Depressed and lonely

Dear dreamer,

I belong to 2 cancer clubs: breast (stage 1) and lung (stage 1). Both needed lots of surgery, neither needed chemo, so I find myself sometimes on the fringe of things. (One fellow patient told me I just had "baby cancer", but trust me my emotional reaction was about as bad as it gets!!!)However, I'm a great listener and one thing LOTS of my friends talk about is the let-down when chemo is over. They feel insecure about the future and if they have done enough and what if it comes back. . . and the lack of support when the doctors and nurses are no longer hoovering over them. And then there is the survivor's guilt to deal with. I deal constantly with the two extremes of "boy was I lucky!" and "when is the next ax going to fall?" Emotional upheaval seems to be a very common situation. But many have found a solution by helping others along. The survivors who meet in the chat room share their stories to encourage those in the trenches. I was just diagnosed with lung cancer last summer, so to hear from folks that have years since diagnosis behind them gives me hope. Some of my friends with breast cancer have joined up with groups that pair a long-term survivor with someone newly diagnosed so they can give back. A lady in church who is older and housebound takes it upon herself to send internet birthday cards, another makes a phone call to everyone who gets in the monthly newletter for a birthday or some other celebration. Still another tells the minister she prays for folks who are sick and mentioned in the newsletter. So maybe you can find support in the chat room or maybe you could find meaning in helping others in some way. The Wellness Community has a branch in my town and an internet site that offers support groups for a number of kinds of cancer survivors. You might call your local American Cancer Society to see if they recommend a particular internet site for after treatment support.

Another thing: lots of research has started to come out on the emotional ramifications of being diagnosed with cancer in the breast cancer research I read. They didn't used to have long term survivors so they never worried about that before, but medicine has improved so now it is being researched. This probably won't be news to you, but being diagnosed and treated for cancer ranks right up there with some of the most stressfull scary things anyone ever has to deal with. Post traumatic stress disorders and depression are VERY common among us cancer folks. Don't be afraid to talk about it with your oncologist and get a referral to a well trained social worker that counsels cancer patients. I did and mine helped a lot. Some of my other friends needed meds too, but for me exercise helps enough. Good luck!

Hi,I feel like a survivor too although the cancer metatisized to my liver now. I was given 3-6 months to live twice. Onc when I was first diagnosed with lung cancer and then a year later when it had spread to my liver. I had lung surgery and had a brain tumour removed (when it had spread the first time). I was so blessed that I responded well to chemo for the liver tumours (there were many...one was 5 cm and one was 3.5 and approx. 12 more). They can now only see 2--and they are 1.7 ml and 1 ml. The start of this was January, 2005. I moved to a new community and didn't know anyone except my two daughters and my husband was with me. I got very bored and started volunteering my time with seniors through my local Community Resources Centre. It has given me much pleasure and I've met some great people. I highly recommend this to relieve your boredom. Depression and loneliness makes you feel like you can do nothing, but YOU can....

keenkar1522 said:

Hi,I feel like a survivor too although the cancer metatisized to my liver now. I was given 3-6 months to live twice. Onc when I was first diagnosed with lung cancer and then a year later when it had spread to my liver. I had lung surgery and had a brain tumour removed (when it had spread the first time). I was so blessed that I responded well to chemo for the liver tumours (there were many...one was 5 cm and one was 3.5 and approx. 12 more). They can now only see 2--and they are 1.7 ml and 1 ml. The start of this was January, 2005. I moved to a new community and didn't know anyone except my two daughters and my husband was with me. I got very bored and started volunteering my time with seniors through my local Community Resources Centre. It has given me much pleasure and I've met some great people. I highly recommend this to relieve your boredom. Depression and loneliness makes you feel like you can do nothing, but YOU can....

The folks from my first Relay for Life said I was a survivor as soon as I was diagnosed. I got to admit I didn't feel much like one then: drafted onto the front lines is what it felt like. But if I could call myself a survivor from day one, you are even more so while dealing with a met!

I, too, have great feelings of depression and lonliness after my lung surgery. Even though I was declared cancer-free, just as you were, I felt like my world was closing in on me. I never go anywhere and don't even enjoy my crafts as I used to. I think after a major surgery such as we went through that depression is a symptom we all experience. I found a site sponsored by the National Cancer Institute that offers one on one on-line counseling. The sessions are completely confidential, unlike a chat room where everyone knows what you are saying, these are trained professionals and I feel like it has really helped me. The link is www.cancer.gov and you can reach the site through that link. I understand how you are feeling, I feel the same way. I feel like I don't have a right to complain either, but I am still terrified that the cancer will return. Every little pain I get it goes through my mind that the cancer is back. Sometimes I get so tired of hearing people tell me to just take it one day at a time. I think because I don't know how to take it one day at a time. I wish I could, but I look into the future and fear what might happen. Stay strong Dreamer, and know that I am thinking of you and wishing you the best. We can get through this. And you DO BELONG HERE. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!