And now some more radiation.....

kathydaly
kathydaly Member Posts: 81
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Well, it was an interesting trip into the city yesterday to see my oncologist for my monthly check-up, since the surgery in late Aug. The surgery was for a re-occurance of BC in the area of the original breast cancer(left) from 15 yrs. ago. It was 2 malignant lymph nodes, below the left clavical, that were resting on top of a nerve bundle that was mostly/solely(?) responsible for the left hand, arm, shoulder and side of neck.I had been suffering from a lot of pain and numbness in those 4 areas for the previous 1 1/2 yrs. and had been going to the pain clinic at Sloan for it. So, my breast surgeon had to confer w/all the surgeons there and I had to wait 2 weeks to see if it was operable(that was really hard). They all ageed it would be OK. Malignant lymp nodes removed, with an NED diagnosis and put on aromasin this time, since I couldn't tolerate the arimidex from the second BC. Hence, my follow-up appts. w/my good pal Terry(oncologist). I really do love her. She said as long as you can bear the pain of the aromasin, stay on it, and.... Now I think we need to start you on RADIATION just to be as safe as we can be, LMAO. I am not afraid of the radiation(it just knocked me on my tukkus last time, however; that was after chemo too), but it is a little like what else God? I do feel depleted from all I've had to do to stay on top of this beast, but it is what it is, and it is a fight, and I do know how to fight, and I will, God Blast It!! And I wish he would blast it to hell so all and anyone would not have to deal with this thing called CANCER ever again. I grew up in what is now called "the South Bronx", just a north, walkable distance from Yankee Stadium. The area was just beggining to change when I was in grammer school, and you had to learn how to fight to survive in that envoirment. I was this tall, very skinny kid, but I learned. Five bad fights, four I won. It was awful, I hated it, I use to beg my parents to move,we did in sophmore yr of H.S.

I am a survivor, and so are we all, for far worse things we have to do than I am now, certainly.

This is really nothing that I have to do right now, but I feel much better for having got this off my chest. TY all, for bearing with me on this.

Prayers for all of us, laughter, and love, Kathy

Comments

  • Mich1417
    Mich1417 Member Posts: 37 Member
    #2
    Aw, Kathy, my prayers and thoughts are with you! You have the best attitude! I hope all goes extremely well with no fatigue and you are back to yourself soon. I hear you! I'm so sick of being so positive and then having worse stuff happen to you. But, when that is who you are(queen of positiveness), what can you do? You are bigger and stronger than cancer! But, I know...why do things have to get worse before getting better. Know that we feel your pain, and I'm sure several of us would take treatments for you if we could.

    Love and hugs!
    Michelle
  • karenack
    karenack Member Posts: 90
    #3
    Kathy, Please stay strong. You have been an inspiration to me through all of this. I have appreciated all the support that you have given me especially when I have been down. I can tell that you are a stubborn person by nature and I know that you will get through this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong!
  • Susan956
    Susan956 Member Posts: 510
    #4
    Just adding my hugs and prayers to the others.... As a fighter you will knock the beast out again this time. Hope your treatment goes as well as possible. Also for the pain, have your tried massages and a Chiropractor.... I have had wonderful results from it.... Just a thought....

    Take Care... God Bless....

    Susan
  • OregonSeaStar
    OregonSeaStar Member Posts: 41
    #5
    Oh, Kathy, I feel so bad for you! News of necessary radiation is a ^&#%&*@!##$% kind of Xmas present! You sound like a very upbeat and strong person, someone who has faced this beast before and weathered all the crap that comes with fighting it. Still, the news and the anxiety that builds before treatment can knock the best of us on our butts. Hang in there; you're in my thoughts and prayers.
    -shelley
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #6
    Oh, Kathy...yes, the beast is quite a terrorist! But we DO need to keep reminding it that it LOSES!!! I hope the pain is gone, silly that they couldn't figure it out for over a year! Sigh...
    I can understand the feelings well, you know, there are people with numbness that DON'T have the fight...but, it makes us special, and, by supporting others such as you do, you shine even brighter!

    Hugs and prayers, Kathi
  • jamilli
    jamilli Member Posts: 16
    #7
    Wow Kathy you are really digging deep at this time: into your past. It's a little hard for me to follow all that has been going on with you. I really feel for you. You need to be constantly vigilant for the rest of your life with your breasts. For me, a mastectomy was the answer. My tumour was only 1cm but I wanted reassurance that re-occurance would be kept to a minimum. Lately I have been regretting my loss of nipple but I could never handle the constant worry and lifelong battle with cancer.

