor at school as well, BUT...... I want to know from those that have been in this position what they say about all this concerning my son.

Awaiting your inputs on this subject. THANK YOU in advance for any help you may give me. :-D

Comments

  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #2
    Wow! Your son sounds mature and very helpful. But it can be kind of scary sometimes for a young person. Only you know him best and what you think he can handle, but here's my advice:

    Honesty is usually best. I'd just tell him that you need surgery and all you know right now is that it's going to help alleviate all the pain you've been in; that you have a good doctor who's going to be thorough and make sure there is nothing else going on.

    But if there is something else, you and your son need to know that there are treatments and options, and that there are many people here who can help, support and be there for you, all of you.

    Give his teachers a 'heads-up' - let them know that you are going in for surgery and you and your husband want to be notified if there are any concerns with his behavior, grades, etc. Most teachers are happy to be included, and may make certain allowances during your surgery time - such as extra time to complete a project, etc. They will also be in tune to absences. Most importantly, they can be a great counselor if your child wants to talk to someone 'outside' of the situation.

    I really took it one step at a time - didn't want to overwhelm my daugthers, so I just kept them informed as we went along. I realized that trying to 'spare them' would just destroy any trust they had in me, so I was as upfront (delicately) as I could be.

    Again, you know your son best. But personally, I find that most fear comes from what 'we don't know'. If I'm given all the possible scenarios, side affects (such as with chemo), etc., then I can be more prepared and not be scared by something happening that I don't understand. That's just me.

    Lots of luv and hugs AND prayers! Stay strong!

    Monika
  • JanQ
    JanQ Member Posts: 236
    #3
    It is hard to know what to do, and everyone has an opinion. I didn't want my children to know a whole lot at first. My son was also 12, my daughter 16. You want to protect them as much as you can and not have them worry. I think for me until I came out of surgery and knew what was facing us, I was in the hospital for a week and then went to my mothers for a week and then began chemo shortly after that. I think the best thing to do is protect them until we know for certain.There have been times when I have had scares that I have kept from them, but at this time I have been on chemo for over a year, the good thing about that is I am now on Gemzar which does not cause you to lose your hair,so things are not as obvious. Here is an example though (how it is on their minds). My son came in last night and I was already in the bed he came in and sat down and we just chit chatted for a while, which I love, as he was leaving though he ask "do you have a treatment tomorrow?" so it is on their minds even when we do not realize it.
    sorry I am rambling, back to wheather to tell, my daughter wants to know everything and gets mad if I do not tell her something.
    Just pray about it and hopefully you will find the right thing for your son.

    God Bless and you are in my prayers.
  • kris43
    kris43 Member Posts: 275
    #4
    My son was 20 when I found out I had ovarian cancer. It has been just he and I together since he was 3 months old so we have an amazing relationship. My biggest worry is that no child, 12 or 20, should have to go through this thing so young - you can't help but think of all the "what if's" - they'll drive you crazy.

    But he was there with me and for me from day 1. I realize your 12 year old can't be there for all your appointments, etc. - but 12 year olds today are very smart. I think I would tell him about the surgery and that they are doing it to make sure nothing more serious is going on and if you get the news that it IS cancer - then you'll have to let me know that also. He will want to know - and he sounds like he's a great kid - and be able to help you out. Cancer affects every aspect of your life - your family, your friends, your co-workers, etc. It really is life changing.

    I'd be careful with your pain meds, although you will probably need something - you want to make sure that what you have from before hasn't expired and won't interfere with anything they have prescribed for you.

    I too had a vertical incision - 72 staples on the outside. 4 full days in the hospital after surgery. Couldn't drive for 6 weeks after surgery or lift anything over 10 lbs. Be sure to get every question that you have answered before going in to this thing.

    Best of luck and keep posting. Take good care.

    Kris
  • lindachris
    lindachris Member Posts: 173
    #5
    We were the beneficiaries of a very helpful system called Share the Care. Some people heard about my wife's recurrence and volunteered to organize a group of people to help us through treatments, bring meals, clean the house and all kinds of things. I bring this up because I believe it might be helpful to have such a group for you in your circumstance. Often there are women in your network who have time to spare and a heart to tend. If you want information on how this all worked, please contact me off the post. Anyone. It really helped.

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