So sad

susabella Member Posts: 46
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I know everyone here must have dealt with feelings of loss when you've lost a breast, or both or even part of one. I was wondering, does it get easier? It's 3 months post-mastectomy and reconstruction and I'm pleased with the results so why do I feel so sad? I'm back at work, and everyone has been great (I work with nurses all day, so they were very understanding), as has my family and friends. People have said I look good, I've lost about 15 pounds which trust me was a good thing, lol, but I just don't feel like myself yet. I'm very lucky to have gotten through BC with just surgery, but I can't seem to let go of this sadness. I go out, see people, eat right, exercise, and enjoy stuff, but it's not the same and I feel like I should be putting this behind me. Will I always be this way? I'm very grateful, too, to have a great prognosis, so why the sorrow? Has anyone else felt stuck?

Thanks for any advice!

Love, Sue


  • mssue
    mssue Member Posts: 242
    Hi Sue,it has been almost 4 years and there are times every now and again that sadness pokes its head in,but the times are shorter and less.I think for everyone that has gone through this there is a certain amount of sadness or grief that is felt.It is normal but it also gets better,if for some reason it goes on longer than you feel is a reasonable time,please talk to your doctor.There is no shame in getting help-we cannot always carry everything life throws at us.Besides, the meds out there now can really make a big difference in your daily living,when something is out of balance. Talk to some of your friends(the nurses)they can give U the heads up on the many details this subject has.
    I hope U get Loose ;-] and get in high spirits again,sounds like U have been very blessed.

    Smile and have some fun!
  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510
    I think you are dealing with very normal grief... the life you knew before is changed... so it is normal to want to have that life back... but with time you will develop a new feel of what normal is... and like Sue said.. there is nothing wrong with getting help.... for me it is a sleeping pill that I take every night (since Arimidex doesn't let me sleep)... When I have faced grief, I have found that keeping a journal and talking was the best relief... and this board helps me so much... Just coming here daily gives me a short time to focus on the battle and then I am able to walk away from it for the rest of the day... So I find this board to be real therapy for me... Hope you find the solution that works for you....

    Take care... God Bless....

  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    I am sorry Sue you still feel the affects of loosing apart of your being...
    It is true that our breasts make up allot of what we are and who we are.
    I think most of loss causes us to realize just how things have changed and wonder if anything eveyr will be the same. I don't know about you but wishing and hoping and praying all these years seems to have just been a smoke screen because things still semm to happen.
    A double mastectomy and no reconstruction later things are still numb and nothing feels like it once did but that is normal since I just feel that same way...
    I was left with little hope of finding a life that would include work and living and instead I found everything beyond wildest dream.
    Thing BIG with this disease for anything is a possibility.
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    I posed just about the same question to my oncologist two years out. He said it would eventually get easier (it did) but things never go back to the way they were before. Some things are rather better for it all: I take more pleasure in little things, I take things one day at a time more, I can empathize with others more. Some things are worse: I get grouchier faster, I have difficulty planning for future events, my overall strength level is somewhat less. But overall things are better. It really helped to talk to a breast cancer social worker. She convinced me that my state of mind was fairly normal for a person with breast cancer. Then she linked me up with The Wellness Community. They had support groups right in my own town where I could talk to other survivors. That relieved my family of dealing with so much of my emotional ups and downs and gave me support from folks who understood where I was coming from. Meeting a 22 year survivor also helped. This site helps too. One of my survivor friends said that eventually you get used to having cancer always in the background, rather like a radio that never turns off. You do all the normal stuff and tune in to the background when you have time and occasionally it catches your attention when you don't have the time. But it's always there. You just get better at putting it in its place with time. Perhaps she's right, because this year things are definately better for me on an emotional level. The doctor can prescribe stuff to help if you can't sleep or if the feelings seem to be overwhelming you. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Life is too short to be miserable for long.
  • mc2001
    mc2001 Member Posts: 343
    Hi Sue,
    First, let me say that I am happy that you have pulled through this terrible disease. Congrats! Secondly, my advice... is this: try to give yourself room to feel the way you do. For some, their emotions happen quickly. For others... time to heal may take a little longer. What you are doing is wonderful! You are remaining active, and are able to work. Sometimes, we want to compare ourselves with the way we were *before* cancer. Many times it can't be as our lives have changed a lot, and so has our thinking in many ways. But, the good news is that we can learn to adapt to our new way of life. We can learn to appreciate the new things that happen to us. We can enjoy our *new* selves. And sometimes.... we need help to do this. Thats when talking to a professional can help. They can help us transition. It may seem scary... but it can also be very rewarding! I think you are going to be ok! Just take your time with it. And give yourself room to feel. God bless.