Help...I'm having an anxiety attack

josiemac
josiemac Member Posts: 27
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Greetings to you all. Its that wonderful time of the year again...and i'm not talking about the holidays, but check up time. Its always such a nervous time for me. I feel fine but my stomach turns into knots the closer I get to my 4-month checkup appointments. I'm 20 months out from diagnosis and have been NED since surgery in May 2005. All blood work, PETs, mammos, sonos have alway come back clear so why does this still twist me in knots every time. Can anybody help me with the mind games the CA plays on us???

Thanks for letting me vent and blessings to all

Josie

Comments

  • jrbpghfan
    jrbpghfan Member Posts: 1
    #2
    Sorry Josie that someone was not here to respond to you. I can not relate to your circumstance, however I can relate in a different way. My wife had breast cancer and she too would get very anxious when checkup times rolled around. I can only offer my support if you ever need an ear to beat. That is the role I had with my wife. Not nearly what I wish I could have done but it was all I could do was to be there. Take care and God Bless.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
    The beast has a 2-prong plan of terror. The first is, well, the discovery/treatment/followup. The second is the mind games. That is part of any terrorist's bag of tricks!!!
    Yes, we will always have some level of discomfort with doctor's appointments...and I am just at 2 years out...
    Just remember we ALL feel this way, it is part of our 'normal'. In a way, our experience makes us more vigilant that many others, so there will NOT be another 'terrible surprise'. We keep ourselves very well checked out!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510
    #4
    Josie,
    I believe that we all are nervous everytime we go for a check up. I am about 1 1/2 years out now. But for me the first time I didn't see a Doctor every week (I saw my Onc every week for 10 months) it was scary... I went from every week to then once every 2 months. It was like if I see the Doctor every week the beast Can't come back.... Now I only see my Onc every six months.. and my surgeon every six months... they alternate so I see one of them every three months... I try to convince myself that everything will be fine.... but of course I worry. Then after I get finished with the appointment I walk on air for a week.... "Like see that Beast... I still got you...." Maybe one of these days it won't get me... But like Kathy says.... I think this is normal for us... we have lived through things that others haven't...so we understand what it would be like if the beast gets a foot hold again.... But with our ever vigilance... that is as much as the beast will every get again... A foothold... and then we will throw him back off the mountain again....

    Tae Care.... Our thoughts and prayers will be with you... and we will hope that you will be walking on air soon with NED firmly by your side...

    (((((Hugs))))))

    Susan
  • Mich1417
    Mich1417 Member Posts: 37 Member
    #5
    Yes, I used to worry every appt. too for a while, and then feel like it was my birthday when everything was fine, like Susan said. I can't remember when, but I did stop worrying about it, and only felt a little anxious. I was 2 and 1/2 years out from my first bout with breast cancer, when I found a lump in my left breast. All other exams, mammos, etc. were normal! What I'm saying is...I stopped worrying about things I couldn't control. I stayed on top of all of my appts., tests, etc. I did all I could do. Breast cancer wasn't done with me yet, just when I was done with it. It is much less scary a 2nd time...for me. It wasn't a recurrence, so I hung on to that. I'm still beating my first breast cancer, it is still tamed, and soon this one will be too. I've found that I can deal with anything once I know what to do. It is the unknown that scares us I think. We are stronger than we know, and I just realized why worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet. I just pray it doesn't ever come back, go to all of my appts. like a good girl, celebrate the good news, tell people how much I care about them, and leave the rest to the big man upstairs. I guess that is all we can do.
    I've rambled enough. Good luck with your "new normal". I can only tell you that the anxiety gets a little bit less the farther you get away from your surgery date.

    Peace,
    Michelle
  • krkath
    krkath Member Posts: 72
    #6
    Hi Josie.
    I'm at a year and a half and OH MY GOSH, what you said has brought up old memories. Every time after my first surgery (had 2 more cuz margins weren't clear enough) I went to a Doc appt. w/ Surgeon, Onc. or Radiologist, I and my caregiver were so wacked out from the previous visits, I stopped at a liqour store and bought a little airplane size bottle of bourbon. LOL. Sounds funny now, but I needed something to calm my nerves after talking to the doc. Course always waited 'til after the appt...didn't want to smell like a lush. Hee Hee. But at times it got so bad I actually had an accident in my pants. It was awful!
    Now, when I have my 3 month appt., I don't think too much about it, but the day before, I think it's our uconscious minds that take over. Because I get stressed even though I tell myself. No big deal, no big deal. Hey, it's OK. We've been through a lot and more. I still have a lot of bone pain and will be tested for Arthritis. Seeing a Pain Terapist and have mentally told myself, that the pain is NOT cancer!. That's what I keep thinking, that I'd rather tell myself it's arthritis and I may have to live with it for the rest of my life. But, YES, it's a total mind game. I hope I get to the point I can actually talk myself into it. No big deal.
    Course you could always go get a little shooter, like I did and celebrate the good news on the way home! Providing you go with someone and have them drive. Hee Hee.
    Hang in there. I'm still a big sissy. It'll be over soon and you can move on and enjoy.
    Thank GOD for this site where we all can vent and also get loving, caring responses.
    HUGS and MORE HUGS to you.
    Kathy R.
  • mssue
    mssue Member Posts: 242
    #7
    krkath said:

    Hi Josie.
    I'm at a year and a half and OH MY GOSH, what you said has brought up old memories. Every time after my first surgery (had 2 more cuz margins weren't clear enough) I went to a Doc appt. w/ Surgeon, Onc. or Radiologist, I and my caregiver were so wacked out from the previous visits, I stopped at a liqour store and bought a little airplane size bottle of bourbon. LOL. Sounds funny now, but I needed something to calm my nerves after talking to the doc. Course always waited 'til after the appt...didn't want to smell like a lush. Hee Hee. But at times it got so bad I actually had an accident in my pants. It was awful!
    Now, when I have my 3 month appt., I don't think too much about it, but the day before, I think it's our uconscious minds that take over. Because I get stressed even though I tell myself. No big deal, no big deal. Hey, it's OK. We've been through a lot and more. I still have a lot of bone pain and will be tested for Arthritis. Seeing a Pain Terapist and have mentally told myself, that the pain is NOT cancer!. That's what I keep thinking, that I'd rather tell myself it's arthritis and I may have to live with it for the rest of my life. But, YES, it's a total mind game. I hope I get to the point I can actually talk myself into it. No big deal.
    Course you could always go get a little shooter, like I did and celebrate the good news on the way home! Providing you go with someone and have them drive. Hee Hee.
    Hang in there. I'm still a big sissy. It'll be over soon and you can move on and enjoy.
    Thank GOD for this site where we all can vent and also get loving, caring responses.
    HUGS and MORE HUGS to you.
    Kathy R.

    I have to agree,and I too am glad for this haven we have to fall in when we don't know what else to do.There are sooooo many-many informative,caring and comforting friends I have found here-Thank God!
    I'm glad everything has been coming back clear,keep your chin up and try to focus on the positive,one step,one day at a time-you are making it!!!!!Prayers and hugs your way...
    Sue

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