Got thru the liver resection..now??

hopefulone · October 2007

Brief history. Hubby dx with stage IV colorectal cancer with liver mets. Colon resection in January and finally a liver resection 3 weeks ago for the mets, after being told inoperable for 8 mos. I'm elated that the surgery went so well and my husband is recovering very fast and the surgeon was also very pleased with results.I'm also very hopeful and for those who know me,from the posts I do under the colorectal category, I am persistant in my research for options and treatments .But,I'm also a bit apprehensive and have mixed feelings right now because I know metastic cancer is very difficult to treat and next week we see the oncologist to decide whether or not to continue adjuvent chemo treatments . (he's had 9 before the liver surgery). I have mixed feelings, one part of me tells me it might be "beneficial" in the long run and another part of me says " the chemo itself may cause him more harm than good right now. I know it's his decision ultimately, but I also know that I can "sway " him one way or the other. It's a lot of stress . My insurance is also changing the first of the year and I'm planning on a nightmare since he's on a clinical trial currently which I fought to get him on. I also have a stressful job and basically have had a "stressful" life pretty much .(who hasn't right?) I was also the "caregiver" for my mom for a very, very long period of time where she relied on me for hopefully the "right" answers and opinions and had to make some really difficult decisions in her health care. I'm not sure in hindsight whether they were all correct or not, but I did the best I could. It's sometimes really hard being the "other" one. It's also exhausting at times , but then I think of what my husband is going through and I know I have to muster up my energy and be "upbeat" so that he doesn't know how "stressed" I really feel sometimes. I don't ever give up hope and I try not to think about what might happen , but if your a caregiver, then you know the roller coaster of emotions I'm talking about . Thanks for listening. I think it just helps me to put it into words and tell "someone" who knows what its like to be on "this" side . Caregivers need support to support. God Bless and Keep the faith.
Diane

Faith4Cure · October 2007

Hi Diane,
Yes, we caregivers do need support. I have thought of you so much these past few weeks. For some reason you stick out in my mind. You have been such a good caregiver and you seem to have done so much to get your husband to this point. Good Job!!!! I have been following your story closely and I was so happy when your husband was able to get his liver resection!!

I wish that I had some good words of wisdom for you. I don't know what the answer is. There are so many variables to consider. I do believe that one of them is stress. Sometimes I wonder if that is how we got in this situation in the first place! So while I think that you should do what is best medically for your husband, i also think it is very important to try to keep both of your stress levels down. (yeah right....) My job is very stressful too and not working has never been an option for me. My husbands job was very stressful also. This week he started a new job that he is very excited about and will hopefully reduce his stress. As far as more chemo for your husband----I wish we had the answers. I do think that with all of your research that you do you will find the right answer- then don't look back. You are doing the best that you can.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I don't know the answers. I do know that I am trying harder to put the laundry and the dishes aside when I get home from work and instead take that walk with my husband, get to bed earlier, and just enjoy the simple things. I try to give my worries to God, because they don't do me any good!

Give yourself a break Diane. You deserve it. I'm sure your husband would agree!

Faith

hopefulone · October 2007

Your just the best Faith! I know also what you've been through, and have felt a "kinsminship" with you right along. I do exactly as you do now, try to "enjoy" more the little things, the dishes can wait. I've always had this "persistant" attitude and sometimes it just won't let me relax. They say opposites attract. My husband is easy going, relaxed and I'm the "driven" one lol. I do tell myself that I need to take a break once in a while. I just need to listen to myself . The stress has been incredible and I think that if all goes well, a winter vacation may be just what the doc ordered for both of us. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of the other caregivers that are going through the same or worse . And my heart so goes out to them . I hope your hubby enjoys his new job and you and yours have a great holiday season. As always, keep the FAITH!
God bless & hugs,

Diane

KathiM · October 2007

Breathe. And read my thread a few down from here on Caregiver's bill of Rights. This applies to all caregivers, not just you special angels that must face cancer with a loved one. I personally got it from an agency that takes care of my (then) 2 special needs daughters.

