bummer....

Sorry for how you are feeling. It's okay to whine, you deserve it after all you have been through. Go easy on yourself. Maybe it is time for a new hobby or maybe a trip to look forward to.

This must be a common reaction. My husband seems to be going through this also. He finished treatments in May and followed with an ileostomy reversal in June. He was so upbeat and positive through the whole year of treatments. Now he also seems tired and stressed. His feet are also numb (he whines too!)It is hard to understand when he has so much behind him. I so wish there was something I could do to make it all better for both of you!! So I guess these must be normal feelings. Hang in there!!!!I am guessing you will feel much better real soon!

I was diagnosed the day after I turned 27. My husband had just been hired on in a new career that was very important to the financial survival of our small family. We had a fifteen month old daughter. Luckily, I was able to stay with my in-laws and complete surgery and treatment at great facilities without disruption; however, I basically saw my husband every other weekend, if that. We were relocated to a new state and my husband had to move into the house without his family for the first 2 1/2 months.

When I finished treatment, I was excited to get on with life. I was excited to feel like a real family again and begin the next phase of our lives in our new house.

I was very surprised to find myself very weak, tired, and feeling sicker than I had before. I was depressed and cried myself to sleep every night because I thought for sure I was going to be taken from my husband and young daughter. I just didn't understand how I could have gotten through surgery and treatment like a champ after the initial shock wore off and now I was crying like a baby every day and so scared I couldn't enjoy my new release on life.

I realized that I needed help and found this site, which turned out basically to be enough for me. Just to realize that others felt the same way and they were still here living their lives made me see that I still had a chance.

I started eating very healthy. I juiced and ate many fruits and vegetables. Surprisingly enough, I gained strength and felt less tired right away. I then purchased an elliptical and began putting on the miles which made me feel better.

What fears I can't deal with, I lay at the feet of God and confess my inability to carry them. I always feel better after remembering that it will be what it will be and knowing that no matter the ending, there are things I can do to continue fighting the beast. And if the beast comes back? I will just fight that much harder.

In three days, I will be celebrating my 3 year anniversary with my wonderful family, my sister-in-law, and my soon to be brother-in-law. It brings tears to my eyes, but they are happy tears. It also means that in two days I will be blessed with the rite to groan about turning 30. In July, we celebrated my baby's 4th birthday. I will be here to see her grow up!

For me, the numbness mostly went away with time. I do believe that it takes at least one year and likely two to get mostly back to feeling normal.

Hang in there, You got this far you can see it through. Have faith!

Patricia

I understand. I was bummed when I stopped chemo after 16 treatments. You would think I had enough! It has been almost four months now and I am feeling stronger every day. My attitude changed dramatically after I had great results from a PET scan. I was dx. Stage IV with liver mets in June of '06. Liver mets are all dead and just a small one remains. I have been giddy ever since. Have you had any follow-up scans yet to see how the chemo did?

jerseysue said:

You must really be a strong person there is no way in heck I could have went to work during chemo. As for the depression it sounds normal enough maybe you should go talk to someone about it. Get that hernia checked out too. Hope the idea about having a new release on life kicks in soon for you.

It's a little hard to work with cancer and 6 kids Sue! How is your treatment coming along. I think of you very often and all the fun we had in Nashville.
Jo Ann

kathleenss said:

Naps? Yes, but in your chair in your office in front of the computer.....? I'm going to have to start working with my door closed.

Kathleen -

I can vouch for naps at your desk... back when I was in chemo, I used to hit a wall every day about 1:30 or so. More than once (a LOT more than once) the folks who worked for me came into my cube and found be drooling all over myself after dozing off in my chair. Of course, being that I am a government employee I guess that's normal?

Seriously, though, don't let anyone give you any hassle about that. You get out there and LEAD THE WAY TO A NEW COMPANY PARADIGM!

Sleep tight...

- SB