If you could 'go back', would you?

KathiM
KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
As a result of my wierd frame of mind, I came up with this.
If one day a fairy came and said "I can turn back the clock, give you back everything you had before cancer, including a memory wipe of your treatment experience and all of the people you have met since diagnosis." would you?

What do you think?

Hugs, Kathi

Comments

  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #2
    My answer is, No. Even with all of the life changes I have had, I have met so many grand people as a result of my experiences, and have become even more sensitive to my beau's feeling of fragility with his heart troubles, and coping with death's sadness, No, I would not go back. I think the only thing I would change is that, once diagnosed, I would have taken better care of myself during treatment...lesson learned....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • babs49242
    babs49242 Member Posts: 193
    #3
    I say NO. I had candy-eyed doctors and still do! I met wonderful survivors in support groups. This chapter in life has brought me closer to God,more enjoyment in life, Listen more willfully. this has brought, my now, hubby closer and more loving, My children want to talk more to me( there was 2 yrs of NOT talking) I appreciate life in all aspects. Even with the set backs I would not give this chapter up.
    Cindie
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #4
    ABSOLUTELY! I would go back to before cancer in less than a New York minute! Yes, of course I have met awesome people since my dx~ but I met awesome people BEFORE my diagnosis, too! If I hadn't met any of you, I wouldn't miss any of you! And being that I had just met my sweet Reggie less than a year before my cancer, I would still know him now! So~ oh yeah...make it go away! I loved sunsets, fine wine, dining with friends, the New York Yankess, laughter, dancing~ all the things I love now even before I had cancer. Having had this disease didn't make me any more appreciative than I hope I already was.
    Again, this isn't to say I haven't had great times since my dx, or that I don't enjoy chatting with all of you~ but honestly, I wish I had never had to be here.

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • jackiemanz
    jackiemanz Member Posts: 85
    #5
    I would love to go back and get my life back to the way it was. I had good friends then and I have good friends now but it's just not the same anymore. Your friends and family having to watch what the say because they are affraid they will upset you so yes I want to go back.

    But this doesn't mean I don't like coming here to talk with ya'll.
  • coug90
    coug90 Member Posts: 59
    #6
    That's a great question... and I could answer it both ways. Cancer has brought a lot of wonderful people into my life; and although I wouldn't have known what I was missing if I hadn't met all of you, I do know that my life would somehow be less rich. I don't suppose I could just skip the cancer and meet the people? I also think I tend to go for the gold ring more often; it's brought into very clear focus that life is finite and I'd better do the things I want as soon as possible instead of 'someday'. The other side of that coin is that having cancer makes my life so much more work. I have to wonder about every scan, lump, night sweat, fatigue... the list is endless as you all know.

    So... I don't know how to answer that. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone. But would I go back? Isn't it lifes experiences that make us what we are? What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I guess, in all honesty, as much as I hated, and hate, having cancer I do love my life now. So no, I wouldn't go back.
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
    #7
    That depends on the rest of your question missing. If the fairy took away the cancer as well, my answer is yes. I would love the have my innocence back. If it were to just turn the clock back, the answer is no. I honestly don't mind the surgery, chemo, pple, etc but I hate the after time. The questions of when if at all will it hit again. The tear on my major organs, will they outlast and so forth. I have learned so many good lessons from this experience including more patience and a love for life. I actually don't get stressed with work and pple. I do get tired of being tired.
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #8
    If it's just to turn back the clock to be dx all over again whether I remember it or not, I'd have to say no. However if it meant I wouldn't get it again then I'd have to say yes.

    I don't think I appreciate anything more now than I did before. I seem to be more fearful now strangely. I don't wander the bush like I used to. So the way I see it is I was strong, healthy (in every other way), I think I had more passion and definitely more of a "kick ****" attitude. And would I want to go back to that. I think so. My self perception has changed dramatically and I do miss that other person.

    The only major change I think is that I put me in the equation now. Whereas before I was always worrying about other people and taking their problems on as my own. Trying to look after everyone.

    People have been great (especially here..........but I've met some real crummy people too(elsewhere). So I would like to go back and learn this lesson differently. Like take a course or something. :) That sometimes it has to be about me. To eliminate one more lesson in life to learn. To not have to get sick to find out. But you know, I thought I could take it.
    jan
  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    #9
    Definitely, YES, I would go back - especially if I didn't have to have breast cancer or any cancer for that matter. There was an "innocence" about me, for lack of a better word. Now, in the back of my mind, even amidst a group of my nearest and dearest friends or my cherished family, the word CANCER is stuck in there. So, you bet your sweet bippee I'd go back. In the blink of an eye.
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #10
    I don't know if I would want to go back in time, but if I could have a "do over" of life without cancer, it would have to start before my sister's dx for me. Assuming that neither of us was killed by anything else, Our family would still have her with us on earth, her husband would not be a single parent, and her kids would still have their Mom. Then I would not have cancer either, and would not currently be on chemo again with expanders in, and all the rest, and my kids would not have the consciousness that Mom could die just like their Aunt did. Maybe my parents would be a little more relaxed about life too, if they did not have to deal with 2 daughters with cancer.

    We have all learned many things things through it all, and our experiences do make us who we are, but I don't think I would mind being who I was without the lessons cancer has taught.

    It is a good question and good to think about. Thanks, seof
  • Tigger35
    Tigger35 Member Posts: 21
    #11
    Oh you bet I would. I miss the old me, I was strong, fearless, never ending energy, always excited about something. Now I feel cheated because my kids were 7 & 10 when this all started for me. Now there is no end because of the mets, so heck yeah I'd go back. This month is my 10th year with cancer, not counting how awful I felt before the dx of my first breast cancer. I have never felt the wonderful feeling others have of beating cancer. I often tell my husband I miss "me". We move a lot because of the Air Force so I was always meeting peole and doing things before the cancer. Now I am the "cancer lady" when we move, so I would love to go back and enjoy more of my life being normal.
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
    #12
    Good, yet tough question.

    The "Mom" in me says no. I've learned a lot, and I don't think I'd be married to the same man I married post cancer if I'd never had it. I was in a different mind frame. That also means I wouldn't have my daughter.

    Now, the "Other Me" (who doesn't have much time to make appearances these days) says yes. Like others have said, I was fearless, felt in control of my destiny, and had an innocence that I will never have again. I too miss who I was. I had so much energy, liked how I looked, and would never have stayed in a job that I was unhappy with just because of things like "good insurance."

    Yep. Don't tell my family, but the "secret me" would go back.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #13
    It is not a musing question for me. It is not just that I would go back. The truth is that I am currently trying to go back. And the main fight that I can't seem to win is to have my life back. Of course, I am in the middle of chemo now, one breasted, tired, and unable to find a shelf to put the fear of recurrance on so I can stop carrying it around with me. I go on this sight often now, read what others have to say and you all should know how your wisdom helps me with my problem...I need to learn to stop trying to go back and learn how to go forward.
  • 3cbrca
    3cbrca Member Posts: 206
    #14
    Not sure - I might. I have met so many wonderful people, sorted out who my really close friends but, but I'm sure I would have continued to meet wonderful people. With that said, now that I'm getting my energy back I'm getting involved with local events, meeting new people and moving on. I guess it has been an interesting study in a test of my character and that of others around me and given my a whole host of new friends.

    Oh wait - due to my 30 lb plus weight gain since may 2007, I had a 'closet cleaning party" with my niece who inherited all of my size 8 and 10 clothes last week - so I might have to go back in time wearing one of my new mu-mus!
    She

Discussion Boards