Hugs, Kathi

dash4 · October 2007

Hi Diane,
I do understand your fears and your exhaustion. I have read your posts on the colon discussion board and thanks for guiding me here. This is my first post on this "caregiver" section.
My husband was diagnosed 10/04 Stage IV and he had one month of chemo and then a colon resection -liver resection and liver ablation...then 6 more months of chemo and they thought he was NED. Found the new progression in his abdomen and lungs in 10/05---has been on weekly chemo since then. He has not worked since 9/04. I am the one to take John to his appts and the one who handles everything and I work full time. Fortunately, my job can be juggled and our 2 sons are grown. I have learned to ignore so much to have more time with my husband, but I must say after 3 years there are "things" that are getting tough to ignore - but I am. John gets soooo overwhelmed so easily now. When I need him to make a decision -it may take a month or more till the conversation gets finished and I think "How can I be upset with him?" I guess this is long winded, but it is such a responsibility to be the one to continue the "reality" of living and find all the answers and hope you are not missing anything. With everything I do - it never seems to be enough. I take one day at a time and go with the flow of the moment and no matter what -I appear calm and okay because it is what I need to do for John. Thanks for listening to me!! You are in my prayers!
Mary Kay

hopefulone · November 2007

KathiM said:
Breathe. And read my thread a few down from here on Caregiver's bill of Rights. This applies to all caregivers, not just you special angels that must face cancer with a loved one. I personally got it from an agency that takes care of my (then) 2 special needs daughters.

Hugs, Kathi

Thanks Kathi and hugs. Your right, I need to breathe and I printed out the caregivers rights . God Bless,
Diane

hopefulone · November 2007

dash4 said:
Hi Diane,
I do understand your fears and your exhaustion. I have read your posts on the colon discussion board and thanks for guiding me here. This is my first post on this "caregiver" section.
My husband was diagnosed 10/04 Stage IV and he had one month of chemo and then a colon resection -liver resection and liver ablation...then 6 more months of chemo and they thought he was NED. Found the new progression in his abdomen and lungs in 10/05---has been on weekly chemo since then. He has not worked since 9/04. I am the one to take John to his appts and the one who handles everything and I work full time. Fortunately, my job can be juggled and our 2 sons are grown. I have learned to ignore so much to have more time with my husband, but I must say after 3 years there are "things" that are getting tough to ignore - but I am. John gets soooo overwhelmed so easily now. When I need him to make a decision -it may take a month or more till the conversation gets finished and I think "How can I be upset with him?" I guess this is long winded, but it is such a responsibility to be the one to continue the "reality" of living and find all the answers and hope you are not missing anything. With everything I do - it never seems to be enough. I take one day at a time and go with the flow of the moment and no matter what -I appear calm and okay because it is what I need to do for John. Thanks for listening to me!! You are in my prayers!
Mary Kay

Mary Kay, I know you know exactly what it feels like sometimes. You were so encouraging to me with your responses to my posts , as were all. Your right , we just need to keep taking it one day at a time and do our best. Keeping you and your husband in my prayers also . Thanks for the support and God Bless

Diane

rosane · February 2008

Hi, Diane
I hope I am not too late on this reply. My husband had the same diagnose as yours, colon resection, half year chemo, liver resection and another 8 months of chemo. Th chemo after the liver surgery was the worst, but I can say it was worthed. He wanted to do it, because if for any reason the cancer comes back, he did not want to have the "what if" in his mind. We have a hernia to deal with - from the surgery, and the chemo made him very hungry and he put at least 30 pound. Now he has to loose it so he can get the hernia surgery. But he is in remission since. We still have issues. Like the hernia and others. I don't know how old your husband.It is worthed to go til the end. I debated over it constantly, but at the end, it was worthed. My hubby is only 47.
I think we caregivers are going to have mixed feeling forever, and that is what I am trying to deal with now. We forget about ourselves at some point. And when we try to get back to normal, we still have to fake a non-stress and happiness tht sometimes is not there. Sorry, just venting. I wish you all the best. Hope everything goes well, but bywhat I read, this treatment is the way to go for now.
Rosane

Got thru the liver resection..now??

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