    I don't know if I am making you feel better. The more I interact with you gals, I know I feel better. You have helped me with realising that a mastectomy was the answer for me.

    I am just curious if this is an otion for you. I don't want you to feel depleted. You need to have energy for the gifts life has to offer.

    Take good care
    Jamilli
  • kathydaly
    kathydaly Member Posts: 81
    #8
    Susan956 said:

    Just adding my hugs and prayers to the others.... As a fighter you will knock the beast out again this time. Hope your treatment goes as well as possible. Also for the pain, have your tried massages and a Chiropractor.... I have had wonderful results from it.... Just a thought....

    Take Care... God Bless....

    Susan

    Thank you all for your support. I am in total agreement w/her (my oncologist) to use every insurance plan that is available to me, if she told me to do herceptin too, it would be fine w/me.
    I just wasn't expecting it this time since the nodes were in encapsulated and removed successfully and I was NED.
    I can do this, you are all wonderful, to help give me the support for it, I truly appreciate it!
    Mich--you are so sweet to say nice things about me, it felt so good. And, what u said about bad again, before just plain directly to good, you got it, totally!
    Karen , I will stay as strong as I am, with God at my side. Thank you also for saying nice things about me.
    Susan, thanks a million, for the support and suggestion's. I actually had started w/an acupuncturist, just before the discovery this time, and that included like a 45min. massage as well, it was unbelievably effective! So, ty for reminding me of that!! Hugggs, Kathy
  • kathydaly
    kathydaly Member Posts: 81
    #9
    jamilli said:

    Wow Kathy you are really digging deep at this time: into your past. It's a little hard for me to follow all that has been going on with you. I really feel for you. You need to be constantly vigilant for the rest of your life with your breasts. For me, a mastectomy was the answer. My tumour was only 1cm but I wanted reassurance that re-occurance would be kept to a minimum. Lately I have been regretting my loss of nipple but I could never handle the constant worry and lifelong battle with cancer.

    I don't know if I am making you feel better. The more I interact with you gals, I know I feel better. You have helped me with realising that a mastectomy was the answer for me.

    I am just curious if this is an otion for you. I don't want you to feel depleted. You need to have energy for the gifts life has to offer.

    Take good care
    Jamilli

    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be confusing--the anology to the past was that I didn't want to be in any of those fights, at all, but I was put in an envoirment that was out of my control, and I fought in it because that was what I had to do to survive.
    Jamilli, I understand completely why your decisions were what they were. My history is:
    1991- L. maestectomy with 24 nodes removed, 2 malignant....Chemo(10 mos.) and radiation 28 days.
    1994- Tram-flap reconstruction done.
    2004- New BC in right one, surgeon did lumpectomy, no nodes involved. Started on arimidex, that nearly killed me after 8 mos. Stopped it.
    2005- Had maestectomy of right breast with saline implant, because I couldn't live w/the worry.
    2006- Reoccurance of BC from 15 yrs ago in these 2 lymph nodes above where my left breast would have been and was now a tram-flap breast. Put aromasin, and diagnosis was NED.

    And now some more radiation, lol.
  • susabella
    susabella Member Posts: 46
    #10
    Oh, Kathy! Does it ever stop!!? You are so brave, and I'm angry for you that your battle goes on. It sounds like it was a good thing you got your "training" in the Bronx! Everything that happens to us lets us become the people that we are, good or bad and hopefully will be of use someday. I was tormented by a bully when I was in junior high for 2 years, and everyone told me to ignore him and he would eventually stop. Well, I finally snapped one day on the bus, and beat him up! Bloody nose, etc.! He never bothered me again, and in fact would offer to carry my books, and protect me from anyone else! I learned that you can't ignore your problems, you have to face them and sometimes you have to fight. It's been an anology that has helped me fight breast cancer, as I see it as a bully. It sounds like you do too. I'm glad I haven't had to fight it more than once (yet) as you never know. My mother died of BC 12 years ago, so I know even with a great prognosis, there are no guarantees. We certainly look at life differently than most. God Bless, and thanks for all you have done for me! You've no idea, and I hope I can return the favor.

