Need help overcoming fear

shelley0914
shelley0914 Member Posts: 8
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
When I found my lump 17 months ago, I was scared, but kept a level head considering. I didn't have a normal diagnosis . . . found lump myself, primary care said get mammogram and ultrasound, radiologist said get surgery, went for surgical consult, surgeon said "we have a big problem" and mastectomy (right breast) was done 4 hours later. I was fine after surgery because they got it all and I went through chemo without much difficulty (4 cycles A/C, 12 weekly Taxol combined with Herceptin).

It wasn't until I had my one year mammogram that I became unable to cope. They took the regular pictures and I waited like everybody else for the "you're OK, go home" but instead I got "we need more pictures". So they did compression films and again I waited. (It didn't help any that this was 9/11/06 and the 5-yr anniversary tributes were on the waiting room TV.) This time it was "we need a sonogram". Combine this with a cold room and I was shivering badly. Fortunately, the radiologist said everything was fine but get an MRI to be sure. The MRI was clean as was a one year CT/PET follow up.

Instead of rejoicing and being thrilled that all is well, I can't get over the fear that it is back or soon will be. My doctors are wonderful and are doing their best to reassure me, but there are times when I am so scared I can't see straight. Meditation has been helping some and I am going to go to a psychologist. I am hesitant about support groups because I'm afraid someone will bring up something that I haven't been worried about and that will add to the list. Anybody tried hypnosis? Any other suggestions?

Comments

  • babs49242
    babs49242 Member Posts: 193
    #2
    I use 'guided imagery' CDs. Bellruth Napersak has some very good ones.
    It is natural to fear the unknown of this dreadful beast. Take each day in stride and be good to yourself.
    My thoughts are with you :)
    bunches of hugs going to you..
    Cindie
    ps I read Psalm 121 when I get overcomed with thoughts of the beast. It helps me..just a suggestion
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #3
    shelley,
    Fear can be a very crippling thing and can also be a huge contributor to depression we might be feeling. I was 36 at the time of my own diagnosis and through time was the one who found every lump there was. I was ignored until I was too ill to work and the pain unbearable after another lump grew in just a week.
    I had a hard time trusting the medical community again but soon found I had to. I found I was facing my fears more and more and doing things anyways. I am pleased to have accepted that it is what it is and life goes on with or without us. It is very simple really. We are either on the train of life or off it and then pretty much unavailable for anything that might come our way. To be open to accept is a good start in letting go of the fear.
    Being good to yourself and treating yourself as you would your own best friend is a good place to start.
    Tara
  • prayerangel
    prayerangel Member Posts: 147
    #4
    24242 said:

    shelley,
    Fear can be a very crippling thing and can also be a huge contributor to depression we might be feeling. I was 36 at the time of my own diagnosis and through time was the one who found every lump there was. I was ignored until I was too ill to work and the pain unbearable after another lump grew in just a week.
    I had a hard time trusting the medical community again but soon found I had to. I found I was facing my fears more and more and doing things anyways. I am pleased to have accepted that it is what it is and life goes on with or without us. It is very simple really. We are either on the train of life or off it and then pretty much unavailable for anything that might come our way. To be open to accept is a good start in letting go of the fear.
    Being good to yourself and treating yourself as you would your own best friend is a good place to start.
    Tara

    Worry and fear can be as debilitating as being really ill. Stress does a number on your body and mind.
    What I did was....surrounded myself with only positive, upbeat people (I went to a cancer support group, but didn't like it because some women were crying and too sad). Decorate in colors that truly make you feel good. That new color green that is out made me feel good, so I got curtains, pillows, lamps, etc. in that shade of green. I get massages once a month. I buy a fragrance that makes me feel uplifted as well. Every time a sad or scary thought would come into my mind, I would QUICK switch to a pleasant thought, and after awhile, it became a natural instinct to me. I am always upbeat.
    So surround yourself in the positive. Don't worry about things that haven't happened yet. You can waste so much energy that way.
    Also, I made sure to educate myself, reading info and researching on the Internet, so I could understand what the doctors were talking about, and be part of the decision making process. You really have to be your own advocate out there in the medical world.
    Good luck to you.
    Karen
  • LesleyH
    LesleyH Member Posts: 370
    #5
    I think we all understand what you are going through. This disease robs us of our peace of mind. We all have to find our own ways of coping and some days are better than others. My way of coping is to read everything I can. I realize that I can only minimize my risk of recurrence with the current level of knowledge, but I will do everything it takes. My chance of recurrence was very high - about 50%. With every day it drops slightly. I find support groups frustrating in that most women are not prepared to do anything to minimize their risk. I also find them inspiring as many women with Stage IV live very rich lives. I recommend a book: Chicken soup for the breast cancer survivor's soul. It will uplift and insprire.

    Good luck.

    Hugs.

    Lesley
  • babs49242
    babs49242 Member Posts: 193
    #6
    LesleyH said:

    I think we all understand what you are going through. This disease robs us of our peace of mind. We all have to find our own ways of coping and some days are better than others. My way of coping is to read everything I can. I realize that I can only minimize my risk of recurrence with the current level of knowledge, but I will do everything it takes. My chance of recurrence was very high - about 50%. With every day it drops slightly. I find support groups frustrating in that most women are not prepared to do anything to minimize their risk. I also find them inspiring as many women with Stage IV live very rich lives. I recommend a book: Chicken soup for the breast cancer survivor's soul. It will uplift and insprire.

    Good luck.

    Hugs.

    Lesley

    I agree with Lesley..the chicken soup book is excellent. I have it and read it over and over and over.Other books that I have found uplifting and inspiring are HOPE LIVES! by Margit Esser Porter, and LETTERS TO SYNDEY by Heather Jose
  • upbeat
    upbeat Member Posts: 5
    #7
    I learned a long time ago that worry and fear are really self-defeating and often bring to pass exactly what we fear most. Yesterday has gone and we are helpless to change it...tomorrow is not here so we are unable to deal with whatever happens in the future...but this minute...this very second is ours to manage. If you can deal with NOW you can have some control over your life. If you push fear out of this second and replace it with love, fun, excitement about whatever the task at hand, I believe you will not only feel better but also become healthier, happier and more able to feel in control of your life. Remember it is easy to take control of your life for this second..to be in charge of your thoughts for one second...to CHOOSE to be happy for this moment in time. Please don't allow fear to be in control of your destiny. None of us know how long we have in this life..with or without cancer. I choose to make whatever time I have a good time..a happy, fun, exciting and loving time..please join me.

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