THE WAY I FEEL (right or wrong) after my mom's Cancer diagnosis

ismary Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
The way I feel: Is this normal?

I feel alone.
I feel I want to isolate myself from others and everything.
I dont want to hear the following right now:
1. Well, your mom's older and has lived a full life
2. If you are a Christian, you need to act like one and remember God's plan (Timing also includes religion, and there is the right time for everything)
3. I know someone that had cancer and….
4. You should be strong..
5. You need to....
6. You should be happy it wasn’t worst….

Why can’t people just be there for you? Why can’t they come by and visit you to let you talk or to just listen?
Why do people state they will be there but then when you need them they find more importance on their lives, their work, their own responsibilities (was I not worth at least an hour of their time).
I feel alone.

I feel no one understands me. I feel that no one will ever understand if I ever do lose my mom, just how important she is to my life.
This isn’t just a mother-daughter relationship…My mother and I have been best friends since the day I was born. We have experienced everything together. We have survived abuse, sadness, hunger, loneliness, happiness, friendship, sisterhood, secrets, "life" together. We have never been apart no matter what. If my mother leaves this world, my world would be empty. I do have my daughter, but children naturally grow up and marry and live their life….You hope husbands stay forever and stay as your best friend and family but that is never guaranteed. So if my mother goes, my life will lack that someone you can call your own. I will never recover.

I pray that God will cleanse my thoughts and lift me to enjoy the time I have with my mother. I pray that he takes the fears away that are embedded in my heart. I fear for my mom’s health, recurrence of cancer, loneliness, sadness, and I pray He helps us lean on each other to enjoy what we have always had: An undying, loving closeness that only a mother and daughter who are blessed to love each other as best friends and confidants can have.



  • deb2001
    deb2001 Member Posts: 23
    YES you do have EVERY right to feel ANYWAY you want and don't let ANYONE tell anything differnt.
  • LesleyH
    LesleyH Member Posts: 370
    What you feel is normal. You are right. Other people are incredibly insensitive to your pain. Please see that your Mom gets the best possible care and I echo the message below. Chemo is a no-brainer if there is any node involvement. And age does not matter.


  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    It is hard to calm the mind when so much to face and so much to be done. I am sorry but it is so most people are so wrapped up in their own lives unable to deal with the slightest of negativity. But as we all have found out that would be lala land. It is sad it takes such tragidies to make us face our own fears let alone have the strength and courage to put ourselves out there for one another. That might take facing our feelings...
    Unfortunately my own fight just made me realize how fragile our lives truly are and that there is truly a flow to it. I am with the way of thinking that breathing sometimes is the very best that we can do. I am now 10 year survivor of IDC stage 3 breast cancer with it spreading into the lymph nodes. It is what it is and my only prayer ever has been that God will give me the courage and strength, as well as others to face all we must in these live's of ours.
    I am sorry you have too have so much to face but as much as we wish, hope and pray things will be different, they never are.
    Be good to yourself so you can be there for your mother she is certainly lucky to have you by her side and you will be surprised at what a difference that will make in the long run.
  • mssue
    mssue Member Posts: 242
    It saddens me deeply to read your post...

    Being alone with just ourselves sometimes gives us a chance to sort out how we really feel about things,people and such.There is a difference in being alone and being lonely.Friends are sometimes a dime a dozen-if that puts it into perspective.
    I have no advice-I understand though what it is to lose someone very special.I have dealt with death ever since I can remember, starting with my Big Sister,then family and friends in countless numbers.My Dad when I was 16 and my Mom 3 weeks before my daughter was born.There is a place in my heart that no one else could ever fill and then there are times when it just aches to think of them. U are not alone!
    In my life cancer has played many a parts.It has taken many of my family, but some of us are still here,thanks to the technology of today and Gods helping hand.I had one Aunt ,she had cancer 4 times over a span of 30 years,she kept going for treatments and going into remission.She stuck around til her mid 80's if that's any indication of hope.We just do the best we can do,live everyday to the fullest possible even up to the moment.

    right or wrong? who's judging-not me my friend!
  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510

    You have every right to feel the way you do. And yes it is very normal... I will also let you in on a secret. I am convinced that fighting BC is harder on the caregiver than the person who is fighting it. I too am very close to my Mom... and I do believe the first couple of months of my fight that it was much harder on her. I was so busy fighting the beast I just didn't have time to dwell on it.... And I was convinced that I would beat the beast... From what you have said in your earlier posts... there appears to be every reason to believe that your Mom will also be able to beat the beast....

    As for your earlier post about Chemo... I don't quite understand why they would not recommend Chemo... unless your Mom overall health is not good. Chemo is very hard on the body... but if your Mom is strong enough to withstand the treatment... I would think that it would the right thing to do... But we may not know as much as the Doctors.... So make sure that you have Doctor's that you trust... if not look for another... and then try to use the information that they give you to help your Mom with her decision.

    I know that having my Mom by my side made it much easier for me to beat the beast and I am sure that you will be right by your Mom's side.

    It is perfectly normal to be both mad and sad... this beast has a way of bringing it out in each of us...It is OK to acknowledge your feelings.. they are real.... I found that with time - several months into treatment... not only did I feel better but my Mom got a better handle on her emotions as well. This is a hard trip.... but as you will find out it is one that many of us have traveled and won.

    Please try to be easy on yourself...

    Take Care... God Bless....