    Many, many prayers to you!
    Sue
  • kathydaly
    kathydaly Member Posts: 81
    #11
    susabella said:

    Oh, Kathy! Does it ever stop!!? You are so brave, and I'm angry for you that your battle goes on. It sounds like it was a good thing you got your "training" in the Bronx! Everything that happens to us lets us become the people that we are, good or bad and hopefully will be of use someday. I was tormented by a bully when I was in junior high for 2 years, and everyone told me to ignore him and he would eventually stop. Well, I finally snapped one day on the bus, and beat him up! Bloody nose, etc.! He never bothered me again, and in fact would offer to carry my books, and protect me from anyone else! I learned that you can't ignore your problems, you have to face them and sometimes you have to fight. It's been an anology that has helped me fight breast cancer, as I see it as a bully. It sounds like you do too. I'm glad I haven't had to fight it more than once (yet) as you never know. My mother died of BC 12 years ago, so I know even with a great prognosis, there are no guarantees. We certainly look at life differently than most. God Bless, and thanks for all you have done for me! You've no idea, and I hope I can return the favor.

    Many, many prayers to you!
    Sue

    Susabella,

    You just did sweetie! Thanks for totally getting it! And, of course it's much easier when you've shared a similar experience. What you wrote made me feel so much better. As did everyone else, I feel so fortunate to have this support. Nobody, but members of this club, understand us, really, not even the doctor's, unless they've had it themselves.

    So TY all for helping to put me back on track that I'm not being selfish to want to be really angry at this disease/beast and rant a bit, lol.
    There have been a few times when I've felt brave, but mostly, (and I mean this sincerely) I think I just have this huge sense of denial. That I walk around normally thinking OK it's done with now, I've done it all(that I was told to), so it's not coming back. And, I really believe that. Even now.

    I did not feel like this in the 1st 2 yrs as I've spoken about before. But God does at some point give us the gift of forgetting, I think that's true if you work with Him.

    So, Susabella, Thank You, sweets!!
  • susabella
    susabella Member Posts: 46
    #12
    kathydaly said:

    Susabella,

    You just did sweetie! Thanks for totally getting it! And, of course it's much easier when you've shared a similar experience. What you wrote made me feel so much better. As did everyone else, I feel so fortunate to have this support. Nobody, but members of this club, understand us, really, not even the doctor's, unless they've had it themselves.

    So TY all for helping to put me back on track that I'm not being selfish to want to be really angry at this disease/beast and rant a bit, lol.
    There have been a few times when I've felt brave, but mostly, (and I mean this sincerely) I think I just have this huge sense of denial. That I walk around normally thinking OK it's done with now, I've done it all(that I was told to), so it's not coming back. And, I really believe that. Even now.

    I did not feel like this in the 1st 2 yrs as I've spoken about before. But God does at some point give us the gift of forgetting, I think that's true if you work with Him.

    So, Susabella, Thank You, sweets!!

    Hi Kathy,
    You are right on target with the power of denial! I was 7 months pregnant with my second child when my mother was diagnosed with BC. She was 53. All 23 nodes were malignant. She had it in her bone marrow, and was told she had 3-6 months and chemo would only make what little time she had left miserable. She looked her doctors in the eye and said BULL! She had her second grandchild on the way, and she wasn't about to miss enjoying him and helping me. Well, 3 months went by, and she recovered from the lumpectomy, and felt great. 6 months went by, and she still felt great. The doctors were scratching their heads. They ran some tests, and we were told her cancer went into a spontanious remission. My mother continued to be healthy for 2 more years because she denied what was staring her in the face. It finally attacked her lungs and liver and then we lost her when she was 56, but we had her alot longer than the doctors had originally said. She was so determined to prove her doctors wrong and she was not going to be denied enjoying her grandchildren. My family loves denial! lol She taught me how to fight this beast and I try to do her proud. By the way, she gave me the nickname Susabella, but the whole thing is Susabella-Prunella, often Prunie for short. Not as glamorous as it sounds! lol You're so right about the understanding here, people are sympathetic, but it's not the same. The radiation will do it's job and you keep on denying! It's powerful and we can use all the power out there. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. I'm off to the doctor's today to have fluid drained and find out if I need a second surgery. Woo-hoo for me!! lmao!

    Hugs and prayers!
    Sue

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