My mom died in April

I am having a very difficult time and I am haunted by questions I have. I was hoping someone out there, and it sounds like there are many of you, who can answer some of the questions that haunt me.
My mom's diagnosis took weeks. Her chest x-rays were clear, she had smoked 30 years ago and was a first responder at 9/11 as a crisis therapist and rode her bike everywhere, but this past summer she got bronchitis, and I insisted with her doctor that she have a chest CT, because the bronchitis wouldn't go away. Ironically by the time the insurance company ok'd the CT her bronchitis had cleared up. She was 67 and had NO symptoms. It took a long time to get diagnosed, her bronchoscopy showed clear, but a spot on her left lung and a bigger one on her right lung showed up on the CT scan. The surgeon said we could start with chemo try and shrink the right lung tumor first, or just shoot for surgery if she qualified, then go in for a lobectomy. They also did a PET scan. It hadn't spread anywhere not even outside the chest. He also discussed biopsying her lymph nodes. Finally we agreed to his suggestion of going in to biopsy the right lymph nodes and if they showed negative he would proceed with the lobectomy. They were negative he did the lobectomy. That was now November. Then a month later he went in and did a wedge resecction on her left lobe. They were two different cancers. The right one was "slow growing" small cell adnocarcinoma, the left side was bronchiovalar (?) cancer. Only by January did he go in and do a mediostanapothy ( I know I am not spelling this right, but it's where they biopsy both sides of the lungs). There they found positive nodes on both sides. Still we had no chemo. This last procedure knocked my mother out, moreso than the surgeries. About 3 weeks later she had Cryoplatin which she had horrible reactions to and we raced her to the emergency room. At that time they saw that the now active lympth nodes were pressing in her chest creating an emphysema like situation and she was starting to have trouble breathing. They gave her medications, she left the hospital, we had another PET scan which now showed the active nodes, but my mom had gotten so frightened of the almost deadly reaction she had on the chemo, she didn't want to do chemo. Finally after almost 3 weeks we got a second opinion and that doctor,she, talked my mom into Taxol/Cisplatin. She went back into the hospital because by now she had pleural effusion, then they gave her the chemo, she seemed much better for exactly one day, then she got pneumonia, her entire immune system shut down and she declined over a month and passed away April 22nd.

I'd appreciate any thoughts on my situation. Obviously people live with lung cancer. It's so frustrating because I thought that would be us. We have a friend who is doing fine on chemo and was diagnosed the same time as my mom.

Thanks for letting me tell my story.

I see so much hope on this board and wish my mom had known about it.
I am haunted by would have's could have's should have's. I regret the surgery, I wish we had started the chemo (the right chemo for her) immediately. I regret that they didn't do the biopsy of BOTH sides of her chest because she probably was not a canidate for surgery to begin with, they probably were already positive. All in all we were in 3 different hospitals and they all said scary but different things.
The list is endless of what I wish we had done differently. I feel so, so sad and full of grief, because when she was first diagnosed we were told it was so hopeful and she was in such early stages. Every CT scan as we progressed looked like a bomb had gone off in her chest. Even as layman looking at her CT's were terrifying and none of the doctor's could explain it.
They just kept asking us what we wanted to do and my incredibly healthy mom was getting weaker and more discouraged, and I kept making descions that I didn't feel qualified to make. I kept saying that I wasn't a doctor. And my mom just kept agreeing with whatever I said because she was too sick.

Any comments would be appreciated. I am having trouble finding any peace.